Lately, I seem to have no interest in sex. When my husband indicates an interest, all I can think about is going to sleep because I have to wake up early or other tasks that I need to get done. He hasn't said anything but I know he is frustrated that he always does the initiating.
We have two children (4 & 1) and we both work full time plus I need to be up early to get my oldest on the bus to preschool. This seems to take up all my attention.
Does anyone have any suggestions of ways to rekindle my interest or even something I can read on this? I want to be able to enjoy sex again without dweling on anything else.
We had a talk and addressed the issue. Basically we're trying make time to spend together. I remind myself that my marriage is more important than more sleep.
I highly suggest you read this book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Sex-Starved-Marriage-Boosting-C... . It has a ton of advice and explains the toll a lack of sex can have on the marriage.
Do you ever have date night or time for just the 2 of you?
One priority we had before we had our daughter (19 yrs ago) was to never stop having our weekly date night. We did not have family close by for babysitting and we budgeted $100 a week for a sitter only. Sometimes we'd have date night, go eat, dancing, etc. Other times we might be on the golf course, go to concerts, sporting events, or simply shopping and having lunch.
You need some time to be together just the 2 of you to keep your connection strong. It does not have to be weekly.. that is what we chose to do.
Just do something together. If funds are tight, have a glass of wine after the children are in bed and talk to each other for a little while, you don't have to spend a lot of money on dates... there is plenty you can do such as going for a walk in the park, mall, etc. Of course, plan some things that are fun to do as well.. we love dinners at high end restaurants and fine wine but we don't do that every week.
I hope you find a happy medium so you can stay connected with hubby. Make sure you let him know how you are feeling, communicate with him.
Best wishes
Is the issue actually lack of interest, or is it exhaustion?
If you are really tired all of the time, I suggest you start with a doctors appointment and talk about this. You may find something fairly simple - like low iron - is the underlying issue. And this could be pretty simple to fix. Don't rule this out until your doctor has done a full screen for everything that might cause you to feel so tired.
If you simply are not getting enough hours of sleep at night, then adjust this first. Count backwards from when you need to get up to get your oldest on the bus, and make sure you are getting 8 hours of sleep a night. If this means you go to bed before your husband a few nights a week, that's ok.
With two little ones at home and a full time job, no wonder you're tired and would rather sleep. Probably feels like sex is just another thing on your already too long "to do" list. Do you get enough help from your husband with every day tasks? If not, is he willing to pitch in a little more? It's simple math in my book. "Honey, I'd love to have some time and energy to enjoy some adult activities with your later, but that last load of laundry needs to be folded. Would you mind taking care of that so I can take a few minutes to unwind in a nice hot shower?"
There is nothing that gets me in the mood faster than DH loading the dishwasher after I've cooked a meal. A little more time to recharge yourself might help.
Exhaustion and stress are libido killers. Maybe ask your husband to put the preschooler on the bus the next morning.
A little more sharing the chores and a little less of putting the kids first. You have to put the core of your family the first, and that means you and your husband. It's hard to find time, but sex can be very very relaxing when you feel overwhelmed. Do something that makes you feel sexy. Try taking a bath or shower together. Not having sex can become easy to do. Being intimate with your husband can benefit both of you and it really takes little effort if you let yourself enjoy it. Give your husband a chance to please you. Then.....you might sleep better and have a little more spring in your step the next day. Just sayin".
Very, very, VERY common during the years the kids are little. Busy lives, busy days, need more sleep, etc.
I'll tell you this--as the kids get older it does get better.
BUT that doesn't mean to just wait it out.
Do date nights.
Reconnect with some alone time with your husband.
And sometimes, even if you'd rather not when he initiates--just go along with it. Bet you you'll end up enjoying it. Then it will snowball.
Good luck!
Is this a new problem for you? Any new meds? Any hormonal birth control kills my libido, even the lowest doses. And how old are you? Perimenopause can start pretty young.
Ever considered morning sex? It's a terrific way to wake up and gets it out of the way first thing.
It's hard, but this is a "fake it 'til you make it" situation, in my book. Just decide that say 2 nights out of the week, after you put the kids down, you are going to jump in the shower, put on something that makes YOU feel pretty, and seduce your hubby. Your kids probably go to bed fairly early and it doesn't have to be an all-night escapade, but 1/2 hour twice a week should be doable. Also, if it's planned and scheduled in, it doesn't feel like an interruption of things you want to get done - it IS one of those things you want to get done!
