Picked on at Preschool

I had to deal with it one time only (age 5). I told the teacher to handle it (teacher was unaware of the things said to my daughter). also told the teacher if she doesn't, then I will, but it won't be pleasant. she did. the child who was mean to my daughter lost time off recess, was told to apologize in front of everybody, and her parents were notified. that nipped it in the bud.

I own a preschool and boy is this a big pet peeve of mine. I have three year old's who sometimes will try to refuse to hold another child's hand. Drives me crazy. You need to talk to her teacher and make her aware so she can help. I know these are life's lessons and a part of growing up, however at three I do not feel they have the tools to deal with this on their own. I see this happen all of the time and when I do I address it immediately. If the teacher does not help out then go to the director, you do not want this to escalate to where your daughter does not want to go to school. You can talk to your daughter and tell her that sometimes people say things that are not so nice, and she can just walk away and find someone else to play with. Tell her she should also go to her teacher for help when this child is bothering her. I just had this happen with two kindergarten children. I had them both in my office and explained to them how unkind words hurts their friends and made them very aware that I will not tolerate this behavior. I had the child apologize, they gave each other a hug and left my office friends. Each time I walk into the classroom they know I am watching and always say Miss D. we are friends !! LOL And I tell them how proud of them I am. My daughter who is now 20 years old was picked on by very mean girls in junior high and high school because of jealousy, so as I said this is a really sensitive subject to me. Good luck!!

Is the school aware of what the child is saying to your daughter? I would let her teachers know this is going on so they can be aware and intervene if necessary. You and they will need to be teaching your daughter how to use her words to tell this child to stop, to tell her how she feels, etc. The school should be supportive of using the situation as a teaching opportunity on all sides. This kind of social skill is such an important part of what preschool kids should be learning.

We had a situation sort of like yours, although your sounds a little more serious. In our case, I talked with my daughter's teachers and they were really great about it. They already put a huge focus on teaching the kids life skills - problem solving, how to use words to talk things out with other kids, etc, but they definitely helped with our situation. I can tell my daughter has learned some great skills because sometimes I catch her telling her siblings "I don't like it when...." or "I want you to stop...". It's great. And the problem seems to have stopped at school.

I agree with most of the posts that you need to talk to your daughter about bullies and that people in general can say things to be mean sometimes, most of the time we don't mean it and there is usually an underlying reason for it. I agree that you should talk to the teacher and the director if need be, but emphasize that this should be something that should be disscussed in class and maybe that the child's parents should be made aware of what is going on. Its one thing to have it happen in class and dealt with there but, isn't it better to have it reinforced in the home.
I hope this gets resolved quickly for you. We have been dealing with bullies in some form for many, many years. They are always there and I have one son who seems to have a big target on his back. Sometimes it gets to the point where I don't even want to send him to school anymore.
Also, follow up with the teacher and make sure that something was done, because lots of times I will ask my son how things went and he will tell me that the teacher just said oh well the bully said he didn't do it and it has been left like that too. That can be very hurtful, it has also made my son not want to tell the teachers because he thinks that they won't do anything about it anymore. Sad. Just make sure you follow up.

You know, i teach preschool, 4 and 5's but I see this much more than I would like to unfortunatly. Yes talk to the teacher if they are not aware of the situation. I would say I've usually always been aware, but am always willing to keep a more close eye on whatever the situation is. Kids do say mean things sometimes, it is life, and unfortunatly sometimes you can't stop them from saying something before they say it, especially if you have no idea what is going to be coming out of a child's mouth. Believe your daughter, and after talking to the teacher, try also working with her at home. Help her know what she can do when things like this occur. the teacher and parents need to be together on this. 3 year olds are still trying to figure things out socially, and most of the time do not realize they are hurting another's feelings, or even what that really means. They are in their own world still, everyone and everything sees things exactly as they do. If the bully is being treated a certain way at home, that is how everyone is to be treated, etc. Seeing outside yourself is a skill that has to be taught, and it is a skill that takes more than a day to master. I'm sure any good teacher would be working with this in her classroom with all the kids. There are tough spots in life, teach your child to combat those. I know its hard to see a child say things like this and go through this. I let children know this behavior is not allowed in my classroom and we need to find a better way to talk about our feelings. It is a skill that takes a while though, and lots an lots of practice. Tell her to stand up for herself and say "no, this is not okay". Dont be too detressed, and good luck! Most all of us have the best interest of those little ones in mind, and any teacher who is really a teacher would too. But realize there may be limits to what a teacher even can do depending on the program, etc.

I agree with most of the posts and how Shelby summarized it.

Homeschooling is not a solution, only a band-aid. The real world will come one day. My Grandma protected her youngest daughter from the world and she's never been able to cope so still lives at home- she's turning 39 this year.

Our 4 year old son dealt with a bully and we did as the others say, talk to the teacher, always follow up and if you don't see changes there might be an issue with the teacher. In our case it turns out that the trouble child had been in her home daycare and now her pre-school since he was a baby so she was hesitant to talk to his parents or take much action. We found this out from another teacher who knew there was a problem with the bully.

Now our son goes to a private school and is a little sensitive to this type of situation. We talked to the school master just to give them a heads up and we also asked for advice. She said one of the most important things we can do is to not make too big of a deal out of it in front of him, let him know it's important for him to tell you but then take it to the next level and don't build up the drama in front of him. It seemed to work a little better.

Also one other thing we did was to make sure he had a circle of friends around him to help him know he is likeable. We did this by going to gymnastics, introducing ourselves to other parents of kids his age, signing up for mom's groups, all to get him around other kids. It seems to really be helping. Sometimes it just takes one good friend to make it all better, it's just sometimes tough to find that good connection.

Good luck, I know this is so hard to go through, we're still kind of dealing with it and each day is a challenge.

Just one of the many reasons why I homeschool. I got really tired of the harrassment- my daughter was shy sweet, and lovely. There are kids out there that seem downright evil and will try to stomp out goodness.

Have you talked with the teacher? The first thing is to talk with the teacher and make the teacher aware of what is going on. Have her move your daughter away from the other little girl and have her watch what is going on on the playground between the two.
Next you need to comfort your daughter and tell her that if anyone is being mean she needs to walk away and find someone else to play with. If it continues then she needs to tell her teacher. You don't want to turn her into a tatle-tale, but you do want her to be able to tell the teacher if she needs to.
Unfortunately, with some parents raising children as their friends or mini-adults, the children take on those mean characteristics way to early. My son was being terribly teased in Kindergarten and when he started crying and saying he did not want to go to school, I knew it was time to talk to the teacher.

In some households spanking is ok; in others, taking things, not just privileges away, is ok. My guess is, the "No Easter Bunny" little girl isn't allowed to hit and push, only to have her toys taken away. So she does this with others when she is feeling angry or left out.

I'm not sure that makes it any better for your daughter. It just gives you a point of reference. You know what to do for a kid who hits. There is no difference for the kid who is verbally abusive. A bully is a bully.

What is a bully, but a child who is feeling that they aren't good enough and unpopular. Your daughter is loved. She has friends and a mother to sticks up for her. My guess is this little girl isn't feeling that - she's feeling left out and maybe a little unloved.

Instead of taking away friendship, I would encourage your daughter to be nicer - invite her to be part of the group, since I noticed that you didn't include the No Easter Bunny as a friend.

My guess is that your daughter mentioned her, because she can't figure out how to make the other little girl into a friend. Instead of telling her not to play with the No Easter Bunny, talk to her about not feeling a part of the group and why the little girl takes "fun things" away. That will help your daughter understand that even little girls are unhappy and need friends too.

When my daughter tells me that she does not like how another child is talking to her (I always ask what the child says to see how to handle it) I tell her that she should either ignore/walk away from the child or if it is something that she does not want to do to just say no thank you. I do reenforce that if it is just her not wanting to do a project/activity that the teacher is doing with the class then she has to listen.

Morethenlikely what this other girl is tell your daughter is something that HER parents are telling her to get her to do/not do something.... so instead of learning how to deal with a situation she does not like her parents are teaching her how to hurt others (verbally) instead of properly dealing with the situation.

I would also bring it up to the teacher, if this is something that keeps recurring a teacher should be stepping in to correct it because at 3 years old kids are still learning who to handle different situations.

talk respectfully to the teachers to let them know what is happening and ask for a little bit more watching over- and to help your child (both you and the teachers) to give her the words to respond. Often children REALLY benefit from role playing. Say, "I do not have to listen to you" and encourage your child to walk away without emotion to the child. If she shows she is upset (hard not to- I know) The other child gets what she wanted- a reaction.
The "bully" needs help also. There is a reason she is doing this- potentially really poor role models, she gets bullied by older children. Do realize that we all need to learn how to problem solve and even the bully needs guidance and words to make friends and get along. She might have anger issues or need counseling to help her. Keep up your great questions- it is amazing what children can say but we will be living with these little ones when they are adults- all of them need our help- not just the "victims". Often the "bullies " are the ones with the real emotional issues...