Marriage Advice - Chandler,AZ

Did the co-worker actually travel with him? Same plane, same hotel, etc? And did he know all that beforehand?

So he said the wrong name. I do that all the time.

Unless you have suspicions about other things, don't read more into it than is there.

The name thing - no big deal. I would be concerned about the deceit about the trip attendance. IT doesn't mean he cheated, but I would delve into the reasons that he felt the need for secrecy.

I went on business trips with my single male very handsome boss all the time. Nothing happened ever. We'd be together all day, have dinner, and then he'd go to his room and me to mine with plans to meet in the morning at a specific time in the lobby.

Cheaters cheat anytime anyplace. They don't need to go on trips to Europe to cheat. You need to look into why you feel the need to question your hubby about this stuff. Not saying there's nothing going on but linking random things together isn't proof of anything.

S., I don't think you are insecure or worrying about nothing. Good lord, people are so harsh here! I think you pose a very valid question. I would sit down and talk to your husband and tell him how you are feeling, communication is key to a good marriage right? I agree with another response here, if he is cheating you will soon see the signs. Been there, done that. Good luck!

Well oh gees, I guess I would be considered a cheater as well since I sometimes say the wrong name. I even call my dogs the wrong name sometimes.

Do you just not trust your husband? MANY people travel on the same plane, go to conferences at the same hotel and have dinners but that does not mean they are staying in the same hotel room. My husband travels a lot and when he was with another company, he was with other women for dinners, meetings, etc. It was part of his job.... I never felt insecure about him working hard to support our family.

It sounds like you and your husband need to work on communication skills. Do you routinely check up on him, ask him for all details of any trip and things about his job?

I would be very careful before you accuse your husband of cheating if your long term goal is to stay married and raise your children with him. Once you bring this up , especially if you do it in a confrontational manner, he will feel like you do not trust him and that can create a downward spiral if you are not careful.

I don't know your husband and I don't know your relationship.

Do you have issues with jealousy? Does your husband sense that? If so, he may be so anxious that he doesn't want to upset you, so he slipped.

Either way, there's therapy to help with jealousy and there's therapy to help with trust in marriages. I would make an appt.

He may be cheating like crazy.

He may be faithful and had zero idea that she WAS coming on the trip at the time you asked him whether anyone was going at the same time.

We don't know. And what we think of it doesn't matter. You clearly are suspicious. So talk to him--rather than looking for some confirmation from strangers. Some here will say you're insecure and his failure to mention this woman's presence was no big deal. Others with different experiences in life will say it's a huge sign that he may be cheating.

We aren't you. We don't know your husband or whether there are any other reasons for you to be suspicious -- and you don't post any other reasons. I think you probably have them but for some reason want just support over this one trip.

Talk to him. If you have not talked to him, what do you fear? That he will say yes, I'm cheating? That he will tell you nothing and that will make you more suspicious? That he will go into a rage and harm you or walk out....?

If you cannot even bring this up calmly with your own husband, you have FAR larger issues between you than this one trip or this one woman. If you are scared to talk to him, you and he need couples counseling -- yesterday.

On a business trip, I would assume that coworkers were going along, and that he knows them.

I have called my daughter by the cat's name, and they're nothing alike.

I think you're worrying about nothing.
Why so insecure?

S.,

Welcome to mamapedia!!

Why not try asking your husband outright?
What does it mean? It means that your husband confused names. Haven't you done that before? If so - did it mean anything???

Why not ask if all of you can get together for drinks after work and see how they interact??? Why does it matter that he didn't tell you?? Because you asked him, like a mother instead of a trusted partner and wife, if anyone else was going and he didn't mention it?? Sorry - my husband went to Hawaii and Taiwan...and GASP!! Women went too. Was I worried or concerned? Nope.

Those who look for trouble, will find trouble. Why does it sound like you don't trust your husband? Has he given you any reason NOT to trust him??

You know, they say those that accuse...well...**THEY** are doing what they are accused of....

What is going on? Really? Has something happened to make you feel this way?

I call my kids the wrong name all the time. That is not that big of deal.

I think you need to look inside yourself and see why you are feeling this way. Is this about you or him?

Next time he has a trip to Europe, you should go as well.

It means you are insecure.

yes.
it does.
khairete
S.

It only means that you need to confide your concerns to your HUSBAND and then the two of you can deal with them. I've had something like this happen. And trust me, the stuff we make up in our heads us usually WAY worse than reality. Ask your husband if he knew co-worker lady was going to be there....ask if they spent time together at the event. Tell him you're feeling insecure and listen to what he says. More importantly, listen to your intuition when he's talking to you. Is he being dismissive, or argumentative? Does he laugh it off? Does he deny any wrongdoing and profess his love for you, and only you?

Talk to your husband. Listen to your gut.

Hmmmm . . . I'm in the "where there's smoke there's fire" camp.

None of us here can tell you whether your concern is reasonable or not. It really depends on the totality of your relationship. Do you have other reasons to not trust him completely?

If I had any doubts at all I'd be going to marriage counseling. If he will not go I'd go by myself.

Good luck.

These two things have you concerned? There must be more for you to be reading so much into them. What else? There must be some sort of nagging doubt that you have for some reason to look at these two things and put them together and get, "I don't trust my husband" out of them.

So... does your husband have a history of cheating? Have you doubted him for other reasons in the past? Are the two of you having issues in your marriage? What?

Well, that's pretty scant evidence. She was participating as a speaker, not going as his date. Did he have a reason to have to tell you she was going? And a slip of a name? I don't know - that would hardly worry me. For example, I regularly mix up the names Stephen and Michael. I have absolutely no idea why. But if I meet a Stephen, I end up calling them michael at some point, even though the names sound nothing alike. These two events do not say cheating to me. They say jealous and untrusting wife. And if you are jealous and untrusting, that will prompt him to keep things from you, like coworkers going on a trip, because he has no say over who goes and doesn't want to put up with nagging and panic.

Bottom line: You either trust your husband or not.

Are you the jealous type? Maybe he didn't want to deal with the fallout of your reaction. Either way, I agree it's always best to be honest with your spouse.

Why did he feel he couldn't mention a female coworker was going on the trip?

1) Because he is prone to lying by omission?

Or

2) Because you tend to grill him needlessly about things and make him feel guilty for stuff no matter what so he didn't want the headache?

Neither scenario would make it OK. He should have spelled out clearly who was going when you point blank asked him if he knew anyone else because we're all adults here and he should have nothing to hide. As an adult he should know it would be WAY WORSE for you to hear she was going when he pretended not to know or whatever.

But I would be MORE concerned about this if the answer was 1. Because deceitful people are more likely to misbehave. And if you haven't made his life difficult in the past for being honest he has no excuse.

If you HAVE given him trouble before for stuff even though his record is squeaky clean, then I'd be less worried about the trip, and work on the big picture.

It is a VERY BAD sign that he likes this coworker and has now lied to hide her presence. Again, maybe he's not cheating, but this is going in a bad direction for your relationship even if it just causes you to get all crazy (rightfully so but self-destructive) so find the root of the matter and work on it!

My ex was a huge liar by omission and huge cheater btw. The more accepting, open, and receptive I got as per therapy's advice, the more he lied because he just lies lies lies. But I still trust men who are clear and honest up front about things. Lying by omission on something like this? I'm way too scarred to ever work through that again with anyone. But if your relationship is good, you can figure this out! Good luck!

**As for name slip-up. Meh. Could be innocent slip. Especially if he's being deceptive and hiding her presence on trip, yet he's spending time with her working, so her name is in his mind. That makes him more likely to make blunders than if everything was all out in the open..again..work this out. It may be nothing but his needing to man up and be more honest about stuff.

Maybe, maybe not. Forget her and take some time away, just the two of you to get your marriage back on track. That's what I would do...that and LOTS of prayer....I wish you the very best....

Maybe he's cheating and maybe he isn't.
Figure out what you want to do about it.
Marriage counseling would be a good idea.

nope.
but women are sneaky.