Girl's Wearing Make-Up

for me it's hypothetical since i have boys, but it would be an issue for me. i've got a lot of friends and family whose very young girls, 7 or 8, are in full warpaint. it bugs me. i think a little color and gloss at 13 sounds just about right, but it seems as if i'm ridiculously old-fashioned over it.
and creating hard and fast rules would really go against my greater parenting philosophy which is discuss, research and experiment judiciously.
can you ease her into it? some nice lip gloss? maybe a single sweep of mascara, or even just eyelash conditioner?
when i see a little girl with foundation, blush, eye shadow and big big lashes it always makes me think sadly of jon-benet.
khairete
S.

I really don't have any rules about makeup, dating age or tampon use. My daughter is in 6th grade and tastefully does her makeup everyday. (This includes foundation (she is being treated for mild acne), blush, lip gloss, eye liner and mascara). I can also say that my daughter frequently tells me she is so glad I am her mother because there are many mothers that have age restricted rules that frankly seem silly to both of us. As a mother, I try to say "yes" as much as possible especially when it comes to things that really don't matter.

My daughter and friends experimented with make up around 10. She rarely wore it outside the house. It was mostly girls playing. When it came time for her to wear it she had learned what and how so that the make was attractive. She was a Tom boy so only wore make up for special events. She gradated high schoop before she wore it consistently.

Her daughter, my granddaughter, started experimenting around 11. She also only wore it for special occasions. Still the same at 14. Actually she seldom wears makeup now. She's a high school freshman.

I suggest when make up is not allowed kids will sneak using it. I've not been aware that wearing makeup is a rite of passage. If it is I'd put it together with starting their period. Isn't a period seen as the first step towards being a women?

I wouldn't make makeup all that serious. I let my girls start exploring make up when they're interested. I would talk about how to apply it and when using it is appropriate.

I never had hard rules for anything.

The more you forbid it, the more she'll fix herself up at school when away from you and clean up before she sees you.

Why not be open minded and communicate more about what makeup she wants to wear and why? She's growing up.,, you'll want those open lines of communication when she starts dating, getting pressured to have sex and do drugs.

Pick your battles wisely.

In 7th grade my daughter came down the stairs for school with the "smoky-eye" look as if she was going out with the Jersey Shore gang. I sent her upstairs to wash her face and when she came downstairs, a little upset I told her we would go buy make-up together and I'd show her how to wear it. That afternoon we went to the local drug store and bought a palette of matte browns, a brown eye pencil, some pale blush and brown mascara. Then I showed her how to do her make-up so it made her eyes look big but she barely looked like she had any make-up on. I made her understand that the trick is to avoid looking like a racoon but to enhance your looks without looking like you have make-up on.

For me the trick was to teach her my theory of make-up while she was still young enough to listen to what I had to say before the full-blown rebel teens years struck. My husband wasn't thrilled but I explained my reasoning and he understood. I promised that she wouldn't look like a hoochie - but like a sweet young lady with darker eyelashes and slightly rosy cheeks.

90% of what we need to get accomplished is about communicating it properly. 90% of communciation is understanding the perspective of your audience. your daughter and your husabnd have VERY different perspectives and objectives in this situation and you need to thread the needle.

For what it's worth, we started wearing eye makeup in 7tj grade and I was a very "nice" girl in a very "nice" town. I was 12. Seems so young now I can't believe it. My mom never fussed though and in hindsight, that was really nice. It's like she trusted me until maybe I started to do things that made her not be able to. Sometimes I think that's why I did keep her trust. No rebelling necessary. So I would look at your daughter's friends. In areas like this that aren't dangerous and she's not showing too much skin, I would be lenient. I wouldn't want to make her self conscious. So if she's one of the few not wearing any, I'd let her wear a little. Keep it light and classy. Id actually say you are relenting bc she's a good girl showing good judgment so far. Something like that if she is a good kid. I think positive reinforcement like that goes a long way. But my oldest is 10 so maybe I'll eat my words. I just don't think a little mascara is a big deal.

This is a battle I've never fought. My girls started wearing makeup in 6th grade, when THEY decided they wanted to. They're in 7th and 8th now. I showed them how to use it tastefully and took them shopping to get quality products. They wear makeup everyday now. Mascara, eye-liner, lip balm, sometimes cover-up to deal with those pesky outbreaks. They always look very nice.

In addition to being make-up wearing young ladies, they're also both hard-working students, play tennis, have lots of friends, are respectful to adults, still sleep with stuffed animals, enjoy baking cookies, listening to music and playing in the snow, in short, lovely average pre-teen/teen girls.

Makeup is such a non-issue for us. It's a slippery slope to...well, nowhere in our experience. I know I've got more important battles ahead of me, but make-up is definitely not one of them.

In my culture, most girls don't wear makeup the ones that do start wearing a full face it in public at 16.

There is a 13 year old I know that wears make up. She looks like a 13 year old trying to look older. Her makeup colors and technic are terrible for her age and her complexion. Even my boys ask why is she wearing all that. My boys are 18 and 20.

My concern with looking older than you are is being prepared for the attention you could potentially attract. Will your soon to be 13 year old know how to fend off a possible 17-18 year old hitting on her or the far less rare than should be adult telling her how beautiful she is in an attempt open the gateway to her heaven? I understand about wanting our daughters to be confident and poised but there has to be a balance and loads of teaching and training. We live in an imperfect world.

Never had any set rules. Of course in middle school all the girls went through that awful raccon eye (heavy eyeliner) phase but by the time they started high school no one did that anymore. They really do learn best through experience, don't they? Of course it depends on where you live but around here heavy makeup is not popular, so it's not even an issue.

My mom told me I was not allowed to wear make-up until I was 16. By then, I'd lost interest. I still rarely wear make-up and have healthier skin for it. I'd stick to my guns on age 13. You told her that, it's not extreme. Good luck.

Since you made the rule, I would stick with it. I imagine that while plenty of girls probably are wearing makeup, it isn't an overwhelming enough majority that she will be singled out for not wearing it.

I might make a compromise... Like allowing her to wear transparent mascara (they do make it) or a color very close to her natural shade, using plain mascara (not thickening or lengthening...)

When I was a kid we started wearing make-up when we started Jr. High in grade 7, so 12 years old. There is nothing wrong with properly applied, age appropriate make-up. I would definitely encourage a daily BB Cream to get her in the habit of wearing sunscreen on a daily basis.

We have no rules about this, and our daughter is 11. She does wear makeup for her dance (she is competitive and has to cake it on), so she knows what looks good and what doesn't. She will ask occasionally to put it on if we are going to a nice dinner or something like that.

For day to day, she is happiest either in a pair of sweats and a shirt or some jeans, boots, and a top. She isn't out to impress others, and doesn't much care what others are doing. I love it!

But no rules. If she asks and it's appropriate, go ahead. She actually got a decent amount of Sephora makeup for Christmas, because she asked for it and we are okay with her experimenting at home with it...so she doesn't look like a clown in public.

However, let me catch her wearing something without permission and all bets are off. Communication is key here, for both of you.

Like TF Plano/Allen I did not have any hard and fast rules. She was an athlete and still plays softball at 21 so it's mascara and Chapstick for her. She's just a natural young lady.

Take her someplace like the Clinique or Sephora counter or host a Mary Kay demo for her and a couple of friends. They can learn how to cleanse their faces and proper, subtle application. Talk to the person teaching them first (without their knowledge, obviously) and let her know what you don't want.

I know a young woman whose mom told her she could start wearing it at about that age, but limited it to no more than 2 or 3 products at the same time .... So, she could wear foundation and mascara or blush and gloss, etc. Perhaps a rule like that would help you for now. The young woman still only wears the limit her mom extended then and she's now graduated from college. It just stuck with her.

My daughter (now 15 & a sophomore) wears foundation, a little blush and some mascara and sometimes a little lipstick. My 11 yr. old (also 6th grade) is allowed to wear a little mascara only. However, she doesn't wear it very often - usually when we go out for movies or dinner as a family.

My sister was allowed at 15 and I was allowed at 13. However, we were told by my dad that if we ever looked "like a clown", the privilege would be taken away.

I think this decision should be based on her maturity and how she wants to apply it and in what amount. It should also depend on your family rules. If you set these guidelines way before she wanted to wear any, you should stick to them unless she's very adamant then re-evaluate.

My just turned 11year old went to her 7th grade friend's house a week ago and came home wearing makeup(she had already been caught using mine /begging for me to do hers). I decided then that she was getting make up (good stuff) for her bday. She isn't allowed to wear it to school. But my mother let me start trying it at home at 10, so I figured it was time to start practicing. We will see how it goes. She is already paying more attention to other ppls application skills. If she can use a little mascara and gloss tastefully I may let her wear it to middle school (6th grade).

Stick to your guns about age 13. Make it a special rite of passage. When my (step) daughter turned 13, I had a Mary Kay consultant come to our house and do a skin care and make up class for her and some friends and bought her some products as part of her birthday gift. Since then, she has only worn high-quality products that are tastefully applied.

Prior to her 13th birthday, we would allow light make up for special occasions. Her mother (with whom she lived at the time) was fan of trashy, cheap make up and so sometimes SD would come here for her weekend visits looking like a clown and we would routinely send her to the bathroom upon arrival to wash her face. I'm glad that she learned the right way to wear make up and care for her skin and has continued to do so.

It's been a long time since my daughter started wearing makeup. We were on a class trip (Austria) and she got into my makeup bag. She was in 6th grade. I could go one of two ways. 1) You get all upset and have a fit as a mom. 2) You speak to your daughter in a nice way and suggest a trip to the makeup department at the local store.

I chose 2. As her skin is fair and mine is not the colors did not go. So I suggested that we get colors that would match her complexion and then we would learn how to apply and look nice and not a hoochie momma. To this day, she remembers what we did together and she has never looked like the girl of the evening.

Our communication has always been open. Just have confidence in what you decide for your child. Do not get pressured into "all the others are doing it!" Maturity is the key.

Have a great day.

the other S.

PS I remember ordering KNOTB tickets for concerts in Germany and going with earplugs and aspirin. Go figure.

My dd is in 6th grade and I only let her wear it on picture day and at home on holidays. I don't think she wants to wear it again because when she went on picture day....everybody noticed and I think she was embarrassed. She didn't even have that much on!

My daughter is 12 and owns makeup because she's a ballet dancer, and it's required for some performances. That being said, because she associates wearing makeup with getting ready for a performance, and all of the preparation that that entails, she's not all that excited about wearing it on a daily basis. I don't really have any hard and fast rules about when she can wear makeup. The makeup she owns is pretty subtle anyway, and if she really wanted to put the effort into wearing it, more power to her. My daughter could easily pass for 15 because she's tall, so in her case, I don't really feel much harm could come from her looking the age she already looks anyway. We don't really leave her unattended around boys (we homeschool, and she spends so much of her time at ballet), so there is no danger there. ;) Maybe my answer would be different if she went to a big public middle school and ran with a fast crowd.

I think about 13, which was about when she wanted to start wearing it. It was age-appropriate.

I bought my daughter some simple, tasteful, makeup for Christmas last year, she was in 6th grade. Once in a great while she asks me to help her with applying it, think every other month for a non school occasion. She is in 7th grade now, and once in a great while will come down the stairs with colored lip balm and very lightly applied mascara. It's not a big deal in my house. She thinks too much makeup looks icky. Unfortunately for me, she looks very mature for age even without the make up. She's a 12 year old 7th grader who could easily pass for a HS girl without makeup. She just has confidence and carries herself well.

Seems like a little here and there would be OK...My 8 year old sometimes puts on a little lip stuff for a piano recital or whatever. But "High quality daily make-up" at 13 makes me a little sad. Maybe I'll feel differently when the time comes. But there's such a huge difference in how a child looks when they have make-up on. Innocent young girl vs. teenager with make-up on. And I'm just not a fan of the tweens in make-up I see. Or the mini skirts or the leggings for pants. I know, I'm a granny :( When push comes to shove, I MIGHT let my daughter if she's DYING to, but not in a sexy way like I see so many little girls doing. I just don't like it!!

Growing the rule was that I could wear make up once I was is high school.

I have to young daughters though and I think that once they are in middle school I will let them decide when they want to where it. I think the most important this is making sure they know how to apply it so that it looks right. Take her to a Sephora store and pay for her to be taught how to apply it so that it looks natural.