I'm Curious. What Do You Think?

Dear J. K,
I personally don't like the strip clubs at all. Anytime my fiance has wanted to go, he has wanted me to go with him. I wouldn't like it if he was going all the time by himself or with his buddies, and I especially wouldn't like it if he knew I wasn't crazy about the idea and was going ahead and doing it anyway. And I guess it would also depend on how often he was going and if he were going for any specific reason, such as maybe a bachelor party. What I do know is that you are not alone on this and that I would be willing to bet many other women feel the same way that we do. Whatever you do DON'T put up with his sneaking around, do what you gotta do!

I personally do not care if my hubby goes. I trust him completely and do not feel threatened by it. Now I will say with me not caring it has made him not really want to go either. He used to go often before we were together but since we started dating he has maybe gone once or twice and we have been together for 8 1/2 years now. Good Luck!

I am going to go completely against the grain and make a suggestion. Would you give up your favorite soap/game show/reality TV show/Magazine if he told you to just quit? I don't like ANYONE telling me what I can and can't do. It used to bother me when my husband would make mention of pretty girls or girls with great bodies...I thought it meant he thought less of me. Instead of getting really ruffled, I started asking him what he liked about certain girls and it created a whole new scenario for us as a couple. What if you suggested you go with him, or rent a video together anything to get into the scene with him. My husband and I create all kinds of interesting situations that keeps our relationship thriving. Guys have a need to have "interest" in their lives...help create that interest! I hope this helps!

I felt the same way about my boyfriend going to strip clubs. He would insist it was no big deal, and of coarse I disagreed. He invited me to go with him and his friends one day, and after being extremely reluctant I decided to go with him. And to my surprise, it really wasn't that bad. I actually had a great time. I ended up going with him quite frequently and met alot of the strippers. One actually came to our wedding when we got married. Once the mental picture that I had thought up was gone, I didn't care if he went anymore. My opinion is to go with him! Who knows you might enjoy it!

I have been with my husband for almost 14 years (since high school). Durring the first half of our relationship I would get very jelous when it came to my hubby looking at other women. He knew it bothered me so he would try not to look... That is part of being a human much less a man. He was not looking at the girls because he wanted to sleep with them. He was simply looking most of the time. He has always been factuated with the female body. After several years I came to realize it was not fair of me to get jellous when he would look at other women. His dad took him to his first strip club while we were together. It bothered me but I also knew his dad would not let anything 'happen'. It took me a few more years to fully except the fact that he went, just because I was worried he would find someone else at the club. However, he was not going to 'hook up' with a chick. He was simply going for something to do on 'guys night out'. He has never went alone and never done it behind my back. He always asks if it bothered me. If I told him I didn't want him to go he wouldn't (wouldn't be happy about me making him feel like I didn't trust him but he wouldn't go). Then he asked if I would go to the one he goes to with him. At first I said no, why would I want to see a naked chick right in my face??? Then I decided it would be something to do and I could actually see what was going on there. Believe it or not I enjoyed myself. (Drink prices aren't too bad there either.) Don't get me wrong, there are girls there that want more than just dancing sometimes. However, if your man is faithful he will tell them he is just there for watching and they won't bother him about it. If they do he just needs to stand his grounds. A lot of the girls come to our table (when we are not at the rail/stage) and just chill. We have met some nice ladies at the one we go to. You have to remember the girls are just there makeing a living like we do in our jobs. However, they have the body and confidance to stand infront of other people naked. I don't know about the rest of you but I wish I had half the confidance it takes to get up there and do that. Not that I would chose to do it for a living but it would be nice to have the confidance it takes. That is just my view on the situation. The entire idea got better when I went with my husband and saw it wasn't a bad place. (There are bad ones out there but thankfully the one my husband goes to isn't one.) Hope it helps.

You said your "man". Does that mean husband/boyfriend?? REGARDLESS, I can tell you that more goes on at the strip clubs. I was a police officer for 6 years in tulsa and unfortunately have had to be in about eveyone. I PROMISE that it is NOT just looking. MANY of these girls are prostitutes and it goes as far as sex. Many of them let the guys touch and fondle them for more money. ANYONE who does not believe this is naive and clueless.

By my standards it's unacceptable for my commited husband to be in that environment. I am a very secure woman that trusts my husband. He is also a cop and doesn't go in there because of the illegal activity alone. PERIOD Plus, he says he isn't throwin' his hard earned money away to no ho (which is hysterical)

If you have asked him not to go and you feel he is, that is a HUGE breech of trust and I would worry about his loyalty and character.

If you have told him no more, that should be the end of it. He should respect how strongly you feel about this. If he is sneaking to do it...that is a serious call that you have to make. Are you willing to be treated like that? Do you deserve that? I personally would not like my hubby going to strip clubs, I tend to be a little jealous anyway, but that is just unacceptable. My good friend used to be a stripper, and it is exactly what you hear of it.

I feel strip clubs are disrespectful to us. I restrict my husband to bachelor parties only. I'm okay with a special occasions but not cool with going just to go do something.

I am one of the wifes who absolutely hate the fact that there are strip clubs to begin with. My thinking is, if you loved us enough to marry us then let us strip and you give us the money to do what we want to with it dont give it to a stranger. My question to you is: Have you told him that this is how you feel? i am asking becuase that may make him stop, i dont know but all i can do is say say something to him about how it makes you feel, and if all else fails dont give him any sex, or the worst case scenerio divorce if he cant understand where you are trying to com from. I hope this helps, if you wanna chat furter email me at ____@____.com.

It wouldn't bother me at all. I've been to the strip clubs in our area, and they are pretty tame. Also, I'm not the jealous type. My husband tells me often that I'm beautiful and sexy, so it doesn't bother me if he also finds other women sexy.

I wouldnt care if my hubby went to a strip joint I trust him completely. His friends were talking about going I said go ahead he said he has no interest in going. If he wanted to go I wouldnt mind. It all depends on how your relationship is and how much trust you have in him.

Good Luck

I believe it's legal and moral and biblical grounds for divorce. I'd leave the SOB.

Suzi

Hi J.,
If you think your husband is sneaking around, why are you still with him? That's certainly what a marriage is about. He should know by now how you feel about this habit he has with going to strip places. If he cannot or will not honor your wishes, tell him to go find someone who will put up with such nonsense.
I wish you the best with the problem, and more with the children.

I would not stay with someone who goes to strip clubs. And often times if someone goes there habitually, like any other sex, drug or money related habit, it may mean that they have an addiction or some other problem.

I think strips clubs are beyond disgusting and if my husband was to ever sneak to one and get caught, we'd be looking at divorce. With that said, I do trust my husband, afterall we've been married 7 years and I know that he has no interest in it anymore.

J., LEAVE THE GUY! You deserve better and as soon as you start telling yourself that and realizing that you will act on your beliefs! And you have children? Are they at ages where they understand things and know he is doing this? Is he / will he set a good example for the kids on how a man should treat a woman? YOU DESERVE NO LESS THAN THE BEST, and he is not the one for you if he is going to degrade you and disrespect you like that. You can rise above that, I had to and my child and I are happy just having eachother. Forgive me for being bossy, but I went through that myself, so I have strong feelings on the subject. Don't shortchange yourself- there's better fish in the sea....

I'd be furious. My best friend used to be a stripper and would tell me all kinds of things that she did with customers and other strippers. The thought of my husband setting foot in one of those places absolutely disgusts me. Knowing hewas looking at other women naked in person bothers me much more than looking at pictures ever would. How would he feel about another man shaking his business in your face and rubbing up on you? In my mind, it is a form of cheating, and I don't think that it's something that married or commited men should be doing. Save it for the bachelors.

I would go with him.

I know that he finds women's bodies beautiful, and by going with him, I know that he's not touching them. By going with him, you would be showing that you are open minded, and willing to try new things. I've been married for 11 yrs, and completely trust my husband. I would never tell him that he was not allowed to do something, just as he would never say something like that to me. By "banning" something, it seems it would almost make it more desirable because it is forbidden. (sorry to be so blunt).

Maybe by offering to go with him, he'd change his mind and not want to go at all...although I wouldn't count on that..

Good Luck!

I have a serious problem with my husband going to strip clubs! I also hate the magazines! My husband used to go to the clubs and I threatened to leave. I caught him a couple of times with magazines after that. I started to pack my things and our sons things too. Since then, he has taken me seriously, and stopped. If he doesn't take your feelings serious, he isn't the one for you! I'm sorry to say it like that, but the truth can hurt. I told my husband, "If he wanted to give someone money to dance and take their clothes off, I'm game!" I also said, "Why look at someone you can't have, when you can have me!" I think he realized how bad it made me feel, and now his attention is on me. Best of Luck, and make it be known how this really makes feel, or he won't take you serious.

If he knows how you feel and that it bothers you, he's being completely disrespectful of you and that's just plain WRONG! What is he getting out of going? Perhaps he could put the time and resources into doing something that would actually benefit his family and marriage. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Good luck!

In my opinion, NO WAY! If he wants to look at "sexy" girls while he is out in the general public...fine, you can't stop him from looking. However, I would not want our hard earned money being spent in such a manner. If the tables were turned, and you wanted to go to a male strip club, how would he feel? I think it is INCREDIBLY rude and selfish of him to disregard your feelings.