My dd spilled her guts tonight about another girl who sits near her who is constantly badgering her...i.e. telling her she's stupid, ordering her around, telling other kids she doesn't like her, etc. etc.
My dd is rather sensitive so I'm not sure if this is stuff that should roll off her back, but she's at the point where its very difficult for her to go to school. (5th grade)
We are moving and won't even be at that school next year, but should she say something to her teacher? It sounds like offender is somewhat of a teacher's pet on top of it. All this stuff happens under the table.
Suggestions?
My dd took the initiative to talk with her teacher this morning. As it turns out, the teacher said she has had a few other complaints about this student "bullying" other kids (her words). She said she would talk with this girl but won't use names.
I'm proud that my kid did all of this on her own. I offered to talk with her teacher, but she said she wanted to handle it by herself. Maybe the bully isn't the teacher's pet after all!
She "spilled her guts" to you because she's at a loss for how to handle, etc.
So....in addition to suggesting how she can respond to this little monster, I would also alert the teacher, acknowledging that you've discussed strategies and you know there's only a few weeks left, but that you'd like teachers assistance making the end of her last school year there positive.
Good luck!
I like Karin's approach and would say of you're moving anyway, really nothing to lose by saying something... So even more reason to.
Your daughter deserves to have someone hear her and take action. If no one speaks up, this girl is going to continue this behavior.
You are your child's advocate. That other child needs to be enlightened to the fact that her behavior is completely inappropriate and will not be tolerated.
Do everyone a favor, especially the girl next year who might be bullied by the same person, and bring attention to this now! Talk to the teacher AND the principal or school counselor at the same time. That should diffuse the "teacher's pet" issue, if there is one.
I'm sure your daughter has good friends at school whom she'd like spend her last 3 weeks with on a happy and positive note.
If you choose to say nothing then you lose your voice and put your child in the position to be passive in the future. It would seriously be a matter of record if you speak with her teacher as your daughter's advocate. Don't ignore bullying especially if you're moving and going to a new school. You wouldn't want to risk your daughter acting out because of past trauma especially where she has to make new friends.
Yes, talk to the teacher. Also talk to your child, saying that you want her to use these three weeks and practice sticking up for herself. Each time this other girl is mean to your daughter, she should say loudly, "You are saying nasty things to me and I don't like it!" Saying it loudly will give the teacher a big clue as to when this is happening. Perhaps this girl is targeting your daughter because she is moving. In any case, it's good for your daughter to know she is allowed and capable of standing up for herself. You never want to give your daughter the idea that she should "let things like this go. It's only 3 weeks." She deserves to be treated with kindness and respect always.
Best,
T. Y
tell your daughter to turn around and tell the kids around this little bully that this other girl has been saying the same things about them,behind their backs, its not just her that this girl is gossiping about..all of a sudden the little bully will find herself very , very unpopular.i have dealt with this kind of bully before. K. h.
This seems like perfect opportunity for your daughter to practice some protective skills. Since she came to you and is still so young I would make the teacher aware and ask for a seat change.
Then practice standing up to the girl with your daughter. She should be able to confidently say "don't talk to me that way" or "don't tell me what to do, worry about yourself".
You're right there isn't much time left in the school year but learning to protect yourself verbally transfers to lots of life situations. Seems like practicing being more assertive would be a confidence builder and huge help in starting at a new school.
Yes. If the teacher doesn't know, this girl will continue to do this to your daugther, and to some other unfornuate child next year.
I would, and I would just ask that the teacher keep an eye on it to give me an adult perspective on what is going on and also ask they be kept separate if possible. If the teacher didn't want to work with me, I'd go above them. Sorry, but kids don't need to spend 3 more weeks being bothered.
My daughter (also 5th grade) had a girl in dance last year who was a royal pain. She was so nasty to my daughter...I asked the dance teacher and she said the girl was just plain rude and mean to everyone. Ugh. So I remembered a conversation mean girls mom and I had the year before, and she told her daughter to simply tell those who were bothering her to "shut up." So I told my daughter to tell that to her daughter - and it worked! Ha! Not how I would handle other situations, but it worked for dance.
She came to you because the situation has grown to the point that she doesn't know what else to do. I would talk to the teacher. I would be neutral and explain the situation. I would also explain to DD that there is only 3 weeks left and then she never has to see the little brat again! I would celebrate that!!!
Not sure what, if anything, the teacher will do. BUT you have put her on notice. This age with girls is terrible.
It's always worth talking to the teacher. Even asking this child and your daughter to be moved away from eachother. No one should have to deal with a verbally abusive person. This isn't jsut a kid with an annoying personality - but it sounds like she's being verbally abusive and mean. If we had to sit next to a person like that at work all day we'd say something - and your child has been on the planet for only 10 years. call that teacher now.
No need to be terrorized for the last few weeks of school. And since there isn't time for your daughter to totally reprogram the offender, I'd actually step in for a confidential talk with teacher. In general a 5th grader should handle her own battles, but again, there isn't really time and your daughter is loathing school and the year is almost up.
If you're certain your daughter's claims are pretty much true, then go to the teacher and play the totally diplomatic and non-accusatory card (especially if the kid may be a pet). Start with some compliments and get the teacher's guard down.
"Hi, Ms ____, how are you doing so close to end of year? My daughter has really loved having you for a teacher, especially_____(specific sincere reasons). We are having one issue though and I'm hoping you can help since it's so late in year and I'm not sure how to have my daughter handle it herself. Apparently sitting near _____is causing some problems for my daughter to the point where she is dreading coming to school. I'm not trying to accuse anyone of anything as I'm not there to witness, but regardless of who is at fault, I'd like my daughter to be moved to a different seat far from ____. I don't want any drama over it, just a seat change."
The teacher is either going to be compassionate and helpful and ask what the trouble is, at which point KEEP THE NEUTRAL TONE like, "Well my daughter says_____is happening, but I'm sure there are two sides to the story, but regardless, I'm not satisfied with having her spend the remainder of the year dealing with this if a simple seat change can be had."
If she gets defensive or ugly or refuses to comply, then I guess your daughter will have to learn that some people are just jerks, students and teachers alike, and she'll survive the year and it will all be in the past soon enough.
Depending on your daughter's personality, you could ask her if she would like you to do this and that you'll promise to tell the teacher not to make an issue of it with the girl, just change the seats with no further drama. Your daughter will probably be terrified the girl will hate her even more for tattling unless you can convince her you can keep it sly.
As for actually asking the teacher to handle the mean girl, that depends a lot on personality of teacher and relationship to possible pet etc. You'll have to judge that one...it may be easier to try to just move them apart.
Fifth graders can be very mean! They know how to do the under-the-table stuff very well.
I was very sensitive as a kid. I would have been embarrassed to tell anyone about being - well, let's say harassed - because I would naturally assume the problem was me, whether it was or not, and that telling someone would bring criticism on me and make everything worse.
But I would have been thankful if somebody had listened when I "spilled my guts" and spoken up for me.
Sometimes it's knowing that someone "has your back" that helps you learn to let some things roll off it.
Yes, tell the teacher. If nothing else, this demonstrates to your daughter that you believe her and will help her advocate for herself. That's an important message for your daughter to receive, regardless of what happens with the teacher and the mean girl.
I do think it is worth mentioning--three weeks can feel like an eternity, especially for a child. Did your daughter say how long the gal has been behaving this way? If it has been for months, she has had enough and finally had gotten to the point of asking for help to change the situation, so it is important that she see that speaking up CAN make a difference for her. I liked Amy J's approach--diplomatic, fair, and asks for a pretty simple solution, namely getting your daughter away from the gal. Indeed it would be ideal if your daughter initiated the conversation with the teacher, however there isn't time at this point. You can discuss with your daughter how she might handle a similar situation if it occurs in the future, so she develops some of those strategies now.
Interesting that you describe the student as 'abrasive.' If she has been doing what your daughter says, I would have said bullying or nasty. Anyway, sorry that you all are dealing with this, and good luck with the transition to a new place.
I don't know....on one hand it's empowering to your child for you to teach her to use her words and say NO and for her to tell the teacher when this girl is bothering her.
Then again, if she's the teacher's pet it's only going to make it harder on your child if she is angry your child said anything.
I feel for your girl. She deserves to be treated better.
I would talk to the teacher. At the very least she could see about moving your child to a different seat.
Let it go, nothing is going to change in the three weeks anyway.
You may want to spend the summer explaining to your daughter that 'sensitive' kids get picked on because their reactions are over the top. In a perfect world this wouldn't happen but it does. That the littlest things get to her just makes her a magnet.
I am sure someone will come along and say she shouldn't be treated that way. True, but she is and she will. Is it more important to say you are fine the way you are these are and these are mean girls? Or is it better to say you are fine the way you are but part of your personality makes you a target so hide it around these types of people? Don't let them know they get to you?
