Can I Trust My Husband?

Wow-I would contact the woman. The words and phrases she used don't sound like she just likes him! I'm sorry! She could be nuts,but I would talk to her and get her side.

I'm so sorry! I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I would do what Amber suggested and do a little detective work. Honestly, it really does sound like he's cheating or has cheated. Maybe it was a one time thing. Not acceptable either way. Good luck.

I think that if it is just an uninvited co-workers affection then he would be ready to go to the police station and report her as a potential stalker. I think the fact that she cries when they are apart gives a big clue that they are together a lot. It sounds like it is more then work.

Wow. Reading your post seemed like a flashback of my situation about 6 years ago. Seriuosly, it's so alike, seems like I wrote it myself. I really don't like answering posts and being negative. But on that note....
Like I said earlier, it's the same situation, travel weekly m thru f, and as it turns out he was cheating. He did lie to me. I tried al alot of different things to "fix" it, it still ended. I didn't want to nag him either about the email, but I know it eats at you. I know it's hard to get out if your head. I even told myself I believed him, because I too thought we were happily married.
All I can say is please be careful, be aware, don't be naive. Think of the future that may ( or may not) change. Prepare yourself and have a plan.
I'm not saying that he IS cheating, but in my case be def was. It threw my life upside down.
Maybe you can instead of naggingg him be " detective" take a week and on the downlow see what he is up
To when out of town? Then you would know instead of taking his word for
It and it may turn out to be nothing.
Btw I am not a sour woman about what happened so I don't really want people
Thinking that I am immediately not trusting your husbands position. I'm just saying don't be naive. Good luck. I hope it turns out to be nothing.

If you share a computer does that mean you also share an email address? If not then what made you want to check his email with his password in the first place? If he is in fact cheating would he really be stupid enough since he knows you share a computer/email??
I believe in innocent until proven, based on a past personal experience. While I was dating my hubby, before we were married, I had a 'friend'. This 'friend' did not like my husband and even before I met my husband had tried to get me to date him. I wasn't interested in that kind of relationship with him. Once my husband and I got together this 'friend' started telling people that we were dating, going out, etc. This was so not the case. I had never given my husband any reason to doubt me or not trust me, but he started accusing me of seeing this guy. I didn't feel the need to 'prove anything' since I had done ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong. I was angry that my boyfriend would think this of me especially coming from someone he knew didn't like him at all and knew had liked me for sometime. This guy was a stage 4 cling-on (stalker) maybe your husband has a stalker. You can't control what some crazy, unstable person might do or say that is 100% untrue. I ended up breaking up with him because of all his blaming me for something I didn't do. He called me after several months and apologized over and over and over again after he had heard that my 'imaginary boyfriend' and I had gone out of town together for the weekend and he knew this was absolutely not true because he saw me at work during the time. It took me almost a year before I started dating him again. I couldn't get past the fact that he had blamed me and I felt betrayed by him for something I didn't do and had no control over. Maybe your husband feels, Why is my wife not trusting me, I haven't done anything wrong? Just a different view point to think about, been there.

Your husband should confront this woman...with you present. If he doesn't, then something is definitely going on and he's trying to hide it. It's possible she could be a stalker and found your email address on her own and is trying to start trouble, but you need to find out about her. Honestly, I agree with Beth B.--if I were you, I would be bold and email her back. We women tend to spill our emotions more easily than men do. And, trust your gut too....we women have that strong intuition that never lets us down.

I hope this helps,

M.

I'm sorry your going thru this, but I have to say I do believe he is cheating. Women who have "just intrest" in men don't send these kind of e-mails. I would tell your husband if he truly loves you and has nothing to hide that he needs to confront the women or call her in front of you. If he denies to do these then you have your answer and don't take any excuses for why he cannot do any confronting.

i feel for you - but i think to believe your husband would be naive and setting yourself up for more heartbreak later on. stay with him or don't, but don't fool yourself into thinking he's been faithful. there is no way this woman hasn't had SOME kind of encouragement, to talk like that. sorry girl :(

I don't automatically assume he is cheating. Gees, he's been judged and declared guilty by most of the posts already.

I'm not saying it is not possible but......were you looking through his email? Why? Did you have some reason to do that or do you share an email as well? If you were snooping, you must already have some suspicion by past behavior, etc.

Maybe this woman is like many and she is tesing the waters to see how committed he is to his marriage. There are a lot of bitter women out there who want nothing more than to destroy a good thing another woman has. Maybe she is stalking him, thought about that? Rest assured, now that she knows how upset you are she is going to be fired up because she has done what she wanted to do which is .....plant doubt in your head.

Communication is so key in a relationship. Maybe he didn't communicate that this woman was bugging him because he didn't want to hurt you, make you jealous and distrusting......wrong move..he should have confided in you and let you know what was going on, reassured you that he loves you and he is putting a stop to the nonsense this woman is causing.

If you love your husband and you have had a good marriage there is no reason an email from some woman should tear your relationship apart. You would know if he had or had not seen the email when you opened it.

We have very open lines of communication in our family. We all have our own laptops and we don't check each other's phones, emails, etc. We are secure with our 25 yr relationship. Have either of us ever had friendships, etc with the opposite sex...yes... but it does not mean we get upset over it because we have a stable, secure relationship built on trust.

Don't be naive but at the same time don't throw in the towel until you have facts.

Best wishes to you.

Start doing your own investigating. Do you know her name? If you do, research her name on Facebook, MySpace, Etc. Next, does your husband have a cell phone? If he does, check all his incoming/outgoing phone calls on the internet. You can also check all his incoming/outgoing text messaging this way. You can't read the actual texts but you can see if there is one particular phone # that you don't recognize that he calls/texts quite often during the week. If he communicates with her often, then you know there is something else going on.
Where does your husband go during the week? A different location each day or does he go to the same area/hotel each week?
I will hope that your husband is telling the truth.....but if he is gone that much and you found that suspicious email...my guess something is going on that is not good. For a female to write such an email...hmmmmmmm....
Again, just do your own research as much as you can....and listen to your gut!

sorry to be the one to say this. trust your gut hes cheating. his story is to convinet. by the way i am a man resoponding to this i am denises other half. form what i read that email had details about your husband. all i can say is trust your instints.

I am so sorry this is happening to you and your family.
I personally believe he is cheating.

I would email her back. Ask her if they have a relationship together.

I would get your life in order, just in case if this turns out to be that he is cheating and you need to leave.

I wish you the best.

First of all, he could be telling the truth....however, I have heard this from soooo many people and they ALL have said the hubby says, "She flirts with me", or "She likes me, but I don't take her seriously", or ""She's just joking around". I'll tell you one woman called the "other" woman and acted as if she was separating from the hubby and said, " Hi Patti? Did Jack leave yet? I want to make sure he gets to LIl' Jack's baseball game on time to see him play?" Patti answered, "YES."!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone else had a friend she trusted at her job and forwarded her phone to the friend's desk, so she would answer it if the hubby called. She would say she was busy, out to lunch, in a meeting, on another floor, etc. Meanwhile, the woman really took a day off and "spied" on her hubby and even when he was driving to the other woman's home he was calling his wife as a cover. The woman took pictures and you can figure out the ending. A third person had a feeling that the hubby was cheating with an acquaintance. She had checked his cell phone online and saw one or two numbers that were unfamiliar. She copied them down and one day while the husband was mowing the grass, she forwarded his cell phone to her cell phone as she left for food shopping. While in the supermarket, her phone rings and the woman's number is displayed. SHe answers her phone trying to sound like her hubby's voice and the other woman said, "What are you doing today? Anyone around? want to hang out? The wife said, "No." The woman asked why not and the wife said "I'm spending the day with my wife". The woman was pissed off and cursed "him" out. When she got home from the supermarket, the woman was at her house and told her that she had an "emotional" affair with her hubby and that it was getting sexual. The wife said that she turned to look at her hubby and it looked like he crapped his pants! Now those are just woman from my child's school!!! Not even man is guilty when it looks or seems that way---just keep your eyes open and don't be gullable. Best of Luck!!!

Sweetie, listen to your gut instinct on this one. AND, I'd have a little chat w/ this woman who is so intersted in your husband. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck... it's usually a duck.

Reread Anna Lee's post and the execute that plan. She is exactly right. How your husband reacts when you walk up with the phone in hand and tell him to call her on speakerphone will show you the truth. Do not give him a warning that you are going to do this. I am sorry if you find out he is cheating and I hope your marriage survives whatever happens. Best of luck to you.

Can you trust your husband? No. Can you trust your gut? Yes.

I saw your earlier post and the "what happened" for this one. I'm glad to hear you are moving back to Australia and will be in your own home and near your family. You can't make a husband be faithful but you are making sure that you and your children will be OK no matter what your husband decides to do. Even though you are hurting, I give you kudos for keeping your head, thinking about part time work and preparing for the future. Blessings to you and your children as you move forward.

When you say your husband "travels" mon thru thurs, does this mean he sleeps away from home? It sounds a whole lot like he's having an affair with this woman he works with. She wouldn't just send an e-mail out of the blue about being in love with him and crying when they're apart, if something hasn't already happened. If he knew she liked him, had he mentioned it to you before? If he hasn't, then why not? I would want to talk to this woman myself, I know it sounds sneaky but maybe somehow you could get her phone number or call his company and try to talk to her and get all the details. I wouldn't be able to just trust him and move on without knowing more.

Because you asked the question -- "Can I trust...?" it probably means you already don't. Go with your gut instincts; they don't let you down.

Perhaps when another e-mail pops up, YOU respond. "This is his wife. You need to leave my husband alone or I will get a restraining order."

When I confronted the "other woman" in my ex-husbands affair, it forced him to confess. From there you can work on re-building your marriage, or prepare for the worst. Being prepared (financially, emotionally, mentally, legally) is a good plan in any case.

i think he's cheating only because she emailed him. i am sorry you're going through this.

Trust your gut. The hardest thing to do. Been through it too many times.

I am so sorry that you are going through this...I know it is heart-breaking. I think you know the truth in your heart. When I worked in an office, a female co-worker of mine whom I was close with was having an affair with the boss. Everyone knew it. The woman gave the boss a card and wrote something very similar to him in it. His wife found it in his suit jacket and he was able to convince her that it was "just a joke". She chose to believe him because she loved him. He continued the affair and had several others after that. I know you don't want to be that wife. Confront him and tell him you want the truth. If you do this, either be prepared to forgive him and fight for him or to lose him. Most men end up staying with their wives. You can repair your marriage with forgiveness and counseling, but you BOTH have to be committed to fixing it and that starts with his being honest with you. If you chose to close your eyes to what is going on, it most likely will continue. I'm so sorry for the pain that I know you are in :(

Editing my answer:
I just read your other post...aren't you in the process of moving back to Australia for your husband's new job (where he won't have to travel)? Whatever has gone on with this woman (if anything) will definitely be over then. You will still have to rebuild your marriage though, but think you have a great chance of making things work if he will be honest with you. This is a stressful time for both of you with moving...I would wait til you are back in Australia and surrounded by family to push the issue. Good luck!

I am sorry to say this but you have to follow your instinct. I think you truly believe he cheated and based on the facts of the email that you listed, I would have to agree with your instinct. Women don't write emails like that if they don't mean it. I don't write this as a man hater or a spited woman. Its just my take on it. If this happened with my husband, I would have to go with my gut. I also don't mean to imply that he must go, but he must be honest with you. You may or may not be able to work through it together, but there is something going on...sorry...

Hi K.,

In reading your 'what happened' I noticed that you said he gets angry with you for bringing up the subject. I have to tell you from experience that any man that is truely innocent would probably not get angry with you for the mistrust seeing an e-mail like that would surely cause. My husband and I went through a rough patch a while back. During which any questions reguarding trust really lit his fire. I believe now in hindsight that that was because he knew in his heart that I had a reason not to trust him and didn't want to admit it to me. Things finally came to the surface, and we began working through our problems. I still have trust issues due to what we went through, but now he is understanding and answers any questions I may have.

It's wonderful that you two are going to get a fresh start. I pray that things will change in his heart and he will be able to become more faithful to you and your children.

Some women are "go getters" and will say and do anything to get a man (married or not), even if that man is not intrested or has already verbally told them leave me alone. With that I would want to trust my husband but if there are other signs that I did not at first put together that he might be cheating I would make sure to confront him and the other person to get the bottom of it.

Maybe e-mail the other women but if she is out to ruin your marriage (and nothing truely did happen) she may lie through her teeth because she has already gotten to you.

If you already feel cheated (if it happend or not) it is going to be hard to get back that trust. So try to foucs more on your marriage.

I am glad that you will be back with your family. I was living away from my family when I kicked my ex out. I ended taking him back because I was by myself and didn't know how to get myself back home. We moved back about a year later, and he messed up again soon afterwards, and I kicked him out for good. I think getting a job will help with your self esteem and give you power and knowledge you can do it if you absolutely had to. I wasn't working when we were away, and that sucked for me. I always worked before. It isn't easy, but you have to decide if you and your kids will be happier with or without.

The main thing I would like to say is that if he is innocent, then he should be willing to help you get through this. Even if he isn't cheating, this email has given you reason to question his fidelity. He needs to understand that. I like the idea of having him call her while you listen, to tell her that he is married and wants no further contact. Threaten to file for a restraining order and DO IT if needed. Do not give him advance notice that you want him to do this or he could "warn" her if he is cheating. The bottom line is that you need to decide whether or not you think he is lying, then work from there. If you think he did cheat and is lying, where does that leave things? If you tend to believe him, then you need to work on trusting him again. You do have reason to believe he is cheating, but only you can decide whether he is trustworthy or not. Either way will be a difficult road. Even if you find out he cheated, you can still save your marriage. He will just have to be willing to do what you ask for awhile (if you want him to call more often when traveling, stay in different hotels that the rest of the staff...whatever it would take for you to start rebuilding your trust in him). He also needs to understand that you could have times of anger, hurt, hatred, etc that he will need to deal with and HELP you get through without being upset with you. Best of luck to you...and either way, you'll get through it!! :)

Okay, either the woman is delusional and has the potential of being a stalker -- in which case, you husband needs to address this situation with management or start getting his resume out to look for another job to create some distance and set up better boundaries with this woman -- or there's something more going on between your husband and this woman, more than the usual office crush and flirtation. In my opinion, that was a pretty brazen e-mail that you had described. Something is up. Either this woman is not living in reality or she has the kind of relationship with your husband were sharing her thoughts (emotional intamacy) with your husband like that is perfectly okay. Either way, I probably wouldn't bring up the e-mail again because he's said what he's said and anything you say or ask him about it after this will not be welcome. But I would keep my eyes open to see what action your husband takes to handle this situation and how protective he seems to be of you and your heart -- after all, finding an e-mail like that would upset most women. How reassuring has he been to you? These are things you need to consider.

Sending your prayers of strength and clarity.

I'm really sorry you are going through this stress. You might be interested in going to www.hopeafterbetrayal.com. It is a very down-to-earth link.

God Bless,
A.

I agree with Carrie. I wouldn't believe him for a second. Sorry. Good luck.

Wow this is a real tough one! There really is no way to tell for sure what is going on and where his heart lies, and you know that and are trying to sort it out- but there isn't one of us on the internet that has the answer!

I can only tell you that our marriage/relationship survived a similar instance AND I never thought it would at the time. We were living together when my husband became friends with a woman at work- she was a single Mom, and my husband even called her his "kindred spirit" to me(yes, I nearly vomited). Anyways, I told him that he either ended the friendship or I was gone. We were a lot younger and there were no kids involved- so dumber and less on the line. HOWEVER, here we are 9 years later, she is completely gone from our lives and things are great between us. In fact until I read things like this, the memories are very much gone. I hope the same for your relationship.

I would insist on talking to the woman or him talking openly to her with me present. I think you need to go to counseling. Hope things get better. Sorry I couldnt say more encouraging things.

Don't talk to him about it go talk a professional by yourself. Someone with an outside view can be objective.

I know it seems you have taken care of this, but i have the strong opinion of once a cheater always a cheater... my good freind just busted her husband cheating on her for time #3!!! she says she left him for good this time... who knows, my sister has seen VIDEO of her husband sleeping with another woman and is STILL married to him... Just keep your eyes open, and hopefully eveything will be good.

Mom,
I am so sorry. I am not sure how i would handle this if it were me. Can you talk to a Pastor or Priest at church if you are a churchgoer for advise? I would make an appt w/ a good marriage counselor on your own for some advice too to help you make the right decision for you and your children. This same thing happened to a close family member and her husband who had been married for 10 yrs, no kids. Please make a copy of the e-mail he was sent if you havent already if you can and keep it in a very secure place. My relative confronted her husband and got the same response, but then contacted the e-mailer, w/out his knowledge, and found out the truth. I know in the times we are living in now many people stupidly make contact with mistresses etc thru electronic mail or texts etc and are fount out this way.
Stay strong and keep in touch with your close friends thru all of this for support. Hugs 4U Mom.

If he is claiming innocent then let him for the time being. Start checking cell phone records and see if you can see any other emails,check the sent dolder and the trash folder.
I also suggest checking out this site. http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp
Great site that can help you with more info on how to find out what is going on while letting him think he is in the clear and that you do trust him.
In other words let things go for now til you have more proof either way.
Since he travels so much see if you can tag along cause you are craving more time with him. If he says no to that then maybe it is time for you to surprise him in his hotel room on one of the times he is away for work. This way if something is going on you catch him red handed.
Again go read at the site I posted and you can find tons of useful info to either trust him or bust him.

Been there..done that and have many friends and family members who have been thru the same thing. TRUST your INSTINCT and listen/see the clues. If he acts different then normal...he's up to something. My theory is...any woman who trusts their man 100% is a fool. Always leave room for doubts so your eyes are open and you're not caught by surprise. If he's denying it...there's nothing you can do except keep WATCHING! The main thing is...PREPARE yourself...FINANCIALLY and emotionally. When I say "financially" I meant like if HE's the main bread winner and controls the family finances...I'd start thinking about HOW to start accumulating some funds for myself and my children for when/if you ever wake up and find your husband gone and with him everything that was in your checking/savings. Don't EVER think that your husband will NEVER risk loosing you, your children or your home/life for another woman as they WOULD...without a backward glance. I hope for your sake that this won't happen to you but from what you say was in the email you found...I have NO doubt that this is a TWO-way street so that woman is NOT alone in her feelings.

I hope for your sake that your instinct is wrong and I'm wrong but PLEASE do NOT take his words for it. Men will deny it until their dying breath. Just watch TV for all the men who has WAY more to loose then your husband...Bill Clint, Bill Edwards, Elliot Spitzer...etc...

Take care and protect yourself and your children by being prepare!