Bridal Shower Turned 'Naughty'; Fiances Not Happy...

LOL. Too funny. He shouldn't be upset in any way shape or form. This was given in humor and he should realize that.

Edit: She said that the kids left. So I am assume the kids that were allowed to stay were of a decent age.

A BRIDAL SHOWER = "all the things about sex that a new bride needs"

Traditionally (assuming a virgin bride) this included lingerie, birth control, sex tips, etc. Nowadays (assuming a non-virgin bride) it tends towards lingerie and sex tips. WEDDING gifts are "for the home"... BRIDE gifts are for the bedroom.

A bachelorette party/hen party is a bash. A bridal shower is where all the lingerie and toys and books and perfumes get given. MEN never had 'groom parties' because the assumption was that they already knew all they needed to know about sex. Also, men tend to take clothes off for sex, rather than put them on.

You are about to marry this guy, you need to have open communication if this marriage is going to last!
I would sit down and ask him! Why is he so upset? What specifically made him so upset?
FYI: If this were my husband, he would be excited to see what I got and to try it out!

That's so weird that he reacted like that.
It was a SURPRISE, and I'm betting you didn't specifically request any naught toys.
His reaction is inappropriate.
As for him being "stuck" with the baby for 4 hours"....???? Really? His own child?

On topic, of course he's being silly. You guys have a kid, I suspect all at the shower know you had sex (ok, maybe just once).

Off topic - he should not be 'stuck' with the baby for 4 hours. It is his child too. He should be a 50:50 participant. The baby is not your responsibility, it is yours and his. He does not 'baby sit', he is the father.

He sounds like he has some of your fils anger issues.

If he is being pissy because "he was stuck with the baby" I would not be marrying him but hey that's just me. Been there done that got the t-shirt won't do it again. He should not be upset that he was home with HIS baby!

I'm more concerned about him being "stuck with the baby for 4 hours." WTH?

If he flips out about THIS what's next?

Psh, I got a 'condom tree' and a vibrator at my bridal shower.

I wonder what he'll get (got) at his bachelor party?

So, yeah, I'm sorry he got 'stuck' with his OWN child for FOUR LONG hours, but jeez, did you change his diapy and warm up his baba when he got home?

:)

You think the 'toys' embarrassed him? Not the toys but the 'now everyone knows a bit of our sex life' idea?

I'm not sure what else could be bothering him. Make sure he knows he's a father by the way. Not a babysitter. You don't get special recognition for four hours of baby duty. It's just what you signed up for.

He is acting immature. You had fun, do not let his bad attitude spoil that. and if he is grumpy about having to tend to his own child for 4 whole hours (gasp) he better man up, he has 18 more years of that!

Blessed Be :)

I'm sending a big "Get Over It" his way.

In the grand scheme of life, this is pretty small potatoes. Fingerlings, maybe. Some of those teeny gourmet ones. But certainly nothing to warrant this kind of upset and stress.

Haven't read any of the other posts. But who exactly is your fiance mad at? You? What were you supposed to do when the naughty presents came out? Walk out in a huff? Make a big show of throwing them in the garbage? Even if you weren't into it, there was no polite way of telling your guests in the middle of the party.

Remind him that gifts that you get at the bridal shower are gifts for the both of you to use - whether it's a toaster or... something to else. What is there to be jealous about?

And watching his own child even for four hours is not something that he should be so upset about that he takes it out on you.

Wow-that reaction is way uncalled for. I don't know what he would be 'jealous' about?? Your sex toys? Does he not have any of his own?

I sincerely hope that you will give him the same amount of trouble if he has a bachelor party.

I don't know....he doesn't sound like that great of a guy to be perfectly honest. To give you such a hard time after your special day is just plain mean. And if he did it b/c he was pissed he had to watch the baby?? That is an even BIGGER problem. If I were you I would seriously sort this out with him BEFORE the wedding.

Let it go sounds like everyone including the old ladies had a laugh..They bought you fun stuff to excite you in your bedroom ask him if plans on using these with you if not tell him to toss them out & items like these will not be brought into our marraige.Maybe he thinks that you talked about him not acheiving your sexual desires I don't know men think differnetly than we do.And when items like these are bought without his consent bells go off in mens minds that they are lacking something fill in the blanks
BTW why would he pissed for watching the baby that baby is his to you know it's not baby duty it's called being a dad.

He sounds like he is wound up too tightly. Use those toys on him and unwind him... LOL He needs to spend time with HIS children as well!!

There is NOTHING wrong with the party you had... it was out of your control with the the surprise part but still...kids were not around and no harm was done.

Some people are quite prudish on sex topics. I wonder how they became moms, LOL.

"warning, warning, Will Robinson!" .. These were not good signs.. The part about acting jealous and childish would be puzzling to me.

But the part about "I still think he's not happy he was stuck with the baby for 4 hours..." That is pitiful. He "had to sign up for baby duty?" No ma'am.. That does not fly with me. I guess I am spoiled since my husband always tried and wanted to spend time with our daughter.

His behavior yesterday really does send out a lot of red flags about his personality.

Figure it out BEFORE you get married. If your minister is marrying the 2 of you, you both need to meet with the minister and get some counseling.. these are major issues.

When I read the topic I was expecting more than what you wrote! FOR REAL?! He was mad?! My husband would be excited to try new things and have fun with them. And if he only had the baby that he signed up to watch, what is so wrong with it? The kids were upstairs so it was totally fun and friend time for you, so I don't see the problem at all. I have no clue as to why he was mad...I know from previous posts you said he's gotten out on guys trips and all and you don't seem to give him a hard time about that, so what's wrong with 4 hours for you?

Looking at it a bit different. You said his mother and grandmother was there? Maybe he got grief from that end. You didnt know so you can't be to blame but maybe the mom put some of it on you?

Sounds like a perfectly fine time to me!

Would he still have been annoyed with keeping the baby for 4 hours if you were opening packages of flatware and towels? Probably!

He needs to get over it. It's your BRIDAL SHOWER.

He needs to get over this. Seriously if there were grannies there. . Unless it was like in The Proposal and the future MIL and Granny took Sandra Bullock to a strip club. But of course it wasn't.
I think he could just be embarrased by some of the gifts. I dunno, but you shouldn't feel bad about this at all. He said yes to watching his child so if that was the problem. Sorry I'm all over the place in my answer. I just really don't understand men.

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If this is a one time thing, 4 hours with baby, cranky jealous of the fun this once situation, then no big. BUT if this is a pattern and he does this a lot - WARNING SIGN.

Hes just jealous... Are his friends taking him for a bachelor party? Obviously you werent waving sex toys in childrens faces, and the grandmas in the room know what sex is lol ;) The baby may have given him a rough time, so that could have added to his mood. Let it pass, he probably wont be so upset when your gifts come into some god use for him! ;)

Totally sounds like he had a bad day watching kids while you were having fun. Chalk this up, he really shouldnt have had that reaction, find out what's REALLY bugging him. He shouldnt care how the party went unless you came home all blitzed and acting out.
It does sound like he's acting like a needy little boy. Make him cough it up or let it go and forget about it, one or the other. Just dont be shocked if he does this again when you are having fun without him.

I'm totally confused too. I thought you were going to say there were male strippers or something. THEN I could totally see why he'd be upset. But with what you described, I have no idea. I don't know what he could even be jealous about! He knows there were no male strippers, right?

I'd almost lean more towards him being upset he had to watch the baby so long. Sometimes that can get frustrating for guys...because of some unknown reason that I don't' understand;-) Can he explain why he's upset?

It was a surprise, therefore, completely out of your control...

Even if you knew about it, what's the big deal? Is he embarrassed or just mad he had to "babysit" his own kid while you had a little fun?

Blow it off, he'll prob be over it by the time he comes home (fingers crossed).

Umm. What? He sounds super controlling or REALLY immature. I thought another man was in the picture like a, what, a male stripper? Or an ex showed up? so he could excuse being jealous.

Mad that other people gave you crass "stuff"? As a gag gifts? There is no justification.

Best case scenario he was annoyed to be on "baby duty" but even that is NOT cool.

You need to set him straight and warn him to knock off the bad behavior. Not trying to be over dramatic, but I'd think twice about marrying that one until you are sure that he understands this was NOTHING to be upset about and apologizes for putting a damper on your day.

Oh good grief... it was a party.
For a woman, you, that is getting married.
Why can't, 'bridal showers' be like a Man's "bachelor party" too???

And the kids were not around.

I don't see what the big deal is.

He's being, insecure.

Unless, all those sex-toys... makes him feel "inadequate."
Which is how, insecure men, feel and view it.
They see sex-toys as a 'threat' to their manhood.
or that the woman will enjoy that more than them.

Whatever.

Its no big deal.
Any grown man/woman, knows what sex toys are.

And so what if you had a Bachelorette party.
AND yes, you did.not.know, that this is how your party was going to be.
SO, he cannot blame you.

And if he's upset about having to babysit.... the baby.. then well, that is another problem all together.
HE BETTER... start getting used to babysitting.
That is HIS kid, too.
He is not a child.
He is a grown man with a child.
SO get used to it, dude.

I would show him some of the naughty gifts and tell him if he's nice you might get to try them out together. That might make him change his mind. If not then flags should go up because he seems like he might be a little controlling and if this stuff and behavior happens all the time, you might want to think about things.

I have often found myself looking at my husband and saying, "Do you want to talk about what is really on your mind?"

Usually, that's his cue to removed his head from his butt and talk to me civilly. Even if he's pissed, he needs to communicate effectively and politely. This is a wonderful opportunity for you and fiance to practice. If you can't work it out now, I would definitely reconsider the marriage.

use the toys with him, maybe he'll change his mind.......all bridal showers I;ve gone to have one or two x rated gifts or gag gifts...

So not something to get mad over! I personally think he was upset that he had to be home and not having a good time. Hopefully he doesn't act like this often. "reconsidering the marriage" sounds a bit extreme. Everybody has an off day and everybody over reacts from time to time. I think he was sore about having to be on "baby duty", which is another topic all together.

I think your right he was just being a butthead and needs to chill out

He needs to suck it up. No biggie at all. Your probably right he had the baby for 4 hours and he got bent out of shape about it.

Sounds like all the bridal showers I have been to. They usually do have some naughty gifts just for fun, even with grandmas there (not kids though). Not sure what his problem is but he needs to get over it. You didn't plan it, he shouldn't take it out on you.

He needs to chill out. you didnt know about it . It wasn't you who planned it! hes just mad about having to watch the baby for 4 hours. Tell him to get over it.

M

Jealous is the wrong word. I think he was thrown for a loop and embarrassed. Think about it. Parents and grandparents were there. Sex toys and lingerie aren't for "strangers" to see but are intimate items for a couple and he's probably very disconcerted thinking about other people thinking about you two having sex and using all of that... stuff. :-)

That's all it is. Just leave him alone on this and realize that it's not you and he's not really angry... he probably just doesn't know how to express his discomfort.

Maybe he is embarrassed to know family members were there to see these things, and doesnt like it to be so blatant that the two of you might actually use some of them and "do it". But gee, hes been married before, and the two of you have a baby already, so its not a big secret that youve had sex. But still maybe he thinks its a bit too much to advertise the fact in front of grama. Id be uncomfortable being there with my M., or my daughter. Its sorta an older persons thing to still not talk about sex in front of others. My guess is he will get over it. You might try telling him you are sorry it upset him. He might have a good reason.

Sorry, i'm with you. He has the problem. Please honestly look at his behavior with you in other area's and make sure this isn't the begining of something more serious. It's not like you went to Vegas or something. He should be happy that your family and friends are supporting you getting married to him.

He was angry he had to 'babysit' his own child... and many men are like this and you need to nip that tendency in the bud right away. His bad attitude about being a Father to his child was not acceptable. He needs to know being a caregiver to a child is no easy feat - and it includes whining, crying, child being inconsolable as well as the times when they are happy. He needs to get over it.

I was expecting you to say there were strippers involved, but there weren't any strippers and you didn't go out clubbing so I can't imagine why he got upset. Maybe of the gag gifts there was a particular item that he was embarrassed you received. That's all I can come up with. Has he told you yet what really got to him?

Nerves, girlfriend. It's nerves!! He IS acting like a butt! You are probably right that he was stressed about being with the baby for 4 hours.
I think it sounds like fun!
He was in a mood...don't try and understand why. Sometimes men just need to be butts. lol
L.

It's not about the gifts. It's about something else. What is he really upset about? They didn't hire a stripper. Did he think that bridal showers were always strictly tea and knee-length dresses? I would ask him why he's angry at you for something (fairly goofy) that they did?

I think he may feel like his manhood was insulted. Even though they were gag gifts, when a woman has sex toys, it implies she might not be satisfied with the current state of things. I'm guessing his feelings are hurt since you received items to spice up your sex life. His ego took a hit, that's all. He'll get over it.

I didn't read your prior posts but I thought all the sex toys and gag gifts were given at the bachelorette party and not the shower??? I can't think of any wedding shower I've been to that have gotten anything like that, it's usually "house" stuff. But I'm old (44) so maybe this is something new as I have not been to a shower in a few years. That being said, yes, your future husband is acting like a little bratty kid. :o/

My husband would have been pissed too.... frankly, so would I.

i think he was a little jealous. i dont see sex toys any different then you getting lingerie. i also dont think he realized the type of gifts you were getting and may have been mad that there was children near. i think in time he will get over it.

yeah, hes being a total baby about it.

I have to say he needs to grow up and if he was upset about "baby duty" then if you work and he's off then who watches the baby if you do? He does seem jealous if you ask me. Time to talk again.

Well, MANY MANY MANY Bridal Showers that I have been to are along these lines. This is a very typical Bridal Shower, Bachelorette parties are drinking and for many male strippers.

Why on earth would he be upset? If I came home with activities for the bedroom my husband would be beyoned happy. It sounds like they were just trying to make it fun and surprise you. I would talk to him, and if it is truly that he was mad about being stuck with the baby for 4 hours I think you guys need to have serious talk. It sounds like you guys need to work on some communication guidelines before the big day.

I just can't believe your family and friends think it's appropriate to display sex toys when...as YOU said...there were "kids and grandparents there." Really, you want to teach your children about sex toys? Maybe that's why he's disgusted.

From a guy's perspective, it is understandable why he was mad.

1. Were any of the grandmas, moms, etc. HIS relatives? Maybe he was embarrassed antipating or guessing how they'd react to your friends doing this at a venue that was supposed to be a bridal shower. In conservative circles, there IS a BIG difference between a shower and a bachelorette party. I'm sure I don't need to explain.

Something like this happend to me with my shower. My old high school friends brought tacky gifts to the formal bridal shower, and even put together a poster board with pics from the bachelorette party from the weekend before. The pictures looked way worse than what really happend...but my future in-laws AND my grandmas, aunts etc. didn't know that and were pretty shocked and taken aback! These folks were/are pretty old school, and were there to have an English Tea Party with an outdoor quartet and watercress sandwiches. Not to mention, I'm certain they were thinking I had a bunch of tacky and sleezy friends since they didn't have the sense enough to know that sort of stuff doesn't belong at a gathering like that.

I didn't know my friends were going to do that....and I just about died. So yeah, I can understand if your fiance was upset if he was expecting a traditional shower, and perhaps found out through relatives other things took place. Perhaps he was put on the spot to defend your honor or something by a less than understanding grandma? You never know.

2. Sounds like he wasn't in on the plannig of this thing as much as you think. He probably knew there would be housewares, marriage advice and cake, but not that he'd be sent off to babysit and of course, it sounds like he may not have known about those gifts. Maybe HE was misled, or felt put on the spot...instead of jealous. If he wasn't prepared with a plan or had any idea of where to go with the kid(s) he might have wound up having a really rotten afternoon! LOL.

3. It takes two to get married. He's probably a nervous wreck too. If he's a sensitive guy, or easily rattled, he could just be expressing his anxiety and prewedding jitters in weird ways.

I think before getting too mad at him, you might want to find out for certain how things went down during the planning of this party. He was in the dark as much as you were...but the end results of that was clearly very different for the both of you. Communication is key. Talk to the man and ask him what's up. We certainly won't know. We weren't there.

And lastly, I could be totally wrong about everything, and perhaps he is being a jerk...I guess before tying the knot forever with him, if you think he's being jealous...maybe you should step back and evaluate the relationship. Does he do this with everything you do? If so, than you have a controlling man, and that can mean serious problems down the road. If you suspect that's what's up, maybe premarriage counseling is in order.