Husband Has No Patience for 3-Year-old

Same here. Exact same.
I don't have answers.
But husband is with them for 45 minutes each day and cannot even handle that. He gets fed up and yells and just sends them to their room.

I am with them ALL day.
Weekends are bad. I have been taking the kids on little trips b/c husband cannot tolerate them. Note there are 4 and they are all preschool or babies.

Someone posted "This is what dads are supposed to do..."

What, they're supposed to confuse their kids and undermine the mom's discipline? They're supposed to teach their sons by example that yelling and storming around are acceptable because that's what Dad's doing? They're supposed to keep doing things that clearly result in the son acting worse for dad than for mom?

Nope. Your husband may mean well but he knows nothing about what is developmentally happening with your son. He does not know about how three-year-olds act and react and what makes them tick and how they think. He does not get that at age three, your son is not going to do what he's told "just because dad said so." And he does not get that reacting so violently and stamping around sends your son a terribly mixed message. Your son sees dad acting like that; if your son acts that way, well, where did he see it and who's he modeling his behavior on? Dad.

Thiings will not get better without a serious change on your husband's part. He needs to get some education and then accept that he has to change how he handles your son. If he doesn't the result will be that as your son goes through other perfectly normal behavioral stages, your husband will continue to be frustrated with each one and will just keep reacting inappropriately -- and INEFFECTIVELY! His actions aren't disciplining your son; they're just punishing him. Discipline teaches. Punishment just hurts.

You said you've offered books etc. but to no avail. He really could use some parenting counseling (both of you should go). It would be a huge help, probably, if the counselor were a man -- it sounds like maybe your husband had a dad's-way-or-the-highway upbringing and might not take a woman's guidance when he might accept a man's a little more readily. Do you think you can get him to accept some short-term parenting class or counseling? Or is he the kind of guy who would see it as being weak, not being manly, being criticized for being a disciplinarian, etc.? Maybe there's a good male role model -- a brother, a male friend of your husband's, a male teacher, a pastor, etc. -- whom you can trust enough to confide in and ask to talk with your husband (without telliing your husband you talked about it -- I hate to say to hide anything from a spouse but it sounds like your husband would not react well if he knew you asked a friend or pastor etc. to talk with him about how he interacts with his own child....)

You may have to get his attention with a shock like telling him you are signing both of you up for a parenting class and expect him to go. The fact he does realize your son behaves worse for him than for you is a starting point -- can he go beyond that and also realize that he, not your son, is the major part of that problem? Can he see beyond himself and realize that you do have the better take on effective discipline?

Does your husband like sports?? Explain that time out is like the penalty box in hockey, when the ref sends you there You have to go. no arguments, no excuses, no free passes BUT when you finish your time in the penalty box.... the crowd cheers as you re enter the game!! He's served his time and is re entering society with a clean slate, ready to be reminded that he is loved and disciplined because he is loved.
In the end you MUST put your children first. IF DH cant be a good father, a calm role model and a Loving Disciplinarian the Teen years will be h*ll as your son tries to rebel against Dad. If Dad cant grow and learn than tell him he'll have to choose between parenting classes or moving out.

MY husband does the exact same thing! I then get frustrated cause of the way he handles situations. When my daughter does something wrong I try to calmly explain to her what she did and she gets a time out also. My husband is like yours and just starts to yell and scream and that in turn gets her crying and throws temper tantrums. He does not help the situation. I try to explain to him that yelling doesn't help, but he continues to do it anyway. I keep reminding him that she is 3 and needs to learn what she did wrong. He expects her to act like she is 20 and should know better. It really gets to me and then I end up crying cause I can't get her to calm down. It is to the point that she doesn't want daddy to help her anymore it is always me. I am 36 weeks pregnant and tired and ready for this baby to come out. I need him to help but his way of doing things really gets to me.
So I really don't know what to tell you since I am in the same boat. Best of luck and I really feel for you.

I had/have the exact same issue...except he would not put them in time out he whipped them... he was only slightly better with our daughter.

Now that they are teens he tells me his kids hate him and its MY FAULT because I didnt discipline them at all. WHich of course is not true, I just didnt do it the same way he did.

My ex husband is the same way. He knows it too and it doesn't make a lick of difference. He will overreact to a situation and then get mad/overreact when my son overreacts. He knows our son gets it from him and that he's supposed to serve as a good example, but it doesn't make an ounce of difference.

My son is 6. there is no way that's what dads are "supposed to do." I'm definitely the more strict disciplinarian. My ex just yells and exclaims that he's "fed up with the BS" only uses the real words... and in front of our son.

Your husband has to decide to change. You can't make him.

I can honestly say that if you had a daughter... the roles would probably be reversed. At least that's how I've seen things in my life.

When he starts to get heated with your son, step in and tell him that if he can't stay calm, you'll handle it. He needs conditioning too. ☺

Mine is pretty good at home, although I do notice that he seems a bit more short tempered with my 4y daughter than my older son, all though my son can push all the right buttons too. He especially is critical when shopping. I have a way of dealing with her/them when we are out, but when we are out as a family, its different somehow, and little things like running in a circle around a clothes stand while I'm looking for something drives him nuts!

Our house used to have a lot of anger. The thing that has helped calm it down is using looks and actions instead of words. So when you 4y hits, or throws or yells, keep it short. Say 'Excuse me?', or "No!", then without saying anything else walk him to time out. Then you say nothing else.

When your hubby is in the kitchen talking about your son, your son can hear and understand EVERYTHING that is being said. That will make for a very sad little boy.

M.

Sounds like me (mom) I have very little patience for them as well. Particularly my daughter - but i'm working hard to change it. My advice - help him see how the behavior cycles - how his frustration just makes everyone else more frustrated - etc. it's what it took for me - i realized my yelling didn't achieve anything except making everyone MORE worked up. he has to want to change his behavior though...good luck

Updated

Sounds like me (mom) I have very little patience for them as well. Particularly my daughter - but i'm working hard to change it. My advice - help him see how the behavior cycles - how his frustration just makes everyone else more frustrated - etc. it's what it took for me - i realized my yelling didn't achieve anything except making everyone MORE worked up. he has to want to change his behavior though...good luck

Actually, even though he might be getting a teeny bit rough, this is what dads are SUPPOSED to do.

Moms are the nurturers. Dads are the disciplinarians. When he's bigger, Dad will help to nurture his mind too.

As long as your husband is treating you well and is engaging in some parenting activities (actually DOING things like going to the park or teaching him to catch a ball) I'd say you're right on course.