Please Help My Mornings!

Updated on August 25, 2012
R.M. asks from Evanston, IL
19 answers

My children have to be up at 6:10am for school as they have to be out the door by 7. This is fine for my 7-year-old daughter who wakes up happy as a clam no matter what, but my son struggles every single day. He is 8 and this will be his third year waking up at this time. Even though we are only a week and a half off of summer break it continues through the school year so it isn't that. They are in bed at 7:45 and he takes the longest to fall asleep. He is always asleep by 8:15 or 8:30 though. We already do no electronics before bed, no sugar at night etc to try to help him fall asleep as quickly as possible. Every single morning he is so tired to the point of crying. Once I finally do get him up and eating breakfast he can never get himself ready without constant direction even though the routine is simple and has been the same for 3 years. Eat breakfast, get dressed in the clothes I laid out for you, put your socks and shoes on, brush your teeth, wash your hands, get your lunch pail out of the fridge and put it in your backpack. This is a gate student mind you, no ADD or anything like that. My daughter (who I actually wonder if she IS ADD sometimes), can and will get herself ready from top to bottom including picking out her own clothes and still have enough time to dig through her jewelry box to change her earrings or find a necklace to wear without a bit of prompting and she is a year younger. The LAST thing I want to do is start my son's day off with me irritated at him or yelling when hes already tired and sensitive but it is so so frustrating when it is like this day in and day out. So my questions are, do any of you have a child like this and if so, how do you make the mornings easier for everyone? Also how can I brighten his mood in the morning so that I don't send him off to school all melancholy? He is always fine once he gets there and loves school but truly just wants to sleep in the morning!

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S.T.

answers from Houston on

The only thing that works for me (and some will blast me for it, but I don't care!) is TV. I put pokemon on at 6am, loudly, it gets him running out of bed. I give him breakfast in front of it, he watches til 6.30, then off it goes, giving us 30 more minutes to get dressed and other stuff. It gives him that chance to wake up. so find the TV show that he likes, and record it, or hope it's on at 6am! put it on loudly enough to wake him up. Voila, serene mornings!

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J.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

For some of us, 6am is just too darn early! My husband would die if he had to get up that early. We are all different. That being said, ask him what the issue is. Can you reward him for getting himself ready without you saying a word? Maybe let him sleep until 6:30 if he can hop up and get ready. My son gets his best sleep from 5:30-6:30am. If I wake hi earlier, he is angry ALL DAY. If I give him until closer to 7, he is great all day.

I applaud you on his bedtime. People don't realize just how much sleep we ALL need.

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K.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

I just want to throw out there the fact that some people just don't do well in the mornings. Submit yourself to the idea that this may be your son, and while you can do your best to ensure he has enough sleep and nutrition, he will always be moody waking up at 6:15am. And if that's the case, you can rest assured that you've provided everything he needs and moodiness will pass quickly when he finally gets to school and starts his day.

You're not a bad M. if your son is moody in the morning.

3 moms found this helpful
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B.G.

answers from Springfield on

Oh my gosh, did your post hit the nail on the head with my 6 year old. I was practically in tears this morning because, not only was he being his usual self, but he and his brother were fighting over a shirt this morning and I ended up carrying the 3 1/2 year old kicking and screaming into the van. I hate starting our mornings like this. I want both of them to leave me feeling loved!

Right now I've got nothing! I'm hoping some other moms will be able to help both of us. There has to be a better way.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.L.

answers from Charleston on

I think your son is just not a "morning person". I figured that out the hard way with my 9 year old daughter. She's in 4th grade this year, and is still has a hard time in the morning. It's gotten better, but it is a difficult thing for her.

I found that even though she "knows" what to do, if I started out by saying "do this, this this and this" all at one time, It overwhelmed her, and she just would shut down and cry.

So I have made a list to hang on her door that details each thing she has to do in the mornings to be ready to leave. (get dressed, eat, brush teeth, brush hair, socks on, shoes on, book bag by front door, etc...) She can check it as she goes to make sure she's on task, and I don't have to yell. It's been a lifesaver for the past year.

Also like another poster said, maybe let him wake up a few minutes earlier, get dressed, then have 15 minutes of TV to kinda get going.

Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Perhaps your son needs a little more time to wake-up. Could you get him up 15 minutes earlier and let him watch TV before starting his day? We are all in night owls in my family so the morning does not agree with us either.
My oldest has to be at the bus stop at 6:43 this year and I am dreading it.

3 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

None of us are morning people.

We learned a long time ago.. Do not ask us questions, do not expect answers to your questions..If you do start in on us... You will snap back a nub..

Instead I set our daughters alarm clock ahead and set her alarm to allow 15 more minutes of sleep.

I woke her up and said 5 more minutes? If she said yes, i would check back. 5 more minutes?

As she got older her alarm went off on its own and she could hit snooze, but if I did not hear her moving around at a certain time, I would go in and tell her you have had your 15 minutes.. and then leave her to it.

We also discussed breakfast on Sundays.. What do you want for breakfast this week? She would let me know.. toast, smoothie or cereal.. whatever. I would make sure the ingredients were there.

Also school lunches. What do you want to take this week? I would then have the makings all there. You sound like you have this handled.

Backpack was loaded up the night before all papers signed etc.

This went on from K - 12.. No talking or hardly any talking in the mornings even now that she is back from college and living at home again. We as a family just cannot be bothered or pushed in the mornings.

2 moms found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

He may grow out of it over time, he may not. He may just not be a morning person.
My GATE kiddo is like her dad. She falls asleep easily, quickly and early. And she rises happy and easily. My son is like me... if he isn't knocked out tired, he tosses and turns... and could easily stay up past midnight every single night. He just cannot wake up in the mornings. EVERY morning he is just not ready to get up. It doesn't matter if he has been asleep for 12 hours. He will sleep until he is woken up. It takes me 3 times of going into his room to get him actually vertical and out of the bed... and he LIKES going to school. He looks forward to it. And once he is up, he is very good about getting ready and being ready to be out the door.
The one who wakes up easily and happy, however..... she does pretty well this year (she is 11), but in previous years she would disappear into her room and I wouldn't see her again until it was time to leave and I'd find her messing around with a toy or some other distraction, without her hair brushed, no shoes/socks on, still in her PJ's! She just had no concept of the passing time.

My heavy sleeper, who gets it all done, he is a grump. Just don't talk to him unless it is absolutely necessary. I am kinda like that until I've had my coffee... so I can understand. Maybe you should keep that stuff to a minimum and just redirect with as few words as possible to keep him moving towards the goal. :)

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

I would first try to shorten the time he needs to get ready. Meaning, he has to be in gear at 6:30 and not 6:10. Maybe having some extra time to sleep would help him be faster and more focused when he's up. I know that it sounds counter-intuitive but it's worth a try.

If that doesn't help, then try to gently wake him a bit earlier. There are sunrise clocks that I've considered getting for my husband, who has trouble waking up. They make the room slowly go from dark to light, like dawn, and are supposed to be a more natural way for the body to wake on its own.

My entire family is like this at that hour. None of us is a morning person so the earliest anyone wakes up without an alarm is 7.

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E.S.

answers from Boston on

Hi! We give my son extra time to work on his "coming to life" skills. Waking him up with plenty of time is much easier than struggling with trying to get him to hurry, which (as you know) never works.

2 moms found this helpful

S.L.

answers from New York on

I just read an article on how even 15 minutes more of sleep can help kids get better grades. So can you put him to bed 15 minutes earlier?
Is he a visual learner? Hang a big poster listing the things he has to do in the AM.
If he is kinesthetic he will need a checklist of things he can actually check off
Maybe playing upbeat music in the background will help his mood.

2 moms found this helpful

J.H.

answers from San Antonio on

Lay his clothes out the night before so he can get up and just get dressed.

I would also start putting him to bed earlier. If it takes him an hour to fall asleep, then he needs to be in bed by 7.

My son was like this and we kept moving his bed time forward until we found a time when he got enough sleep and didn't wake up cranky. He's now in bed by 8 every night...and he's a freshman in high school!

Good luck mama!

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J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

is he in any sort of activity that will wear him out the night before? Can he go for a run before dinner so he will be tired come bedtime? Dont let the activity be too late or it will be counter productive.

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Sounds like he needs more sleep than he's getting.
8 yrs old can be a major growth spurt time for a boy and they just need more sleep than usual.
Try an earlier bedtime for him and don't cut it too close in the morning.
Try getting him up 5:45 so he has more time to adjust and transition.

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S.B.

answers from San Diego on

My daughter does have ADD and mornings were really tough for us as well, and I hated starting the mornings out with escalating screaming matches!! We found this alarm clock light that has really worked out well for her. It starts getting gradually lighter and lighter for about a hour before the actual sound alarm goes off. That way she is gradually waking up before it's time to wake up. It really works wonders for her and she's in sooooo much of a better mood!!!!! I don't remember the name off hand but we found it online. If you need more information, please feel free to message me and I can look to find you more information.

Good luck!
Stephanie

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M.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

If he will co-operate an earlier bed time might help. Lots of physical exercise during the day. Try a little melatonin to help him relax enough at night to fall asleep, they have one for kids. Warm milk with molassess also helps. Google "sleep inducing foods". Also TV is a stimulator, (something to do with light waves) maybs he could get dressed in front of the TV in the am. Also upbeat music helps to get the energy going - we use "Oklahoma!" and if you think he isn't getting enough sleep, napping is a good way to reset everything.
Good luck!
Good luck!

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R.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi Robin,

Wow -- this takes me back to my doctoral studies! This may be an issue of circadian biology. All animals run on a "clock" that helps them keep time of time of the day, although no animal, except hamsters, runs a true 24 hour cycle. Human sleep/wake cycles can run anywhere from 22 to 36 hours if no external time cues are provided. Strong external cues(called "zeitgebers", which translates to "time givers") include sunlight or bright light, and meals. These cues help the natural clock mechanism re-set itself on a daily basis to keep the person in sync with geologic day/night patterns.

People can be pretty much grouped into three types: morning larks, who tend to rise before dawn and get sleepy in the early evening (rare), flexible, who can easily adjust to awakening and falling asleep to different times of the day as needed (the majority of the population), and night owls (aren't sleepy until late at night and can't really wake up until late morning); this is a function of an individual's genetically determined circadian cycle.

Children, and especially teenagers, tend to be natural night owls, and this can shift in the late 20's early 30's to a more flexible pattern. But some people who appear to be night owls are actually "suffering" from a kind of circadian disorder called "delayed sleep phase disorder (DSPD)." In these individuals, it is conjectured that the area of the brain (suprachiasmatic nuclei) responsible for translating light cues into clock re-seting signals isn't as responsive to light as it is in most people. In addition, they tend to have longer sleep/wake cycles, so that they continue to go to sleep later and later at night, and consequently awaken later and later in the morning. Some rare people are so badly affected by this that it becomes disabling, in that they can't function on a normal human social schedule. People with this disorder eventually tend to adjust by taking nightshift jobs.

The question is, how to help someone like your son. One option would be to take him to a sleep specialist who has a background in circadian biology. The usual therapy for someone with this disorder, however, is basically the following:

1. Expose your son to only low levels of light from early evening until an hour before he would normally feel tired. This means no TV or computer time after late afternoon -- not because of the stimulation, but because of the amount of light they emit. If he wants to read, have him read in a dimly lit room, with just enough light to read or do homework by.

2. An hour before he would normally get sleepy, turn out the lights and put him to bed. Do NOT allow any flashlights in the room. Make it clear that he needs to lay in bed and do nothing, even if he can't fall asleep. He will eventually.

3. Wake him up one hour earlier than he would naturally awaken and make sure he gets at least 2 hours of very bright light exposure (preferably natural sunlight) first thing in the morning.

4. Do this for 2 - 3 weeks, until he can fall asleep within 15 minutes after the lights go out, and can awaken comfortably, if not naturally, within 5 - 10 minutes of being awakened.

5. Repeat this cycle by pushing back lights out and wake up time by another hour every 2 - 3 weeks until your son's clock has re-set and he is no longer entering the sleep cycle at a socially unacceptable time.

This should work, but will not be easy. I know you said that he never adjusts throughout the school year, but the trick may well lay in the very low/dim light usage in the the late afternoon/early evening. This may be tough to do until daylight's savings time ends.

Just as I finished writing this, I reread your original post and have one other thought. It is possible that you son has a type of sleep apnea. Since he falls asleep within 30 - 45 minutes of going to bed, he should still be getting a good 9.5 hrs of sleep, which should be enough for an 8 year old. If he's not breathing well through the night, however, this can affect his sleep quality to be point where he's very tired in the morning. In kids, sleep apnea can be a problem cause by allergy (stuffy nose), enlarged adenoids (again, stuffy nose, but for a different reason) or having a softer than normal pallate which collapses and cuts off or reduces air supply when he lies down. Does your son snore? If so, sleep apnea could be a real possibility (it can also be a possibility if he doesn't snore). Just to rule it out, you might consider talking to his pedriatrician about it or take him to see a pediatric otolaryngologist (ENT specialist). Depending on the opinions of these two types of doctors, a sleep study may still be needed.

I certainly wish you the best of luck! My DD went through a round of DSPD during her senior year of high school. We used the above method to get her back on track, and it worked quite well.

R.

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M.C.

answers from Chicago on

Wow, you have it tough. Good luck! :) We have to be up by 8am for school for elementary, ideally 7:30.

Sounds like others have good suggestions. For us, it's 4 kids under 7 out the door, so I'm really no help. It's a bit chaotic. My problem is my kids want to get up at 6:30am!!!! And my 6-year-old is running around like a bundle of energy. I wish they'd sleep in a bit more!

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N.S.

answers from Chicago on

Mybe try changing up the order. Maybe let him get dressed and packed up first. I can't eat breakfast first thing in the morning, and my kids don't typically either. An alternative would be to have him sleep in his clothes for the next day. Of course, if he has to wear a uniform or nicer clothes that wouldn't work. Unless he's a night sweater, how dirty could he possibly get?:) And look at the little things-does he have to untangle his double knotted shoe laces from the day before (or find his shoes), rearrange his backpack to fit his lunch box in, etc. Those little frustrations in the morning can make it rough.
I agree, maybe let him sleep a few minutes longer and condense his morning routine. On the days that they haven't gotten up on their own I get both my boys up around 7:00, we are out the door between 7:25-7:30 most days. They like trying to set a record time...
Just keep truckin' and you'll eventually find soemthing that works.

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