Why So Mean??

LOL Well don't give up..he is only five... sounds to me that he could be getting a lot of it from the little girl. Is there anyway he can be paired with another boy? Little kids generally like to be with there own sex. I would get him involved with extra stuff like martial arts. They teach discipline plus he will be with his peers.
Keep showing affection....he may be a little upset over the whole kindergarten thing. Good for you to not want to take his disrespectful attitude though...nip that now while you can.
Good luck!!

W.,
Although as parents and adults we hate to think that our children are picking up their behavior from other kids at such a young age, but it does happen.
If I were you I would request that he be paired with someone else. Kids really do pick up on other kids behaviors.
And sounds to me like your 5 year old needs to be put in his place.
You simply need to let him know here and now that YOU are his mother and he WILL NOT speak to you like that!

When my kids are rude and disrespectful I say "Excuse me was that something sweet like honey that came out of your mouth or was it sour like vinagar?" And my 6 year old knows when it's vinagar coming out of his mouth because he's tasted it lol..when they say mean things and know it's very rude that's right I give them a taste of vinagar. Call it mean if you will. It's only a droplet. But I'll tell you what I RARELY have to do that (and it's better then the soap in the mouth!)
I'm not saying you need to use this approach, but I am saying you need to let him know who is in charge and who is the adult and he needs to learn what is respectful and disrespectful and what consequences there will be for the wrong behavior. If you don't nip it in the bud he'll be really mean once he becomes a teen!!
Best wishes to ya. Don't give up all kids go through many things when they start school.

Hi W.,
I know exactly what you are experiencing. I as well have a 5 year old in kindergarten (girl). I noticed the same thing happening to her behavior when she started pre-school at age three. She was always the most loving, sweet, and gentle child. Well, around November of her first year in pre-school my husband and I noticed she started having a little attitude and acting out as well. It was so shocking and upsetting to see this from my normally very well behaved and happy child.
It didn't take long to figure out where the behavior came from. I started volunteering in her class room at school and noticed several children who were not very well behaved. The things they were saying and doing were the same things my daughter was doing. She definitley was learning and picking up this behavior from the other students.
What we did was have a talk with her. We explained how although some kids may not always behave and follow the rules, that is not how she is to act and it wouldn't be tolerated in our home. We learned very quick you have to be consistent on discipline, and we started using sticker charts for following the rules and having good behavior.
It definitely worked, but from time to time I will still see or hear her do something, and ask where she got that from. Her answer is always that she heard or saw someone else do it at school. I guess she is easily influenced by other kids. To deal with it, my husband and I are just very consistent, and constantly remind her how even though some kids will misbehave from time to time, we do not accept or allow naughty behavior from her. Good luck!

I think he is probably mad at you and the teacher...he now has to put up with this mean little girl everyday. This teacher thinks she can balance out a sweet, shy little guy with a mean hateful little girl...not going to happen. If I were you, I would have a chat with that teacher and tell her you do not want him paired with her anymore...you need to get him away from her. How hateful is she to your young man?? What kind of junk does he hear from her and what all does he put up with that is making him act out?? He is so young and needs you to act on his behalf. That teacher needs to get it through her educated head that you don't balance anyone out by making them endure a bully day in and day out...no wonder he is angry...poor kid...his teacher is an idiot (sorry, but this is just dumb). I would force the issue...remember he is YOUR child and YOU have seen the drastic change and it is normal for kids to crave independence, but this excessive mean stuff is mostly due to him having to put up with this other kid the teacher has paired him with - bad move on his/her part. Again, I would force the issue with this teacher, don't take any bull from them if they disagree with you - he is YOURS!!! Don't let them psycho babble you either - you see what is happening - you need to regain parental control over the situation. Be blessed and I hope you are able to get some relief to your little guy and yourself on this - you are the MOM you know best!!

I would CERTAINLY request that your child be paired w/ another child. In addition, I would have a chat with the other child's parent(s). JUST make sure the chat is not accusatory. Talk about the change in behavior and how you can "work together" to get BOTH of them to have more appropriate behavior.

Bad behavior needs to be addressed and punishment needs to be enforced. Also I would ask the teacher to get that little girl away from your son. Her mean attitude is rubbing off, it's okay to be shy but rude and hateful . NO

how shocking!
My son just started preschool this year and I don't know if that is when it started or if it was this summer but he has been so direct with me and hasn't been polite. He wines a lot too. I feel, "Who is this boy?" I don't want a bossy rude kid who feels like he has to manipulate me with whining to get something.
anyway, I'm sorry that your boy is saying all those horrible things. Are there any other factors other than the girl he's paired up with? Can you ask his teacher to pair him up with someone with the same personality he has? Is this the first time he is away from home? Does anyone tell him that they hate him and don't want to be around him?
As I was typing this my son demanded with a whine, "Mom, get me milk now! Please." He did say please but I can't stand that he is talking to me so directly and whiny! I looked right in his eyes and calmly (my blood was boiling) told him that was the first time he asked me for milk and he didn't need to talk to me like that. I didn't like being told what to do. That he needs to ask me nicely what he wants. Then he repeated his question in a gentle voice, "Please may I have milk, please."
Training our kids is tough and long! I think sometimes I get discouraged when I think that how he is acting now is how he will always act instead of seeing it as a training opportunity to show God's love, correction and compassion.

As much as it hurts to hear this from your child, never never take it personal. But never let disrespect go unpunished. You answered your own question as to what to do.. Be Done With Him for a while and tell him why. Don't do any of the fun things moms do. Distance yourself from him for a while. This will let him know that his mean words to you have consequenses, believe me he'd much rather have the tender touches and the closness of his fun loving mom than to be ignored. I don't know how long this will take, always remind him why he is getting this treatment from you and let him be the one to warm back up to you.. this worked for me many years ago and there was nothing more sweet to my ears than I love you mama, from this child of mine that tried her attitude drama on me...I think its a course kids go thru when they are trying to manipulate a situation....

WOAH.. slow down.. He's only 5.Don't ive up already there.. There may be a LOT more underlying here.. Talk to his school counselor. If that doesn't work, mybe your insurance will allow your pediatrician recommend a good child counselor. We're lucky. We have free counseling for army brats through military one source, but there are some instances where if a ped. requests a counselor, the insurance has no choice but to accept it and pay. If not, start taking him to a different environment than he's used to. Most 5 YOs are used to the usual Mc. Donalds play yards, the house, the school, but maybe he just needs a change of environment a few times to start to open up to you and talk about what's going on.. Maybe he's mad at you for sending him to a school with a bully. Talk to the teacher and ask for him to be pared up with another student he can REALATE to. The teacher may think she knows what's best for him, but has she raised him? does she know him as well as you do? If you dont agree with something a teacher does then insist that she change a way she handles your son.
I hope this helps,
Good luck
A.

This is pretty normal at this age kids are going to test some new limits. And yes, they are in school full time now and starting to pick up habits from other children, also totally normal. Unfortunately you can't always pull him away from every other "bad acting" child they come across, you just have to reinforce that this behavior is not acceptable!!!! I have an older son 15 and twins (boy/girl)who are 8 and I feel boys are much harder than girls up to around age 10. Whenever he talks like this...he goes to time out, his room, something taken away for the day, etc. and explained that him talking like this not acceptable. He will grow out of it, if you make it very well known that this isn't going to happen in your house. Kids don't have this natural ability to know they have to respect they have to be taught how to do so. My 8 yo boy pushes this issue all the time, but we just keep telling him and reinforcing that this isn't acceptable. Goodluck!!!!!

Tell his teacher that you need him paired with someone who is pleasant. They have him with her because he puts up with her. well, it has become inconvenient for him to come home treating you with his learned behavior. I am sure the teacher will understand and switch him when you tell them.

Some of this is probably a phase that would be here anyway ----but only for a short time. But I am with you- but a stop to it. Also, et him know htat no one likes people that treatt hem that way. If he sees that no one plays with him when behaves that way. Also, you must ignore him so he doesn't feed off of your reaction. It will change. Just be strong. You only have 2000 or so more of these situations to go until he is out of highschool and off to college. :)

It really will go as well as how you hold up while reacting in a way to make him choose to stop the behavior.

Good luck.

A.

Ask him! He may suprise you. It sounds like he is trying to assert some independence and is not sure how to do it. Does he get time alone? Does he get to play by himself, comb his own hair, pick out his own clothes, make any decisions by himself? Push him away a little by giving him some independence. My husband is a weird guy and needs a certain amount of "alone time" every week, and if he doesn't get it.......Watch out! My son is the same way. If he doesn't get some time alone to play, he can get quite crabby and disruptive to our "family flow".

You can always ask him about his new friend and how she treats people. I think you will be pleasantly suprised at the conversation you can have with your little guy.

This is the only idea I have, so I hope you find something that works. Good Luck!

Everytime my kids are disrespectful to me, I say "I see you just chose to sass (disrespect, use mean words, whatever you want) me. I will set the timer for 5 minutes while you take a time out in your room. Then, I set a kitchen timer and when it goes off and they come out I say "EVERY time you use mean words to me or disrespect me you'll get a time out, so what would be a better choice next time?" I do it everytime and I barely hear it anymore. I have been doing a lot of reading on strong willed children and this idea came from one of the books. It works amazingly.

Time for some stronger discipline! don't let your child run over you like that. When he speaks rudely, meanly etc, send him to his room for the rest of the day, out for bathroom breaks only, dinner in his room also.
If this sounds harsh, you can try 1-2 hours at a time, increase it each time he misbehaves. He will get the picture but it will take longer than if you make it the rest of the day. I have 3 older kids, I know what I'm talking about!

I would tell the teacher about his behavior change and that you believe it's because it's who he's paired with. I would insist (if necessary) that he changes partners so you can see if there is a change in his attitude and personality. Hopefully it'll be that simple. Don't give up looking for the cause! Good luck :)

Our first son made this kind of radical change when he started kindergarten, and I was on the phone with the principal and his teacher at least once a week trying to get to the bottom of it. In our situation, it was the public school atmosphere and the other children who didn't come from parents who saw a problem with their language or attitudes. We pulled him from the system at the end of the year and changed schools. It was a miraculous rebirth of my sweet angel at the new school and we were so glad we solved this problem before it was irreversible.

This is a classic example of a child who is struggling with attachment issues. Children are "wired" to attach to their parents so when that gets broken, they tend to be either angry, withdraw, or look for an attachment elsewhere. Unfortunately, the "elsewhere" is often their peers and peers are not suited to meet the needs of other children. So your son may be looking for someone at school to be safe with, and not finding it. I HIGHLY recommend a book called, "Hold On To Your Kids - Why Parents Need To Matter More Than Peers" written by Gordon Neufeld, PH.D. and Cabor Mate, M.D. It's available at www.amazon.com and probably at your local bookstore as well.
Personally, as the mom of 6, I would probably consider pulling him out of Kindergarten and waiting to try again till next year. Boys tend to develop socially less quickly than girls so he may just not be ready for the high stimulation yet. That may not be an option for you - you mentioned that you work outside the home - but at the very least, read the book. It will show you what may be happening for your little one and help you find a way to handle his emotional needs.