My son will be 3 in about a week and a half. I am pretty proud in saying we didn't experience much of the "terrible twos", but he is hitting 3 full speed ahead!!! He is being defiant and borderline mean (mainly to our dogs who take it in stride). He does what he wants when he wants, and the most alarming thing was I caught him today sticking his finger down his throat and making himself throw up. I've tried time outs and spanking and distraction and treats, but nothing seems to work. I don't know if it's because he feels neglected lately or what. I am a full time commuting student and I've been working on 2 really big papers plus trying to get all my other "duties" done. My husband is a foreman and has been working alot on top of going to school one night a week and doing his homework. He's has had very brief periods of defiance in the past but this has been going on for a few weeks now. I'm honestly not a big believer in ADHD, (that's actually what one of my 2 big papers is about)however, my husband was an ADHD kid. My son is also worrying me because some of his actions resemble those of my nephew, who of course has also been labeled ADHD. But my nephew really worries me sometimes with his behavior, and to see that in my son scares the heck out of me. As bad as it sounds I'm really hoping this behavior is just a temporary thing due to our distractedness (if that's a word), and it will go away on Wednesday when I hand in this last paper. He stays with family while I'm at school, so I know he's always around people who genuinely love him. And I've still been trying to make at least a few hours a day all about him, we cuddle after waking up in the mornings and after naps for quite a while, we've still been going to story time at the library the last few weeks. I don't know, I just feel like I'm losing all control and it's all my fault!! Please help!!
Make a schedule of activities to follow, along with a rewards and consequence chart and see if that helps. Good luck!
Sorry to say this, but I'm glad I'm not alone! I have 3 yr old twin boys and I'm at my wit's end! When one's not acting up, the other definitely is. I'm so frustrated most days. One of my boys used to make himself throw up, and thank goodness he stopped, but now I think he's OCD. Not that I am looking for labels because we certainly have had our fair share of issues. My boys will not listen at all, time out, yeah right; distractions, not a chance! There are 2 of them, and they have the advantage! GRRR! I have another 10 months before we hit 4... I pray it gets better!
My daughter was the same way and it all started about a month before her 3rd bday. I can tell you that 3 was way harder than 2 and so far 4 hasn't been that bad. I think that more than anything its the age, but it probably would help to try to have some more one on one time with him. Also if you don't do it already try to set up some play dates with other kids. Sometimes they are just bored. The one thing that we found helped the most was making a "Behavior Chart". She helped make it and we hung it on the refrigerator. Before we started using it we talked to her about how it would work and even let her help with what the rewards would be. We listed the days of the week and wrote down what the rewards were for good behavior and what the consequences were for bad behavior. We used stickers to chart whether she had good behavior or bad behavior that day and then the reward or consequence would follow depending. We had to be very focused on it and really tell her how proud of her we were for her good days and tell her how disappointed we were for her bad days. During this time we didn't use timeouts or spankings unless we absolutely had to (there were 1 or 2 days). Good luck and know that it will probably pass.
I am currently reading "rasing your spirited child" and I LOVE it! Then again my adughter has been a "spirited" one since day one. There is a part that talks about the difference between a "spirited" child and one who actually does have ADHD. Whatever kind of temperment your child has though there is a lot of good info in it that has really helped me out a lot. I really recommend it to anyone who has kids!
Hi, T..
My son hit the terrible twos at age 3 also. I wish you lots of luck and patience. I highly recommend the free parenting classes at the JCC. And I do so without any judgment at all. I think it's just a great resource for all parents to have. There is free childcare (quality childcare at that), children's books, and course materials. The material from the JCC website is posted below. I know a number of people who have taken the class, and they rave about it.
http://www.jccsanantonio.org/index.php?src=gendocs&re...
(My kids go to the preschool there and it's a great program.) Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
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My experience is that the 3's are way worse than the two's. My guess is that he wants and needs more attention and negative attention is better than none (not saying you are not giving him all you have). I say finish the paper and focus on him and it should get better. He will still act up that is part of being 3 and why we look forward to them turning 4.
: )
S.
Hi T.,
Hang in there mommy! I have noticed that by talking to several moms that the 3's are harder than the twos by a long shot! I'm a believer too since I have a 3 year old as well.
My advice is to take some time to spend with him. I mean some serious one on one time. Sit on the floor with him and let him take the lead and listen alot. Try and do this everyday. Kids are bright and know when mom or dad are "put out" with them. So make sure that you are not rushed when doing this. Take you time with him and it will save you a lot more time in the future.
As for any bad behavior, watch your reaction when he does something wrong. The more your react the more ingrained the behavior will become. Meet all of his misbehavings with same calm tone and ALWAYS back up you warnings if they are not taking seriously. It doesn't matter the type of discipline, just that you always back it up! He'll test you real hard at first but if you remain calm and be consistent he learn fast.
I'm not a doctor but I don't feel that your son is doing anything out of the norm. It's just part of development of a 3 year old! You may want to learn more about the development of a 3 year old and then it may help you to understand where he is coming from. I tell my son all the time, It must be hard being 3 huh? :)
So hang in there and get a plan in order for the next time things get ugly.
Best wishes,
C.
I agree with the past post, 3 was harder than 2 for my daughter. She even did the gagging and also the holding her breath. But it has already passed and she is 3 and 7 months old and it lasted for 7 months. They were really hard months, but we stuck to our guns with the discipline and now she is acting like her sweet normal self again.
Thank goodness there are other moms with the same crazy boys!!! I have 2 AAAHHHH. Good luck with yours!!
First- ALL kids are defiant/difficult at times and during certain stages!! It does not mean anything else is going on, necessarily. As a mom of a child who is truly ADHD, I can tell you it was apparent from the very DAY he was born that he had something going on!! It was not something that started later or all of a sudden- he was difficult and high maintenance and had trouble focusing on a task and impulsive from babyhood on to this day, every day.... Nearly every child alive is sometimes going to exhibit characteristics of ADHD- it does not mean they have it, it means they are a KID!:) Besides, a child can be strong-willed without having ADHD.
Second, is there one thing that he cannot stand (being sent to his room, separated from you) or would be crushed if he didn't have (favorite toy, etc)? Start there with your discipline and be very consistent every single time he misbehaves. Our biggest downfalls as parents are inconsistency and mixed messages (are you and Dad on the same page?) Do the family members watching him follow your rules and discipline techniques?
I would ignore the purposeful throw up- the more attention he gets for that (+ or -) the more it will reinforce the behavior.
The biggest thing I can tell you is--- this too shall pass, my motherhood mantra!
3 was harder than 2 for my first three kids. Everything your son is doing sounds normal, even the gagging, although I don't have experience with that. It is attention-seeking behavior, and I know you can't completely ignore it, but you should handle it with as little response as possible. Clean up any mess and remind him that it is unaccpetable behavior. We survived this time with consistency more than anything. Keep it up and it will get better. And, since you are turning in your papers, your stress level will decrease and you will find yourself better able to handle things. Our kids respond to our emotions too, so when possible try to reduce your own stress and tension as much as you can. I know that is easier said than done, but you can do it! Good luck!
