My Daughter Got Beat up for Bullying Another Child

Sounds like she got a little of what she deserves. No you should not feel bad for her you should punish her. If she gets no consiqunse from you she will think she can keep begging a bully.

I wish you had said "I'm upset because my child is physically hurt...but I'm furious that she was bullying another girl" instead of the order in which you used 'upset' and 'furious'.

You can tell your daughter that you love her, but don't use sympathetic words. Don't say "I'm sorry you're in pain" or "It hurts me to see you hurting" or "I'm sorry this happened". You can say that you're sorry she is so careless with her actions, and sorry that she caused such pain to another person.

And, tell your daughter - in clear words - that you love her, but that pranks like this, or bullying, or making another person feel unsafe or uncomfortable are absolutely not tolerated. Help her to understand that she has visible bruises and a black eye, but that the other girl has just the same kind of bruises, but not ones that can be seen on the skin. Help her understand that she bruised and injured that girl's heart, her emotions, her soul, her feelings, her sense of safety, her confidence. Tell her that as painful as her eye is, and the rest of her bruises, that's how she made the other girl feel. If she doesn't get that, ask her to think about pains we can't see, like stomach aches, or headaches. They can be as bad as an injury we can see, like a swollen knee, or a black eye, or a bleeding cut. And bullying causes injuries to the parts of us we can't see, but the pain is as real as that black eye.

And don't talk about rights. Start talking about RESPONSIBILITIES. Don't tell her that girl has the right to not be bullied. Tell your daughter in plain simple language that it is her own personal responsibility to make good choices, to ask whether what she's planning to do would make the other person feel safe or feel sad or embarrassed, and to refuse to humiliate or injure or bully any other person for any reason whatsoever. Teach her to think about bruises and wounds we can't see, and how words, pranks, stunts, shaming incidents, and similar actions can cause the same bruise as your daughter's black eye, except inside. .

Show sympathy for the other girl in front of your daughter. Your daughter has one black eye, one instance of injury. But the girl she's been bullying has been suffering with bruises and wounds to her soul and heart and emotions and sense of safety for a considerable amount of time.

I wish you the best as you try to help your daughter.

Your daughter wont get any sympathy from me.
Maybe now she'll stop bullying.What a brat....pouring juice on people's food, harassing a girl for a while...and then expecting to have sympathy.
Here's what I would say,
"I am so incredibly disappointed in you and your behavior."
I would then set her and yourself up with a family counselor so she can learn how to not give in to peer pressure and so that she can learn how to be kind.

Sorry no sympathy here. My son was bullied horrifically in the 7th grade. He was hit, pushed and never fought back. I called the school multiple times, met with the principal and counselor. All I got was "oh this child is from New Orleans and has been though so much". No he was a bully who preyed on others to make a statement. I finally told my son to fight back. He said "no, because I will get in trouble too". My answer "fight back and we will deal with the consequences". He did. He finally hit the kid and bloodied his nose. Got a call from the principal and I told him "suspend my child and I will sue the school district and you personally. You did NOT follow your anti-bully policy, we have met multiple times and you assured me that you spoke to his mother. Now my son had to get physical because ya'll couldn't protect him. He was told to fight back".

I go into this detail because that bully was YOUR DAUGHTER. You are furious because your child was physically hurt? Well maybe if she hadn't started picking and tormenting this other girl she wouldn't be hurting now. She started it and the other girl finished it. I'm sorry but what she and her friends have done to this other child is inexcusable. She's been crying a lot? Well tough luck. I'm sure the other girl has been crying a lot as well.

I strongly encourage you to seeking counseling for your child and yourself. Talk with the school district and see what type of anti-bullying seminars they have and enroll her in all of them. She apparently doesn't have empathy for others. AND she needs new friends.

I have no sympathy for your daughter. I would simply tell her that this is what she gets for being a bully and give her some ice for her eye and send her to her room. While there, she would be writing me a paper on how she thinks it makes the other person feels when she bullies them.

That's a tough situation you're in. As her mother, of course you feel sympathy for your child who is physically hurt. But your child is in the wrong here and while it is unfortunate that she got physically banged up for her actions, it is important that she understands that she is not the victim here. You have to be careful to ensure that she doesn't misunderstand your sympathy as her mother to mean that her injuries trump this other girl's. Bullying is wrong and terrible and can inflict great emotional damage that takes years to heal. I would have a serious talk with my daughter and let her know that I love her but that I was disappointed in her choice of actions. Help her to understand how the other girl felt so she puts her focus where it needs to be - not on herself. Good luck,

Yeah, no sympathy here... your daughter humiliated the other little girl, after weeks of torment. Be glad her payback wasn't worse. She's be getting any NECESSARY medical care, and beyond that I'd let her suffer the natural consequences of her poor and mean spirited choices. She'd be writing a letter of understanding and apology to the other little girl as well as severing her ties with the mean spirited girls that dared her to do this. Don't waste time being angry at anyone but your daughter for being cruel and a follower and your daughter's parents for not teaching her more compassion to start with.

I would pounce on my child like a raging bear. She is BULLYING SOMEONE, okay? SO much that the girl jumped her and went after her to make her stop.

She deserves what she got. You get that, right? She was purposefully bullying another person, being mean to them, hurting them. I'm a love and logic sort of person. You hurt other people then eventually that person is going to strike back or hurt themselves to stop the pain.

The school should have called you in each and every time there was a complaint of bullying by anyone. Then you wouldn't have been blindsided.

I have a suspended girl home this week, she deserves it, every single second of it.

I fully support what she did because she struck out at her bully. She got a whole mess of her friends to stand beside her and she walked up to this high school girl and hit her from the side, the girl never saw it coming.

I tried to get the vice principal to have her do in school suspension because it would have been torture for our girl. She needs to learn that violence is not the way to resolve issues. She'd been to the vice principal and nothing was really done. So she took it on herself to show the bully that they were done making her a victim.

So I have the girl at home that struck out against her bully and she got suspended, the bully didn't get anything. Except a black eye. But now this girl stays away from our girl.

Bullying is a purposeful act. It's not just being rude or calling your best friend a name or being mad at someone. It's picking out a victim then following that person around, doing things to them to humiliate them or cause them pain, it's a horrible thing for a person to do to another human being.

Can I suggest you watch the movie "A Girl Like Her". I watched it with our girl after she tried to commit suicide earlier this year. So yes, I let her get away with attacking this bully because she could have chosen to take this path, but she didn't, she empowered herself and stopped her bully. I am eternally grateful I didn't have to plan a funeral instead of finding ways to make staying home for a week un-fun for our girl.

So please, stand up and help your child take responsibility for the fact that they chose to do this to another human being and that the girl only punched your child instead of killing herself. That would have been truly awful for you.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2523832/

Teach her not to be a bully. Our behaviors sometimes have consequences, her injuries are teaching her that. I would make her write a letter of apology to the girl she has been terrorizing. I would also speak to her about what counts as a prank, IE that no one actually gets hurt. Ruining her lunch might seem like no big deal but for many kids that school lunch might be the only real meal they get that day. Maybe this will help her learn to have compassion for others and to stop being a bully.

If one of my children had been bullying another child I would come down hard on them. Meaning, this is what I would focus on (not that the other kid beat her up). I would be very very disappointed, and I would make it my mission in life to teach my child to never treat another person this way again. You need to work on teaching your child empathy and that TEASING in this way is very wrong and MEAN. Teasing in a fun way is totally different than picking on the same girl repeatedly and making her miserable. I would have her write a letter apologizing to this girl she has been bullying. I would not be furious that she was physically hurt...I honestly would think that she deserved it even though it is wrong for anyone to physically hurt someone else. I would DEFINITELY have my daughter see a therapist to make sure a professional could get through to her. I would talk to the teachers at the school to please watch out for any behavior like this in the future. I would have ongoing talks with her about how to think about things from another person's perspective and why they might feel that way. I also would try to get to the bottom of why she is doing this. Is she the ringleader? is another girl the leader and telling her to do this and she goes along with it? Why does she think it is ok to prank and tease and do mean things to some other girl who is not her friend over and over? I would be very concerned about my child's character and what kind of person she is. Right now I have a very bad impression of her. It is up to her to turn this around. Is this the kind of person she wants to be in life? Are these friends she hangs out with the kind of girls who are mean to others regularly? Kids are highly influenced by their peers, and right now she is growing/changing into the adult she will be one day. Good luck.

If your daughter has been a bully for a while and the school knows about it - why weren't you notified. I'm sorry but I feel like your daughter got what she deserved. Too many kids are killing themselves because of being bullied. This maybe the wake up call you both need.

Sounds like she had it coming.
She doesn't get sympathy for finally getting what she's been asking for.
"How should I handle this situation and prevent it from happening again?"

I'd talk to the school about any anti bully program they might have and I'd make sure my kid got a front row seat for it - and if it were my kid - I'd make a point to be there for it whether it's an assembly or a class - you need to hear it too.

This is a tip of an iceberg that's been brewing for some time and it's going to take some effort to get this fixed.

No more pranks, jokes, teasing, etc.
If her friends are in on this - she needs new friends.
Get her involved in activities so she doesn't have a lot of time for these friends who are daring her to do stupid hateful things to other people and she can't bring herself to say 'no' to them.
Sign her up for taekwondo -if she wants to spar with anyone she can do it with people who are trained
She needs to be thinking about how she is interacting with others.
No one goes through life liking every single person they come into contact with but you can be kind, polite and treat others the way you would like them to treat you.
If your daughter has not learned this by now at age 13 - then she's over due for learning it.

"My Child is the Bully: Tips for Parents"
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/mary-l-pulido-phd/bullying...

She is your baby! It is absolutely your job to love your daughter unconditionally and to comfort her when she is hurting. You do know that she screwed up big time and that you cannot let that go unaddressed. But I can completely understand the turmoil you are facing right now.

Sympathy in the beginning is fine. Now it's time to address the bullying. Her physical pain/discomfort will soon fade, but the bullying has scars that can easily last a lifetime. None of her pranks were harmless, and she needs to take some time to really understand how all of these "harmless pranks" affected the other girl.

She is your baby! Of course her pain is foremost on your mind. It's your job to be her support always. But that doesn't mean it's ok to tell her that what she did is ok. It's also your job to teach her and guide her. Right now she needs you to help her learn how to not be a bully.

Okay - for starters, as other responses say - she should not be a bully and it is good that the other girl finally stood her ground and helped to bring this situation to light. Additionally, as AK very wisely says below, for many students *school lunch* is the best/healthiest meal they will get all day...just cruel to mess it up.

But NOW, I think one big thing that you need to "prevent from happening again" is the school situation.

Why were you not notified of this ongoing situation? Why did the school stay quiet until it got to the point of *suspending* your daughter (in many schools that is not something that is done lightly)?

And, why did the school think it was a good idea to suspend your daughter for the week? A one-week vacation? Are teachers sending home her homework?

In my mind, it would have been better to give your daughter in-school detention, along with anti-bully counseling.

So - other than thoughts about "how to respond to the bullying and the injuries", which is important to think about - I also think you need to devote some effort as a parent towards dealing with the *school* and sorting through why they responded to this situation in this way. Keeping everything a secret from you all along and then finally suspending your daughter for a week, seems like a very strange way to handle the whole thing.

No wonder your daughter is a bully. You care more about her than you care about the kids she has been bullying.

Instead of being furious that she got back what she's been giving, you should be GLAD. Why? Because she should learn something from this experience. She should learn that there are consequences for acting like a beotch to people. Instead, YOU are teaching her the opposite lesson. You're teaching her that she shouldn't have consequences, that SHE is more important than other people. Great job, mom. She'll continue to bully people until she's old and gray. You WANT that kind of daughter? One who thinks she's entitled to her little games, at the expense of anyone else's feelings?

When she loses jobs because a boss won't put up with her attitude and treatment of her peers, maybe you'll figure out your part in this. When her husband walks out on her because she cares more about herself than she ever will about him, maybe you'll wish you had changed your attitude and held her to a STANDARD of proper behavior.

When my dad was a little boy, a kid in his school beat him up every week on the way home from school. My grandmother had told him that he wasn't allowed to fight. He obeyed his mother. He'd come home with torn clothes and a bloody nose. FINALLY she told him that he had to let this kid HAVE it. She told him that the next time the kid started it, that my dad was to finish it. And he DID. It was the last time that kid messed with him.

THIS is the lesson your daughter should be taking from her black eye and bruises. Instead, you're letting her off the hook with your "righteous indignation".

Finally, NO one but bullies like other bullies. And people figure out who the bullies are. They ALSO figure out who the parents of the bullies are who take up for this kind of behavior. And then they don't want anything to do with those parents. The reputations of these parents are that they are bullies themselves, even if they haven't actually bullied the people who think this of them. Showing SUCH a LACK of caring for others that your daughter is treating so badly paints you with the SAME brush.

no sympathy. she had it comming. she needs to learn that actions have consequences no matter if a teacher or other adult is looking or not, there is always a consequence. in her case she got beat up.
the bullying stops now. she will heal and she will move on but needs to know that bullying will no longer be ignored.

Bullying by girls at that age can be merciless. And I hope you can see that this is an opportunity for your daughter to examine why she behaved the way she did and why it hurt her fellow student so much. Your goal is to show her that what she did was absolutely wrong and must never be repeated.

Also, I'm sorry your daughter got hurt. Of course you feel sorry for her. It's not wrong to show her empathy for her being hit, it's just modeling what you want her to show other people. Expressing love for her is not a sign of approval of her behavior, it's a sign that you love her unconditionally. It is that love that will also expect her to improve her behavior immediately.

This is a great teachable moment. She got what she deserved for doing what she did. I'm sure she didn't expect it, but this is what can happen when you bully someone and is just one of the reasons you should not do it. That should be the core of your message. It's unfortunate that she got hurt, but she brought it on herself. I bet she won't do it again, which is the desired outcome.

Karma? yup. Your daughter got exactly what she deserved. I would say your job is done. If it were my daughter who is also 13, I would tell her this is what happens when you're a bully and a jerk. And I would tell her that I hope she has learned this lesson and will make better choices moving forward. I think I would probably also make her write an apology to the other girl. Your daughter has physical injuries, but there's no telling how much emotional injuries she has done to that poor girl to push her that far.