Is My 3 Year Old Daughter Stressed Out?

Teeth grinding, yawning, sighing, nervous habits (nail biting) all point to a possible magnesium deficiency. Teeth grinding can also be a parasite infection (roundworm if I remember correctly but pinworm might do it too) , or b vitamin depletion. (teeth grinding is the central nervous system being in an aggitated state.)It can also be a sign that the stress hormones (cortisol or aldsoterone) are lower than they should be.

Magnesium is available in a drinkable citrate formula caled CALM and is quite safe. B complex can be found in liquid form and be put under the tounge for better absorption. Both of these are nerve and muscle relaxers.

Wow way to much thinking going on.

You need to pick one thing and work on that, and both of you have to be consistent.

Potty training ups and downs are VERY normal. Some kids take to it from a very early age and others just need more time. Potty training isn't just about the bodies ability to do, but also about the maturity of the child. The Child has to want it as much as the parents do.

As for co-sleeping, as a co-sleeping mom of 8 kids I can tell you that she will not still be in your bed at the age of nine. If you don't want a family bed, maybe a family bedroom will work. Once she is completely comfortable sleeping in her own bed, albeit in your room, you can slowly start to transition her out of your room. The only one currently still sleeping with me is my 3 year old. No rush to get her out, it will happen when she is ready.

I think you are trying to hard to meet this new deadline of a new baby being on the way. If this new baby wasn't coming would you be pushing these issue's so much? If your answer is probably not then you have your answer. A new child entering the house shouldn't be the reason you start forcing an older child to do things. It's not fair to them and all you will do is drive yourself crazy, which in turn is going to stress out and drive your child crazy.

(sigh) so we have a 3yo with a baby sibling on the way
+ in the middle of potty training
+ being booted out of Mom/Dad's bed & room
+ grinding her teeth, chewing her nails, & other wonderful things
+ a Mom/Dad who are at odds over the method & desired end results... who are working opposite shifts & dealing with pregnancy.

Oh, & just off the Christmas Season.

God, I need a drink or a nap or both! Your post completely wore me out.

Starting point: pick one battle....the one you & hubs can agree upon....& work on it. ONE issue only.....bed OR potty. My vote is potty since you seem to be "almost there".

& with potty training, yes.....some kids regress. The regression will pass as long as you take it in stride & insist on moving forward. In most cases, whether it's the potty or something else, the child's coping mechanisms will be based on your own personal response. We all lose control now & then....& that's okay. But to live under this cloud of strife can affect all in the home....& when the new baby is here, life will be even more challenging! Time for you & Dad to get it together, agree on the issues, & calm down! If reading your post wore me out, I can't imagine what your daughter is going thru......

As for prep, she knows....she's caring for her dollies. Get a couple of Big Sister books/shirts/etc....& you'll be good to go! Oh, & that baby talk....it's normal for this age group. You should also be hearing nonsensical words & random stories!

She is stressed because you and your husband are arguing, bickering, etc. I don't know if you can get some therapy for yourselves so you can de-stress, but I would back off on some of your issues. She is 3, so "missing out" on activities is YOUR concern, not hers - she doesn't care.

Re. the bed thing. We did co-sleep for a while because we had to and because I wanted to. I went from a crib to a twin mattress on the floor for my son. I put his crib mattress next to the twin so if he rolled out, he would roll onto something soft. This way, I could snuggle COMFORTABLY with him as he fell asleep and then go to my bed, and if I fell asleep in his bed I would be comfortable. Perhaps this would work for you.

You are driving yourselves crazy about these things and it's not necessary. You can't make her potty on your timetable, so relax about it. Use pull-ups and encouragement - at least with pull-ups, she can treat them like pants and still go to the bathroom as she gets better and better.

Kids have reasons for being whiny - remind her that you don't understand whining, but also understand that some days ADULTS feel crappy and whiny "for no reason". For some reason, we'll cut an adult slack for having "a bad day" but we don't give our children a break. If she's picking up on your and your husband's stress, then there is a reason.

I am guessing that maybe there is more going on here to cause you stress, because it can't all be the 3 year old's fault. And if you are feeling like the stress is because of her, no WONDER she is stressed. Get to the heart of where the adult stress is coming from - it's not all her.

Your daughter sounds stressed. Bickering, arguing and the like create a very insecure environment for children. They can't process it the way adults do. You and your husband are transferring your own anxieties onto your daughter, which is why it turns into a temper tantrum. What I'd do first and foremost is quit all arguing, griping, or stress related discussion in front of her. She is picking up on it.

I understand wanting her back in her bed and potty trained by the time the baby arrives, but that's probably not going to happen. Even if it does, the arrival of the new baby will more than likely cause her to need extra reassurance that she's still important to you and want to sleep in your bed and might cause her to regress with the potty.

I would definitely keep working towards having her potty trained and sleeping in her own bed. Just let go of the idea of those things happening before baby arrives.

I know that many preschools want the kids to be potty trained, but are you sure that's true about activities? I mean, my kids took gymnastics and swimming and did activities with the park district before they were potty trained. Preschool doesn't even start until next fall, and most activities only last an hour or an hour and a half. I think you've got plenty of time to work on potty training.

I get that you want your bed to yourself. (I mean, it's the end of the day, and you're tired and pregnant.) But don't worry that letting her sleep with you at age 3 is anything like letting her sleep with you at age 9. I think it's a mistake when we sometimes are afraid to do something now because we don't want to still be doing it in 5 (or 6) years. The needs of a 3 year old are so different and she will change so much that it's really a silly comparison. Meet her needs now. They will change, and she won't want to be sleeping in your bed much longer. She's going to decide (long before she turns 9) that she's too big to sleep with you.

Finally, I think it's great that you've been talking to her about the baby and what a great big sister she's going to be. But make sure you're also talking to her about how special she is and how that's not going to change just because there will be a new baby in the house.

When our youngest was born, our oldest was 2 1/2. I remember talking to him one time because he was really sad. I just said, "It's really hard having a new baby in the house, isn't it?" I he did one of those said, "Uh huh's," with the pouty lip. So cute! Anyway, we just talked about how it isn't always easy to share the attention but Mommy and Daddy still love him very much and he's still very special to us and always will be and we'll try to make sure we do special things just for him, etc, etc. I really made a difference.

My point is, kids need to hear about what a great helper they will be for the new baby, but they also need to know they are special (with or without a new baby in the house). Friends would come to visit and ask him how he liked being a big brother, and I know they meant well, but I always cringed. I wanted to say, "Why don't you ask him to show you his room or his favorite toy or talk about his favorite tv show or take him outside to play?" He needs attention that has nothing to do with baby brother.

She can't possibly fully understand what's happening or what it means to have a new baby. But she knows big changes are coming, and she's scared. Just keep loving her, and the rest will follow.

She's 3!!!! She sounds fairly normal to me. I recommend parenting classes for you and hubby.

Your post sort of stressed me out....I agree with Anita, you giving this little one WAY too much information.

Oi vey, Mama~ I would guess that your little one is stressed because it sounds like you all are. Take a deep breath...

As Sue said, pick one thing... imo, whichever is going to make you get the most relief. The potty training thing to me is no big deal to be honest. I work with kids all day long, and the more stress that is placed on potty training the longer it takes and the harder it is. There are lots of different suggestions on how to potty train the "right" way, but for me leaving all of the control and most of the responsibility to the child has worked. Kids are so smart before you even realize. Keep rewarding her for being dry. Let her know that she is in charge of her own body, and you know that she will use the potty when she's ready. In the meantime stay unemotional about her accidents, whether intentional or not, and have her clean up as much as possible.

As far as preschool is concerned, potty trained or not, I wouldn't put her in until she adjusts to having the new baby around. Doing so will make her feel displaced, and likely cause regression in all kinds of areas.

The sleep situation would be where I concentrated before the baby comes.

And I would try as much as possible to breathe deeply and relax. The way you can make her feel your love and attention is by slowing down; enjoying your time with her now, before the baby comes. When the baby comes, involve her as much as you can and remember that she was #1 and will have some behaviors around having a new baby in the house.

Some days I am whiny for no reason. Some days I bite my nails. Remember that you and your husband are a team and that parenting is the most difficult and most important job you'll ever do. Do the best you can considering all that you're going through and don't take it out on each other. Lots of hugs, positive words and love love love~ Kids are happy when the vibe at home is happy and stressed when it's not.

Bets wishes~

She is 3.
You are pregnant.
And, there are TONS of parental "expectations" upon her tiny little shoulders.
YES, a little child can have stress. Of course.
She is 3. And at this age they do not have fully developed emotions yet, nor any coping skills, nor any full mastery of abstract concepts nor the ability to even decipher and analyze their own emotions much less of their parents.
Remember, she is only 3 years old.
4 years old, is also a hard age. Keep that in mind.

When I had my 2nd child, my eldest child, though she adored her baby brother, she had pee accidents. A child's WHOLE world changes, when their Mommy is pregnant and then has another baby.

I've co-slept. And we've also had the mattress on our floor type thing too.
And it was FINE.

When I was a child (older than yours).... I used to go to my parent's room at all hours of the night, to sleep with them. They let me. They knew I would grow out of it. I did. And this is one of my fondest memories of them, of when I was a child.

Your daughter is 3. Look up child development per this age.
It is a hard age... FOR the child.
She is not grown up.
AND yes, all of this is stress, on her tiny little shoulders.
Your daughter has SO MANY expectations upon her and she has to be so perfect.

A little story: my kids are about 4 years apart. While I was preggers with my 2nd, I used that time for prepping my daughter about my pregnancy and about her little brother. Long story short, she adjusted well. She adored her baby brother. She was so mature and wise for her little age. She was not quite, 4 years old yet, but almost. BUT, I always told her that she is not "responsible"... for her baby brother. I am. I am the Mommy. I actually told her I did not want her to get stressed or worried... that she HAS TO "help" with baby. She does NOT have to. That is my, job. Because you see, my daughter WORRIED and did get stressed. She was so young herself, and because, the thought that she had to do SO many things, since she was a "big sister" now, stressed her. And she didn't know what that meant, to be a "big sister." Like how everyone told her. The kid was barely even 4 years old herself. And I never overly repeated to her about how she is a "big sister" and about how she will be a big helper. Because, that is all very pressure filled for tiny young shoulders to carry.
But once, because my daughter was so mature about things, I asked her to do something for me/for her baby brother. But apparently she was unhappy... and she told me in a real emotion filled way "Mommy, I am not a grown up! I'm just a little kid myself!" and she said how "I can't do everything!...." and she was so, not happy.
And it made me sad, that she was putting on such a brave face all this time.... but that, SHE was correct: she was only a little kid herself and not a grown up. And she felt that TOO much, was being assumed about her and about what she was asked to do. And it is the parent's responsibility, to realize that about a little child.

For me, I didn't make my 2nd pregnancy about "me." I made it about prepping my daughter for her baby brother. I didn't tell her how she had to be. But I told her that she can talk to me/tell me her feelings/tell me if she is sad or happy and its okay.
We chatted a lot.
I told her even Mommy may not know something, because having 2 kids is new for me too. So she needs to tell me of whatever she needs.
I told her SHE is my FIRST baby and I will always love her.
BUT I also spent a ton of time with her, even after my son was born.
I didn't want her to be overshadowed.
I ALSO told my daughter, that she DID NOT HAVE TO share everything, nor anything, with her sibling if she does not want to. I told her it is up to her. Her things are special. I understand. So SHE can tell me, what is comfortable for her or not, regarding her things and sharing it.
A little kid, needs to know that. It is a big deal for them.
Many things.
But mainly... "expectations" upon the older child, has to be age-appropriate. A child does not just instantly mature and become perfect and "older" just because they have a baby sibling. They are still just a little kid themselves.

My daughter is 10 now. My son is 6. They adore each other. No jealousy. BUT... recently my daughter was so bent out of shape and frustrated. And she was getting a hissy fit. My Husband was going to scold her. But I looked deeper into my daughter, and I told him NOT to scold her. Sure, she is having a hissy fit... BUT it is because, she is frustrated with her little brother. Because, ALL day, her brother was irking her on purpose and she was trying her best not to let it bother her and she was still being a good "big sister" to him. But now, she FINALLY is past her limit. And it is our son... that needs the scolding, not her.
And I said this in front of my daughter... and when she heard me, say this to my Husband and in front of her brother... she felt so relieved, and she hugged me and cried. Because, she thought no one understood her. She said to us that she was TRYING to be patient with her brother ALL day, but she had no more patience anymore. And at that point my Husband actually APOLOGIZED to her, for not realizing the full situation. He thought, she was merely having a hissy fit for no, reason.

So, the lesson is: once your baby is born... you really need to observe your elder child's cues... and her emotions, to see what is really going on. And talk with her often. It is actually the older child, that will need more time and effort and bonding with you, than the infant.

I don't have a second child but have friends who had their second when # 1 was between 2 and 4. All of them desperately wanted the first child to be potty trained before the baby came. None of them got their wish. Either the firstborn didn't master it in time or regressed and started having accidents after the baby came. My advice to you is to figure out a strategy for dealing with two un-potty trained children for awhile and let go of worrying about having her trained on a schedule. They're few and far between, but pre-school programs that include potty training as part of the curriculum do exist. Be sure you have not overlooked one in your area.
Not sure I have great (or painless) advice on getting her out of your room. Since getting my son out of my room in the first place I have always had to just bite the bullet and deal with a few sleepless nights (of saying no and dragging him back to his room) if I made the mistake of letting him sleep with me.

I've got two sons who are 3 years apart in age, though they're now 18 and 15 (19 and 16 this late spring).

Someday you will look back on all this and wonder how you did it. But you'll laugh, too.

My older son, when I was about to give birth to my younger son, got very difficult around that time. I think you're just so mentally "connected" with that oldest, first child that they pick up on your stress and anxiety about the baby coming. Unlike with your first one (when you're blissfully ignorant) Mom and Dad are quite aware of how much work a baby is. So we get stressed.

If I were you I'd just try to really calm things down, and let things go as much as possible. Everything is going to be OK. Your little girl is very likely "feeding" off your feelings. Just go with the flow a bit more and let life happen. Prepare but don't go crazy.

This stage of your life with your kids is one of the most difficult ones there is imho. The good news is that it is relatively short, though it sure doesn't seem like it at the time. Someday you'll wish you could do it all again. Hang in there.

I also liked Gailski's suggestions.

I co-slept with both of my babies because I breastfed. The oldest had to move to her own bed when her sister was born. She was only a year old and kept rolling over on the baby. And then the baby never enjoyed co-sleeping. She was restless and needed to be away from Mommy and "the boobs" to get good rest. Now they share a room. And I miss them sooo much! Hubby and I long for the day they both sneak into our bed.

As others have said, pick your battles.

Please, take her to a professional. Maybe start with a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. If that doesn't work, then a urologist. She's 3 and sounds pretty mature by the way she's playing with her dolls. There could be other reasons why she wets her pants. If she is stressed out or it happens when she gets scared, then a psychologist can help out with that too by teacher her how to deal with anxiety.

I agree with mom2many and many of the other moms. You have set this deadline for yourself and it is stressing you out, perhaps stressing her out a little too, but overall she sounds fine honestly. As far as potty training, preschool is only like 3 hours a day and you would be surprised how much she would adapt to potty training once she sees the other kids being so independent. She would be just fine. I was worried my 3 yr old daughter having accidents at school too, but she adjusted quickly to their schedule and the teachers take them to the potty every hour, so don't let that issue prevent your from considering preschool. It will all work out. You are doing great.

Wow, I'm stressed out just attempting to read your post. I'm sorry, but it was very difficult. It felt like too much information and too much that you're trying to do and too much that you're expecting from yourselves and your daughter.

It's time to back up, take a deep breath, and start from scratch. Clear the board (so to speak).

Your daughter is three years old, so toilet training really is a good idea regardless of whatever else is going on. But I think you need to treat it as if you're starting over and with fewer expectations. She seems to have the hang of it, so no Pull Ups during the day. Just undies, and make sure you have a lot of them. Expect to have a lot of laundry. Put a rubber mat under her sheets to protect her mattress. Don't make a big deal out of accidents, and praise her gently for successes. Don't talk about her toileting with other adults when she's in earshot. Keep her toileting progress private, because it's a private action. My daughters hated when family were given updates. They hated too much praise for something they knew they should be doing anyway. Above all, don't have a deadline for toileting. That's undue pressure on her and you.

If co-sleeping is an issue, then you have to make her room a pleasant place to be. Make it child friendly and a place she wants to be. She needs to feel safe in there. You need to establish a new routine including times and timeframe for each part of the routine for going to bed and a new routine for when she wakes during the night. Even when it feels like a hassle to you to follow through with the routine, you or your husband will have to follow through anyway. That's what will help her feel secure in her own room and bed. When she gets up during the night to visit you, no words or questioning, just take her by the hand and lead her back to bed. No arguing, nothing. Just lead her back. It's going to take the better part of a month, maybe a little more. It took a long time to create the habit and now it's going to take some time to break the habit.

It's all about being consistent. She's going to cry. She's going to get upset. You have to make the decision that when she cries, it's all right. It's healthy. It means she recognizes things are changing, and change can be scary. But you'll be helping her through the transition and it won't be so scary after all. She'll come to rely on the new routines.