Husband and Female Boss?

So far I haven't heard anything to be worried about. We would need to know more about his job before deciding if it was appropriate to have her number in his phone contacts.

I don't think you have anything to worry about. What you described sounds very normal. I have my boss' number in my phone and I also talk about my boss to my husband.

I know you have trust issues, but be careful. If you accuse your husband of something he did not do, you may push him away. Good luck.

I'm with Jenna M. I was cheated on by my ex and it was hard to trust again. In an attempt to assuage my fears, my husband would talk to me about the women he worked with. It would irritate me to no end. I finally asked him why he was always talking to me about these women he worked with. He told me it was because he wanted me to know about them, and to understand that he wasn't interested in them at all.

The next time he talked to me about one of the women he worked with, I really listened to what he was saying, and how he was saying it. He would talk about how she didn't like something that he was really interested in...which made me realize that he would never want to be with her because she didn't hold his interests.

As far as your hubby having her number, it's probably so he can call in sick, get a hold of her in an emergency, that kind of thing. If he goes out to lunch, and something happens where he can't make it back in time, he can give her a call, or send her a text to let her know what's going on. Or if he's out of the office for a meeting (or she's out) and something major happens (a big sale, someone quits, whatever) and shooting her an email isn't going to reach her soon enough, he can call or text. I wouldn't be worried about that at all.

As far as the promotion goes, if he's a hard worker, goes above and beyond, etc, then he deserves the promotion. You should be happy about that, not assume he's sleeping with her to get it.

Take a deep breath mama. I know it's hard to trust after having been cheated on, but if you keep suspecting him of cheating when he isn't, he's going to get sick of it and start thinking "I might as well do what she's been accusing me of!"...and then you're going to have bigger issues.

*hugs*

Sounds normal. My employees have my phone number in their phones. And everyone talks about their boss, no? Would you think anything was odd if his boss were male and he was planning on promoting your husband?

I always have had my boss' number stored in my phone... It's pretty handy to have if you need to call in, or if you have some sort of emergency...

Also... it could be that your husband knows you were cheated on, and understands your paranoia about the subject... so in an attempt to allay your fears about cheating he talks about her... Not because he is especially interested in her, but to set your mind at ease that he is trying to be open about the extent of his working relationship with her... Pretty much making you aware of everything he knows about her, so that you don't feel he is hiding anything...

Being cheated on is hard, and it really makes it harder to trust anyone else ever again... especially when it has happened multiple times.

Maybe you could try to meet his boss... Have him invite her (let her bring a date...) to dinner... either at your house or out. (IF it's something that is acceptable where he works...)

Of course, I don't know your husband, so I can't say whether or not there is something going on...

Why would this make you suspicious?

He's openly talking with you about her, not hiding conversations and interactions. If he was involved with her, the last person he would discuss her with is you!

For what it's worth, my boss requires that we have her personal cell in our cell phones and vice versa. She only uses our personal numbers in an urgent situation, but when our server went down last year it was really helpful to be able to communicate via text on our cell phones.

I don't see anything suspicious in what you describe. Would you think twice if his boss were a man? Probably not, right?

All of my managers for my entire career have been men. I am the only woman in my current and many past departments. I talk about my boss to my husband - my current one is a good guy, very funny, very cool and he's been good to me so far (our reporting relationship is new). I like him and find him smart and interesting. He's got good stories that are worth sharing. I know that he just bought a horse named Twinkie and he knows what my dog's name is. We know things about each others' spouses, kids, hobbies, etc. - it's just part of normal work relationships. I wouldn't think that any of this would make my husband suspicious. And of course I have his numbers (cell, home and work) in my phone as he has mine and those of everyone else on our team. That's just smart - if you need to get in touch with someone or someone needs to get it touch with you, it's expected that everyone is reachable via phone.

I see nothing suspisious about someone having a boss's cell number in their phone. Would this bother you if his boss were a man?

I'm sorry you experienced some crappy exes but this sounds like your trust issues.

I've not been there done that but I am sure it is hard to trust again. Trust me though, if you start treating him like he is cheating, questioning, confronting, etc, you will certainly push him away from you.

Maybe you can meet the boss and make yourself more comfortable in your head with "she is not his type" or something like that.

Work on your trust issues, communicate with your husband and keep the good man you have now.

Here's another perspective to consider. I have to carry my boss's cell phone number. Certain parts of my job might be after hours (nothing ridiculous but say between 6 pm to 10 pm) and if I have questions I can't answer, then that's why the number is there. At my last job I had to call my boss after hours. His wife answered and she was so threatening and suspicious with me. When she handed the phone to my boss, I could hear her ripping my boss/her husband a new one in the background. I tried to get the help I needed as fast as possible and get the heck off the phone. I felt bad for both of them and apologized to my boss the next day for having to make the call at all.

Unless you have more than those snippets to go by (knowing basic personal information and her cell number), I think you are making mountains out of molehills. If she wasn't a woman, would it bother you that your husband knew those things about his boss or had his phone number or could act normally around his boss or could expect to be promoted? Take a breath and let the baggage go. It's not fair to your current relationship with your husband. Good luck.

I' not following...With the example part, and her comments part.

His number is in his phone because she is his boss, does he work somewhere that he should not have her number? Does he call her excessively or she him?
Does he work hard enough to get promoted?
We are talking about a woman boss to your husband and not the wife of your husbands boss right?

He is honest and open about her, comes home on time, etc. You need to get some counseling to deal with the jealousy issues. Do not judge your husband on the behavior of others. That WILL destroy your relationship over time.

I am a female boss. My boss is a male. I have both of their phone numbers and they have mine. It is necessary so that on weekends or after hours I can get in touch with them if there is an emergency. Same for them.

I think you could be over thinking this some.

I have always had my bosses home phone.. even back in the dark ages before cell phones.

You have reason to have trust issues, but if you do not work this out on your own, you are going to mess up this good marriage.

Seek help from a professonal if this starts to really interfere with your life.

i have a great (female) boss who i am super close to. she is like a mom to me. i have her cell number - but we are not allowed to use cell phones at work, and i have only ever used it at work. somehow, though, i still have her number. i would not call it except as a last resort - can't imagine why it's even there actually, i had to look to see if i had it.

that's funny to me because i was about to get on here and say i don't see a reason for him to have her number...then i had to check, and i do have my boss' number. sooooo.......

but i have been cheated on, and i agreed with you. it does depend on his job though. does he use his cell for work? it's not abnormal to speak about his boss if he works with her daily. but my suspicions would be alerted too...right or wrong...

Do you have the option of discussing your insecurity with your husband? When I have felt uncomfortable, I have been able to say to my husband in CALM CONVERSATION, "When I see this, I realize that it reminds me of that, so I might need your help/encouragement to re-frame my thinking. I don't want to always think that these two things automatically go hand in hand, but it's hard because that's all I've seen."

I also believe that if this is ALWAYS happening in your life, then you should look at the probability that you are attracting a certain personality to you that creates a certain dynamic between you. Looking at this should help you to look at who you are and make some lifestyle changes. The lesson might even be just about learning to speak up for yourself in your personal relationships or just improve your communication.

That sounds normal. I have my male boss's number in my phone. I don't talk a whole lot about work at home, but do occasionally mention the small talk I've made with my boss.

If you have a fit over these normal things, your husband may start filtering what he tells you.

I still have my boss' # in my phone, although I've been a SAHM for 3 yrs.

Nothing you mentioned should give you any cause for concern. However, I am concerned for YOU, because it seems like you are searching for a reason not to trust him. That is a normal reaction to being cheated on--you want to protect yourself from further hurt, however, if you don't build up more confidence in your man and your marriage, you'll end up sabotaging it.

These things wouldn't worry me in the least. He's being open and honest. If you found these things out on your own and he was being secretive, then I'd worry.

Don't make him pay for the mistakes and actions of other people. He's not those past boyfriends. Don't treat him like he is. Instead, get some counseling to help retrain your brain and to learn to communicate better. You need to be able to talk about your fears and worries in a constructive way with your husband.

He has his bosses # in his cell phone. I have my male bosses # in my cell phone.

First, if these thoughts are not present during the daytime, try to let them go. Nighttime anxiety thoughts are common... but we have to put them in their place..."a teeny, tiny inkling of an idea". (Nighttime is when I have my stupid anxious thoughts about earthquakes and kiddo accidentally getting separated from a caregiver on public transport... that kind of unnerving stuff.)

If you can keep it in it's rightful place in your life-- an anxiety, nothing more than your other garden-variety "Yeah, it could happen, but not likely" pesky thoughts, fine. IF you find yourself dwelling on it, go talk to someone. It's reasonable to have baggage from your last relationships, esp. if you've been cheated on. Usually, however, the cheating was due to other problems (either within the relationship or within the personality of your exes). It might do you well to explore that with someone, just to help your current marriage. It's not fair to saddle one's spouse with one's own baggage.

The only way to *really* know if something is going on is to start snooping on him. HOWEVER, speaking from experience, once you start to do that, make sure you are READY for what you may find. The highest percentage of men who cheat do it with a co-worker. So either get over your insecurity since it appears nothing is really going on, or start looking for something else, but be ready if you find something. Good luck!

I think you're framing this based on your past. Which is totally normal, I might add. But food for thought: I also have my boss' cell phone number and we often chit chat about things unrelated to work. In fact, I know quite a bit about my boss' personal life and I definitely consider her 'cool' as far as a boss goes. It's good you realize that you are only thinking about this based on the fact that you've been cheated on before. That helps you keep it in perspective and under control unless you have some real evidence. Right? Good luck.