Hubby's Immature Friend

I have a friend who is 6'6" and almost 300 pounds. He told me more than once that he has broken furniture by accident just sitting on it. Keeping that in mind, you cannot convince me this grown (pardon the expression) man did not know what was going to happen to your sofa.

Don't be mad at your husband. The last thing a guy will do to another guy in public - scold him. I am writing in to tell you that you have every right to be angry with the friend, but maybe should cut your husband some slack. Oh, and just be thankful you aren't married to THAT guy. Good luck with the sofa.

C

Be nice to his poor wife. She must be miserable.

When you damage something you either have to replace it or repair it-simple kindergarden rule. And if your husband is so hell bent on keeping it-then I'd let him sleep on it!

Well, everybody has one. Your husband will never see things your way when it comes to him, there is no winning here - you "move on" and you may hold resent but if you push the issue you may end up having a whole other issue on your hands.

Of course the friend is responsible for repairing or replacing the couch! But you can't ask for that if your husband isn't in agreement. I'd tell my husband what you've told us here and ask why he accepts his friends immature and damaging ways. See if you can work it out with him and then your husband needs to ask for the repair or replacement.

Perhaps the book, Non-violent Communication would help you learn a way of phrasing your conversation in a way that will illicit your husband's understanding. Be sympathetic to your husband's position. Use only I statements and find ways of talking about the friend in an accepting way of who he is in a firm way. This friend is really quite handicapped and I suggest your husband feels sorry for him. Let him know that by siding with the friend you feel that he's not protecting you.

http://www.cnvc.org/about-us Information about non-violent communication.

You know how many friends like this my husband has? Me either, because they are not welcome in my home anymore.

Your dh's friend replaces the couch (even if you have to go around the guys and work with the wife to get one) and if hubby gives you a hard time, he can sleep on the broken couch until the new one is delivered.

You are correct, if you let this go, the next time it will be an even more expensive piece of furniture, or worse. By not making him take responsibility for the damage he's done, you are basically telling him, "Yeah, destroy my property, I don't mind." If this causes a rift between your dh and the friend, that's not your problem.

My Aunt's third husband broke one of our new chairs. He weighed about 450 and sat down and it broke. This was the second chair he had broken and my mom was pissed! No one offered anything.

Let the couch go. There really isn't anything you can do. The guys a jerk and his wife will get sick of it. Soon she will be posting on here that her husband is a jerk and how does she get him to grow up!

Of course they need to pay for a new couch.
But I would sit them down for a long talk. They need to understand that as much as you like them ( the wife you like and the husband -hubby likes) but they need to follow your house rules. Lay out the house rules and tell them when they can follow the rules they are welcome.

I agree with the other poster, be nice to the wife, she seems nice and obviously has a TOOL for a husband!

I would be upset with my husband too, if he brushed it off to the friend and acted like it was a no big deal!

IF (and that is a BIG if) it was merely an accident and he broke the couch b/c he is just so big I would probably have done what your husband did and brush it off and tell them not to worry about replacing it....because it would have been and accident...BUT because this guy was being so immature and RAN and JUMPED onto your sofa *absolutely* talk with the wife (if you are more comfortable w/her) and let her know that you guys need help with the $ to replace your sofa!!

And don't feel bad about it either!!

What he did was just ridiculous! I can't even imagine...I would have been so royally pissed off and I would have immediately cut my husband off and said directly to the guy and the wife that 'Uh yeah...you guys are gonna help replace that'!

I think a better way to describe him would be insecure. Allow them to replace the couch. That was inappropriate behavior for him to be doing and we dont allow our children to act like this nor should any adult. That is disrespectful for him to behave like this. Also be aware he might get a kick out of your reaction. I find insecure people love to get a reaction out of people. Like some sort of power over them that they can control another's emotions.

In our house, it would have been water under the bridge, however, that doesn't mean their next visit would be in our home. You can entertain their next visit elsewhere in someone else's establishment.

My husband had a friend like this- not a close friend, but someone who was always around our group of friends. I HATED him. I don't use that word liberally... he was immature and vulgar. We were at a Super Bowl party with him (at my husband's best friend's house) when I was pregnant with my son. His commentary about pregnant breasts was too much for us, so we left. My husband's best friend (since 1st grade) was so upset by the guy's behavior that he asked him to leave immediately and he called us to apologize because even he couldn't believe what was said- someone told him after we left.

Needless to say, this person is no longer welcome in our home or the homes of many of our friends. Sometimes it just takes one person to say "enough" for the behavior to either stop or for the relationship to take a much-needed hiatus.

Destroying a piece of your furniture because he's joking around isn't the end of the world... not apologizing or offering to replace it is downright selfish.

I would never make anyone replace a couch just for jumping on it. A couch should not break for that unless it was already damaged or was structurally unsound.

I mean you didn't mention it but it cannot be a brand new couch so if anyone was over the top it was the wife saying pick out whatever you want. Who says that. I may offer to have someone come out and repair it but a brand new couch, come on?

I get you hate this guy but let it go because even if you push the issue you are not going to get a new couch out of it. You are just going to start a fight, probably end up on court and really piss off your husband who apparently likes the guy. Oh and in court all he has to say is I just sat down and unless you have proof he actually jumped up you will lose.

Did he actually jump up or was that your hatred coloring the situation? I can see him flopping but I have never seen a 300 pound guy with more than a half in vertical, ya know?

Harsh? Really? Good to know you are perfect and don't fall prey to human failings like the rest of us. At least I can admit I do tend to see things differently when I don't like the person. Then again your reaction to my observations kind of shows you do in fact see things differently. I guess you just thought you were perfect. Oh unless you just wanted enabling, then perhaps you should point that out so people don't bother trying to point out a different view. Yikes!

This friend of your husbands sounds like an idiot.
I don't know ANY adults that run and jump onto a couch.
And yeah, they break if you jump on them because they are NOT trampolines.
But your husband likes him, and you like his wife.
This friend certainly makes YOUR husband look good and that must be an ego boost for your husband.
If they are out of town, you don't have to deal with them too often.
You might want to get one chair that can hold ###-###-####lbs and have that as his designated seat when he visits (check out Living XL.com).
Perhaps you and they can split the cost of a new couch 50/50.
Try to have them over when you can entertain outside (barbeque, picnic, etc) as much as possible.
Maybe if you can rent a bounce house to entertain the kids, this guy will go throw himself in there instead of destroying your home.

I'm sorry, but you are being played for a fool if you don't had them over a bill for the couch. You need to stop having them over. If your husband wants to see them, go over to THEIR house and drive separately. When he starts acting like a jerk, get a headache and go home!

If I were you, that husband of yours would be sleeping on that broken couch. Tell that jerk of a man how much he owes for the broken couch.

Dawn

I think the bottom line here is whether or not you want to continue your friendship with this couple. Because if you ask them to replace the couch that will probably make things weird between you guys.
What is it that your husband gets out of being friends with this guy? I think he needs to take some time to dig deep and think about that.

You need to make sure that they pay for the couch. They won't stop being your friends because you're taking them up on the offer to repair or replace the couch. Being friends doesn't mean turning a blind eye under all circumstances to destructive behavior when it's destroying YOUR things.