Jealousy

I have been exactly where you are, except 10 years ago. I worked full time and was a single parent. We lived with my daughter's grandmother from her father's side so very often she was with "nannie" more then she was with "mommy". Let me reassure you that your daughter does not love your mom more. There is a bond and always will be between you and your daughter, especially if you show her love and kindness.

Feeling jealous is normal, but just make sure your mom knows how much you appreciate what she does, you just want to have some alone time with your daughter so that you can strengthen your bond. Your the mother, set the limits, but do so with kindness and simply ask your mom to respect your limits AND the precious time you have with your daughter.

Also try not to get angry with your daughter. She is simply more comfortable with your mom because right now she spends more time with her. It's perfectly normal for her to show the reactions she does and you might be surprised to know that this often happens in day care situations too.

Try to feel blessed in knowing that your daughter is secure in the love your mom has for her and in the love you have for her.

She knows your her mom, take her out for dinner at McDonalds or some other place by yourselves, or take her shopping with you for some alone time and don't be scared to let your mom know that your time with your daughter is precious to you and she needs to respect that.

Since your schedule varies, you should establish one thing that's constant with your daughter. I recommend you pick one activity that you do alone with her every day. It can be special 'mommy & me' time. It doesn't have to be anything big or time-consuming. For example, make a commitment to always have breakfast with her before you leave or read her a story in the mornings. Anything at all really.

This may sound a little weird but put pictures of yourself all over the house. If your daughter has a mobile put pictures on it so she sees your face everywhere. Have your Mother point to the pictures and ask your daughter where is Mommy. Once she gets used to seeing your face more she should be happier to see you and go to you more easily. We did this with pictures of my Mother In Law because our son would cry and freak out everytime she came to watch him or just to visit, and now he knows her and is thrilled to see her when she comes.

Good Luck I hope this helps.

No fears I was that little girl when I was little... I lived with Grandma and pa a lot of the time. My Mom was an ER nurse and an Aid for mental handicapped adults so she worked sun up to sun down. My Mom just made a "mommie time" she and I did bath time which she always made super important I got to color the tiles on the walls with my "magic mom color crayons" and she and I would spend all day Sunday together doing random things like cookies, building a fire in our fire place. You have the chance to make your time special.
I loved my time with my Mom! The younger I was the closer I was with my Grandma but as I got older I remembered more of my time with my mom doing her silly little things.
It's normal to feel that way but the thing you need to remember is you have all the time in the world.

Ps. Don't worry about the crying my mom tells me stories about how I would cry for a half hr when we left my grandmas house. She will grow out of it. Just be glad your mother is always there if you need it. Hope this helps alittle

its totally normal... its the same way with me..my daughter loves her grandma..even at night when she has a bad dream she sometimes wakes up crying for "grandma"..it upsets me a little bit.. but your daughter knows your her mom so dont worry about it..your mom probably just gives her a little more attention and spoils her more i guess theyre supposed to do that!
i got over it.. my daughter is 2 and a half now and she still does it, but she knows im her mommy so it doesnt really bother me too much anymore..im grateful to have my mom around to babysit when i need her so thats the most important thing that you dont have to leave your daughter with a stranger or day care.

It is normal to feel jealousy. Because she spends so much time with you mom, she has grown an attachment to her. You may want to tell your mom politely when she checks up on her that you daughter is fine and that you want to spend some alone time with your daughter. I have a similar problem because of my daughter's attachment to my husband. My husband has a tendency to be selfish and posessive over my daughter. When he is home at the same time as I am with our daughter, he never gives us (my daughter and I) alone time. Try to make your time with you daughter memorable so that she looks forward to you coming home. Plan fun things together on your days off.

Hi C.,
I think at this point, there is nothing you can do. Your daughter is still too young to really know who is grandma and who is mom. Since babies at this age tend to get attached to the people who are constant in their lives and the ones who take care of them the longest.
When your daughter gets a little older, she'll know the difference.

Like I have a cousin who has a baby care service in her home, most of the babies she takes care of call her 'mama'.

I would think your feeling jealousy is also natural. Don't we all want our children to know us, love us, depend on us?
You are lucky she cries for your mom and not a care giver.
Be patient and thankful your mom is willing and happy to take care of your daughter.
Take care,

At her age, it sounds pretty normal. She wants who she sees most of the time. Which unfortunalty is not you. You are a good mom with a job to provide for her what she needs. She knows you are her mother, but toddlers thrive on sameness. I'd use the word consistancy, but that applies more to discipline I think. She's used to the way your mother holds her, and sings to her, her smell. Everything. Working fathers go through much the same thing. Try this. Have a certain set of toys that only come out when you are home. That way she starts off associating you with something fun, not the disapearance of grandma. And it's normal for your mother to check up on you. She still remembers you at this age and feels protective. She may not realize she is stepping over some parenting boundaries. Try talking to her about it in a non-defensive way.

I had this sort of same experience. I was a young mom, my mom sat and basically raised my son till he was 5. I finished school, and then worked. It is natural for your child to want to go to your mom. Your mom is the one ALWAYS there. Just spend as much quality time possible with your child. And try to explain to your mom that when you and your daughter are together, she doesn't need to check up on the both of you. Be upfront with your mom. You have to realize, your mom is just looking out for your child. Communication is the best policy. Good luck.

Yea you have a right to feel jelous. and she's not confused just use to it.. My son only sees his grandma 1's a month from april till nov. (she lives' upstate ny) and he wants to go up there an live. Kids usually do "love" the grandparents more. even if they dont see thme all the time. in this situation she does. and you need to make (not spoil her during) your time wiht her special. its hard and she will understand.. I practicly lived between my older sisters and my grandma's house. And when i was younger thats were i wanted to be.. but NOW I MISS MY MOMMY..lol. dont worry it could also just be a fase.

I completely understand what you mean. I am older now, but when I was younger I had my daughter and my mother always took over caring for my daughter. She would even tell me how to dress her. I guess because I was young she felt I didn't know what I was doing.
But you have to put your foot down in a respectful way. Maybe you should try to spend more time with your baby. I think its normal to feel jealous after all it is your baby. My daughter cryed for my mom to take her and I was pissed but I got over it and let my mother spend time with her because my mother became ill and died when my daughter was 2 1/2 years old.

Your mother has to feel okay with leaving you with your baby if she doesn't you should sit down and talk with her about it.
Let me know what you decide.

TRY SPENDING SOME ALONE TIME WITH YOUR DAUGHTER IN THE WEEKENDS...TAKE CARE OUT OF THE HOUSE...IT IS NORMAL TO FEEL JEALOUS AND TRY TALKING TO YOUR MOM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL...ASK HER TO GIVE YOU SOME ALONE TIME WITH YOUR CHILD...SO THAT YOUR CHILD CAN GET USED TO BEING WITH YOU ALONE.

C. don't worry your daughter know that you are her mother, she just got use to grandma because that who she see most of the day. it must be hard working 6 days a week and not spending time with her. trust me she know you are her mom, my daughter is the same way with me but my mom also is making her call her mom and call me by my first name and my daughter will say mama and I laugh. your daughter know you are her mother, try to cut off some of your hours at work if you can afford to. you can leave a toy with your picture of you (i think you can get that in walgreens)that's cover with plastic for her to play with. and everytime you come from work bring her a treat like an apple or banana somethings she like and she will be looking foward to see you and will be happy to see you. please don't get jealous because kids don't know what they are doing, so don't take it personal. and if you show her that you are angry she will continue to do it, just to get a reaction out of you. and when she cries your mom should tell her mommy is home now, go to your mommy. instead of your mom picking her up.
Good luck