I guess the question explains it all. I have ZERO libido, I've had this problem for a good 5 yrs now. My hubby has been amazingly understanding. I don't have insurance so that means I don't have a doc I can talk to about this however I did pay cash for a consult about 4 yrs ago and the doc pretty much told me that the only drugs that are out there will make me grow facial hair and have bad side effects....has anyone tried something natural that works?? TIA!!
FYI we have 4 kids, youngest is 20 months and I had a tubal ligation 20 months ago, no BC here ;)
Hello friends, thank you all for your great responses! If somehow I managed to get into the mood, I have to FORCE myself to stay focused because my mind starts thinking about errands i need to run tomorrow, or about my house being clean, or just really negative things which ofcourse turn me off, I don't know why it happens but it happens every time It's so frustrating!! I really need to get my butt to a doctor, i started shopping around for health insurance but its kinda out of my budgets right now. Anywho, I will most definitely try some of the natural stuff you guys suggested, because I'm dying to get my groove back! :)
Drink a bottle of wine and have sex. Do it weekly. The more often you do it, the more often you will want to do it.
I had no sex drive after having either of my kids. I drank a lot of wine, and now I still drink a lot of wine, but I actually want to have sex!
Well... if that doc didn't do a blood panel to check your homones, and didn't check to see how much uninterupted sleep you get, and make sure you're not depressed... they're an idiot.
The TOP libido killers are:
- Hormones being off
- Sleep dep
- depression (some antidepressants cause loss of libido, but many don't these days so it's not the catch 22 it used to be)
Either of those 3 are on the table... FIX THEM... and you'll fix the libido problem.
And here's a TMI answer for if everything is fine:
LUBE.
not just for during sex. It's gross feeling at first, but take a couple tablespoons of good quality lube and insert a few hours ahead of time. It really IS gross feeling at first. But then, your body starts to react to the wet feeling in a pavlov kind of way. Wipe off the excess in about 20 minutes, but you should still be quite wet.
Because here's a totally unscientific thing... most of my friends and myself have gone through hormonal periods where we get dry. I don't care that it's not up on the scientific list. A dry vajayjay = no wanna da nookie. Nope. Huh-uh. Sounds icky. But it has a quick fix... and that's lube. BEFORE sex. But not just right before. Long enough before for sex to sound like it might not be icky.
PS: PLAIN lube. Nothing that burns, cools, tastes like who cares... plain old boring normal lube. You don't want anything that is going to irritate dry tissue. We're talking KY, Wet, whatever. Plain.
I think a lot of women are able to "switch off" their libido when in "mommy mode". Let's face it, with 4 kids you're bound to be exhausted by the time you get to bed! I realized, however, that if too much time went by, my husband would become extremely short-tempered and irritable. So, for the sake of the family I had to make sure I took care of him too :) Anyway, what worked for us was to send each other love messages randomly during the day and make "our time" early morning before the kids got up! :) I must also admit that my hubby is very good about foreplay ... in fact I sometimes actually tell him to "hurry up"! :) Remember that for us women our biggest sex organ is actually our brain! By that I mean that just as we can do without "it" we can start looking forward to it again just by thinking about whatever "works" for us. Our imagination is our greatest asset! Believe me, if I've been playing random scenarios in my mind all day, I'm just as keen as hubby to "re-connect" ;) An occasional night away from the kids is also a fabulous way to "fall in love" all over again. There's nothing wrong with you that a little fantasy can't help ... after all you have 4 kids! :P Have fun!!
My husband and i work out together and that seems to increase both our physical desire level.
Also, my friend went to a health food store and asked for something to relieve the symptoms of menapause, lack of energy, moodiness, bloating, hot flashes etc. They sold her a bottle of $10 supplement. After a couple days she remarked on how great her love life was all of a sudden. SHe googled the pills and turns out one of the other things it is given for is to increase a womens sexual desire! She doesn't remember the name, but I googled and found this
or you can go to your health food store and ask
I think getting older & having kids has changed my libido.
The only thing that helps me somewhat is:
1) working out (whenever I can)
2) spending time w/hubby (once in a blue moon we go to dinner by ourselves or to his friend's house for their annual party sans kids)
I don't think it will ever be what it was (BK= before kids) but......
Check out womentowomen.com. It's about helping your health and hormonal balance naturally through diet and vitamins. I use it and its great! Also there are bio identical hormones available that may help you. Try seeing a preventative medicine doctor. You can buy a plan for a year of visits. Most of them don't work on insurance anyway.
enough sleep
date nights with hubby
It could be your hormone levels. Your ob/gyn should be able to do a blood test to check them and then you can go from there. My doctor gave me vagifem to use a couple of times a week (sometimes I just do once a week) and it really helps with no side effects. Good luck!
Thankfully you have a patient hubby. Since he is patient he can help you get it back. What has turned you on in the past? Take things slow and take time to explore. If you like wine have a glass. What makes you NOT want to? I know for me if i am being spontaneous and my house is messy I can become distracted. But I have to force myself to ignore it. Sometimes as women I think that we do not allow ourselves to be distracted from all that needs to be done. In a way we feel selfish for taking time for ourselves. but taking time for our relationship is also important. So grab something sexy to wear and you and your hubby together can learn how to make it happen. ;0)
I am of the alternative mind and believe in alternative medicine, especially herbs. I googled herbs that increase a female's libido and here is what came up: http://www.womenlibidoenhancer.org/increase-libido-herbs-...
Check it out and I recommend getting on a few of those herbs (especially Damiana)! Good luck!
The fastest way I got my libido back was to dump hormonal BC and use physical barriers only for a while. Then I got scared about accidents and went back to the pill but used a progesterone only kind. That's helped some, but it's not perfect.
the more you do it the more you want it. have a day where its all about you and if you're not enjoying yourself while hes pleasing you then i'd go the meidical route, but if you are, the next day think about that feeling and how you want to do stuff again and then amp yourself up and text him what you want him to do to you and what you want to do to please him and it will break the cycle of saying no
