I Ask My Friend Who Is My Neighbor to Watch My Child......

I think you skipped a lot in there so I will address what you did say. The concept that you just walked over and asked your friend to watch your child and she got upset and you both were angry makes no sense to me. So I am assuming there was some more emotional stuff going on before that. She either thinks you do have some problem or she thinks you are slacking on being a mom or she felt attacked? You tell us. What I hear is that you are very,very, deeply depressed about your father dying and that is very normal. Now is your family nearby? Or in another country? Telling you to work through stuff is really not shocking so I still wish I knew what more happened. That truly is a friend who is letting you know that she cares, but will not permit you to lose touch with reality. If you have a notebook I would suggest you sit down and write out your feelings. Death is very hard, and very sad and when my father died I cried, and cried and screamed and you have all sorts of emotions, so let it out. Do you have a church that you go to? If so call the pastor and get an appointment to talk. If not call the local hospital and ask for support groups for people who are grieving over the loss of a loved one. And I really wish you could elaborate on what actually happened so we can help you. So far all we know is that you are upset, wanted some down time ? and your neighbor said no. Please do not take it personally, as she does have other kids and the timing might have been bad. When we are grieving we think the whole world is around us and that no one can possibly feel our hurt. But they do -oftentimes not the way we want or expect. So, until we know more at the very least, write, write it out and if you have others (maybe this friend has been a bit overloaded) then try some of the other suggestions. I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts.

I'm sorry for the loss of your father.

I'm not going to address your friend's reaction because I think you left a lot out about the interaction and your part in it. As for your reaction, I'm going to be a bit blunt though, and I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I just want to make sure that I get my meaning across.

Yes, of course you're too sensitive. Your father just passed away. It's expected that you're going to feel hyper-sensitive emotionally about everything right now and for some time to come.

Okay, I lied, I'll attempt to address your friend's reaction. :-) I think that maybe this particular friend doesn't know how to cope or help support you in this situation. Some people are very uncomfortable and just don't know what to do when friends lose family members and are grieving so much that they can't fix things with their words or anything they do. So they keep their distance and offer armchair psychology.

It would be best if you get your support in watching your children and other forms of support from other people that offer you help. When people say, "I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do?" don't be afraid to say, "Actually, I need some help with the kids. Would you be able to watch them for a few hours so that I can _____?"

I am so sorry for your loss.

i don't think you're being too sensitive, but without knowing what is going on in her life, it's hard to say why she reacted the way she did. So consider this...maybe it was best she didn't watch him, in view of the fact she got so upset.

I'm sure you do need some time to yourself and rest, I pray you can find a way to do this soon.

God bless❤

I am sorry for your loss and will pray for a healthy healing for you as you work through this grief process.

She may have had something going on and couldn't do it on such a short notice. I would not let someone who has never watched my son, watch him at a time like this. I am not sure how old your child is, but he most likely is aware of the emotional change you have undergone. Can you have your husband/partner or trusted baby sitter that can take him on an outing why you take some time to process the loss of your father?

Be careful not to become to withdrawn or to sink into a deep depression. Remember that you have a son that needs you. Take walks with him, laugh with him, children can heal your heart at a time like this.

Deepest sympathies and best wishes for you dear.

You are greiving, hence the sleepless nights and the need for a few hours sans kiddo. She may not understand how to "be there" for others. She may think she is helping you by telling you to "get your act together" ... bottom line, she is wrong, dead wrong - however, she is at least doing you the favor of showing you she is not a reliable friend who will be there when you really need her to be. As others have suggested you may want to look into a drop in day care or see if anyone else in your circle has the ability to keep you son for some time. Even sign him up for a summer class (did not see an age) that you do not have to be at for him to participate may even help. He is your dad, process this as you need; however if this begins to take over your life and you see things in many areas begin to slip around you seek guidance, I have seen grief take over a household more than I would like to see.

I am so sorry for your loss! I don't think that your feelings should be hurt about her not wanting to watch your child. Since you said that the two of you don't watch each others' kids, she may simply not wish to babysit or is afraid it'll turn into a habitual thing. Nobody is obligated to watch someone else's child. Personally, if I was home and a friend had a recent loss in their family, I would have watched the kid. She doesn't need to play amateur psychiatrist. Of course you need to work through your grief, but that doesn't necessarily happen in a short time, and it's hard to process your grief while you are caring for a young child. You cannot depend on this friend for babysitting, so if you need a break from your son, if there is another friend you can ask, do so or hire a babysitter. Hugs to you and your family.

Wow, your friend sounds really weird.

First, I'm very sorry for your loss. I wish you strength, clarity, and peace..
I would not get my feelings hurt or get mad at her. At least she was honest about not wanting to (or feeling up to it) watching your child. Who knows her reasons for this...maybe not even herself. I think she sounds kinda flaky though for not wanting to help a neighbor who is going through a hard time, and to see you need to figure out what is going on with you.....um, does she KNOW your dad just passed away? That IS what's going on with you! It's normal---I watched my bff's son for free for a week while she dealt with stuff and put myself "on call" afterwards. I think flaky people are not "bad" people, but if someone can't get this, then they aren't good candidates for watching your child anyway. Do you have an hourly playcare, a church with a daycare, or do you attend a church? If you talked to the pastor or the lady in charge of childcare at your church, they may be able to make temporary arrangements to assist you so you can have some time to grieve.

Later, you could ask her to explain why she said that.

I know I have several moms in my life who always hint about wanting free stuff, a babysitter so they can relax(even if they don't work), etc... I have NO desire to babysit ever and frankly only will if someone is in the hospital or dying, but not to get a break or rest. I have my own issues that most people have no clue about because I don't want to be a downer and talk about problems.
She is not in a place to take on babysitting your child. Can you hire an older neighborhood kid to come play with your child while you rest? I did this for $3 an hour when I wanted to clean.

Your friend has never experience grief. Anne Brennan has a good book out about grieving which can help you to realize that what you are experiencing is quite normal.
When my husband died I watched TV far too late and had trouble sleeping for the first four months.
Finally I began to meditate at 1 am since I could not sleep and it helped me. It's a long process to get over losing someone you love. The death of a parent is a real knock out punch. No wonder you are so tired.
Find other friends who can help you. You need time to be alone and time to feel your own pain. It does not go away overnight. It takes time.
You never get over these losses you just get through it. And, it becomes less painful as the years go by.

She doesn't sound like much of a friend. Is it possible you are more "into" the relationship than she is? I think it's pretty mean & insensitive of someone you consider a "friend" to not be supportive in a time of need, which I consider a death in the family a time of need. I would kick her to the curb if I were you.

On another note, I did have a friend (who I am no longer friends with) who would ask me to babysit her THREE ill behaved boys. I was so happy when that proposition fell through. I'm not saying your child is ill behaved, but there are a lot of people who are not comfortable being responsible for someone's child, other than their own. Is it at all possible that this is the case, or has she openly offered to babysit your child before? If she had offered & is now acting weird, then she sounds like a piece of poop.

I'm very sorry for your loss :-(
That is Very Unfriendly, unkind, actually Mean of her !!
No your NOT being to sensitive she's be VERY INSENSITIVE ! I would not communicate with her for a while.
Try to get some rest ! xoxox

Hi,

I am so sorry about your loss of your dad. I think your friend was being really mean and insensitive. You are the grieving one here, she is being so selfish!!! When you are calmed down, ask her why she is being such a ^$**! She should learn some empathy and manners. If I were near you, I would offer to watch your child. Take care of yourself and have a good day.

M