How Do I Advise My Daughter to Handle a Mean Boy in Her Class?

He is a bully and the school should be nipping this in the bud right away, if they don't take a strong and immediate action to keep this from continuing (at the very least talking to his parents) I would keep at them until they do.

If the teacher won't do anything, you might try to contact the guidance counselor. If that fails, talk to the child's parents. Go ahead and nip it in the bud now.
I had a little boy when I was in 1st grade do the same type of thing to me. Pushing, taunting, glaring, etc. One day, he took it a little too far. I snapped, punched him in the face, he fell hitting his head against the sandbox, and busted his nose. There was blood everywhere. He cried and cried and I had to write "I will not fight" 100 times, then tell my mom and his mom what I did when they showed up. Grrr. He totally had it coming.
I don't condone fighting at all. But that little boy was my best friend after that. When we were older, he told me he aggravated me so much because he liked me. Kids are so weird. lol

I'm glad you're trying to work this from your daughter's angle instead of going after this bully-boy with guns blazing. It sounds to me like your daughter definitely needs to up her game or else she's going to have a target on her back for a long time to come. Coming from someone who was bullied a lot in school, the very BEST thing you can do for her is teach HER how to handle it, so yay for you. :)

That said, I do think, if you haven't already, the teacher & principals should be alerted to this boy's behavior.

I have taught my daughters that people who bully are "limited." Maybe they don't have a very good home life, or maybe they aren't as smart as the other kids, whatever it is, for some reason they have to tear other people down. I have taught my daughters that life is too precious to waste on these people. Love them for who they are. Accept that they are limited. Accept that their actions do not remove value from who YOU are. Don't waste your time on them. Move on.

My oldest, 9, has a kid in her class who is constantly rude to her. He has anger issues or something. She's always telling me, "Mom, I feel sorry for him, I think he needs medication or something for his anger." She has coped with his behavior by saying in her head, "herp-a-derp" every time he says something rude. It's a reminder that he's limited, and this has nothing to do with her.

It also helps that my daughters are in Taekwondo. Martial arts puts a lot of emphasis on handling these types of situations.

Let us know what happens!

There are a couple things you could do.
The boy is picking on her and intimidating her.
Read up on what the school's bully policy is.
I'd talk to the teacher so she is aware of the situation and I'd want to know what steps will be taken to enforce the bully policy.
Ask your daughter every day how things went, keep a log of incidents and report them and say you expect feedback on what is being done to prevent it happening again.
If it continues escalate to the principal.

Another thing you can do is to sign your daughter up for taekwondo.
It's a great confidence builder and she'll learn some self defense.
She won't be knocking him down overnight but eventually she will be able to if she needs to.

I am 100% in agreement with Christy Lee. If this behavior was between a romantically involved couple we would be calling it domestic violence and urging this girl to call hotlines and get out. If this isn't dealt with, and teachers, parents, whomever..., dismiss this over and over as "boys will be boys" his behavior will be reinforced and he will never learn that it is wrong to treat women this way and he will end up being an abusive man. Your daughter on the other hand will learn, incorrectly, that men can behave as they choose and women have to learn to just deal with it. She will be more apt to end up in an abusive relationship because no one was willing to step up and deal with her very first instance of it. She is way too young to have to navigate this herself. And as far as kind words, it is my experience that they don't work for bully's, and often times makes it worse.

As her parent you and your daughters father, should meet with her teacher and principle, and tell them they will solve this problem. Don't ask, insist. And make it clear that you will go as far as you need to to ensure that the behavior is dealt with. No child should be afraid to go to school.

This is something my daughter learned in preschool, that is STILL helping her now in 1st grade: STOP! I don't like that!

She is to say it as loud as she can, and put her hand out like a stop sign. I'll tell you what, every time I hear that from her, I KNOW something is going on that is starting to get out of her control, and she needs my help.

"use your kind words" isn't cutting it. If the teacher is not doing anything to control this boy and his bullying of your daughter, it might be time to have a conference with the principal and/or school counselor.

You told the teacher he "seems to be mean to her"? You didn't let the teacher know you sort of around the bush implied that he was maybe being mean to her.

Review the school's policy on bullying, then call the teacher and say "Billy is bullying my daughter" and give examples. Don't be emotional (I know sometimes hard when all we want to do is go kick little Billy in the butt!!). Then listen to what the teacher says and how he/she response. I would also follow this conversation up with an e-mail (document, document, document) confirming the discussion. See what happens. I would give it a week, if nothing changes contact the teacher again and this time cc the principal on the e-mail. Quote the policy. Lets them know you have read it and that you are serious

In the meantime, talk with your daughter regarding the bully. I would also recommend martial arts. It is great for self esteem.

If this is affecting your daughter in her behavior at school it is time to get proactive Mom. Good luck!

If a child purposely pushed my kid off a balance beam in Kinder I would have already spoken with the teacher. Heck, a boy shoved my sixth grade girl to the ground during a race in SIXTH grade and we spoke to the teacher.

Both my kids know how to stand up for themselves verbally but physical aggression at this age shouldn't be taken lightly. As to the rest of it I would be reminding the teacher each time you see it happen and I would advise my kid to stop apologizing and tell the boy in a firm direct way to "leave me alone", "get out of my face", "don't touch me", whatever fits the situation. Once she establishes that she will not allow him to treat her that way he will likely stop.

He probably has a crush on her and wants to interact with her through any type of contact positive or negative. Good luck, this is only the beginning. Learning how to deal with jerks is a life skill that will serve your little girl well!

Encourage your daughter to loudly, confidently say "Joey, stop being mean" (not yelling but saying it loud enough that he and others namely the teacher can hear). If the boy does not stop, the teacher should then step in. If not, she should immediately go to the teacher and tell her what happened.

I would additionally suggest that since you have already told the teacher and (assuming) it is still happening, you email the teacher. Tell her "Suzy continues to have a problem with Joey. I know we discussed this during our conference; however, Joey continues to be mean and intimidating to Suzy. I am quite concerned that it is negatively affecting her as she is a completely different person when he is absent. While I understand that you may not be able to discuss what corrective or disciplinary actions are being taken, I would like to know what is being done to protect Suzy both emotionally and physically. If we need to schedule an appointment to further discuss, please let me know so that can happen immediately."

Then give her a day or so to reply. If necessary, you can then forward on the principal.

I would get in contact with the teacher again and make sure she is aware of the situation. I could be wrong, but from your post it sounds like you nonchalantly mentioned that this boy was bothering your daughter. Be sure to give the teacher details of just how frequently this boy is harassing your daughter along with a description of the negative encounters. I would then keep in touch with her to see how the kids relationship is going. Considering that they are in kindergarten, there is a lot this teacher can do without singling this student out. Reading books about kindness, turn-taking, etc. She can give out rewards for being a good friend.

I also think you should help your daughter by talking with her about what is happening at school and how it makes her feel. Ask her questions about her day and when she tells you about something unkind this boy did to her, empathize with her by saying, I'm sorry that happened. How did it make you feel when he did that? What could you do/say to him next time? Guide her to discover better options. Does she have a good girlfriend in the class? If so, foster that relationship by setting up play dates. If not, get her involved in sports where she can make some great friends that you'll have the opportunity to get to know also. Friends can be the best defense against bullies. My daughter was recently having a rough time at recess with some kids bullying her but it has stopped because two friends she met on her soccer team that aren't even in her class saw her being bullied on the playground and they came to her defense.

It's obvious that you love your little girl to pieces. You're doing the right thing by being proactive about this. Best wishes to you and your daughter. :)

I would tell my kids to ignore it. If that didn't work I would tell them to tell an adult. If that didn't work I'd tell them to punch him (or her) in the nose. Not really, but I'm all over this stuff at school. Sorry that some people disagree with this, but kids can be NASTY today. If the kids can't handle it on their own, I go to the teacher. If the teacher doesn't handle it, I'll go above them.

I only had to go above one time.

Okay:
You told the Teacher.
What did the Teacher say?
What is the Teacher going to do, about it?
The Teacher, should have, given you a response/reply, when you told her.

Per my kids' school, a Teacher, typically KNOWS full well, which kids are trouble or mean or harassing other kids.
A Teacher worth her salt, will know, this.
And, the Teacher, WILL handle it.

I work at an elementary school.
Some kids, boys and girls, are mean and act this way.
AND the Teacher, handles it. Or the school, if the mean/bully behavior is habitual and the kids gets sent to the Principal's office and in that case, that other kid's parent, is also, told.

Don't just tell your child's teacher that "he seems to be mean to her...."
Instead, you TELL the Teacher... SPECIFICS about what is going on and what that boy is doing, to your daughter. AND document it for yourself.
Tell the Teacher, specifically. What.is.occurring. and, what you saw.
AND, since this is occurring to your daughter... THEN other kids, must either know it too, or see it.
At a school, MOST all kids... DO know or have seen, when a "mean" or "troublemaker" kid, has hassled another kid.

Things like this, are wrong.
And the Teacher should be handling it.
It does not matter if your child speaks up or not or is a perfect confident child. Because, troublemakers, hassle anyone. Or specific kids. AND no matter how "confident" another child is... behavior like this is WRONG.
And it is not your child's fault.
That other boy, is a BULLY.
YOU have even heard, him say and do mean things to your daughter.
SO, handle it, with the school/Teacher.
And be SPECIFIC and say to the Teacher "let me know when this has been handled and what has been done. I expect something to be done. My child is being harmed."

Your child also should TELL the Teacher.
And YOU should also be telling the Teacher, WHEN it happens, each time. Don't just wait, until conference time to tell the Teacher.
Call the Teacher, e-mail her, call the school.
And tell them, when it happens and document it yourself.
Too.

Kids at this age, cannot just handle it... themselves.
And you cannot just expect your daughter, to handle it by herself.
YOU have to step in.
And the thing is, I spoke up to the Teacher once when my daughter was bullied in 1st grade, The Teacher was GLAD I "reported" it... because the Teacher said that no other parent reported it... so because I did, she THEN had, documentation FROM me.... to then, handle it and the school, too. And they handled it, swiftly.
And, that Bully kid, who harassed my daughter, was HABITUAL in it. And all the other kids also, knew. Too. So my daughter's Teacher, was GLAD I reported it AND sent the school a letter, about it.

... she apologized over and over -- for standing there!
So I'm worried it is affecting her esteem.

Ya think?
When was the last time you felt the need to apologize, profusely, to anyone for doing nothing at all- except existing?

Your child is being intimidated and bullied.
Your state has laws in place to protect your child.
And the little brat, that has decided to use your child as an emotional punching bag- are we really going to imply he is more worthy of protection?

http://www.metroweekly.com/poliglot/2013/02/virginia-hous...

i experienced something similar when i was in first grade, i have never forgotten it. the boy is probably picking on your daughter because he has a little crush on her. although it sounds cute, i am sure it is not from her perspective. ultimately, my father walked me to my classroom and when the boy rushed up to pick on me, my father gave him a hard look and sternly told him to leave me alone because i didnt want to be bothered by him anymore. the boy never spoke to me again, it was the only thing that finally worked. needless to say, i was quite happy with the result.

I had a couple children, one in particular, that started bullying me in kindergarten. Both my elementary and jr high schools were very small so I was in the same classes forever with them.
It continued until my family moved the summer before I started high school to a new school district. If the teacher won't do anything, talk to the principal. If the principal won't do anything, take it to the school super intendant. Be a noisy, squeaky wheel. Don't feel bad about it. No kid deserves to be treated like this! No kid deserves to be bullied.
It should not be up to the bullied child to have to learn to beat the other child down to make them stop. Sure, he'll stop picking on your child, so he'll just go on to find another.
Document it if you can. If you have a camera phone, use it.
That child should be moved to another class. Screw if the parents get upset or he does. Screw if it's middle of the year.
The school policy is to tell the child to "Use their kind words"? Seriously! That's it?!

Another thing is to try talking to your local police department. They may be wiling to put on an anti-bullying assembly. If you get more kids in the class aware and willing to step in and tell a grown up when they see it you have a better chance of nipping it in the bud.
I am so sorry for your little girl. Bullying is a miserable thing to have to deal with.

I think you need to be more involved. Just mentioning it to the teacher is not enough. When you said your daughter is a different child when this boy is absent says everything you need to know. You daughter deserves to live without fear. I understand this is another kid and you need to consider why he is being so mean, but you must protect your daughter. This sounds like an abusive "relationship" and your child is too young to be expected to handle it on her own. I really think you have to step in and forcefully NOW, especially since you think they will be together for years to come.

Get your husband and ask for a conference. Do you know the parents of the child who is bullying your daughter? Can you talk to them? The next meeting may have to be with them involved. I would go up the school district ladder on this one as you need to. It is only October of your child's first year of school. You do not want this to become a pattern.

This is serious. I know it seems like it isn't because they are so young, but it really is. I suggest you act, and quickly. Here is something I found in a quick google search.
http://www.education.com/reference/article/kindergarten-b...

Follow up with the teacher. Being mean here and there is one thing, but if she's telling him to stop and he continues to harass her the teacher needs to know. She can keep an eye on things and also alert the yard duty teacher/s to keep an eye on them at recess too.
In the mean time keep talking to her about how to handle mean kids, say no, stop, I don't like that, in a big firm voice and walk away. If he follows her and continues she needs to get an adult immediately. She should in no way be expected to "defend" herself as a six year old child, an adult should be still responsible for her safety at this age.

At that age and after witnessing it myself, I am certain that I would speak up to the boy directly and then empower my child to do the same.

I'm sorry you have to watch your daughter go through this. I'm sure that is not easy. I would continue to give her lots of positive reinforcement at home, build up her self-esteem and when she brings it up, keep reminding her that it is not her fault and she did nothing wrong. Sometimes people do mean things because they are hurting inside (good chance to teach empathy!)

She is only 4 y/o, so at school, I might consider elevating it. Keep a record of all the known offenses so you have solid data instead of opinions and bring it to the principal. Request that he meets with the boy and have ramifications in place if the offenses are repeated. This is bullying and needs to be stopped. Maybe he can see the school counselor too??? The problem is that if no one corrects his behavior now, imagine what it will look like when he is 14 and not 4!!! That is a lose-lose all the way around.