I Overreacted, but Still Think My Husband Was Wrong, How Can I Fix This Quick?

You both plaster smiles on your faces and be polite and respectful to each other--and guests--and save this for when you're alone.
Your husband should not have planned to go to any "optional" meeting--bible study or Tiddlywinks--when you were having out of town dinner guests. How RUDE is that?!
You can pull this off.
Apologize for yelling and smashing things but see if he will agree to talk about this tomorrow or another day.
Expectations--it's all about expectations. Express them early and often!

We all lose it sometimes, it called being human. You were dealing with preparing a home for guests and acting as travel agent and cab driver...that is a lot. I would've given one of my famous...I'll just do it because I'm always the one that does everything...speeches that usually results in my family tripping over themselves to lend a hand for about 30 minutes..haha! You needed to vent, you didn't hurt him, yourself or you anyone else. If you have anything to apologize for it is for not making your needs clear to your husband before your guests arrived. Good luck and stop being so hard on yourself.

I threw a wooden bowl filled with pretzels AT my husband once. I also have to leave sometimes and just scream. Some of us are just more dramatic and emotional than others. Sometimes you just need to get that aggravation out. In order to prevent the blow up I take a half hour walk alone most days.
I do not think you need to apologize. It seems women often have the impulse to make everything allright again, but I think that is wrong. I think he was a jerk for thinking he could leave the moment guests are due to arrive. This is not a spur of the moment drop-in visit evidently and it is very bad manners to not be there when the guests arrive.
Unless you feel that you were in the wrong I would not apologize. Tough cookies, he gets the good and the bad, and if he cannot understand that he pissed you off, and that you need his support during stressful times, I would let him stew for a while. Then when you go to bed you can say: I love you, I am sorry about our fight, I still think you were wrong for thinking you could leave when OUR guests are arriving, and if you wish to have time away from our guests then make sure to give me equal time away for my relaxation because obviously I need it. Tit for tat is the rule at our house - hubbie gets a night out and I take care of kids and dinner and bedtime, then I get the same thing on a night of my choosing.

You are having a bad day. Marriage is a real difficult thing when you are having a bad day. Take a deep breath and do your best....because sometimes that is all you can do.

BTW It has been awhile, but I have thrown a thing or two....it happens....

Wow. Lots of judgement about... breaking mugs? Seriously?
Good for you that you have a way to blow off steam that doesn't hurt anyone. I suppose those with "even tempers" wouldn't understand that sometimes you just have to go outside and scream or throw something so you can then rejoin life with a calmer demeanor.

As for the rest...I bet you guys will look back on this some day and laugh!

YOU apologize to HIM. YOU freaked out. Had you just explained to him and talked to him WHY you think it's not OK, this whole thing would have been different. You flew off the handle. He didn't. You threw a mug? Seriously? Do you do this often? That's ridiculous, I hope you never do that in front of your children. He is staying home. He conceded. He did what you wanted. You threw a mug and acted like a baby. You MIGHT get an apology, but I don't think he owes you one. Let it go. You're acting like a child.

Right when your husband gets home, meet him at the door and tell him you need to speak to him in private. Take him in the other room and apologize to him for the way you acted. And tell him that you want to have a nice evening with him. Throwing mugs against a wall is childish, no matter what. Hope your kids don't see you do that. And for the record, I think your husband is wrong too. Even if it is church, your husband is being selfish, and should have stayed and helped you finish up at the house before your family arrived. That would have been the nice thing to do. But maybe he wanted to get away since you were throwing things. I hope you have a nice visit with your family and you can get through all this.

Take a few minutes and tell him how him initially making plans to leave the family during tonights dinner made you feel. Explain that it was also your breaking point for the day after all the chaos of earlier. Tell him that while you will get past it, it hurt you and you are still upset. Then let it go.

Yikes! Can you imagine if you literally walked in the house and "stepped in it" before you had a clue as to what was going on? I mean, wow. Talk about ambush. Wouldn't it have been easier to say something like "Oh, honey, I totally understand you want to go, but you have no idea how crazy my afternoon has been, I REALLY need you to stay home--besides, this is the first night our family is in town!"

I mean aren't ALL bible studies optional ultimately? I mean he may have gotten upset and said some mean things, but it sounds like you might need a bit of a tune up in the wife department.

I get we all have our frustration releases but the fact that you have to throw and break something indicates that you have a lot of pent up stress and I can't imagine walking into that after being gone all day. I don't blame him for wanting to get away. I'm sure he probably knew the bible study was going to be the most supportive and kind environment he'd find that night.

This is your issue. The fact that your husband wasn't considerate and that you completely LOST your mind and he reacted defensively in anger resulted in one of the "biggest fights in your marriage" indicates there's a lot bubbling and brewing under the surface. Your marriage should be a refuge...for both of you.

It may sound harsh but my husband and I have put in YEARS of hard work to come to a place where we don't hold things back or in until we explode. If something is bothering one one of us and we have to have a "talk" neither one is afraid sit down with the other.

Think of your best memory of you and your hubby and having fun, say a heartfelt apology and ask him to help you move on. Tell him there was no excuse for your behavior and you are sorry. Go and have a great dinner---forgive yourself--your human!

M

Unless your children can't hear, don't think for a moment that they don't know when you "lose it".

Your husband probably won't be staying around much longer if both of you don't get some serious help.

I pray you can pull it together while your family is here and there might be someone you can confide in. Seriously, get some help for your anger, there are better ways other then breaking things.

Blessings....

My response is too late now for dinner, but in times of marital stress like this where I need to put on a smile....I pray a simple prayer:

I ask God to soften my heart.

I am sorry that your all dealing with some stress. I have never expected my hubby to stay home if he had prior plans. Yes they are there a week and lots of time to hang out. Life moves on and we all have commitments. I guess I would just love on him and ask for forgivness to him and for yourself. He seems like he is OK ??? He Sounds like a supportive husband. I think we sometimes go out of our way because of an expectation that you are putting on yourself for the guest. We are not perfect.... family and hosting is a stressful thing......but love is strong in the marriage and I know the Lord will bond you two back together quick as this is not really the end of the world......... he loves you !

I have found that even if you think the other party is wrong-apologize!!! There is a proverb I love "A soft answer turns away wrath". It doesn't sound like a huge deal-he was being a little inconsiderate but not mean or petty. Tell him you over reacted and you are sorry. Kiss him and rub his shoulders. Fake being ok until it is:)