I Have a Nine Year Old Who Acts like She Is an Adult

Hey, S..

Sounds like your daughter is having some pre-teen hormonal issues already. (I blame it on the chicken, unless you eat organic. LOL)

Daughters tend to be sweeter to their daddies. I was, but I didn't disrespect my mother, although she annoyed me to no end. But, I think that was hormonal.

Well, you can nip it in the bud. Let her know that behavior will not be tolerated. Start taking things away. No priveleges. Hey, you can't go on vacation any old time you want, or go get full body massages. So, she can't get the things she's into whenever she wants. She has to earn them.

If she wants to act like and adult then tell her since she can't work for money she can work for privleges. No friends over, no TV, no cell phone, no movies, no whatever she's in to until 2 weeks of handling her responsibilities with NO RESISTANCE. You can't huff and puff at your boss. You do what your told. She can't huff and puff at you and she IS to do what she's told end of story not one question asked. You run the house.

So, like a bi-weekly check, every 2 weeks she can have one privelege on the weekend and if she goes above and beyond she gets a bonus.

But, also, before all that, talk to her about what she's feeling and ask her why she seems to be resenting you so much. Maybe something hardcore is on her mind and she's assuming you won't understand and is acting out with all the frustration and anxiety.

9 is very young, but these days these girls are growing FAST. Its the media and the chicken. I'm telling you, those hormone-steroid pumped chicken is speeding up the aging process.

Anyways, good luck. And, your husband needs to get on board with you. He should definately be believing you and backing you up no questions asked. Why on earth would make up this up anyways? Nip it in the bud. You need his backing and if he is questioning you he should definately NOT being doing it in front of your daughter. He can discuss his opposing opinions behind closed doors or else it will only fuel your daughter's game playing. She's playing you both like a fiddle.

My son is only 2.5 and all either me and my husband need to say if we're not there to witness what happend is "He's acting up" and we already know to team up and straighten the boy out! And, my son is definately way more sweet with me so my husband sees his two sides. I just get the sweet stuff. But, if I hear he was disrespectful to my husband or anyone for that matter, grandma, uncle dan, I will surely back them.

Good luck, and first off get your husband on board. Then, ask your daughter what her deal is. What is she so upset about. Then, tell her she will need to start EARNING privleges like everyone else.

Okay, I'm done. LOL.

Hi S.- I feel for you. My daughter is just about 9 (June) and she's been "giving the tude" for a while now. Drives me nuts! For the most part, she's a wonderful child- it's when the mood strikes and it could be days of Mom being the bad one. I just put my foot down where necessary and also ask myself if the things I'm getting upset at are actually worth the battle. Sometimes I find that they aren't and I'm the one making a big deal out of it. When all else fails? I act like the 9 year old, stomp my feet and go to a quiet place until I get my cool back. That sure makes an impression, LOL! (I make sure to imitate what she did in a way she can't miss the irony)

H.
http://www.athome.com/hollypia

Little girls once they reach 7 years old tend to follow the Oedipus Complex. Meaning girls are much closer to their dads and boys to their moms. It's being attracted to the opposite sex which they will eventually learn that they cannot have either Dad or Mom cause Dad & Mom is for each other. That's why there is a power struggle between daughters and mothers at this age. So I think it's all a matter of your husband talking to her since she will listen to him more than you right now. In simple words that your daughter should treat you with respect just like she does with dad. And some children tend to show you that they are trying to gain autonomy. For each stage in their life, they master each emotional steps they will need later on in life. Try to be consistent in showing them that you know what's best for them & that when you tell them something it's for their own good. Explaining it to them in the simplest possible way why you are telling them so will make them realize why you are telling it to them. Your daughter asking the reason why it is so is a good sign that they try to think for themselves which will help them making decisions in their life as they get older. So for now, have the patience to give her the reason for your orders.

I am a mother of 5. I have 4 sons & 1 daughter. My oldest is 18 years old and my youngest is 1 month old. My daughter is only 6 years old and she's got a mind of her own since she was 1 month old. So you are not alone.

Hi, my friend's daughter is now 13, but she also started her attitude around 9. She was pretty much like you explained your daugher is. The way they dealt with it was to have her father sit down with her and explain that in no way, shape, or form was disrepecting her mother going to be tolerated in their family, and that if she respected her mother, she would be respected too..if not, then she would be punished. While he told her this, he did it in the nicest way possible (i think he took her out for lunch to her place of choice and talked about it over lunch). Once they got back, things seemed a little better, but not completely over-with...but you can't expect miracles! Kids will be kids. As for the questions on why you want things...just give her a reason. Because i said so never works, just giving the reason tends to keep them quiet, and usually they'll just go and do what you ask (whether they complain about it while they do it or not, at least it's being done). Good luck in the matter, i hope i could be of some help. Just remember, you have to be patient, things will get a little tougher until she's well into her teens. But just because she's acting this way, doesn't mean that you can't still have a good relationship, just try to spend some one on one time with her, and maybe go out and do something together, ask her what she'd like to do...quality time during these changes helps things go a little more smooth. Once again, good luck!

I think that connection parenting could really help you reconnect with your daughter.

http://connectionparenting.com/

also...I have read excerpts of Cedrick Tardy's Connection Series book for moms and sons but it can be applied to girls too and it is super powerful for the child and the parent. it won't be out until mothers day but if i were you i would reserve a copy today....

http://www.ctardyenterprises.com/tcs.html

it is a must have for parents who want to connect with their children.

success is yours....

M.