I get along with all my neigbors. My one neighbor on the surface she is nice to me. Nothing outright rude but I feel like I am back in HS and the cool kids are snubbing me. I have 3 kids she has 3 kids . Two of our kids are the same age and we are both SAHM. Our kids attend the same school within walking distance. I dont want to be good friends with her but I dont know we see cant be just a bit more neighborly. I always get the strong feeling she doesnt like me. I know I never did anything did anything to her. She has polite children and mine are also. Our kids rarely play together.Yesterday a bunch of the neighbor kids were playing outside and she was telling me another neighbor who has a child the same as one of my kids. Invited her over for drinks. She goes on .Then it makes me feel why was not I included..I have invited the other women over a bunch of times to my house. I had a neighborhood christmas party and some other get togethers. I feel snubbed. I have lots of activities at my house..easter egg hunt, summer games, ladies night out. This other women that I was having the conversation with seems to talk about people not in a nice way. I leave the conversation always a bit annoyed. Last summer I was outside talking to someone and her daugher invited me to a outdoor movie night. She obviously was not happy I was invited.
Last summer this same
I dont understand this type of catty behavior. She is always nice to my face. I am sure she talks about me since she has bad mouthed 3 other women in our neighborhood to me. I dont like being unkind to people. I find her type of behavior confusing. I just want to know how to become savy and know how to deal with it better.
She may not know any better. My Mom never liked my dad's family and was nice to their face but always had negative things to say behind their back. For years I thought everyone was like that.
it's hard when you feel left out, but i think you should try to relax and lighten up a bit. no group is going to form individual bonds that are just the same. the two moms getting together for drinks are obviously just closer friends, it doesn't mean they don't like you. i often want to hang out with a friend one-on-one, it doesn't mean i don't like my other friends.
you clearly have ambivalence about them too. you don't want to be friends with your neighbor, but you want to be 'more neighborly.' she probably doesn't know any more than i do just what you mean by that. people pick up on emotional vibes. if you don't want to be friends with her, why would you be upset that you didn't get included in what was clearly a friend-session? if the other women are coming to the parties you host, they probably like you just fine but are also picking up on your stand-offishness and don't really know how to connect with you. and if you are annoyed during conversations that's coming through loud and clear.
you should pick your stance. either you want to be courteous but with some distance, or you want a lively warm relationship your neighbors. then project that attitude consistenly. i know i get tired of trying to read people whose moods and attitudes toward me seem to shift a lot, and quit trying to do more than be polite.
khairete
S.
Some people are just strange. I do not waste my time trying to figure them out.. Instead if I want a relationship with them, I invite them and include them in activities.. I ask their opinions. I let them tell me about themselves.
At our daughters school, sometimes, I have actually asked these people to buddy up with me on a project for the school . It is enlightening.. You never know what is going on in someone elses life.
It has pretty much worked out each time.
You can't be friends with everyone, and don't need to be friends with everyone. I wouldn't worry too much about her and just move on and enjoy the neighbors who do respond to you in the manner you enjoy. I would, however, be very aware of the fact that she tends to talk about people behind their backs and no doubt will be talking about you to the other neighbors so, never ever, say anything about her to the others, and don't join in any conversations they may have that involve her. Take the high road, and they will know they can trust you with their friendship and will see her for the gossip she is.
As my husband would say, "sounds like a typical woman behavior.":)
Maybe they know you are writing about all of them on this website, and they don't want to be written about?
I would not even be upset about her. She does not even seem like she is worth it. I would go about my business. Invite your neighbors that you like and friends to your parties and do not worry about her. She does not sound very nice. I would not want to be associated with someone like her.
What would you tell your kids to do if they were in your situation? I would hope you would tell your kids 'if someone is not kind to you or talks bad about other people but then has a relationship with that person, it's best to be nice & courteous but don't pursue a friendship with them'. You even said it seems like H.S.
I say you cannot make people be kind or nice or be your friend, so it's no big deal about why she is like this, you cannot do anything about other peoples character. It's best that you be nice but keep your distance.
My sister is like this. The catty behavior make's them feel superior. I don't get it either as we both grew up in the same house. You cannot do anything to change these people or their behavior. Just let them be and feel sorry for them. If your kids are particulally close it can be a problem however made you should exclude her from you next couple of functions. As far as someone inviting her over for drinks don't feel to put out. Maybe the other woman didn't inviter her over maybe she invited herself. People have the right to be friends with whomever they please however she does not seem to know how to be a friend.
Even snakes can "act nice" to your face.
I think you're probably lucky to be able to keep the relationship a bit distant. She sounds like a jerk.
Distance yourself from this and just be a neighbor if someone needs help offer but don't over do ANYTHING. When you have your outdoor gathering just do it for your family, I think that your neighbors think you are trying to hard to be the cool one, which I'm sure you are not, you just want to do things and include others, I have found that some people feel offended when you come up with great idea activies all the time, so don't include them and don't "brag" about what your plans are or what you have done. Just be casualy about things, even if things are supper exciting and you so want to share don't just mention it. I've been where you are with my MOMS club and I had to back off, now they come and ask me for ideas, and I just give them a little. Some people ar overwelmed!
The only thing you can do is to treat this woman with kindness as you would treat anyone else that crosses your path. Try not to get caught up in why or why not you were invited to participate in something. It will drive you crazy and there could be very valid reasons that have nothing at all to do with you! Just always remind yourself these simple things-Be polite and neighborly to everyone, continue to invite your neighbors to your functions if you enjoy doing that, and don't compare or wonder about "what ifs". It sounds like this woman is a manipulator if she is getting caught up in gossip or making people feel like they are inferior to her. Always extend grace to her because none of us are perfect. You may never be good friends with her, but what will happen by doing this is others will see you as a class act and your children will learn from your excellent example. Good luck!
A.
