Ideas for a Grieving Friend

I sell marble and granite candles on my site, www.favoroo.com, but I can also have one made with a glass frame attached for a photo of him/them. It's a great way for them to remember and celebrate his life each year, and it's a lovely gift, as well. I can e-mail you a sample photo, if you'd like. I don't know when you need it by, but let me know if you want to know more. Thanks!

On the anniversary of the death of my baby my friend is always faithful to send me a card. It means so much to me that she would think about me on that day. Sometimes I will drive by the cemetary and see that one of my friends has left flowers at the grave. I love this, and I think it is a great way to show you care.

My husband died 5 years ago, so I am unwillingly familiar with these kinds of anniversaries. As a matter of fact, our wedding anniversary is coming up, and I'm a little blue.

I don't have a good suggestion, other than letting them choose. This type of thing is very personal. They might want to go sit in a corner alone and cry, or they might want to go out dancing to get through it. They might also want to honor him by doing something he liked to do. If you think they need a distraction, I would suggest normal things like movies, dinner, etc. Maybe a spa trip? But if they don't want to do anything, that's o.k. too.

I was miserable the first anniversary of his death. My parents came over and helped distract me. The first time our wedding anniversary came up, I was a little more "proactive". I thought for a long time about what I'd really like to do. Something special. I decided to build a brick porch off my back door. Getting outside and doing something physical was wonderful for me. But everyone is different.

Hope this helps. My thoughts are with you and your friends.

I know when I lost my Father every birthday and holiday was a time to mourn my lost. What you might consider doing is inviting them over for lunch, dinner or movie. Try to get them out of the house. Don't try to ignore the fact that this day is bad for them. If they want to talk him, try to bring out the good memories with questions; "Was their something your Dad did when you were young that you remember - inquire as if you would like to pass helpful hints to your husband. Just being her friend and trying will help somewhat during the day.
J.

If they belong to a church you might make a donation in his honor at their library.

My Mom bought a tree for us to plant in our yard in honor of my Mother-in-love. It was a great gift.

Another thought is just going to their house for a visit or sending a Thinking of You card with a good memory of her Dad.

You are a good friend to keep them close to you during this difficult time. One of my closest friends lost her Dad to cancer 4 years ago this past February. She shared with me this past Christmas was the first one they were excited about since her Dad died. It can be a long process, being there for them is the most important thing you "can do".

Blessings!
L.

Try something like booking them a day at a spa or try the cooking classes at Market Street they are only like 30 dollars a piece. Something to maybe keep thier minds off it for a bit and something for themt o make new memories. I will have to tell you, my best friend ( two of them actually) but one lost her mom on my birthday three years ago. I tried the lets remember her thing, with flowers and even a scrap book thing. It only made her more sad, finally after three years she told me, K., I just want to do something to take it off my mind for the moment is that ok. I felt horrible but unless it has happened to you ,then it is hard to know what everyone wants some people just dont want to talk about it at all and some want to celebrate the life. It all depends, so a nice gesture that does not include you getting to close for thier happening, is a good one! There is a mothers day cooking class, not sure when the date is but it is a great fun class to take at market street. Good luck, I know it is hard, believe me two of my closest friends lost thier moms with in a year of one another and it is hard every holiday to keep them going! You are sweet person and a good friend to think of them though!

I'm so sorry about the lost of your friend's Dad. I lost mine about 8 yrs ago and I still think of him from time to time. Might I suggest if someone hasn't already thought of this, planting a tree or a flower garden in his honor. Earth Day is coming up and what a perfect time to plant. I would plant a tree and/or garden and put a plaque with his name on it so each time your friends look at it, it will remind them of him and bring happy thoughts that his spirit lives on in their hearts.

I lost my son 3 and half years ago and it still feels like it was only yesterday but I have a few special friends who remember me by sending an e-mail card or a snail mail card or a phone call. It is such a help just to know someone else cares and knows how you must be feeling. I think you are very sensitive to be feeling like you want to do something, just do it....Until I lost my son, I didn't understand the worst thing is to not talk about it with the person who has lost a loved one. Also there is a poem you can find on the internet that helped me and that is "There is an Elephant in the Room. I know they would understand that. My mother and I both loved that poem. People don't know what to do so therefore, sometimes they do nothing and that is no help. Hope this helps you,
God Bless You,

N.

I lost my dad at age 36 in December 2004. He was only 66. I lost my first husband of ten years in November 2006 when I was 38 years old and he was 50 years old. Both died from unexpected fatal heart attacks. I never would've dreamed in a million years that my mother and I would become widows within two years of each other!

What has helped me the most besides my faith in God, is having friends and family who will listen and share stories with me. When I get bummed I pull out my photographs and reflect on what my Dad and husband of ten years both meant to me. My son was only 6 when his bio Dad died and I'm working on a scrapbook for him as he remembers very little about his father. I want to preserve the memories for him and write out stories of good times so when he's older, he'll know how special his father and grandfather were. Maybe your friend would like to get together and you two could work on a memory book for her and her mom. Another thing I would love is to have a friend go with me when it's time to put flowers on my deceased husband's grave. It's hard on my current husband to watch me crumble when I go because it takes me a few days to bounce back after coming home from the cemetery.

The hardest thing I've had to deal with is that "look of pity" I feel that I get from the couple friends I was close to while married to my first husband. I didn't know how to treat my friends while grieving my loss and they didn't know how to treat me. It was and still is a Catch 22 situation. I've since remarried but it hasn't made things any easier as I am starting over after a long history of being married to my first spouse and am still going to the same church where friends are having to adjust to my new husband. They are happy for me but it's still awkward.

It's amazing what can trigger a crying episode for me. My son is doing so many amazing things that his real father will never see and be proud of. My mother has been a widow over 3 years and still struggles daily too. Holidays and anniversaries can be so hard. I still pull out my old wedding video and watch it on my former wedding anniversary date. It has both my Dad and 1st husband talking on it (to me) and reminds me of happier times when life seemed much simpler. My brothers talk to me about our Dad a lot and we sorta have an honor system to help our mother cope. My family has really been there for me and they are pretty good at picking up when I have the blues even though we live in different states and communicate mostly by phone.

There is no set time on grief. My church has an amazing Grief Recovery program that lasts about 6 weeks for the initial program and then a monthly meeting for support each month. Each year around Christmas they host a dinner to remember loved ones we've lost and we hang ornaments on a tree at the church in their memory. Email me if you'd like more information.

You are a great friend and I'm sure you will give your friend the support she and her mother need.

a simple card that says I am thinking about you.
This is such a hard time and nothing will help them through it. However, I remember a friend sent me a card on what would have been my son's 18th birthday.
Her words read...
Hello S. and David, I want to you to know that I am thinking about you today and praying for you too. What a celebration our Lord is having today as Keith celebrates his first birthday with Him. I know we all wish we were celebrating here with him but just imagine the celebration going on in heaven today.
Love always, Victoria
Now this was not the anniversary date of his death but just a card would mean so much. It is hard to talk about things sometimes and you will know if she wants to talk about him. She will bring it up. If she gets sad let her be sad, if you think she needs cheering up... ask her to tell you about a time that her husband made her laugh. Stories are always good to tell. Hope this helps.

I lost my son three years ago next month and I can tell you that the thing that means the most to me is getting cards or letters from friends at his birthday or anniversary of his death. It feels good to know that he is not forgotten....some friends write long letters of memories others just send a short note letting me know that they are thinking of us....just the thought that you are thinking of your friend and her dad will mean a lot I think, it does for us! ;-)

Hello D.,
My name is L.,I feel for your friend.I lost my dad on March 25th,2007.It's very kind of you to want to do something special for them.My suggestion would be may be take them out to a nice dinner.Just being there means so much,you don't have to talk about the loss of her father.Just let her know that you love her and how much your friendship means to you.We just had the one year anniversary of my dad's passing,i've been ok because I know my dad is in heaven with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,that is what gives me the greatest comfort of all.Let your friend know how much God loves them.I pray that the Lord give comfort,peace,and strength to your friend and her mom.God bless you.

Just a card will let them know you are aware of their pain and care about them. However, if you want something more, how about a tree planted in his memory.

I lost my Dad 3 years ago. I love my husband 14 years ago who was only 39 at the time. And, I lost my son when he was only 28. So, I can say a lot about grief. On birthdays and special holidays I really miss them. One thing that helps me is to remember fun things we did together, special saying they used, etc. I light a candle on special occassions and sit quietly and talk to them, sharing my love and telling them how grateful I am to have had them in my life, and why. When I feel sad, or mad I tell them. I believe our spirit or soul never dies and we can connect to their energy when we want to. Feeling sad or continually crying can cause serious health problems, plus if keeps you disconnected with their energy. Feel sad for a few minutes, then get your mind on something that made you happy about them, and get yourself happy again. If she would like to talk to me, you may give her my phone number..###-###-#### R.
I am also a private sitter for children, so if you or your friends ever need that service, give me a call.

I lost my 15 yr. old daughter, Robby LeAnn, 11 years ago. She was born on my 18th birthday. I used to tell her she was my Best & last birthday present because after that, everyone gave her all the presents! It was our special day & it's the hardest day of the year for me now.

I like to call the day she died her "Angel" date. Please send your friend a card & include a memory! It's wonderful when others tell me what they remember, even if I've heard it a 100 times. It's so hard when others never mention her...it's almost like she never lived. Remembering & talking keeps her spirit ALIVE! The person who helps me the most through these special days is my friend Cindy. Cindy never knew Robby, we became friends many years after she died. But, she always remembers her & asks me to tell her what she was like. She tells me she can't wait to meet her when she gets to Heaven! I Thank God everyday for my friend Cindy!

I also know that the days leading up to that certain date are way worse than the actual day when it arrives. Being there for your friend before might be more helpful. Take her to lunch or dinner the day before. Ask if she has any special plans for that date & if there's anything you can do to help remember him.

Another source of comfort is an online support group that I use. It's www.griefnet.org It's very specific, so you can talk via email with others who have experienced the same type of loss as yours. It's very healing. And, it's available 24/7!

Hope this is helpful! I'll say a prayer for you & your friend.

A little about me:
Moma to 3 wonderful children, my angel Robby (27), Gabrielle (9), & Gus (5). and I'm married to the greatest guy I've ever known!

I lost my fiance 3 years ago. A friend introduced me to the Warm Place in Fort Worth. It's free so they wouldn't have to worry about any cost. It's a place where people that are going through the same thing can come together and support each other. I found it very comforting and helpful. I hope this helps.

Send a card. Make a memorial. Plant a tree or flowers in his memory. Call them. Take them out if they feel like it. Have a pizza delivered to them and pay for it. Be there to listen. Just being there means a lot. Pray for their healing process.

The card is definately nice. I know years ago when my grandmother passed away someone gave my family a very small tree. (Which is also not really expensive) Growing up it was our "Mamaw" tree. It grew and was a beautiful reminder of her.

Suggest that they do something to honor his memory not mourn his passing. On the anniversary of my son's passing last month I got together with a bunch of his friends, we went out for coffee and shared happy stories. It was very nice and it made the day a lot easier for me to handle. I hope this helps.

L.

just be there if they need to talk, maybe plan an outing they would enjoy, just knowing there is some one you can talk to if you need to is enough, also pray for their grief to be lessened so they can remember with smiles instead of tears, i will say a prayer for them to, lost my dad around 4 years ago, is a long process but does get better

I think a card regarding her loss is a great idea. Then wait a week or two and take her out to lunch or just spend some time together--help her get on with her life. He wouldn't want her grieving excessively every anniv of his death.

all you can go is be there for them. maybe take them out to eat. good luck.

Hi D.,

Send them a sweet remembrance you have of a time with that gentleman. People did so for me when I lost my dad and it was wonderful and joyful to read.