I’m feeling so horrible this morning I want to cry!. Last night my teenage daughter was studying for a big test for today. They take this test twice a school year. Last test she rec’d a B. She is aspiring to get an ‘A’ this time. This morning she woke up very sleepy and I was trying to get her going as I’m running around getting ready for work, helping my other child and making breakfast & lunch for my daughter so she can get some more studying in this morning. As I’m running around I can see she is not doing o.k. She is always peppy in the morning in a great mood all the time but I could tell she was tired and stressed. I kept thinking to myself “sit down and talk with her. Give her encouragement”, but one thing came up after another. Then I lost my car keys and now we’re running late. We carpool so right as we walked out the front door her friend was just getting there (I usually drive up to pick up the friend but we were running late). Now my opportunity to talk to my daughter is gone. She was so quiet in the car when she is always very talkative and positive.
As she was getting out of the car I asked her if she was ok and I swear she looked so stressed and tired. She said “I’m fine” kind of irritated. I hugged her and told her I love her and good luck on her test. She said thank you under her breath and walked away to get to class.
As I’m driving to work all I kept thing is Darn it!! I should have sat with her, asked her if she slept ok, tell her how proud I am of her and that I was confident she would do great on her test today! Now it’s too late and I’m beating myself up over here! I KNOW had I taken the time this morning she would have felt better and I’m sure she was sad I didn’t talk with her as she sat by herself eating breakfast.
Have you had mornings like this and what helped you get through until your child got home from school? Please help me because I’m feeling SO DARN GUILTY!!
To clarify my Daughter was not rude at all this morning!!! Tired and stressed does NOT equate to being rude.
Thank you for the words of encouragement and helping me smile this morning! I feel better already! You're all awesome!
Do you pick them up after school?
Go to the store and buy two special treats - dessert, candy, latte, etc. Have them be identical. Put them in two bags. Bag 'Yay, for A' and Bag 'Not and A'.
When you see her, ask her what grade she got. If she got an 'A', give her bag 'Yay for A'. If she got something else, give her 'Not A'. You keep the other one. Open them at the same time.
Good luck.
M.
That mama guilt is always going to be there. You sound like a wonderful, loving and caring mom. That is the most important thing. Your daughter knows you are thinking of her and sending her good thoughts. Tonight give her a big hug and tell her you thought about her all day.
We have always told our daughter, "just do your best. No matter the outcome, if you have done your best no regrets.". Same goes for parents.
Yes, it had happen to me and I felt the same way then you. Sometimes I would talk to her later and we will talk, others I would talk to her after my guilty day and she would look at me with an "Hugh?" face, lol.
I like to be an no-perfect mom because it shows them that is ok, talk to her later, later is better then never and sometimes later is even better then sooner, if that makes sense.
You sound like a great mom!! Your daughter sounds pretty wonderful too. I never did well in school (never tried) and I was certainly never peppy in the mornings as a teenager! I have yet to be in a situation like yours, but I think you should take her out to dinner or something, just the two of you (if you can) so you can talk about the the test or just how her day went and let her know how proud you are of her. That should make you both feel better :)
Hey don't knock yourself- you told her you loved her and good luck. Even though you care about her feelings, you aren't responsible for them. Ultimately she makes her own choices, including how to deal with or feel about things. Unless you are berating her I don't think you have a reason to feel guilty.
Instead of regretting the time you didn't have/spend this morning, maybe make an effort to spend some time with her tonight... maybe go get a pedicure, or go out for dinner. Or if tonight isn't good plan something for the weekend.
Look -you obviously care a great deal-so stop beating up on yourself. You're fostering independence-be proud of that-and of course, be there if she God forbids get a B or -gasp-a C. C students run the world.
Next time-have everything packed and laid out the night before-including those darned, elusive keys!
Your only human sweetie! We all make mistakes...
Too bad she didn't have a cell phone you could call her or txt her and wish her more luck ;) Does she have one? One of her friends?
~Even if you can't fix it now your daughter knows you love her, promise!
It maybe a little late to reply since she'll be home from school soon.
We all have busy lives and you can't and shouldn't worry about what you should have or could have done. Concentrate on what you can do better next time, or what you can do after school or this evening.
Teens are moody. Sometimes they just need their own space or time to work it out themselves.
I was going to work late tonight. I talked to my daughter after school and she was having a bad day, almost sounded like she wanted to cry and really needed someone to talk to. So I left work early, I get home and she doesn't want to talk, she's upset that I came home. Anyway, she's knows I'm here if she wants to talk and that's whats important.
I can be awful the opposite way... If my daughter is moody and "rude", in the morning, I won't tolerate it.
(if she is sick, that's another thing...)
you obviously are a caring mother....you are allowed to screw up but just by you posting this question proves that you will be on your game when you see her
When you have the opportunity tonight, tell her how you feel. Describe to her exactly what you just told us or maybe even show her the post - it will show her that you are human and don't always get things right and it will also show her how much you truly do care for her. I feel your pain - it sucks that you didn't get a chance to talk with her this morning. But just be honest with her. I think she will be interested to hear that you felt frustrated and guilty about your actions and tell her what you did to manage those feelings. Owning up to a perceived mistake will set an example for her. This is something that happens to all of us. It sucks but it's ok and this too shall pass.
