In Need

This is his new family!!! It shouldn't be an option where he sleeps! My aunt when through this same problem with her son until she insisted he stay at her house. It may take a few nights but he will get used to it. It's so important that he stays with you!!

Well first congradulations. Second I don't know if it will help however my husband had two kids from his first marriage and all they knew was Nanna's. My husband and I have been married almost 4 years and the kids still get homesick when we have them on the weekends. So I sit and talk with them for awhile about Nanna and sometimes they will call her before going to bed. It helps them to calm down and now we can get through the weekend. The main thing I have found is stay calm and try not to take it personally. That will be the hard part.

You just need to transistion him slowly. If paw paw is what he needs to go to sleep, see if your dad is willing to come and give him his "normal" bed time routine for about a week or two and either you or your husband begin to become a part of the routine. Then explain to your son that you love him very much and paw paw loves him very much but paw paw can not come over every night anymore and either you or your husband can begin your own routine with him. It can be the same as your dads, just add a couple of your won things as he gets more comfortable. It will take some time, but that is all he has known for 8 years. I hope this helps!

Ask PawPaw to come over at bedtime every night for a few nights. Ask him to bring with him one of his shirts or his pajama top and let your son wear it to bed. After a week or so, have PawPaw come over every other night, then every third night, increasing the intervals until your son is able to go to sleep without him. Having PawPaw's pajamas to wear to bed may help ease this transition.
Even though your son likes his stepdad and stepsisters, it's still a lot for him to try to adjust to new people living with him, people who have always lived with him no longer living with him, a new house, maybe a new school.

Hi,
I wonder if it would be possible to have one or both of your parents spend the night in your new home to give your son the feeling of their presence and acceptibility of it. Maybe you could also try having them help him arrange his new room, putting pictures of them in his room, giving him a special toy to sleep with to celebrate his new room, giving them an item of clothing or pillowcase that smells like one of them? They could even try telling him they will call him first thing in the morning if he will spend the night there. Try to break him into it by having him try it one night at a time, etc.

I would not give my child an option where they are going to stay. I know this is hard and an adjustment but if you give in and send him with your parents, it will set you up for many problems in the future. I would just reassure him he is safe and he is fine. My sister went through this with her kids (she had been living w/our parents) when they would get in trouble or if my sister went to parent them the kids would cry and say how they wanted papa or grandma. Some of it is that the kids miss the people they know best...but a lot of it is testing you. Good Luck!

When I married, my son was 4 and had somewhat of the same problem. What we did was let him make his room his own. We just kept talking about "his room" and how special it was. We even allowed him to pick out the colors for the walls. Now I will warn you that my son chose a different color for each wall so there is some risk. He picked out Red, yellow, blue and green. I was suprised that it turned out well. He is 12 now and still loves his room.

I think if you let him go home to your parents every time he cries he will eventually end up there full time. I understand this is all he knows but if you don't give in he will get used to his new surroundings. He needs to be able to bond with his new family and sending him back to your parents may cause friction between you and your new husband as well. I suggest you let him stay with them periodically and gradually move him into his new surroundings. I think he will get used to being away from his grandparents for longer periods of time. Good luck

Hi T.!
First, congratulations on your marriage. I am so sorry the move is a tough adjustment on your little boy though. I haven't dealt with this because my son always "goes with the flow" and he would consider it a new adventure, but I had a couple of ideas for you. The idea about his Paw Paw coming to help at bedtime was a good one. If/when that is not possible, maybe give your son a "time" that he will get to go see his grandparents that he can look forward to. Something like, "I know that he isn't here now, but you will see your Paw Paw after school tomorrow and he is taking you for icecream". Or, if it is possible for your son to spend the night with them on weekends, then give him that to look forward to. I hope that things get better for him!

Having his "paw paw" visit at bedtime might be helpful at the start, especially if they're so close. It will take some time for him to get use to the new digs, but he will learn that they're right around the corner and not a world away. Another help might be to incorporate some familiar surroundings - wallcolor, a lamp, bedding, etc. "Home" sights and smells. Hope this helps :}

You have set up a situation that will replay itself every night if you do not take control immediately. It is going to be hard on your son (and likely hard on his grandparents too!). But if you want to raise your son in your house, you need to start now.
How about setting up one night a week that he can sleep at grandparents - perhaps Friday. He can look forward to this all week. But every other night he is to sleep in his new house.
He will cry at first. You will both have a few sleepless nights, but he will adjust. You are not alone in this battle, anytime kids move they feel out of place and unsettled for awhile. But he will learn to love his new home.
Perhaps even a reward system while getting adjusted. 6 nights at new house = trip for ice cream with mom. or later 3 nights of sleeping in own bed = trip to park with mom.
I'm afraid that if you continue to call your parents. YOur son will soon be living back with them. Make a decision and stick to it.

Aww, my daddy is a PawPaw, too : )
Put yourself in his shoes--OF COURSE he's upset. That's been his home for all of his life. You're probably mourning the loss in your own way, as well, although I know you're happy.
I'm thinking that right now, the more time PawPaw could spend with him at YOUR house, the better. So his 'buddy' can kind of be around so he's not missed as much, as well as to kind of let your son see that it's a good place to be--so good that PawPaw likes to come and spend time there,too.
I dunno--try it and see??
Blessings,
H.

Well he is eventually going to have to get used to your new living situation, maybe if he spent mroe time with the stepfather he may feel a bit better. And maybe you could make a deal with your son and say paw paw can come over once or twice a week to lay down with him at night if the other days he atleast tries to go to sleep by himself or with you. GOod luck big changes are tough =)

First, congratulations on the marriage. I also have a papa boys when he was 6 months old we moved in with my parents and lived with them for 2 years. My son didn't like not having his papa with him either. All I can say is it will not be a smooth road but maybe his papa can give him something he can sleep with at night. Or maybe his papa can sleep over the first night or just stay tell he falls asleep. But make sure he know that papa won't be there when he wakes up. Time is what is needed and just telling him that this is his new home and he needs to give it a try without his papa. Best of luck to you.

I was a single mom for 8 years. I did have my own home...but my son stayed with my parents 3 nights a week, sometimes 4 while I worked night shift at the hospital. I was married 3 years ago to a military man and of coarse...we received orders to move shortly after. My son would cry sometimes at night and say how much he missed them, but it was only a couple of weeks before he was excited that he had a dad now and moved to a new place(eventually). Since you live so close to your parents, I would suggest starting the transition on a Friday night...pop popcorn, watch a movie (the whole family-Disney or something), then have him stay in the new house for the weekend and see how it goes. You may have to do it for a couple of weeks...but eventually he will get use to it. Maybe even have your dad come over and give him a kiss goodnight at your house so your son doesn't feel the seperation so much. Trust me....it does get better! Good Luck.

Congrats on your marriage! Now about your son, you may try setting up his room to resemble his old room as much as possible. With things looking like his old place he may feel more at home. Maybe "paw paw" would come over for a few nights to tuck him in until he's more comfortable. Or maybe that's a role his new daddy can take. Hope this helps!

T.,
Congratulations!! Marrying the love of your life is so good for you!! For your son it will be a huge adjustment, even if he loves your husband and his new step sisters. I'm a military wife who has 2 great kids, a girl, 12 and a boy, 8 and baby number 3 on the way. I've been married to the same man for over 12 years, but we have constant upheavals in our lives, thanks to the military. The thing that I find with big or little change is creating a new ritual or habit or "our" way of doing things. My 8-year-old is such a creature of habit, so I can see how your lil guy would want his same habits. Ask his paw-paw to share some of the bed time habits so that you can recreate them. I hope some of this is helpful, I just know that dealing with kinks in the schedule and routine are best dealt with head on and by you and your new husband. See if he can't help you come up with a new bedtime custom for the whole family. Good luck.
Melissa

You need to decide immediately that you are the parent and you set the rules. If you call your parents to rescue you (and your son), he will think of them as the real parents. What ever you do, don't feel guilt - kids can sense it. Once you make the decision to marry and create a new, blended family, you must act very confident that you have made the best decision for your family. He will sense any guilt, hesitation or lack of confidence and exploit it. Though you might have a difficult few days, set a bedtime routine, calmly tuck him in and assure him that he will get used to the new routine. Acknowledge his concerns and give him any advice on coping with the new situation. Being tired at school for a few days won't be detrimental just a little difficult on him until he realizes the consequences of what he chooses. I taught school for 10 years and watched the consequences of parents caving to their guilt. My children are 3, 6 and 8. The oldest and youngest especially go through phases of sleep difficulties. For example: "I might have a scary dream." or I can't stop thinking about math problems and can't go to sleep." Knowing that if I let them stay in our bed once, they will make it a nightly thing, I tell them how to lie in bed and breathe deeply and either visualize a happy place, plan their next birthday party or imagine their princess story (we've had fun making these up). Set mini goals for him and move to bigger ones. Acknowledge his love for his grandparents and allow him to spend the night with them (preferably on a weekend night) after he accomplishes a certain number of nights going to bed at his own home without crying, etc. Remember that you don't want him there every weekend, because he needs to be part of your new family and the weekend routine and family traditions. Good luck.

T.: Sweety, this is something that you are going to have to make your son do--stay at his NEW HOME, with you and the rest of your family! Yes, it's an adjustment for him, since your parents' house is the only house he has ever lived in; however, he is 8 years old and needs to understand that he now has a new home and just put your foot down with him that this is where he is going to have to sleep. Try to think of it as if you are transitioning him (like so many moms have had to do, including myself) from sleeping with you to sleeping in his own bed. If you keep letting him go to "paw paws" to sleep--the problem will only continue, because he knows he will get his way at bed time. So, I say, lovingly talk to him when he gets home from school today and let him know that your new house is where you all live and you all sleep and grandma and grandpa are just down the road! Will he cry at bedtime? Yes, probably for a bit, but don't give in; he will adjust to sleeping in his own bed! Good luck and let me know how it goes!

God Bless

S.

This is an adjusment your son is going to need to go through. I think i may have a couple of ideas. You say you are only 12 mins away from your parents. Is it possible for PawPaw to come over a few nights a week and help him go to sleep? After your son gets into a regular schedule, then slowly back off the every night visit to 5 days a week, and so on. But I think some of it he should have to do without the constant help. I understand he is only 8, but you don't want this to keep going until you turn aroiund and you have a 16 year old that won't go to sleep b/c Paw Paw isn't there. If he gets tired enough, he'll go to sleep. Good Luck!

T.,
You want to help him focus on the good at the new house. Your new husband I assume loves him a lot, his step sisters etc that you can include in a new bedtime routine. Also you could let him call his grandparents right before bed-maybe from his bed and say goodnight-if he has a story that he likes paw paw to read or something that might help to comfort him. I'm sure he will adjust. I would steer clear of letting him go to grandmas whenever he can't sleep, he needs to learn to deal with change. God bless!

I agree with those who have said to make the transition gradually. Also, it would be best if Paw Paw could come to your house and not the other way around...at least for a while. The more your son is in the house and interacting with his new siblings and step-father, the more comfortable he will be, and Paw Paw will probably be able to gradually stop coming. Then once your son is sleeping regularly at home without Paw Paw you can institute occasional visits with his grandparents. Our children really do get into these routines and it would be cruel just to force them to stop "cold turkey."

A.

It will definitely take a little adjusting for him. In so many cases of moving from any home to another, try making his room really special for him so he will get EXCITED about it and want to stay there. Have his pawpaw come over and tell him he thinks it's wonderful and he is so proud for his grandson to have his new room. It doesn't take a lot of money to decorate. Posters at Walmart are a few bucks a piece and have pets, race cars, popular tv stars, etc. on them. Try something special for him and sooner than later, you will have to let him know that THIS is his new home and he will have to accept it. We all have to deal with change and learning how to adapt to change is an important part of growing up and coping well! He can definitely go visit the grandparents and stay over occasionally, but not to often for a while, so he makes his transition well. Even when it's exciting and planned, when you move from a home you love (even for us moms) it's tough, but we make our new house - Home and that's were we get used to staying. Congratulations on your new marriage!

Good Morning T.,

My suggestion is Patience with your child. His new situation is more difficult than we adults imagine it to be. Don't send him back to his grandparents' house as this will only prolong the adjustment to the new enviroment. As for laying with him, I strongly suggest you sit in a chair with him for some moments only. Talk about the changes and how difficult they are for everyone. Say that you are all adjusting and it takes time. Remind him to think of the positive points of this change such as having some step siblings to play with him daily; a step-father around to offer just one more person who loves him; his own room. Point out the positive aspects, disregard the negative side for now especially if it is only that he's not sleeping with his grandpa near. Talk about family gatherings that will occur inviting the grandparents over to grill out, or for a sit-down dinner, etc.

He will adjust in time. If there is no harmful reason for him to fear being in this home with a new dad and siblings, it will then be just a matter of time. I say this because I do not know you, your spouse, your step-children. And therefore do not know what goes on in this group of people who've been joined together. I'm basing my suggestions on the assumption of this being a loving relationship for all involved.

Relax, T.. In time all will be happy!

God Bless you and your new family!

Perhaps you'll need to gradually work him over to your new home. Maybe Pawpaw would call about bed time and reassure him everything is ok and maybe if they have have an everynight thing they do he could possibly do it over the phone.
IF that don't help for awhile would Pawpaw come done until he falls asleep? Since they only live 12 min away.
Good luck the change is SO hard on little ones.
Jan