Feeling a Little Guilty

My son was also 2 1/2 when I had a baby. We were kind of trying to potty train him before the baby was born, but when she came we were just too busy to keep up with it. I waited until he was 3 yrs old (actually he was 3yrs 5 months) to do it and I decided to do it over spring break (I'm a teacher). I couldn't believe how easy it was. That week I think he only had one accident. This is what worked for us. He was definitely ready when we decided to do it and I'm glad we waited.

Don't feel guilty!!! I did the same thing. My son was 2 and was asking to wear big boy pants but I had a baby due in a week, so there was no way I was going to start that process. I waited 6 months after his sister was born. He had no idea that this baby girl was going to change his life and he was just fine waiting. It has to be the right time for everyone for it to work. Believe me, once you are buying diapers for two kids, you will soon be ready to potty train him... ha ha!

C. S

I felt the same way you do right before I had my daughter, my son was almost 3 and I wasn't working with him because like you I heard it wasn't a good time to try. I didn't push the issue too much and one magical day something clicked and he has started using the potty :) It took him until he was 3 1/2 he as accidents but for the most part he does really good. I wish you the best!! Good Luck!!

M.

There's no need to feel guilty. I was in a similar situation when my son was 2. He is now 4 and a half. Except I didn't have another child on the way. My ex husband was deployed and came home the same time my son was showing signs of being ready to use the toilet. When my then husband came home we moved to a different state and he was getting ready to deploy again and I would be moving back to be close to my family. There was just one thing after another. I couldn't find a good time. It doesn't seem like there is really a good time for you either. I would suggest figuring out when would be the least difficult time for you and just do it. If you think it would be eaiser to wait until your husband comes home then there's nothing wrong with waiting. I'd say don't worry. Things will all fall into place and it will get done. It just might take a little work. Hang in there. And congrats on your new baby.

in my experience the older the child is the more reay they are for potty training. if you don't mind having the two kids in diapers then wait. he will be even more ready when he is three.

There will always be something. If you feel he's ready just work with him the best you can. Try not to stress, just really be there for him. THe only problem with waiting is if you are considering putting him in preschool at 3. i did my daughter and they (as many others do) require that your child be fully potty trained before starting school. I will be much harder when the baby is here I promise.

The happiest potty training experience is one where the children are really ready and want to enough to take the initiative. If I were you I would find the elmo potty training video and some books on potty training. Commit just a little bit of time to read the books a couple times per week and let him watch the video as often as he wishes. Also, switch him to pull-ups. Let him know that if he wants to go potty he can pull his own pants down. Get him a step stool and teach him how to wash his hands.

Some of my moms let the little ones sit on the potty anytime they are also going potty. I don't because I like privacy in the bathroom. But to each his own :)

Suzi

You should not feel guilty as there has been much going on. However, if your son is trying to start using the potty you should be behind him as much as possible. Don't scold him if he has accidents though. Make sure to praise him as much as possible when he does anything in the bathroom. My oldest son started showing major signs of being ready to train (just as yours) less than a month before my second son was born. I was also afraid to start the training with him as I was high risk and could pop at any time. However, he was actually very interested in useing the potty. With very little effort on my part he was trained in under 3 weeks. He was very proud of himself for being in big boy underwear before his baby brother was born. You will probably still have a few accidents to worry about but a few weeks to months in pull ups with him trying to do this on his own will be much easier on you with a new baby. That and Daddy will be so proud to see little man using the big boy potty all by himself when he gets home.
The main thing is the 'right time' may never be here. If your son is ready help him as much you can. If you discourage him now he may not want to even try when YOU'RE ready. :( You just don't have to 'push' the potty training thing along as much at this time. Just go with the flow.
Hope this helps.

Don't feel guilty. There are plenty of children older than yours who aren't potty trained, and the ones I know of do not have as good of a reason as you do. I wouldn't worry about it right now. You could get your son potty trained and then Daddy coming home may cause your son to regress. I would just wait until your husband comes home and enlist his help. Good luck and don't feel so guilty.

Don't feel guilty, take it from a mom with a son and a deployed husband. My son is my youngest and the only boy and I thought I was a horrible mom also because my girls were potty trained young but then there are several things to remember. One, my husband wasn't deployed so no major emotions flowing: two, they were girls and normally from my research boys are a little behind;three, what example does he have? Here's my advice, enjoy your son and let him be mommy's little boy for as long as possible. Make a date for only him once a week such as a movie or something just for the two of you(no friends allowed-give him your entire attention and make it set in stone so he can depend on it) and leave the little one with a sitter. Leave the potty training until dad is back home to stay so he has an example, my son loved finally going to the mens room and he watched daddy and was excited about being a boy. Plus my husband loved being a part of something. Good luck!

Please dont feel guitly... there is nothing wrong with what you are planning on doing... you afterall are doing the best thing for your son AND for yourself... and probably the newborn too!
Congratulations on the new life to come!

Wow! All my respect to you and your little family. I believe you should wait, I potty trained my little girl just before her sister was born and I had to do it all over again after the birth. Also boys tend to be much harder to train. You definately have more than enough on your plate without trying to add the frustration of potty training your little one with so many changes coming up. You can always try pull-ups and let him work at sitting there and going for real instead of in his diaper. Also training pants are a God-send once you start training,they keep the mess to a minimum.

Sorry for the multiple answers. My computer is acting up!

My oldest son wasn't potty trained until he was three. The oldest boy is usually the hardest. I would totally relax on this because there is really no rush is there? Look at the big picture of his life and being potty trained a few months earlier will make no difference. Plus, mothers judge themselves too harshly on this issue. The rest of the world doesn't care. Whayever is the easiest for you my dear, and I bet its diapers for a few more months. ALso, I bet your boy will just do this naturally.

Hey E.,
Don't feel guilty I do think it is good to wait until after you have the baby. It is a big task to take up and I think right now would be good just to be spending the extra time that you have now with your son. I have three boys and my husband is deployed too and I was trying to decide if I wanted to potty train my 2.5 year old before we moved to Wa while he was deployed or wait until we got there. He was showing signs that he was ready to go in the potty but still going into his pants so I just decided that it was better to wait and man was I glad that I did! He is now potty trained and I am loving it! I would say wait until after the baby comes and you feel better then start potty training him and keep encouraging him until then. You don't want to wait too much because then they might not want to potty train at all. My nephew was ready and my sister waited too long and then when she was ready to potty train him he didn't want to. I think if you wait until after you have the baby and wait until you feel like yourself again things will be fine and then he can tell Daddie that he is a big boy!!!! That helped us out a lot while my son was potty training! I hope all goes well with the delivery of your son!!! Congratulations!!!

Hi E.,

Congrats on your new baby!!! Leave the gilt and enjoy!!!! Most kids get potty trained around tree with a lot less trouble than forcing it around 2.
Do what you feel more confortable with but don't feel gilty!!!
You have a lot going on, I wouldn't push it, if you do, he might have later issues that might turn into less sleep for you when the new baby is born, I had several wet sheets/payamas to change in the middle of the night:) just because my little one was ready a few month before 3.
Never had an issue with my oldest one, ready at 3! With everything!
Best of luck and enjoy!!!

Mariana Abadie
www.MyKidsFirst.com

Dear E.,
I am a 39 year old, stay at home mom with 3 children; 2 girls; ages 8 & 6 and a 17 month old boy. I have been in your shoes several years ago and I'd like to share my experience and "motherly" advice with you.
When I was pregnant with my 2nd child (I had about 3 weeks to go at the time), my first born was only 2 years old and we were in the middle of potty training.
I've also heard, that it's not a good idea to potty train during big events (ie: moving, spouse leaving, weaning off a pacifier or blanket and even during pregnancy). I would have to agree with this as I have experienced it.
My daughter "regressed" when I had the new baby. Her world turned upside-down. She went from being the only child with all the attention, to being the big sister and having to "share" my time.
And you are right about being consistant. That is the key with any process throughout life. My daughter was a little over 3 years old when her potty training was finished. I have come across many people during my years of motherhood, and 3 years is pretty common. (come to think of it....my 2nd daughter was about the same age when she was potty trained).
Try not to feel quilty about your position. There is some stress when you have children that close in age, believe me! Don't add any extra stress by trying to "take on a task" such as this when you may not have the time or energy to stay focused. You'll get through it, just give it time. Your son will let you know when he's ready.
In the mean time, enjoy some special time with your son before the BIG day. Congratulations on your up-coming birth and good luck with your C-section. All three of my children were born by C-section so I know what you're going through!

Sincerely,
~ R. D.

my son was potty trained between 3-4 and wasnt sleeping at night without a pullup until 4. you can try whenever you want but make sure you are in a situation where you can be consistant. also, if he isnt ready there is nothing you can do. when they are ready they will pretty much do it on their own. if he is not ready right now wait a couple months and try again. boys are usually potty trained around 3 so he is not behind. just be careful about trying to force it on him so early, or at any time, because it will make it harder and may cause other behavior problems. let him lead you and just give him the opportunity when he is ready. good luck!

Don't stress so much about that right now. You have other things you are dealing with. The potty training will come a lot easier if you aren't stressing about it. Your son will pick up on that. Also, don't totally discontinue it. Praise him for his efforts, do a sticker chart with him, but don't drive yourself crazy for trying to make it happen.

Don't feel guilty. It's an intimidating process to begin with, and my last month pregnant, I couldn't have taken on teaching a child to play Itsy Bitsy Spider let alone how to use the potty, especially with your husband deployed. Wait until the baby arrives and give a little time to adjust to that before really pushing the potty. I wouldn't wait until your husband comes home, only because that is going to be in flux for quite a while yet from the sounds of things, but don't feel bad about putting it off when he has a younger sibling to adjust to very soon. Good luck!
T.

Don't feel guilty, all kids train different. Even if he is potty trained before the baby comes most likely he will go backwards once the baby is born... that is what can happen with kids when in training and something big happens... At the time I my oldest daughter was five I had another baby daughter... and in many ways she wanted to be the baby again. Don't feel guilty for not been able to train it comes naturally and when u feel better after ur C-section you'll be able to start again and he might pick up on it better and faster... my oldest daughter did not potty train until 3 yrs!!! and her name is E. S. also... I had my 2 girls by C-section the second one was scheduled. Good Luck!

He may potty train himself naturally and if he does you may not have to do much work, so maybe just go with the flow. It's understandable that you don't want to, so don't feel guilty, but there will probably always be big things happening so maybe just start slow and don't get too stressed out if things aren't going perfect.

First of all, you don't need to feel guilty for not wanting to undertake a big job while 9 month pg. I have a 4 yr old & a 2. I had a long drawn out frustrating experience getting my 4 yr old trained & just completed it in early 07. in aug of 07 my then 23 month old started doing what you are describing & I totally discouraged it because changing a diaper was easier in my book. finally after a month or more of this I started to wonder if she might be easy & got on board with her. In less than a week she was completely trained even at night. she is now 28 months & I love being diaper free although I still put pullups on my 4 yr old at night. (she is almost out of them) so, the moral of my story is don't stress yourself out over this, if he's easy great & if not changing diapers isn't that big a deal. I wish you the best.

E.,

My heart goes out to you. I have literally been there, done that. My husband was "involuntarily transferred" to a deploying unit when I was about 6 months pregnant. We moved out of pocket to be close to my parents for help because my daughter was 2 at the time and we didn't know anybody that would help me out at the last assignment. She was starting to do some of the same things and I thought we might have been potty trained if we hadn't moved, if my husband hadn't left, if my son wasn't on the way...

I had a lot on my plate, as do you. It is tough, and nobody quite understands unless they've been through it. Take it one day at a time. Try to line up some help if you can. My mom was right across the street, so she spent a lot of time with us, keeping me sane, taking the older one when the baby and I needed a nap, and she cooked countless dinners for us as sometimes, that seemed just about impossible. My dad babysat when I went into labor, and my mom was with me and cut the cord. It would have been a much rougher time without their help.

My daughter turned three just before my son was born. I thought we would go broke with two in diapers, but about a month later, after we adjusted to the new baby/routines, she just decided to use the potty and that was about it. It was super easy, she almost did it all herself. So don't worry. Don't stress, it'll happen when it happens. I would say try dressing your son in easy clothes without lots of snaps and buckles because there were several times the baby was breastfeeding and almost asleep, and I had to manage helping my daughter wipe or redress with only one hand. I'm sure we looked pretty comical if anyone had been there.

A lot of people say to go to underwear cold turkey to avoid confusion. I say, to heck with that. It was just me with two little ones...I NEEDED whatever sleep I got, and getting up to change bedsheets in the middle of the night was just not going to happen. My daughter wore pullups to bed for about 6 months after she trained until I was certain she could get up to go to the bathroom if she had to. When it was consistently dry and she was fighting me about wearing diapers like the baby, we stopped and have never (knock on wood) had a night accident.

Bottom line: do whatever you have to do to survive. I know it is not easy, and some days you will be so tired and angry that nothing will seem fun either. If you ever need to talk or vent or whatever, please contact me. ____@____.com

Best of luck,
S.

Each of my three children was "potty trained" by the age of two, then they backslid. Whether it was due to the birth of the next sibling or because they really didn't get it, I don't know. So I waited until they were three and then we tried again and it only took a couple of days for them to really know when they had to go and not wet their underwear. We only had a couple of bedwetting episodes. I think it really is their age, it's easier to reason with a three year old, they have better control over their bodily functions and more understanding of the world around them. Don't stress yourself out over potty training, with your husband being gone and a toddler and a new baby you have enough to deal with. Good luck.

I wouldn't worry about pushing it. Trying to potty train a little one with a newborn is very hard (I tried it and it didn't work). I would just let it be for now until you have the energy to work with it. Nothing is harder than nursing a newborn and having your 2 1/2 year old announce he has to go poopy (this happened to me at the mall once). Then you have a mess and a screaming newborn.
As for your husband coming home, I went through a deployment with my husband. He came home for R and R when my oldest was 3 1/2, my middle guy was 19 months and my baby was born. Then, went back 3 weeks later. It was tough on everyone, but the kids adjusted much quicker after he left for the 2nd time. They really struggled the 1st time. I had a tougher time with all the changes than they did. THey kind of saw it as a 3 week party which ended when he went back.
You can probably fit in potty-training after the baby is 2-3 months old and before Daddy comes home. When kids are older, the potty training usually only takes a couple of weeks to get it all down.
Don't worry about feeling guilty. While your husband is deployed they'll be many, many times you feel guilty for things. One parent just can't do everything that 2 parents can do. Hang in there and try to get through this challenging time in your life. I've been there and it was the hardest time of my life. We got through it (with a lot of help from family and friends) and have grown much closer as a family.
Thank you so much for all of your familiy's sacrifices to help keep our country safe!!