One of my grown kids has 3 children. She is not married and needs a lot of my help babysitting. My youngest is a boy who is highly intellegent. My husband is in the Army serving in another country for the next few months. I do have some extra time so I watch my grandchildren a lot. Recently, there has been some problems with the children. They don't listen to me and consistantly do things directly after I ask them to quit. I mostly tell my daughter how they act. I have never said no to watching the kids and even go out of my way going to her home to do it even though ti would be much easier at my own. This way the kids dont have to get woke in the middle of the night to go home. But My youngest does. He loses sleep. My daughter's middle chilld, A little girl, always is hyper and talks back, tells me what to do, and basically does not respect me in any way. She is very unrully and thinks she can order every one of her siblings around. My daughter called me up and started asking me about what happened when I was watching the kids. Apparrently, the little girl, who is 7 years old, decided to tell my daughter of how I responded to an arguement that the children had when I was there. Mind you, all I did was discuss this with them, no punishment, etc.. However, my daughter was quite upset. Later she found out that her little girl stretched the truth, from her other children. I feel very uncomfortable about helping her now. I do not feel like my daughter shouldnt trust her Mom to watch her children, and I do not like getting called up being told off for doing something I did not do. I understand how children can be, I have raised many, but the truth is, I feel like I should have more respect than that. What do you think I should say to her?
I would stop babysitting for her and tell her exactly why. Until the kids learn to listen, be respectful and honest Grandma's babysitting service is out of business.
I’m sorry if I go on and on here but this is a very passionate subject for me because I love my Mom so much. My Mom babysits for me and I am so grateful. My kids at home are very well behaved and listen great. When my Mom first started to babysit when I went back to work, I would go pick up the kids and her house would be in chaos. Toys everywhere. Before we could leave I made the kids clean everything up all the while my Mom saying “just leave it. The kids were having fun” My response is that my kids need to respect her home just like I teach them to respect our home. I don’t care where my kids are at, they will respect other people and their property. If my Mom would tell me that my child didn’t listen or talked back, I would have him apologize right then and there. If I found out about it after we got home, my child had to call grandma. Everyday when they were little and I would pick them up before we left grandma’s I would have them hug, kiss and say I love you and thank you to her every time.
My kids are older now and she still babysits my younger one and he has a lot respect for grandma and still on his own says “thank you grandma for taking care of me today” while they are hugging. They have an incredible bond and my Mom adores being with my children.
Now to your daughter, SHE MUST enforce to her children the importance of respecting you! She needs to start shelling out consequences for their behavior pronto! This is not up for negotiation. What you are doing is a true blessing for her. Your help is a privilege, not a given right. I don’t know what she does when you do tell her about how her daughter acts, but I REALLY hope she gets a consequence! Does she ever have the daughter call you to apologize?
Truly I wish you the best of luck with this and getting it all worked out!
Sorry again for going on and on but you deserve more respect than what you are receiving!
You sound like such an incredible person =-)
Just be truthful and tell her you won't be watching her children after X day. The children do not mind or respecst you and this causes you great stress and you do not have this burden raising your last child at home. Your son would not lose sleep because of his noisy niece. It's nice to help but sometimes we have to cut the cord or do tough love in order for it to sink in. Use the free time you have to improve the relationship with your son or take a class. Enjoy life you have earned it and don't feel guilty when you say no. The other S.
Shame on you!!! She's taking advantage of you and you are letting her. Make her hire a professional sitter. You have your life to live. You raised your children let her raise hers. Grandmothers are not intended to be full time babysitters. She is taking away your privilage of being a loving Grandmother. Also, if you are going to continue to watch them then punish them if they do wrong. Do you want them to grow up to be rotten citizens?
Your Granddaughter should have been punished by you for what she did and then again by her daughter for not telling the truth. Get out while you can before it destroys your relationship with your daughter...She might get upset at first but it's best for everyone if she finds someone new to watch them.
The job of grandma, and mom are different. I'd tell her that you need to take care of your son now. And waking him up just isn't working.
best, k
I think she should appericate the babysitting you are doing for her. She should be more respectful to you. It sounds like you have good judgment. I would not react. When people react thats when feelings get hurt.
The next time she asks you to babysit tell her calmly that you are not able. Something came up.
Grandchild or not I would not put up with a fresh talking child. You are doing your daughter the favor of watching the kids. The kids are not behaved. Its never a pleasure to watch kids that are bossy and not respectful.
Keep the peace.
I think gramma needs a break. I would tell my daughter that I need a break for a little while, and then establish some ground rules. meet with your daughter and tell her what your expectations are with the children. You need to be on the same page as far as expectations and discipline go. If you cannot come to an agreement and back each other up, she needs to make other arrangements for her kids, and you can be just grandma, not grandma/powerless babysitter. Please don't let your son get the short end of the stick. You are his mommy and he needs you and he needs stability and he needs a full night's sleep!
Sounds like everyone is stressed out and needs to sit down for a major discussion. Mom needs to tell her kids GRANDMA is incharge and what the rules are no matter who is watching/ ALso a little supernanny techniques wouldnt hurt. One warning for bad behavior and then a time out (one minute for each yr of child).
Also, thanks to you and your hubby for serving. I am a navy wife and know how deployments are.
Wow, that's a hard spot to be in.
As a Mom, I can see how she would follow up on something that her daughter said. We try to teach our kids to tell the truth and show them consequences. Do you know if the girl had any consequences for stretching the truth?
My son is 9 and is going through this phase. Just yesterday he told me something had happened at school and that the teacher had sat there and did nothing about it. I was so mad!!! A few minutes later he said 'Gotcha ya'.. Oh, I was even MORE mad at him! I looked him in the eyes and said, 'Do you know that I was getting ready to write a very unhappy letter to your teacher and principal about this? Your teacher could've gotten into trouble over it. Would that have been fair? Just so you could play a joke on me?'
As for continuing to watch them, I would discuss the whole thing with your daughter. Tell her, as nicely and calmly as possible, that YOU were very upset that your granddaughter would make up a story to try and get you in trouble. That you don't understand why she would do that. That you want your daughter to trust her kids in your care, and that you don't know how you can be a loving Grandma when the Grandkids are making up stories. If they won't listen, and they make up stories when I try and correct them, how can I be respected by them?'
The only true way to work it out is to find some time where you can talk to your daughter and your grandkids and work it out one way or another without accusations and as few hurt feelings as possible.
Hugs,
M.
Tell your daughter the truth. No sense "stretching" the story. Relax. Get a pedicure. You deserve it. God Bless you for helping with your family.
I haven't read the other answers but I think you should tell her this. You sound like a wonderful grandmother.OH and mother, too!
I have not read the other responses. This scene sounds so similar to ones I've been thru with my adult daughter while I was watching her children early on. We often argued. After a couple of years of this off and on, she took me with her to a counseling session during which she said that I didn't do a good enough job of keeping the house picked up. I let her babies make messes and didn't clean them up. I told her that if she did not like the way that I managed she needed to find someone else to watch her preschoolers while she worked. She was angry, complained a lot but she did find a way to have someone else take care of her children. She was receiving state assistance and I was being paid but not enough for the stress this was putting on our relationship.
I continued to frequently watch the kids while she ran errands or went out with friends. Then the only arguments we had were around discipline issues. We found that we needed to sit down, without the children, and discuss how she wanted them disciplined. We pretty much agreed on what was and was not appropriate behavior. That helped a lot.
I suggest that your daughter knows that her kids are getting out of control but doesn't want to admit it or doesn't know what to do about it. It seems easier to her, tho it's not easier, for her to be defensive. I understand your discomfort.
I suggest that your daughter needs to establish some consistent forms of discipline. Not punishment. It sounds like this little girl needs to learn how to show respect and a way to teach that is to provide immediate consequences when she talks back or orders people around.
The plan that my daughter decided on was that we would send her child to their room until they were able to come out and talk with us about why they were sent to their room. Then the adult would explain about respect and what is expected the child to do and not do. Every time the child talked back they went to their room and once they were able to be respectful they could come out and we'd have a brief discussion and ask for a sincere apology. Nearly every time at first the child would say the words in a sarcastic way. Back to the room. They eventually learned how to be respectful when they came back out. It is the child who decides how long this process will take.
At first, I was concerned that they would learn how to fake it and not actually learn how to internalize the sorry feeling. I'm not so concerned now because both children spontaneously say sorry even when they're not in trouble. If they're faking it they're very good at it. And their behavior has immensely improved.
Going to their room and having a discussion is the usual form of discipline in their house. Only once did I have to send my grandson to the spare room to get him to stop fighting me. They are now ages 7 and 10.
If you are still watching her children I suggest that your daughter has to agree to find a way to teach her children good behavior. And that she needs to tell you out loud that she will assume that you've done the best that you could in an appropriate way. It's good for her to call and ask you what happened but it should be with the idea of gaining information so that she can discipline her child if that's appropriate.
My daughter and I are getting along really well now. It took us several years to work out the kinks in sharing care of the children. It helped my daughter a lot to discover that she didn't have to depend on me for child care. Some of her attitude was caused by feeling vulnerable. I learned that I needed to listen to her more about her wishes concerning behavior and discipline. She is the mother and the one who decides what is acceptable and not acceptable in her house. It is important for me to back her in discipline issues. I don't always agree but I've learned to not give my opinion unless she asks for it.
Mother daughter relationships are among the most difficult. It takes time and understanding to work thru our issues. I hope that you have been able to work out this situation to your satisfaction.
I add this admonishment. Be sure to take care of yourself and your son first. If taking care of your grandchildren prevents you from taking care of your own needs and the needs of your son something has to change. I was raised to be a caretaker and I've finally learned that it's most important to have boundaries and the ability to take care of myself first.
