My 2 Year Old Wont Sleep in His Bed

Updated on February 10, 2009
E.R. asks from Havelock, NC
11 answers

A few weeks ago I decided enough was enough and took my son's paci away. He asked for it a few times but it seemed like he didn't really care that much. Well since then he has started waking up in the middle of the night and finding his way into our bed. Then if I try and put him back into his bed he starts talking about getting up eating breakfast & playing with his toys- at 3am... So then I get him back to sleep and he gets up and climbs back into our bed & flip flops until about 7am when he then wakes me up with a loud WAKE UP MAMA TIME TO PLaY! Luckily my 10 month old sleeps from about 8pm until 8/9 am and landon's late night comotion doesn't seem to effect his sleeping habits. I've tried everything, I've stopped naps we go to the park for about an hour & a half every afternoon, I keep him up alittle later- so 9pm instead of 8 and nothing seems to help! I've been trying to potty train as well- it's not going well at all. Which I knew it was going to be hard, he had surgery a little over a year ago due to hypospadius and the doctors told me that he would be alittle tougher to train because he'd have some subconcious stress about all that.. So I'm wondering if it's just all related and he's just stressed and that's causing him to wake at night... I could really use some outside advice! Thanks, E!

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W.C.

answers from Seattle on

I would focus on one thing at a time. Toilet training or removal of paci or change of sleeping habits. Too much change.
I let my daughter and son decide when to stop the pacifier and one day they just stopped. I think they lost it on a trip and there was no fuss.

The pacificer might be easier on you than the change in sleep?

You sound very tired and overwhelmed. My best wishes.

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A.E.

answers from Portland on

Hi E.-
I would agree...too much change at once. I would think good sleep is more important than getting rid of the pacifier. Our doctor told us that, although you often hear 2 is the age, it's a good idea to get rid of it by three...try to phase it out instead of making a big break like that. Kids at 2.5 still use sucking as a soother....and taking that soother away suddenly would cause some distress if they liked it at all.
As far as the sleep goes, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" taught me that if you overtire a kid, they get amped on adrenaline and have a harder time sleeping. I wouldn't ditch the naps (aren't the breaks nice?) and I would still try for the 8 pm bedtime. The better rested they are, the better they sleep.
As far as potty training goes, give it time. If he's not well rested, his brain probably won't be in a state to be open to suggestions that aren't his own.
Good luck. A.

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P.L.

answers from Portland on

It sounds to me that the pacifier was doing exactly what it's named for, to pacify him at night.. especially with the doctor telling you, he may have stress about the surgery. Maybe try to substitute the pacifier for a lovey.. one of those little blankets with a little teddy bear head or something like that?? Maybe make a special trip to the store, just you and him to pick out something special he could bring to bed with him at night.. Make it a real big deal and maybe this might help get him through the night without using the pacifier?? Maybe even a special little nightlight or a flashlight he could turn on himself?? whatever you think but this might help? Good Luck, I know how hard this can be..

Don't be so hard on yourself.. If potty training is terribly hard right now, give it a break.. do it when he is ready and then it will be a breeze.. If you force him, it will only be frustrating and take longer. Maybe even do a potty chart with stickers as rewards but don't be so hard on yourself or on him. He knows what to do by now I'm sure and when he's ready, he will!

These are BIG steps in a little boys life.. He will eventually sleep through the night and be potty trained but if you stress out about it, he will sense it and it will be just make things worse.. He's not 6 years old, he's 2 and this is very normal behaviour for a 2 year old and especially since he had surgery.. Give yourself a break and know in time, it will all work out!! Good Luck = )

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M.W.

answers from Seattle on

Our daughter is 2 and takes a paci at night, and generally at night (there have been occasional out-all-day and too cranky to function in the car on the way home scenarios). I talked to her pediatrician about it at her 2 year checkup because I was getting pressure from friends/family to ditch it, but I saw that it was generally still a very soothing thing for her. Our pediatrician, reassured me that if she doesn't have it in her mouth all day long, and isn't using it as a comfort object in a not-what-it-is-designed-for way, then she is still getting soothed by it and will eventually outgrow the need for it.

If you make it a rule to let him have it in his bed only--that might help. We put a little basket next to our daughter's bed and she gets to pick her paci before bed, and in the morning before she gets dressed, she puts it back in the basket. It helps her associate it with bedtime only--although I have caught her sneaking it occasionally when she's in her room playing! I don't make a big deal about it though, I just remind her that it's for nighttime and she then puts it back.

It sounds like he's had a lot of transitions in his life. You might want to rethink the potty training for the time being until he seems to regulate his sleeping. My mother's only real advice to me about potty training was--don't do it until they're ready. My baby brother potty trained in about a week when he was 3, my other brother took 2.5 years to train because my mom started him at 2 because she thought since I had figured it out at 2, that must be the age. She learned that every child is different, and pushing/pressuring my brother just resulted in him being stubborn and wanting to control the situation even more.

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C.R.

answers from Eugene on

I agree with giving him more time on the paci, as well as plenty of love and support. Studies show that if you nurture and meet childrens' needs as much as possible, they are able to grow out of their needs and will develop more confidence in the process. If you deny them their needs they become more needy and insecure. Also, it is easy to underestimate a toddler's emotional needs at this age, which will pass sooner than you know.

I like William Sears' "Nighttime Parenting" or "Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night's Sleep!)" by Maria Goodavagewhich really puts it all into perspective for me. What you invest in extra time and effort now will pay off in dividends in the future. If you can possibly let him sleep in your bed with you for a while I think you'll all get better sleep. More people do it at this age than most of us realize, because nothing replaces the comfort of a loving parent. Good luck.

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A.H.

answers from Portland on

I don't have much advice about the sleeping habits. My son used to wake up in the middle of the night often and I would always lay him back down over and over until he fell asleep.

However, it does sound like he's not ready to be potty trained. I started potty training my son at 2.5, but he wasn't actually trained until 3.5 (no matter what I did). I spent a whole year fighting something that just wasn't ready to happen. I would back off on potty training and wait until he gives you some VERY clear signs. Potty training should be easy when a child is ready. Good luck!

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K.H.

answers from Portland on

Your son will sleep in his bed if you make him! You have to get up every single time he gets in bed with you and put him back in his own bed. Don't talk to him, give him eye contact or any other form of attention.
It's a struggle at first, but it works. Your son will only get away with what you allow him to.

Also, taking away naps and putting him to bed later will only make it worse! He will get over tired and have more trouble sleeping instead of sleeping better! 2 yr olds still need a nap and 9pm is too late of a bedtime, IMHO..

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J.W.

answers from Seattle on

Sounds like there's been a lot of change in Landon's life of late and pulling his plug (pacifier) probably didn't help matters. Give him his pacifier back at night. It's a soother and one he needs. Sleep patterns can be irratic when there are other things going on in the home. He's got a 10 mo old baby brother that requires a lot of attention. He's wanting that attention, undivided attention and the best time to get it is when Ty's asleep. The potty training for night time will be difficult, but to persist is to achieve. No liquids after 7 pm. Potty before bed. Then get him up in the middle of the night to go. Yes he'll be sleepy, but it will help drain and train his bladder. I don't know what hypospadius is, but any surgery impacts an individual, regardless of their age. So time will heal those 'wounds'. So bottom line, let him have his pacifier for night time. Spend some one on one time with him, no little brother, just Landon and Mom time, or Dad and Landon time. When he wakes up during the middle of the night remind him it's time for sleep and 'we' need to go back to sleep to grow big and strong. You can read him a book, tell him a story, rock him to sleep... remembering he wants and needs just you and him time. He'll get the message and will develop the sleep habits you want, eventually. It takes time, pure and simple. Night time potty training may take a little longer, try night time pullups so he can get up and go to the bathroom by himself, if need be. Independence is what you're strivng for. Wish you all well!!!

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M.G.

answers from Seattle on

when my sons are overtired, they sleep less because they are over stimulated and wired. I would not give up the naps and I wouldn't put him to bed later at the same time. If you are going to cut out the nap, then put him to bed earlier.

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S.H.

answers from Seattle on

We're struggling with getting our 2 year old to sleep in his own bed too. We stopped potty training him because we think it might be more important to focus on one major change at a time. He has always shared a room with us, though he has always had his own bed. Since he has been crawling out of his crib for a while, we decided to go ahead and get him a toddler bed. A toddler bed is so much safer to crawl out of... less chance of him taking a big fall. It's probably going to take a couple of weeks to months to get him to sleep on his own... I'll just have to go without sleep for the next I-dunno-how-long to keep placing him back in his own bed instead of being too asleep to even know he's crawled in bed with us. I feel your frustration. I'm told that I just need to keep at it. It's not like this is our first child either. We have 3 older kids (9, 12, 13), but the difference is that we've never been in a position where we've had to share our room before. For us, it may have to wait until we move to a better situation this summer before we're going to make any real headway. Keeping at it did work for my other kids... consistancy, consistancy, consistancy. Good luck.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I agree he needs his naps. Also, do not give in and let him stay in your bed, if you do then he will learn that if he just keeps pushing you will give in to him.

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