Independant and Defiant Child

Hi,
I'm merely pregnant so I speak not with experience. Rather, I have a spec. ed. degree and advocate for children and families, so I know lots of parents.

I have been reading The Wonder of Boys as well as Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, preparing for my own boy on the way.

Your email was exactly what those books discuss. I think you are one of many many parents. Fear not. Read those books. The Wonder of Boys is the famous one, but I believe both have been on the NY Times Bestseller list at some point.

Good luck! You are not alone, that's why those books make it on the bestseller lists. The rest of parenting America is with you.

T.

be consistant & follow through with consequence. Ignore what he repeats & shower the praise when he obeys you.ie boy I sure did a great job listening & I really like that. Kids love attention whether postive or negative. If you are not giving him the negative and only postive, he will be likely to seek out the positives to get your full attention. Also another idea is to use a chart with stickers for good behavior. Total number of stickers = specific reward. outing @ park --macdonalds for dinner etc. Start out with simple goals. Once he see that he will earn full things for good behavior & following your directions, you can adjust the goals & rewards. Please note it will take time, but remember your child is worth it. I've had this experience with my son snd he is going on 8 yrs old. It does work!!!

Hi A.,

I know this can be really hard. My daughter who will be 5 at the end of November is very much this same way.

Some of the things that work for us:
1) Counting to three (you need to cooperate by the count of three or...)
2) Natural consequences...(I'm sorry, but now we'll have to skip the movie theater because I'm concerned that you will run from me when we get there).
3) No TV as a consequence
4) Offering explanations as to why the behavior is a problem (you need to hold my hand crossing the street because people can see me and they can't see you)
5) Offering lots of positives (great job staying quiet while I was on the phone)
6) Trying to avoid showing anger. We try to stay calm and even, but continue to give her feedback and consequences.
7) Offer lots of choices (things she can control)
8) Giving her lots of positive attention

Hope this helps

Hi. No way are you the only mom with a difficult little one. My daughter might only be two but she is so intelligent that she knows how to pick at my nerves and fight discipline more than your average toddler. The best thing that works for me is honestly, is to put her in her room, close the door and let her scream, cry whatever. Sometimes I remove her toys, sometimes I leave them so that she has the consequence of being issolated from everyone else (which she hates!) and that way she screams less and occupies herself during her punishment. One of my sister-in-laws suggested if. Since I've been doing that, she has calmed her ways quite a bit. Good luck, and know...your not alone!

Hi! Have you tried taking any parenting classes? There is a place called Child Sense in New Brighton, check them out www.childsense.net. Also I know that the Working Family Resource Center in St. Paul has had 3-session classes in the past for "Parenting the Spirited or Difficult Child" - maybe you could call them and see if they have any classes coming up or if not, who provided the class. Maybe they offer similar classes at other places in the metro. ###-###-#### or their website is http://wfrc.spps.org.

Best wishes to you! I know it can be hard. My daughter is a handful right now. Hang in there! Things will get better. You are doing the right thing by exploring options and trying to change parenting techniques.

P.