Help! My 7 Year Old Is a Teenager Already!

What if you do the same thing to her when she needs something from you? Sometimes they just need to see how it feels and what it looks like. Explain to her that you are talking to her the same way she is talking to you and how does that make her feel. Just a suggestion.

C. G

She sounds just like my 8 yr old. I have found that what works best for her is to treat her like she is older. I have started with teaching her that you have to work to get money so she has jobs. Aside from being responsible for herself and her things(she doesn't get paid for that),she can earn money by doing extra jobs like cleaning out the car, cleaning the table, etc. It keeps her busy and because she enjoys the money, she has been more than good since we started this.

I think to ignore it is the worst thing you can do. I have a six year old with teenage tendancies and I put my foot down. I have the conversation of I don't reward bad behavior and disrespect. Whatever it is she is asking for needs to be in a respective way without all the drama. I am seeding into her mind that she controls her actions and she gets to decide how she is going to act. She does understand, and doesnt make perfect choices but I am empowering her to be her best. I cut her slack when she is tired but even then I let her know that our actions are our own responsibility and we need to try hard to control them. Good Luck!!

That must be how girls are acting these days because my 8 year old has been acting the same way for over a year now! She goes through alternating periods between angel and attitude. One thing that has worked for us (for a few months at a time anyway) is we went to the bank and got a roll of dimes. Everyday she had the potential to earn a dollar. She started the day with ten dimes in a bowl, but every time she rolled her eyes, huffed, sighed loudly, etc. I would very calmly say, "Ok, that's a dime" and take it out of her bowl. Some days she would only earn 2, but by the end of the week we'd see her catch herself and soon she'd be earning the whole dollar. We've done this several times; usually after a week her attitude would improve and we'd stop, but then start up again a few months later. Hope this helps - if even for a few months!

Laughing..sorry my little girl did the same thing around that age. They get it I believe and my own opinion from tv, and school. In 30 years time does not change much lol. When I begged, talked til I was blue in the face with my youngest, and finally resorted to treating her like she treated me. Everytime she asked for something (and it only took 1 24 hour period) I gave her just what she gave me. I folded my arms and rolled my eyes and answered her with the same comebacks I had been dealing with. She wanted to go to a friends, so i would do the "Again??, huff, I don't think so, not todaayyyyyyy, giving it the whine, I just can't deal with this." And walk off to my room, and close the door. Kids don't understand feelings until they feel them. And moreover they get these from their surroundings so they think its ok, the old everyyyyybody does it. And the response of if your friends jump off the bridge are you going to too, doesn't work anymore..lol. (didn't work when mine were little either..lol) But they are trying to deal with a grown up world already. So many personalities, and only one little body. Just gramma advice.

This too shall pass and really show up worse at puberty.

I have one of those....and let me tell you hang in there! Just give her the attention that she's craving at this time since she basically might believe she's been replaced by the baby. Like I said don't worry, by you paying special attention to her and reassuring her that she's still very important her attitude would change, but don't be surprised if once in a while she acts up again. Be patient and remember that this too shall pass! I can identify with you since I have a daughter (who's a twin with a boy), so as soon as she started talking she would not or could not stay silent. She had to say what's in her mind, the whatevers, and rolling of the eyes when she heard something that was for her so obvious or ridiculous, etc. So, I started telling her that as a mom it was my responsibility to guide her, tell her, scold her and adviser her, even if she already knew it (or thought she knew it) I still tell her that, and that I feel better if I say it just to make sure there's no misunderstandings...it has worked so far and she has turned into a beautiful, well mannered little lady, makes good grades, a very popular loving and kind friend, but do not step in her territory, or else. She is my hospitable child and stand for the weak kind of person. Our girls would be the ones standing for unjustice and won't be afraid to stand with the ones that stand alone, they will stand up to anyone, and I mean anyone if they see fit in any circumstance. I'm very proud of her and you will too!

If your girl like to talk she might also love to write, buy her a journal and let her write stories. I noticed that the talkative part equals a very active brain, so let her be creative with crayolas, legos, puzzles and like I said, writing....take advantage of her personality and find out her strengths!

My daughter is 14 now, but we had our rocky atitude years between 7 and 13....now, she's blossomed and the best thing I did was treat her as a "what she believe she was"(older & mature), so accordingly I gave her matching responsibilities and punishments. It worked, but don't forget that every child is its own person who desires most of all to be loved, heard and understood. I used to tell her that I was for her not against her. That I was in her team and not the enemy. That Daddy was someone that had the last word and she better learned obedience or suffer the consecuences. We went through lies, fits of rage, the unfairness of it all and are here to tell you it will get better, but you need to be consistantly loving and firm. Know her friends and family..stay connected. Make teachers your allies, involve family or a trusted adult to reaffirm your parental positions and values...it will be at the end of the day a good investment on your kid behalf.

Hi Bethany,

Check what she's watching on TV. My 7-year-old boy has tendancies to act that way and when I grounded him from watching certain shows, it improved. Specifically, the show "Drake and Josh" on Nickelodeon. The younger sister, Megan, has a real attitude that my son found hilarious. He didn't get that the reason it's funny is that a little girl wouldn't dare act that way or say those things in real life. Unfortunately, a lot of the "humor" aimed at kids this age encourages rudeness as a way to get laughs.

God bless,

M.
"My son eats all his veggies now. Even the green ones."
www.GoodHealthMadeSimple.com/M.

I agree with ignoring the behavior. Perhaps she has found a way to get more attention since the new sibling has come along, because she knows that you can't stand it! But before you begin ignoring it, try to figure out the initiating source...peers, television programs, do you yourself roll your eyes? LOL Observe and try to limit if not eliminate the "roll model".
Another tactic, before beginning to ignore the behavior is to turn the tables on her. When she is really being insistent about something, roll your eyes and give her a "whatever", then allow her shock to settle in. Then initiate a conversation about how it feels to be dismissed in that manner. Tell her you only participated in that kind of behavior to help her become aware how people feel when they are dismissed. Furthermore, you hope you have given her a good skill to think about treating others the way she would like to be treated. Then institute the ignoring the behavior but make sure to also incorporate occasional verbal praise for the times she responds to you in the manner you desire. Example: "Wow, I am really proud of you, I can tell you are really growing up because you acted respectfully and responsibly! I am very impressed." I am sure it will be really hard to stay consistent with this tactic with the new baby, but as with everything to do with parenting, consistency is the key!

Good luck!

Sassy is Sassy and Bad Attitude is Bad Attitude. The sooner you make it known that it is unacceptable the easier your life will be. It will get worse when she is a teenager if you don't get a handle on it now. It's much easier to discipline a 7 year old than try to break the pattern later. Handle it any way you would handle any other totally unacceptable activity.

I have had 4 teenagers close in age to one another. You will find there are other new things they come up with. You don't need a sassy attitude to add to the list.

Good luck, J.

I agree - This is what girls this age do. My 7-year-old "whatever'd" me the other day and got a pass directly to her room. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. On the one hand, it's great that she's social and probably imitating her peers, but on the other hand, I would definitely not let it get out of control. Figure out where it'll get her attention, and give her a little squeeze each time. My daughter is the sweetest, cuddliest most awesome kid, and she is NEVER sent to her room. It shocked her, and I haven't heard boo since then.

By the way, she shares a room with her 4-year-old sister, and the stinky attitude has started toward the younger sister, as well. I would suggest googling a website on normal child development for this age before you panic. I'm sure the new baby has something to do with it, as well, but I wouldn't overreact. Nip the undesireables in the bud, set the rules for YOUR HOUSE and move on, always moving forward, never dwelling too much.

Good luck!

It is hard with a new baby to give extra attention to your 7 year old, but try reading or playing a game with her as your full attention some. But the attitude will get worse I fear unless you nip it in the bud. Explain to her how this makes her appear, and maybe tease and show her how she looks and acts, and ask if she wants someone to treat her the same, & if this doesn't work, tell her a priviledge or a tv show will be taken away from her the next time, and follow through, no matter how hard, or she'll of course not think you mean it and will continue. Believe me it will get much worse if she can get by with it now.

Hi Bethany,

I am dealing with the same issue! I have a 7 year old who is going on 13. A counselor told me that sarcasm (i.e. the eye-rolling, huffing and disrespectful responses) is a form of anger. This gave me hope because I realized that if I identified the source of her anger, I might end up with a pleasant child. We have two younger children and ask her to help out a lot. She is usually happy to do it but then resents not getting the same amount of attention as the other kids. I also realized that I was not treating her with respect. My reactions to her reactions were not helping. My husband and I have been making an effort to spend more one on one time with her, praising her and encouraging her. We do not put up with her being sassy but we talk to her and tell her what an appropriate expression of her feelings might look like instead of just getting angry and punishing her. Don't get me wrong, discipline is absolutely necessary but when done in love and with the purpose of teaching, it really does work. It is so hard when you have a baby because you are probably not sleeping and the baby demands a lot of your energy. I want to cheer you one and encourage you. You can do it! Sometimes letting things go (like the dishes) even though it drives you nuts is the answer. It is amazing how much more I am able to accomplish when my house is at peace. It is definately worth the time it takes to meet each individual child's needs. Eveything else will fall into place.

read many of these answers. some good advice.
I will not ignore it. I have a 30 yr old that I ignore her thinking she would grow out of some of the ways she did things, now being 30 she still has some of those characteristic.

With my gd's who are almost 9 ( the end of the week) and 8
and I start the week out with 10 tickets. Each time they do not do what they should, or give me a bad attitude then I take a ticket, if they do it again then I take 2 tickets.
Yet, when they do good at school, show kindness, help out when I don't ask, etc, I give out tickets.
At the end of the week the one with the most tickets wins, which is a dollar. Also if they have kept thier 10 tickets they get a dollar, If they have earned 10 more tickets that what I started them with they get another dollar for that.

They kept track of thier tickets as they like to earn that money...
I know with me doing that it has helped the younger one that acts like your daughter to improve alot. It also helps me from building up stress in myself

I recommend you use quick discipline to get her attitude in check. Believe me, if you don't do it now, it will only get worse as she becomes a teenager. I have a 7 year old daughter and a 5 and 3 year old son and she has tried to take over the household. When she started rolling her eyes and getting an attitude I began to respond immediately with a time out in her room and/or time away from TV, computer, things she loves. Time outs are 7 minutes long (1 minute per age) and to her it seems like an eternity. If she responds with an even worse response with the discipline then I take steps to take things away, or I remind of her of her friends that like for her to spend the night and tell her that if she behaves like that to me I can't allow her to go to friends houses and behave like that to their parents. It has helped TREMENDOUSLY because it has shown her that it gets her no where. With every discipline I talk through it with her at the end and have her explain to me why she was disciplined to be sure that she understands why. I have litterally had my kids thank me for disciplining them. :-)

We had this same problem and when me began to mimic our child and do the same things to her, she hated it so much that she quit. It only took a few times and the best were when one of her friends was around and laughed about it.

I had the same problem with my 5 year old after I had a baby. The attitude pretty much stopped when I realized the root of the problem and stopped it at the source. The source being the televison. For the first time ever we had satellite TV and I was letting her watch way too much. I tried to monitor the programs but with a new baby, and we moved when the baby was 5 weeks old, I just couldn't function well enough to monitor her better. And my husband would let her watch one show after another, although I had designated which ones she was allowed to watch. She would sit for 2 hours (yikes!) while it began with one acceptable show and ran into another non-acceptable one. The Disney channel has a lot of programs that are a little too mature for 5-7yr olds. There is a lot of attitude, eye rolling, and sarcasm that she doesn't understand as funny. She just mimics it. Garbage in, garbage out. Anyway, I don't know if you're in the same situation. Telling my daughter to stop being disrespectful didn't help half as much as turning off the TV.

Hi B., it sounds like she's having some resentment towards you having the baby and she might feel kind of left out. My advice is that you include her into feeding the baby, or changing diapers.... or anything else like that. And when she does it tell her what a big help she is around the house. Praise her, that's a lot of what she needs. Feeling left out will cause this kind of resentment and will cause her to not want to mind you. I hope this helps a little.

Hi Bethany!
I want you to know that you are not alone. My son is 10 going on 15. We started to give him chores for attitude problems. It seems to work well. We give him chores related to the attitude. If he comes home and tells me, "Mom, what have YOU done all day, the kitchen's a mess! YOU need to clean it." I will say, "I have been taking care of the babies, it's been a rough day. I'm glad you noticed the kitchen. Let's clean it up together. I'll wash your job is to rinse." A lot of times, they are frustrated and bored. They want to feel important. Get her to help out on her level. My son also loses privileges when he has the attitude problem. They have to learn there are consequences to bad behavior. I try not to get too mad either because it makes it worse. I try to stay calm, correct and redirect. Losing privileges is the best for my son because he is very active and loves to play with his friends.

A child doesn't have all of the neurological connections to even wisely make their own decisions until they are 16 years old! So ignore the eye-rolling. Don't even begin to think she's as wise as she thinks she is. She needs your guidance and control in her life. Let her know you're glad that she's a great kid, but also let her know she doesn't even begin to know as much as SHE thinks she knows. Then ignore the rest and be a good mother to her. Let her know that a family is not a democracy -- you are her mother and her boss. Other people HATE to be around children who think they know everything . . . they can be conceited, extremely stupid, and annoying to be around because they share what they think they know with the entire world and then try to look down their nose at you! Be kind to the rest of the world and curb this while she is young.

You must have my daughter at your house! She'll be 7 in April, but we've dealt with this for awhile. She also behaves great besides the attitude. Very loving, well behaved at school. She pretty much saves the attitude for those she loves best.

I'm going to read your responses for advice too. We pretty much just stay on her about it and talk a lot about respect. I think both of our daughters will eventually learn the correct attitude and probably end up to be very vocal, independent leaders! For the moment though, I'm dreading the teenage years- since it seems like we are already dealing with them. :)

Email A. Eagan at ____@____.com That is NOT me, but she is an instructor in the Love & Logic method of discipline. I highly recommend her classes, she is wonderful! I took a class this fall and my husband took a weekend class for spouses of former students this winter and both have really learned a lot. There is lots of opportunity for personal interaction and discussion about your specific issues. I think you would really benefit from taking her class or from asking her about resources to help you.
Good luck!
A.

Your daughter is probably feeling like you prefer the baby since she was the only one for so long. I think making her feel part of the baby's care and putting aside time just for her is helpful. She needs to feel secure and that she is not on the back burner.

Bethany,

Have you considered putting your 7 year old in karate? It really helps with discipline and respect. Plus, it will be an activity that is just for her (that the baby is too small to do) so it may help her feel special. I'm not sure where you live, but there is a great Martial Arts School at I30 and Collins in arlington called "Texas Self-Defense Academy."

Hope this helps!
-S.

I am already going thru a few of these things and our daughter is only 4, will be 5 in Aug. It drives me nuts! She is very dramatic, and very vocal. If you have found something that works, let me know please.

She also will not for anything put up toys after she plays with them. Makes me so mad! I can't seem to get over to her that it's much easier to pick them up as you are thru playing with them, than it is to pick up the entire room when your floor is covered. urgh! She's really gotten into Barbies now, so she has about 5-6 of them, but they remain on the floor where has played with them when she's finished. frustrating! Any suggestions on this would be greatly appreciated. :o)

Good luck with your daughter, I'd love to give some advice, but I am working on that situation myself. We have 2 boys (10 & 1), so she's the only girl.

Hello Bethany. I have a dtr who turns 10 in March. She has tried to have an attitude(eye rolling/huffing too) at times on and off since she was nearly 9.It seems more apparent when something is going on with friends or she's tired. Otherwise, she is a very loving and caring little girl. I believe that it needs to be nipped in the bud now or children will think they can have a "tude" and walk over parents/elders when they actually are teenagers. All I have to do is stop TV/gameboy/computer priveleges for a week and the "tude" gets back into check quickly. Also, I've noticed girls(as her friends seem to have the same behavior at times)tend to have more of an attitude at an earlier age than boys do and are way more dramatic!
All I suggest is maybe cutting out a favorite thing for a week or so and discussing her behavior and respect issues so she understands what is expected of her.I hope this helps!