Makeup at Ballet Recital - I Am NOT Putting Makeup on My 3 Yr Old

then you should involve her in activities that don't involve being on-stage. make up is part of stage and theatrical events. i get not wanting make-up, but if you're not in it for what it is (showmanship) then you don't get to participate.
sign her up for gymnastics or horseback riding or martial arts.
khairete
S.

Get your daughter involved in sports if this is such a big deal to you. Stage make-up is a part of being on stage! Your resistance seems strange to me. And your daughter will stick out like a sore thumb if she doesn't wear it, and you are going to be "that" mom. There are bigger, real battles to fight down the road. This one isn't worth fighting.

ADDED: If you sit on your couch or chairs, you are not a no-toxin household. There are more chemicals in furniture than pretty much anything else in your home (think flame-retardant). A little make-up is a non issue if you let her sit on your couch.

Please don't make this into something it's not. This is not a beauty pageant it's a stage performance. Faces without makeup look washed out from both the audience and camera's point of view, especially with the stage lights on in a darkened theater. The makeup is used to make sure that eyes and mouths can be seen clearly, that's ALL. Otherwise those little faces just look like blurry white and tan blobs under the bright lights.
I'm not sure why you have such a hang up with this, but if it's such a sore spot I suggest you pull your daughter out of dance now, and don't sign her up for any other kind of performance activities in the future.
It would be a shame though, if your own "issues" got in the way of your daughter's passions and interests :(

You signed her up for dance, part of the stage uniform is make up ... put up and shut up, it is part of the dress code and rules. You do not have to do a foundation, simpy get a brown/dark purple shadow only put it in the crease of her eye, a peach toned cream blush (Stila has a good one), and lipstick. No mascara, she is 3, no need for foundation, eyeliner etc, again 3 ... but a color in the crease - darkish and blush with lipstick and you are good to go. She will wash out on video even if she is in the back, she will look like a white blob and her features will be difficult to detect. Honestly, you are teaching your daughter that she does not have to follow the rules and dance academy's tend to have strict rules to follow.

I would see if there was a compromise - some fun eyeshadow & glittery lip gloss would be appropriate, IMO. You just tell her it's for dance & explain to her the reasoning you were given.

However, oersonally, I think if you are in a performing art where you are being taught by professionals who have been doing it for years, and you are in a team environment, you need to be a team player. I do think that if you're going to continue with your daughter in dance, this is something you're going to need to be more flexible on. Makeup is typical in activities such as this. If they bend to you, then they have to bend to everyone else. I hate to say it, but you are kind of "that mom", unfortunately.

Please don't write the instructor, call or talk to her in person. I don't think an email will do you any favors in this scenario, and it seems like a cop out, honestly. If you are told the makeup is mandatory, then be prepared to tell your daughter that even though she worked her butt off, she can't perform with her friends because of your own, personal hang up with makeup. You're not picking your battles wisely, IMO.

Come to think of it, what does the costume consist of? Dance costumes usually show some or all of the leg & are tight. It's kind of hypocritical to be okay with the costume but not the makeup, IMO.

The lights on stage are extremely bright and will wash out their faces, thus the reason for the makeup. It's your choice if your daughter doesn't wear makeup, but I would be prepared to move to a different dance studio if the teacher insists on makeup. I understand why you don't want your daughter to wear it, but there is a valid reason for it in this case.

Be careful not to turn makeup into a "forbidden fruit" that your daughter desires even more because she is the only one who isn't allowed to have it. If she doesn't yet know what makeup is, she will know after this recital.

From your post, it doesn't sound like anyone is going to convince you to loosen your stance on this subject, so there is probably no point in trying.

But you might find that you mellow on certain topics over the years, so consider that if this turns out to be a big issue. Is it worth having your daughter miss the recital, if that's the alternative? Is it worth possibly putting a damper on this fun event for her, if she's the only one singled out to not have makeup?

As an example of mellowing: I remember when my daughter was little, I said, militantly, "My daughter will NEVER be a cheerleader. She is going to do a REAL sport." I saw cheerleading as something shallow and non-athletic that over-sexualized girls and taught them to take a back seat to boys. My daughter actually never did cheer, not because of me but just because she wasn't interested. She played soccer and did dance and a dozen other things. But now that I've gone through this journey and my kids are grown, I have completely reversed my position on cheerleading (and many other things). I watch girls cheer and they look cute and they are happy and they are involved in something, and the truth is cheerleading is actually pretty athletic.

So, given that there is a good chance you might mellow on your ideological stances later on, if this does become an issue, do you really want to potentially turn what should be a fun experience for your daughter into an unpleasant one?

Hopefully Miss Janice will just say okay, and then they won't make a big production out of the makeup in which your daughter is the only one not participating. Because that will probably hurt her feelings. My daughter was the only one who wasn't given flowers at her 3 year old dance recital, because I didn't know to purchase them, and I will never forget her sad, puzzled look onstage and her tears after the performance. It still breaks my heart to remember how I messed that one up.

Just some things to consider.

It's stage make-up and part of the costume. It seems a little like a control issue for you more than the make-up itself.
We are pretty green around here. Organic foods, vegetarian, natural beauty products, toothpaste, etc. But there is no way anyone will convince me that wearing drugstore cosmetics for one day(one hour?) would harm anyone.
Just because you do not wear make-up doesn't mean your daughter will follow suit. Start practicing loosening up a bit now because you may need it for when she turns 13!

You can choose to have your child in a dance class and not participate in the recital. If you choose to participate in the recital, then you are deciding to participate in the PERFORMANCE, which includes wearing the costume that is required ALONG with the stage make up, and having their hair done a certain way. It is done for many reasons, a couple are to make sure that the kids faces are not washed out and very pale under the harh lighting on the stage, and also so the dancers all look as much the same as possible while on the stage. (one of the reasons for the costumes) The make up worn for a recital is not like ake up worn on any other day. It is much like a theatre performance, and is STAGE make up.
I would suggest if you are really that picky about which type of make up is going to be put on your daughters face, if any, that you be the one to purchase it and apply it on her yourself. If you refuse to put the reqiured make up on your child, the teacher may decide to apply it herself. If you speak to the teacher and tell her that she is not t o put make uup on your child for any reason, well, you may have just wasted a lot of money on a recital costume. I know that my daughters dance school wouldn't allow ANY of the dancers on the stage without the requuired STAGE make up, even the boys. (yes, the boys DID have to wear some stage make up)
Honestly, this is something that you should have looked into BEFORE saying that you would allow your child to dance in the recital. Now your child is excited to be in the performance, and will probably get let down because she isn't allowed to wear part of her "costume" because you think that she is too young for make up. I truly don't see the problem.
If I were you, I would simply explain the reason that you are allowing it for this ONE occasion, and let it go at that. I mean, look at her costume. Is that something that you would put on her on a regular day? Most of the time they are not. Well, good luck!

Understand that I'm not advocating makeup for little girls. I rarely wear it myself. But you need some unemotional information before you do anything.

I don't have a daughter, but I've learned about this very thing because of my friend's daughter. She's been in dance and children's theater since she was 3. She will be 8 soon. Stage times - performances and dress rehearsals - are the only times she wears makeup. Makeup (and hair) is a standard part of costuming for a professional dance studio.

(To answer another poster's question - yes, the male dancers also wear makeup.)

If this is a professional studio and you send her to the recital barefaced, one of two things will probably happen - they will either apply makeup or they will have her sit out and she will not go on stage.

You likely were given paperwork and/or signed a contract that outlined performance requirements. They don't have to let your daughter perform if you don't adhere to them.

Don't send a letter. Talk to Miss Janice in person at the next class to see if she will allow your daughter to participate barefaced.

You have the legal right to choose to use the studio or not. You don't have the legal right to force them to allow her to participate barefaced. What Miss Janice tells you will determine your next step.

I hope she says yes, but if she says no you'll have to make a choice. Makeup and recital; or no makeup and no recital. Also - read your contract, there may be financial consequences as well. That costume is likely nonrefundable.

There are dance classes that are more about fitness and/or fun that don't have formal recitals and conformity requirements. One of those would be a better fit for your family. Good luck.

Back when I was in dance (I was 14 or 15), I hated wearing make-up and tried to refuse for one performance (Normally, my mom put the make-up on me at home but this time I wouldn't let her). As soon as I walked in the door I was literally surrounded by other kid's moms as they just started putting makeup on me! ... They just saw me, assumed that my dad had been in charge that morning, and tried to help. Plus, my dance teacher wouldn't even let me perform unless I put the makeup on.

It truly is so that the facial features are more visible while the kids are on stage (And, honestly, a dance does look better when you can actually make out where the kids' eyes and lips are versus when you just see a bunch of kids with blobs of white for faces, Lol).

If you put make up on your daughter to take her to the store, then ya... I could see the problem in that. But, it's a dance recital. It's stage make-up (Like actors wear on the stage). You already spent $150 for this performance (Plus all the costs of the actual dance lessons)... I'm sure you are going to take video (Or maybe buy the video from the studio if you aren't allowed to take your own). You will want to see her pretty face on that video, not just a blob of white.

I understand where you are coming from, but ballet recitals are traditionally performed in makeup.

Go to Miss Janice NOW, talk to her and make your wishes known, she will hopefully work with you and decide what to do. Students do typically wear makeup because the lights are bright and their faces will not stand out otherwise, and truthfully, your daughter will stand out if she is not in makeup, which Miss Janice may say will ruin the look of the group onstage for everyone. Sorry.

NOT a big deal, I have yet to know of any stage performances that DON"T require makeup. Have you EVER been to a kid's play??? Like one mom said, it isn't a pageant. This is not trying to make your girl grown-up or "sexy", whatever you are worried about. This kind of thing does not fall into that category... The lights really DO wash out their faces. It is purely costume (like painting one's face to look like a cat for halloween). Choose your battles, this one is misunderstood anyways. Be difficult with something else. SO not a big deal!

If you are still gonna go w/o... then don't bother emailing the teacher or anything... it is a lost cause, you will be outnumbered in "opinion". Just take her to the recital with no makeup.

Aww, we just had a ballet recital yesterday ourselves. Yes all the little girls wear makeup. They (the girls) are usually pretty clear on the fact that it is STAGE makeup, all performers wear it. Its so the audience can see the emotions on their faces and they don't get totally washed out in the bright lights. It's usually the cheapest, gaudiest make-up from the drug store that works best so you don't break the bank.

If she were a Cat or something for halloween would you allow her to put make-up on then? Little whiskers drawn on, a black nose? Just think of it like that. It's part of the costume. It's not about "looking pretty" with makeup.

At our studio we've been told if you absolutely have issues with make-up to talk to the director and they won't force you to. But they usually try to talk the parents AT LEAST into the red lipstick. Honestly, you won't be able to tell if your kid is smiling or frowning on stage if they don't wear it.
We had about 60 girls performing yesterday and every single one had makeup. I didn't see any of the girls getting weird over it, it's just what you do to be seen on stage. Part of the drill, not like a beauty/primping/creepy toddlers and tiaras vibe.

My daughters been doing these for a year, haven't seen any ill effects of using make-up 2-3 times a year for performances. She's 5- It's more of a burden to her, like getting her hair gelled into a ballet bun is. But she wants to look like everyone else and we want her to be visible on stage.

If you feel that strongly about it, I'd talk straight to the director, hopefully they let you slide and respect your wishes.

Thursday, Friday and Saturday I did hair an makeup for the middle school's production of Music Man. My daughter's aren't allowed to wear makeup until they're 13. My 12 year old had one of the leads.

There is a huge difference between stage makeup and what you wear. Stage makeup is creamy, thick and will cover anything. Your makeup is lightweight and meant to enhance your beauty. Stage makeup's purpose is to make you stand out, and not look washed out on stage. Even if your daughter is "in the back row" when pictures are taken, and video, they'll be able to see all the other children, and your daughter will be a blob. That's not what you want is it?

What should you do if this becomes an issue, or if your wishes are ignored? Do not allow your child to participate in any further recitals. Stage makeup is part of dance recitals. If you refuse to understand that, then your child should not be participating.

Frankly I would find another place for your daughter to dance. $150 and make-up seem excessive for a dance recital for a 3 year old! It sounds ridiculous to be honest.
My 4 year old dances, recitals are every 3 months to show the parents the progress the kids make. There are no costumes, fees or make-up.
I would not expose my young child to this.
Good luck!

I don't think the stage lights wash out their faces all that much. My neices are in ballet and they don't wear makeup in this particular studio until they are older. They little ones DO NOT look washed out. They look sweet and natural. People may be picky about wanting their darlings eyes to pop out and apparently it has caught on and now everyone thinks it's "necessary" when it really isn't. As long as your daughter is not upset about not wearing makeup, I wouldn't give in and put it on her. (However if she has noticed and wants some too, maybe just apply whatever organic makeup you already own and leave it at that. But my guess is if no one says anything, she won't notice or care.) This isn't "Toddlers in Tiaras", it's toddlers in tutus and it's supposed to be for fun - not a serious professional looking show. And they will look darling either way. ;) That being said, unfortunately you may be working with teachers and mother who want their children to get the whole "professional dance experience" complete with expensive costumes and makeup. Your daughter is still so little. Maybe let her try something different after this. There are lots of activities that she may adore and that may fit your values a bit more about keeping her little, which I applaud! :) Or you might find another studio that doesn't make it so professional and more fun, much like the ones my nieces are a part of. :)

I am 100% with you on this. I don't care if every other kid has make up on, at three it's totally unnecessary. I danced and did theater when I was younger and it was certainly NOT standard operating procedure to do make up for dance performances back then. This isn't a competition, so you don't "owe" anything to the "team" and dance isn't about face anyway. For God's sake they're three!

If I were you, I would do the note in advance so that Miss Janice won't just put make up on her and say that she didn't know she wasn't supposed to. Just keep the note matter of fact. I would think that any teacher working with kids this age wouldn't care whether or not they're wearing make up.

ETA I am beyond appalled at the responders who think that make up on a 3 year old for a family and friends recital is a requirement. That kind if thinking is so far past ridiculous I can't even begin to wrap my head around it. And I really don't think a 3-year-old will notice and feel left out. If that's a concern, just put some lip balm on and tell her that she's made up.

If she isnt' in makeup and every other girl is, your daughter will notice it. And be upset, no matter how much you explain your stand to her; she simply will not understand, at her age, why she has to be different. And the other girls will notice too, and with three-year-old frankness, will say to your child, "Why aren't you wearing make-up? You have to!" You say you will "honestly and sympathetically" explain it to her. But she is only three. All she will hear is "You have to be different today."

So you're putting your three-year-old in the very awkward position of having to be the standout child for the wrong reasons. And having to explain -- whe she doesn't even have the words yet to explain -- why she isn't like her friends. Despite our desire as parents to want our kids to be independent thinkers, this isn't really the time or place for it. Think for a minute about how SHE will feel on the day of the recital when she is the sole kid without makeup she probably knows perfectly well was required? She will be stressed by it and it will color the whole event for her. Negatively.

Others have noted that you seem to be confusing ballet makeup with makeup that makes little kids look 30. If she continues in dance you will have to fight this battle at every single show every single year until she is...What age? What is the magic age at which you'll let her wear the makeup as required by her studio? Five? Eight? Ten? What is "old enough" to follow the same rules as the others?

I didn't like the idea of my daughter wearing makeup at five the first time she had to for dance, but her studio kept it light for the younger kids. It will not be as shockingly bold as you think when she's on stage. What can look very bright and overdone off stage looks normal on stage. If she does go on without any makeup at all, be sure to look closely at how washed out she appears.

I would just do it yourself and go with the most blotted lipstick possible so it's soft, and minimal everything.

Also, like being in a sport, or in a school theatre program or choral program or even the kindergarten mother's day song -- the point here is for kids to be part of the group and for there to be some uniformity. It starts with saying "I don't want my child to wear ANY makeup" and moves on to "I dislike the costume the teacher chose for this dance" and then to "I don't like the fact my child is not in the front line of the dance." At least that's what the dance school will figure when this gets started.

this is part of ALL dance recitals i've ever been involved in. you are certainly free to "take a stand" and "make a point", but realize that in all likelihood, your daughter will not be participating in the recital. i am NOT a make-up heavy mommy, but recitals are different, stage lights are bright, and your little girl will looked washed out, and let's just face it, different from all the other little girls that ARE wearing make-up. that will be a distraction in and of itself - the girls are supposed to look fairly uniform so that the focus is on their dancing. if you are truly this opposed to make-up, leave the dance school. if your wishes are ignored, as they probably will be, you leave - it's THEIR dance school, not yours.

It's fun! And I'd rather do her makeup myself than have her show up without any and the teachers do it themselves. It really does look better on stage and they want everyone to look similar. What the other mom meant is that you will look like an uptight freak if you show up without makeup. An your daughter will feel left out or out of place. Sorry but that's worth a little makeup in the long run. It's not like they're telling you to give her beer! Live a little, she will love it!

Leslie, I'll respond about the beauty aspect. I don't think there's a single thing wrong with teaching girls (or even boys for that matter) to take care of themselves, look their best, and appreciate and enhance their best features. I don't believe for one minute that telling a girl she's pretty, smart, talented, etc while she's growing up will make her anything less than confident in who she is. Shying away from that puts out the message that there's something wrong with being your best, or that it's okay to be lazy with your appearance, which to me makes people look like they don't care about themselves.

I don't approve of make up for children either, but in a case such as this, I don't have a problem.

This is theater, not a pageant or some type of program that exploits a child and their sexuality. There is a BIG difference.

What are you going to do when she goes to school and needs to wear make up for the class play or musical for the same reasons?

I think I would be more discerning as to why and how the make up is being worn. This sounds innocent enough. I think it sounds okay and will not send her a bad message. Furthermore, I as the mother would want to control how much makeup and what type my child was wearing and not leave it to chance that a teacher would go behind my back and do it for me. I say buy the makeup you approve of and apply the makeup for your daughter, unless there are specific requirements for uniformity sake by the school. Otherwise, maybe you don't want your daughter in dance anymore. Stage make-up is part of theater and the arts and you won't be able to avoid this if she should become very seriously involved in that world.

Some very serious dance schools expect stage make up to be worn at all performances, even if it is for very young dancers. They take the whole performance experience very seriously. Stage make-up and knowing how to apply it and wear it is part of the whole perfomance experience. Good dancers know how to apply make-up effectively to create mood, and add to the costume. They have to learn somewhere and somehow. At many traditional dance schools they learn about stage makeup (not the same as the craziness on those horrible child-exploitation shows- there is an art to it) when they start having performances and recitals and that is why teachers feel it is so important as part of the performance experience.

I studied ballet for years at a dance academy that taught Vaganova (Russian Dance Method). At this school dancers began training as young as three and were held to the same requirements and expectations as the older and more experienced students. When we had recitals/performances, we all were required to wear stage quality makeup and appropriate costumes or dance wear depending on the type of performance it was. It didn't matter who the audience was, we were required to approach all of our performances as though we were performing in front of an audience that paid $50 to $100 for tickets.

Many of the best students were invited join the school's actual dance company and traveled around the world performing...sometimes as guests alongside world-renowned dancers and dance companies. Many students and performers from the school's dance company have been invited to join prestigious companies such as the American Ballet Company or the Joffrey Ballet to just name a couple.

Just like with Olympians, a skilled an talented dancer's career can begin as early as age 14-16 and their career can end as early as 30. It is a very competitive world and if she is attending a school that prepares girls for a real potential career in dance, you're going to have to change your thinking on makeup...despite the fact that she is 3 years-old.

If she's a born dancer and you know it, I say relax and buy the brands of make up you approve of if the school allows this and apply it for your daughter. If it will help you re-establish your values concerning make-up for everyday, explain to her this is part of her costume and that it is not an occasion that will mark the beginning of her being able to wear makeup all the time.

Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill unless this ballet school is some cheesy front for something like a "modeling" school, a pageant school, or Toddlers and Tiaras. If this is a legitimate dance school, this is part of being a serious dancer. If she sticks with this and goes far, she will be wearing makeup for performances. It's part of being involved in theater and the arts.

The makeup is part of the fun IMO.
I really do not understand why you would pay $150 for the costume and recital fee then balk at the price of lipstick. I also do not think that putting regular drug store makeup on for a few hours will cause any long term health issues.
This is only an issue if you make it an issue.

My son wears it, both onstage and on set. It's part and parcel to stage and film.

You may want to see if your local parks and rec offers dance classes. The ones here don't have a recital (no makeup, no costume). Inexpensivee and green don't go along with a dance costume required for dance recitals and pics. The outfit is an expensive one time wear sort of garment, made from materials that certainly aren't the most biodegradeable or recyclable. I think you need to either compromise or find another activity for your child.

I understand your concerns. The performing arts organization my DD is a part of does not do make up for toddlers or kindergarten students. I just wonder how will your DD feel if she is the only little girl not allowed to have the make up? I wouldn't want that. I would make a stand on it only if my DD was extremely uncomfortable with the make up.

As a makeup artist for 20+ years, I agree that the little ones look ridiculous with all that makeup on. But it is theater and if you feel that strongly about it, I would pull her out of the performance. She will feel out of place if all the other girls have their faces made up and she does not. Some blush, lipstick and eyeshadow should do it. No foundation, no mascara in my opinion. Go to your local Clinique counter and have them apply it. It will cost you nothing and you don't have to buy. They are allergy tested and fragrance free. Good for little ones delicate skin. Call and make an appointment, tell them what you are looking for and explain that you don't plan to buy. It will take them about 5 minutes to do it and they will appreciate your honesty. Then I would rethink letting her dance in the future if you really resent the makeup part.

I'll bet if you just put blush on her cheeks and some vaseline on her lips so that they shine, other people won't say a thing to you. You won't get ridiculed, and you won't be having to deal with the eyes. (I would no more put mascara on a 3 year old than I would to an animal! They don't understand and won't stay still and you could poke her eye! Good for you!)

I realize you may be standing on principle here, and therefore ignore my thoughts. That's certainly understandable. But... if you want to help your daughter not get ostracized by the other little girls who will hear their moms talking about why you can't bend, and have to deal yourself with the remarks, just putting blush on her cheeks will take care of that.

Dawn

We are going through this ourselves. Our recital is in 2 weeks. Hubby is throwing a fit that I am putting her through something where she'll end up looking like Toddlers and Tiaras!

Its stage makeup.It's for one day. Think of it as part of the performance costume. You paid $150 for her to be part of the recital, but then don't want her to look like the rest of the class. I can understand if you felt the costume was too risque or something, but this is makeup and 4 hours after its on, it can be washed off. While your daughter is in the back and only on stage for a short period of time if she doesn't have makeup on, she will stand out because she won't look like the rest of her group.

I see no need for you to feel forced to put makeup on her. (She's still a baby.) If you feel someone may do it anyways and not understand/abide by your wishes, you could just tell them she has sensitive skin and you're afraid she may react to makeup. But I would not put makeup on my three year old.

you should just go with the flow on this. stage make up is a fact of life if your child is going to be on stage. some blush and lip stick for a performance is exactly that. if you don't want her using non organic then bring your own. its not to make your child stand out it is so that she does not have just a round white blob for a face lol. if you have ever been to one of these things the lights are really bright and your little one will be washed out to just a round white blob face. its not like she will be hooked on make up after wearing it one time for the show.

not asking you to defend your position your position is clear but so is the program guidelines. they will probably allow you to skip the makeup if you want to but be aware that it will be very noticeable.

We're an all-natural, no toxin household as well, so I totally get where you're coming from. Have you seen the recent reports about lead-levels in lipstick? That stuff isn't coming near my babies. I do wear natural make-up if I'm going out, so I have the stuff on hand, but I also understand why you wouldn't want to spend the extra money to put it on a toddler. However, it sounds like this may be a serious dance studio instead of a fun child's dance class, and that may not be what your want.

I would not write Miss Janice, though. I would tell her to her face, nicely, that you don't intend to do it for health reasons (you don't need to specify if you don't want to). If Miss Janice insists, you will know that this is not the dance studio for you (and you will get a feel for whether she will go behind your back to put make-up on). In any case, it will give you a good idea about how your concerns will be handled in the future. Good luck.

I have a good friend whose daughter is in dance and they were told that if they didn't put make-up on their (4 year old) daughter that she would not be allowed to perform. I would check into any materials that you were given (if there were any) at the enrollment to see if it says anything about make-up being part of the uniform. And I would bring it up to the instructor/owner and to her teacher prior to the night of the performance. You feel very strongly about this. It doesn't matter to you if your daughter "stands out" on stage. This isn't the reason you put her in dance... it's fun for her and that's it. See what they say. I'd be willing to bet that you won't be the last mom that has issue with this.

I do wear make-up but would never put it on my child until a more appropriate age, and until she's ready for it. I agree with you... I think it's ridiculous and I wouldn't do it either.

Good luck

I do understand how you feel--I don't wear makeup and I was somewhat taken aback last year when I found out at dance recital time that all the kids had to wear makeup. I don't own any makeup, don't know how to put it on--the only times I have worn makeup were when I did theater myself in high school, and lip gloss in junior high because Bonny Bell had those cool flavors. I also don't want my daughter to become obsessed with her appearance or feel like she has to wear makeup to look okay when she is older--and I don't want her to grow up fast.

However, for the purposes of a performance where appearance (especially consistency in the troupe) matters a great deal, I felt it was reasonable for my 5-year old to wear makeup on this specific occasion. I don't know if I could see the difference for myself, however I've heard often enough that makeup is necessary in any setting with stagelights that I'm willing to accept it as true. Just to be clear, I was not thinking about having my child's face stand out--we didn't even bring a camera to the event and I don't know whether we'll buy the video, that's how unconcerned I am with having a record of how she looked. I do think she needs to be in costume, like the others, and that includes makeup, which I didn't want to buy or know how to use. So, I found someone at the show to put the makeup on her, and she had a great time at the performance. She also has not shown any signs of wanting makeup to wear at other times (other than the lipgloss she had already).

I think it would be wiser for you to put the minimum on her (or let someone else do it) this one time and let her participate in the event for which you have already paid $150 as well as lessons/etc. Maybe you can skip the mascara or the eyeliner? After this season, you might consider whether the studio is a good match for you. Is this the only part of their philosophy or the group of parents which doesn't 'fit'? Or have there been other things that made you uncomfortable? Do you want to look for another studio which might fit better, if the use of makeup is a deal-breaker for you? I also have heard that some studios have recitals without costumes (non-performances) which are just intended for the kids to show their parents what they are learning, and you might be more comfortable at a place like that. Good luck with the process, and I hope you all have a good time.

How sad that when the camera takes close ups of the girls, zooms in, your little one will be nothing more than a blur. She will not show up on the film at all. If you choose to not put the make up on her, her face will reflect the light and nothing will show, not even that she has eyes.

I suggest at the very least you put some powder on her so that her face won't shine too much. It could be so shiny it will look odd.

For our recitals I do base powder, loose kind like minerals, then I do a plum colored or dark pink lip-gloss and some mascara or at least some darker eye-shadow to give the eyes some sort of contour. This makes them look normal on stage and not like hoochie mama's.

It is common practice for the little dancers to wear some makeup. The lighting will wash her out, she will not have a face on stage, the make up washes off quite easily if you do not get water proof.

May I also suggest if you are uncomfortable putting it on her that you ask one of the other mom's that have done dance before to do it for you so it won't look clownish. If you are not practiced putting it on someone else it can be stressful and just plain hard to do.

I started practicing a month before the recital doing hair in tidy buns with hair gel and hair spray so that it didn't fall down within minutes. I also had to learn how to do hairnets so that the held the bun in place and didn't show. Then I practiced putting on her makeup.

It has not ruined her yet, she is 8 and does not sneak out wearing full makeup and have black circles around her eyes from sweating off the mascara. She knows the make up is for recital and performances. She knows if she tries to play in it she will get grounded. Make up is not cheap so it is not a toy.

Send her without make-up and tell the instructor you don't want any on her. Tell your dd that when she's older, she can decide for herself if she wants to wear make-up, but you've decided that you don't want her to right now. No explanations needed. Just state the facts - attend the recital and enjoy the performance. End of story.

My daughter was a dancer and a figure skater and I didn't have a problem with the hair or makeup. She is 18 now and wears mascara, chap stick and sometimes a little Bare Minerals (so she obviously goes for the natural look even when she has a choice). When she was performing it was a different story. I do think she will see the other girls in makeup and want it as well, it's just for performances.

In group performances, all of the girls matched and looked very nice in pictures. Can you talk to some of the other moms in your group to see if this is how they felt and how they came to accept it? Makeup is just part of the deal when performing and you put her in dance. When my daughter played softball for ten years it was a totally different story.

Funny thing about this is, every time I've seen little ballerinas perform or take photos the makeup looks quite clownish. The idea that your daughter may be the only without it means nothing. She will be fine. Have it your way and don't feel bad. Best Wishes :)

I would simply tell the instructor that your daughter will NOT be wearing makeup. Period. I would talk to this Miss Janice face to face so that you will have a feel for whether she would try to go behind your back (which I would find difficult to believe). If you get that vibe and still want your daughter to be in this recital, I would make some not so subtle hints that you would regard her applying makeup to your child the same way as you would someone medicating your child without your permission. She should get the hint. Are the boys in the class also required to wear makeup?

There is a big difference between being in a stage production in middle school and learning ballet. Three year olds are learning about dance to learn about ballet, balance, grace, athletics, etc. They are NOT doing this for a recital, the recital is for the parents. It is a small part of dance. A play in middle school is about the PLAY. It is a performance, the performance is not a minor part of it. I see no reason your child should not be able to participate in a dance class without wearing makeup.

It's part of dance or acting, anything on stage.

My daughter is 8 and she has been competing for 3 years now, we do the full 9 when she goes on stage. It's part of the costume and the overall effect. It's also fun for the girls.

I'd have no problem putting it on her at 3 either. Do you ever sit down and let her put some on when you are getting ready? Paint her nails? Anything like that?

Part of me gets what you are saying, but at the same time, she's going on stage, not to do something horrible. You only need to put a little and she'll feel like she's a part of the group plus not stand out for not having it on.

With that being said, my daugther didn't have to have it on at 3...that does seem a bit excessive. I get a little mascara and lipstick, but I'm not sure the rest is necessary.

I think your only option in NOT doing it is for her to not participate.

This is not the same as those little girls who are dressed up like hookers, paraded out and have far too much make-up. It is a dance recital, tasteful costumes and make-up are generallhy a part of the deal. Don't write a note, talk it over with the director and next time you want your wished respected, make them clear before you invest time and established when your child began classes.

You will also have to be prepared that your child may not be allowed to take part in the recital.

When my daughter was three I only used a little blush , a very little eyeshadow,and the lipstick that they asked for that doesn't rub off Covergirl outlast.It dries quickly so it's not as if she will be ingesting it like regular lipstick.At three, my daughter was too young for mascara and eyeliner. I understand your position on not using toxins . I don't use any household cleaners that aren't natural and try to use all organics. I wonder if Burts Bees has a lipstain that doesn't rub off easily? I bet they do . Good luck to you and I hope she has a great recital=0)

Good for you for standing on your principals.

If your wishes are ignored or it becomes an issues, withdraw her from the studio and request a refund on your recital fee.

However, keep in mind that the studio probably considers the makeup to be part of the costume. If she will not wear makeup THEY could probably dig their heals in and say "No performance" - just like they would if she showed up in her every day leotard instead of her costume.

The makeup is part of the performance - just as the costume is.

However - I totally respect your stance and agree with the principle of it. If you can not find a studio that will work with you on the "no makeup" I would look for another activity. You dont need makeup for soccer or gymnastics. :)

ETA: Was just thinking and wanted to add some more - My objection to little girls wearing makeup has to do with the impact it has on enforcing traditional gender stereotypes - girls must be pretty. (I carelessly send that message to my daughter every day!) If that is your objection, an activity other than ballet - which is all about beauty and grace - would really be a better option. Curious - two - what other people have to say about that?

Why can't she wear your makeup?? Why such a problem with this? She is 3 and would probably have a ball wearing it for such an occasion. Its totally for the stage and so they look alike. And " I do not intend to defend my position"????? It just seems this may not be for you, Its supposed to be a fun event for all of you. Why wouldnt you want to explain why? Anyway...good luck and I hope you have a fun day.

I am definitely in the minority here, but I totally agree with you. She's not on Broadway--she's 3! Nobody will care what is on your daughter's face--they'll be too busy taking pictures of their own kids!

I would speak to the director in person. If you write a note, your words could take on the wrong tone, etc.

Stand your ground if it is something you feel strongly about!

tell the teacher that if she DARES to put make up on your child after you told NOT to, you will be PRESSING CHARGES ! you are the childs MOTHER, it is up to YOU whether the child wears make up NOT her teacher !! whoever heard of a teacher daring to tell a childs mother if the child didnt arrive with make up on the teacher would put it on the child ! shes got a lot of nerve !! and the fact that she is using the other mothers to pressure you to allow your daughter to wear make up..what if the child has an allergic reaction to the makeup .. is the teacher going to pay for the emergency room visit ??and what if the teacher "accidentally" pokes the child in the eye while putting eye make up on the child.. is she prepared to pay for the emergency room visit ??
K. h.

Please be aware that stage makeup is different than street makeup. The reason dancers and actors wear makeup on stage (aside from character considerations) is because the lights are bright and the audiences are far away from the performers, and faces disappear unless there's a little extra color. When my older son was in a production in about third grade, he was faced with the makeup issue, and the wise director explained it to him as, "This is work makeup, not GIRL makeup!"

Of course the little dancing students get excited about the makeup as well as the costumes; both are part of the make-believe, story-telling aspect. But the reason for the makeup is purely practical. You will need to explain that to your girl, whether she wears it or not.

Talk to the teacher about the organic angle. Please talk to her now before you stew about it any more. There could be other mothers who do organic, and you all might go together on organic makeup if you choose.

Dance recitals are expensive no matter what, but it's part of the commitment, isn't it?

The make-up is not for "pretty" pictures. It's so she can be seen under the bright lights and to continue with the uniformity. It's like everybody wearing the same hairstyle and hose. I wouldn't want my child in eyeliner, just because of the removal process, but it's how you make the eyes visible to the audience.

Sorry, but it's part of being on stage. It's not about looking pretty.

You have a right refuse the make-up, but she will probably have the right to make your daughter sit this one out, since she is refusing the full uniform. Please speak with her ahead of time and see if their is a way to compromise this. Don't wait until the moment the show is about to start.

Good luck.

Put on your daughter what you put on yourself when you do wear makeup. Write a note to the teacher and owner stating that you're doing it this way, and that you do not want anyone putting anything extra on her. I don't like overly made up preschoolers or elementary age kids either. Soft pinks and neutrals are fine for the stage for that age. It's about enhancing their face not "creating" one. They're babies, they don't need to look like clowns with heavy makeup. Stand your ground. And oh by the way, I'm a dance teacher and would never make "makeup" mandatory for a 3 year old.

If she's going to be dancing under stage lights, she will have to have makeup in oder to have a face at all. Stage lights completely wash out your features, which is why stage makeup is so exaggerated. You have to draw on a face.

I suppose you could say your daughter is allergic and can not wear make up for medical reasons.
I think makeup on toddlers (even kindergarteners) is ridiculous although if an elementary ages kid wants to wear makeup for a school play it's a bit more manageable than on a baby.
They rub their eyes, eat off the lipstick and smear what ever you put on their faces all over themselves and their costumes.
Heck, some toddlers are still sucking their thumbs.
A 3 yr old is barely aware of the rules for playing with other kids - she's not going to care whether she wears makeup or not.
Are they going to wear pullups or are they going to risk someone peeing on stage?
I've seen it - where a quick swipe with a mop is needed on stage between performances.
As for the other parents, why the heck to they care what your daughter looks like on stage?
They'll be having their telephoto lenses on their own little darlings.
People make WAY too much of these things and stage mothers will wig out over anything.
Stick to your guns and speak with the people who will be handling the kids backstage and all the instructors.
Unfortunately in many child activities, be it dancing, gymnastics, sports, cheer leading, etc - many parents ruin it for the kids.
They put kids in activities not for the kids to have fun but to feed parental egos.

I drew the line at having my girls wear mascara. They wore the blush, eye shadow and red lip gloss. I figured that was good enough and it was.

I agree with the other moms that said the make-up is part of the costume. It goes with the territory, just like putting their hair in a bun or no bangs on the face. She will use the make up again. If she stays in dance, there were will be more recitals and they wear the same make up colors.

I would not call or email the Teacher, just go to the recital without makeup.

There is only one thing you can do - keep her out of the recital.

Ok, I am sorry but the assertion that you will not be able to see her with out makeup on is total BS!!!! Dance involves alot of big body movement, and you will see her dancing around just fine - who cares if her lips don't pop! Really . . .

Anyway, I would speak to the lady in charge, in person prior to the event. Be respectful and also be assertive. This is not a request, your daughter is not wearing makeup (and as another non-makeup wearing mother I can say I understand where you are coming from and I think that letting a preschooler wear or play with makeup or painting nails is gross!) this is you family policy and you appreciate her understanding. If she is not understanding, I would politely ask for my money back and withdraw from the studio and then find another organization. I would not financially support a studio that forces preschoolers to paint their faces with toxins. Yuck!

Well, how about just showing up with your daughter, ready to go, but without makeup?

If asked, simply state, "I'm sorry but I did not feel comfortable with that." Done. Proceed as if there is no issue. You are a mother and fully entitled to allow your daughter's participation as much as possible. Or not. It is your right and you do not need to apologize or defend.

I mean, this is a recital for 3-year-olds, not Miss World. It is perfectly alright to forgo the fancy-schmancy. The point is, to enjoy yourself and see her enjoy herself.