I Will Apologize for Asking So Many ?'S - but First I Have A ? =)

Whether it is normal or not, I wouldn't like it. I have two sons, and my husband doesn't treat them that way. He teases them all the time, but not meanly, and the teasing you posted sounds mean to me. My youngest is 7, and he still sleeps with a blanket. He would be extremely upset if my husband teased him about it.

This kind of blows the 'great, awesome father' theory out of the water hun! It's just one more strike. It's not only you anymore.

You know the to answer this!

Not cool at all. He is bullying a child, and not just a child, but his own son. Thank goodness he has you sticking up for him. No way would that fly in my house, he would either shape up or ship out.

My Dad was a teaser and my husband is too. The thing is there is never a moment when it feels mean or even slightly mocking in anyway to any of us, the girls included. In fact teasing done right makes the person getting teased feel good. When my husband plays around with the kids like that it's sweet and personal and one of the ways he connects with them.
They tease him back. Currently the kids are calling him Phil (the Dad from Modern Family) when he does something Dad-like and slightly dorky. in fact last night at the dinner table he told us a story of how he "Philled Out" at work and mocked HIMSELF. He had us laughing so hard I was almost crying.
That is teasing, you have to be willing to make fun of yourself, you have to do it in a loving fun way, it is not mocking or putting down, it's about knowing people so well and being so comfortable with yourself and your place in your family that it's OK to poke a little fun. It should never sound mean or arrogant and most importantly it should never focus on a person's soft spot or a subject others outside the family might make fun of the kid for (ie. the blankie).
The thing is S., I don't mind all the questions you ask, I think they are great questions and you sound like an awesome Mom. It just seems like you know the answer to these questions already. It may not be the "easy" answer, it may not be the answer you want but I honestly think you know it.
We can all sit around and tell you what we think but isn't what YOU think the most important thing? In my experience that little voice inside yourself doesn't shut up, it gets louder and louder until it just can't be ignored or explained away. Sometimes when faced with a situation in which every choice seems impossible I look back in hindsight and realize I knew what to do all along and I am a whole lot stronger than I thought I was. Could that be true for you too?

Please, don't apologize for asking questions! You are asking very real questions, and that's always a good thing!

I don't think you're overreacting, at all. He is being mean, period. If that's his "nature" I am understanding more the full scope of your questions.

I'm really praying for you. It seems like you are trying to sort through a lot of things, and you are being very thoughtful about it. I know that the sorting process can be very intimidating and painful, but you are doing it anyway. I commend you for that.

S., I think this is just another reason on your list of reasons to be concerned and get packing. After reading your other posts the last few days it's clear that your husband is abusive to you AND your son. This is not okay and it's not teaching your son how to be confident and have a good self esteem. Light hearted teasing is one thing, but this is not that. I agree with Lee's Lee's answer and I hope you figure things out! Hugs!

My husband teases our son (he is seven)...but always stops if it is upsetting my son. Teasing should be in fun and jest where everyone can laugh...not at the others expense.

My husband tucks all my son's lovies in with him every night from "snuggle bear" the oldest, to brown bear and the skeleton bat and the stuffed rat and the pillow pet.

I know my husband wishes our son could sleep with fewer lights on...and every so often will cut off the closet light to see if it will go un-noticed...but since Halloween it has been back on.

My husband's father regularly called him names (stupid, dummy, will never amount to any thing...etc etc etc) and so he is very careful about what he says and how he treats our son.

He does at times want to toughen him up...but not break his spirit or wound his soul.

S.... once again I hear the conflict in you. In you last post you talked about what a great father you husband is, didn't you? This is not great parenting. And his response to you, quite frankly, sucks... " it's my nature..."?? His "nature" sounds like jackology to me. Parenting is hard work. WORK... not "I'll try" or "it's just how I am". What he's doing is not good for your son and a terrible example of a father for your son. A good supportive father doesn't call his kid demeaning names, belittle or make stupid faces in a judgmental way. Kids are so perceptive, and body language is so telling, not to mention the really obvious stuff your husband does.

I don't hear him taking any responsibility for his part in the problems you two have, and sorry, in a marriage if it's your problem, well then, it's his problem too.

When I mention your conflict, I'm not criticizing you. I'm just pointing out that it's really loud and clear that you are weighing your options and it's a really normal thing to do. Keep going to therapy, S.. However long it takes you to sort through it, the answers will come. In the meantime, there's a great book I'd like to recommend... it's called How To Talk So Your Kids WIll Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk. Not only will this help your parenting skills (because I haven't met a person yet that doesn't find helpful information to apply from this book) but it will also help you see a different perspective of how your husbands, attitude, words, actions may be affecting your kids.

Sending you a hug...

UPDATE: I think you should check out this link. Give them a call.
http://www.newhouseshelter.org/

My husband would never behave that way to our son. If he did, and I told him it bothered me (or more importantly, that it bothered our son), he would stop.
Your husband sounds like a bully.

Not normal or healthy. And I'd be pissed.

I'm almost 34 and still have my blankie hanging at the end of my bed.

Overreacting? No. It hurts feelings.

Hi S.-

Years ago, I went to a lecture given by sol gordon. The primary topic was human sexuality...but he touched on many areas of human behavior. One comment that he made, and it stuck with me all these many years, was about the difference between 'love' and 'hate'.

He was saying it sort of 'tongue in cheek'...but the message was so clear. To paraphrase, he said...'There is a HUGE difference between love and hate...when someone LOVES you, they want to spend time with you...they encourage you...they say loving things to you. THAT is LOVE!!!

If someone says mean things to you...they hit you a lot, and do not want to be around you...THAT is HATE!!

LOVE (gestures with one hand) and HATE (gestures with the other hand).

And there is a BIG difference between the two...'

All I can say is many of the things you have shared about your hubby surely do not 'seem' loving to me...and seem ambivalent at 'best'.

I would be upset too.

Best Luck
michele/cat

I don't know if you are "over reacting" because I don't know what you have said/done about this with/to your husband. But SHOULD you be bothered? I would. It sounds like a childish bully, to me.
No. My husband does not behave that way towards our kids. Our son nor our daughter. My father and brother have a couple of times (and it made me furious).
Does he think he is somehow "toughening up" your son? It sounds like just plain meanness to me. And in a childish bullying type way.

My husband jokes with our kids all the time. But not like you describe. He jokes WITH them, not AT them. They actually will poke fun of themselves from time to time, but if they do it TO each other, my husband is quick to note that it isn't nice if it makes someone else feel bad. Our family humor is more the word play type of humor, not faces and jabs at each other.

And no, I don't think what he is doing is harmless. It is my belief that kids should feel "safe" with their parents. Joking is one thing. Correcting them is another thing. But MOCKING them so that they feel small and belittled is something else altogether, and it is NOT good.

I recently read a poem that sums it up for raising children. Have your husband read it, copy it and post in on your fridge for a daily reminder:

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

Hint: With kids... OF COURSE he said he was happy, and meant it. He was with you. Right then, in his life, he was happy. Even teens have a HARD time doing the 'big picture' look. When they're happy, they've always been happy. When they're sad, they've always been sad. With you your son felt safe, and happy, and loved, and cared for, and HAPPY.

My dad would NEVER have teased me like that.

HINT: Happy teasing = both people are smiling and the BOTH do it to each other, and BOTH people are smiling / feeling all warm and loved.

Onesided "teasing" = manipulation and bullying.

You are not overreacting, you are protecting your son. If this was not his father, but some kid at school doing all of this, you would be dealing with a bully.

ok This guy has got to go.
The list of his faults just keeps getting longer and longer And his refusing to TRY to change is a big red flag.
My step father used to do the " hello McFly " to me and to this day I hate the phrase and I still don't like him and that's one of the reasons. It's demeaning and disrespectful. If it doesn't stop your son will come to resent his dad. And to do that to a 6 yr old . I was 8 when my step dad started doing " hello mcfly" to me when I did something stuipid or screwed up. At first it was ok I screwed up ha ha I get it . It got old real quick. And I started getting angry and resentful.

Plain and simple, he's a jerk. Brothers do this, ADULTS do not tease children like this.

It's his RESPONSIBILITY as an adult to ACT like an adult. Part of the problem is his personality and the other part is his behavior. He can change his behavior, if he's grown up and cares enough. I don't know if stooping to your husband's level and dishing the same thing out to him when he does it will change anything, but I'd be tempted.

EDIT - Get away from this man as soon as you can. Your children will be more damaged staying with this Jackoff than they will by any financial challenges you face getting away.

I'm sorry...but if my husband heard another man speaking to his wife and kids the way your husband does, he'd knock him on the floor. He almost did it to my brother for cursing in my presence. It's just unclassy and all around bad taste.

Your husband sounds awful. I'm so sorry to say that.

If he WILL NOT go to counseling for the sake of saving your marriage, then he is not worth it. You should look at a seperation and see if that helps put what his new life may be into perspective for him.

I get that he may be amazing at times, but that does NOT excuse how he treats you, and especially the children. You have a choice, the kids don't. And that's sad. What hubby says to them is beyond belief to me. We don't even tell our kids they are bad!! We say "Your behavior is bad right now." or we will say "that was not a smart thing to do" - never "you are bad or stupid". Get what I'm saying. They are good people and make mistakes - like normal people.

My kids all sleep with stuffed animals and their favorite blankets - they are 8, 6, and 4. I'd never take any of that away from them.

I am so sorry you are going through this and don't ever apologize for asking questions, it's what this site is for!! We are all here with the best intentions to help each other.

I don't think that sounds very nice - pretty immature. I'd be annoyed by it - I don't think you are overreacting at all.

No, S., my husband is not like this. Little gentle teases, yes. But not judgmental teases.

I know you are trying to wrap your head around this situation. I think Ephie gave you great advice yesterday. You can keep asking us these questions to get a reading on what 'normal' is, but I think you already know the answer to this in your heart.

I hope you come to a time when you are able to move on with your life, regardless of what your husband thinks. His 'normal' is not normal.

We have 2 boys and my husband would never make fun of stuff like this. We laugh with our 4 year old because his silliness is actually funny, not at him because we think he is a "momo". And what is the big deal with sleeping with a blankie at 6 years old? It comforts him! He will outgrow it on his own time. It sounds like typical behavior for a boy and really UNtypical behavior for a dad. I would be bothered too. Just my opinion.

I will also say that judging from your other posts regarding your husband, you are probably hypersensitive to everything that he says and does and are constantly on the defense where you and especially your children are concerned. I would be too. Kudos to you for getting counseling!

I'm sorry you are dealing with a guy like that. My husband would NEVER treat me or my kids like that. He has never called me any type of bad names, made fun of me unless I was laughing at myself too and we can joke together about something silly one of us did. He would NEVER talk or treat our kids the way you describe your husband. He does play and tease the kids, but only if they are also laughing and they tease him back and it's never in a mean way. When it's just me and him together he makes time to just hang out with me. Sometimes we play board games, sometimes we will chill on the couch and watch a movie, sometimes we give eachother backrubs. We just moved to a new house 2 days ago and our vacume broke. I was telling him that I was going to take the vacume to the repair shop and he looked at me and said "oh, I love you and I already did it". If my husband ever treated me the way your husband treats you and your kids, he would be OUT! But, I can't tell you what to do. I just wanted to let you know that that is not normal. Good for you for going to counseling! Good luck

I responded to your other post about the way your husband talks to you and based on that, and this one, he sounds like he's just a big stupid bully. My husband has 2 sons from his first marriage and he NEVER spoke to them the way your husband is talking to your son. My younger stepson also slept with his teddy until he was like 12 or 13 - at that point we would ask him if he was planning to take Teddy with him to college or something like that, in a joking manner, but we didn't insult him for still needing him to sleep with.

Sometimes I joke with my daughter to get her laughing - like when she pouts with her lower lip stuck out and really exaggerates it and I tell her if she keeps doing that a little bird will poop on it. But that's not making fun OF her and insulting her in any way, or hurting WHO SHE IS as a person. What your husband is doing sounds more demeaning to your son and eventually all that "teasing" will eat away at your son's self-esteem. Even if your son is so innocent to not realize what is going on, eventually he will. Even if hubby thinks you are making too big a deal of it, he should respect you enough to not continue if you ask him to stop. Him making excuses about it's just his nature and blah, blah, blah just tells me he really doesn't care and has no interest in changing.

Look at it this way - do you want your son to grow up to be just like his father, and treat his own wife and children like this? Do you think that is acceptable and would you be okay with it?

There's enough bullies out there in the outside world...you shouldn't have to deal with them in your own home.

I think today you've started on the right path. You are questioning what is really going on. I hope the support of the mamas on here is helping.

I also don't think you are overreacting. Your mama bear instinct says so. We protect our babies, even from their fathers.

My husband does NOT tease like this. I have seen it from my brothers. It makes me ill. They try to make the boys tougher by saying they look or act like girls. They are also very homophobic and racist. Did I mention it makes me ill? My kids will not live in these homes if anything ever happens to my husband and I, because of this.

I have also watched a close friend of mine go through the ups and downs of abusive men. She always gets fed up by fall and then sticks around for the holidays. Then it's too hard to leave in the winter. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Keep sorting your feelings out also start preparing to leave if you think it could happen. It's better to be ready than to leave at the last minute without anything. My friend lost all of her kids' baby pictures and some important documents. Really think about an exit strategy, even if you decide later you don't need it.

More hugs to you!!! And for the love of God, change your password on here and make sure he can't read any of this.

My husband seldom does that, if ever . . . he views his job as building up our son, and his step-son (my son from my former marriage) into strong, capable men. That doesn't mean coddling either. He just doesn't believe in tearing them down, even in a joking way.

Kids deserve basic human respect imho.

Your husband/momo sounds like a very immature, mean and abusive bully. Unless you want your son to growup thinking that this is the way you raise/treat your children .... you better run as fast as you can. Children need to learn and be raised with love and respect so that they will treat others that way. If the way he treats your son hurts you, can you imagine the hurt and embarrassment your child must feel.

It sounds like this momo you're married to has told you and shown you that he is never going to change. You have to be the one to protect your child.

He is not teasing your son, he is demoralizing him.

Here's the thing, we could all come up with lots of stories that would make all of our hubbies look awful. We are all human. We all have issues.

It sounds like your hubby has some issues. The question is, does he care to know he has issues? Will he just be mean if you confront him and say "dude, I love you, I want this to work, but it isn't working." He won't go to counseling. I get that. Would he go if you said "either we work together, or I want a divorce?" If you say the later, you have to really mean it.

If you have problems with him that you just cannot live with anymore, then the question is, is he willing to change and compromise? If not, than you have your answer. Only you know what you can live with.

Teasing that is cruel is cruel. I have to say, I feel sorry for your hubby. He sounds like a very sad and angry kind of soul.

But no, your husband's teasing isn't teasing, it's making fun of your son, which is kind of cruel. Parents are suppose to love you when you are weak, not knock you down.

My husband is more playful with our daughter. They tease each other and make silly faces, but never any name calling. She still sleeps with her blanket and a satin crib pillow that is falling apart. We never tease about blankie or pillow they are trusted friends she is not ready to give up. We talked about replacing the pillow, but she won't have any of it. I know my husband would rather cut his own arm off than say anything that hurts her.

Whatever issues your husband has will never get resolved until he decides they need to be fixed. Whether he is diagnosed as a bipolar manic depressive, PTSD, or is just abusive these are questions only a therapist can address. My brother is a shrink and he always says unless a patient is willing to admit they need help all the pills and meetings in the world are not going to make a difference. Until he decides to make a change you are beating your head against a brick wall.

My dad died when I was really young and my mom re-married when I was 6. My "dad" sounds a lot like your hubby. He used to always call me "bucky beaver", tease me about being so ugly, etc - and it hurt. It wasn't funny - it was just cruel and as I got older it just got worse and worse. I remember him telling me how stupid I was, that no one would ever want me, I was dumb, ugly, mostly useless - and those were just the words. He physically dominated me as well - I'd be hit, slapped and distinctly remember at 16 being throw up against a wall with his hands around my throat for simply answering a question in a tone he didn't like.
It took me a long, long time to get over this stuff. I was always in fear - never felt I was good enough - and just knew in my heart of hearts that he was right about it all. I got by - but it was so so hard.
I know you don't want this for your boy - and I sure don't either. It isn't nice, and it isn't normal - but unfortunately it's not uncommon either.
good luck

My husband would never in a million years talk to our son that way. His father would never in a million years talk to either of his sons, or his grandson, that way. My dad was barely a dad and even HE would never in a million years talk that way to any of his kids or grandkids. You are not making too much of it. It sounds like he is extremely verbally abusive to you and your son. I hope your son isn't just telling you he's okay to make sure you don't feel bad. Or maybe he is a generally happy kid, but I can't imagine he enjoys his father's words.

Teasing is teasing and it isn't right for adult or child to do.

well, first off just wanna give you a big hug b/c i've seen a couple of your posts already. secondly, at the beginning of your post you were saying that these "little" things bother you & you weren't sure if they should or not. i think we get those feelings for a reason. would you want him (son) to treat somebody like that? would you want him to grow up to be that kinda person who treats people, esp kids like that? probably not. i'm not saying a word bad about your husband, i'm just telling you that you did the right thing by noticing something about his behavior wasn't nice & then took it a step further & addressed it w/him. very proud of you. i'd be upset if i were your shoes. i'll send up a prayer for you tonight for strength & wisdom in whatever you decide to do. good luck mama. :)

I am glad that you show him the responses in the past. I wouldn't anymore because then he knows he's pushed your buttons....He really sounds like he has anger issues and unresolved ones to. Unfortunately, you and your children are the targets for his outbursts and when he just feels like being a jerkoff. Tell me what is your counselor telling you to do? I really think that this is so unhealthy for you and your kids.

Here is how I determine if it is harmless or not, if it upsets the child it is not harmless. Like I call my youngest the midget, it doesn't bother her, she likes the nickname. My ex on the other hand will make faces at Andy (the one with Autism) while he is clearly upset making him more upset. Then says he shouldn't be such a baby. That is not harmless.

Troy does not tease the kids. He will tease the older two but they are adults and they dish it right back.

Oh Troy is my husband, the ex is Tom.

This does not sound like what a "normal" good father would do. I couldn't imagine seeing my hubby mocking our granddaughter (we raise her). I will say that when she first moved in with us, he didn't always treat her nicely. Okay, to be honest, he could be down right mean to her. I sat him down one night and told him don't make me have to choose between you and her because I will ALWAYS choose her. He actually was very humble when he old me he doesn't understand why he is mean to her. He said he hears this stuff coming out of his mouth, and doesn't understand how or why he would say such a thing. He went on to explain that his own father and grandfather were like that - mean. As a child he always told himself he didn't want to be that way. He was very honest; it was a bit shocked. But ever since then, things have been great! He and granddaughter are very close and he would rather chew off his arm than to hurt her feelings! I think what changed it for him was the fact that we talked about it calmly when no one was mad and we weren't in the heat of the moment. He felt like he wasn't being attacked and that he could be open and honest. It was a great conversation; one that brings a husband and wife closer and sets the family dynamic.

I don't think you are overreacting.. In fact, I think your husband sounds like a big jerk... Also, nothing wrong with having a favorite blankie in which to sleep with at night.I truly think your husband may need to take a step back and notice how he is treating and or reacting to your son. One, he seems to be personalizing a 6 year old's behavior and two...... I honestly think your husband is the one with the problem and is taking it out on your son...

Stick with therapy.. hopefully your husband will join and if he doesn't.. his loss... he should know however that once your son is bigger.... if there already isn't a wedge between them, if your husband keeps this behavior, there might one day be a bridge between them.. and guess, his son may no longer want to cross it...

my best to you

Maybe you should start mocking your husband and see how he likes it. What an idiot - no you are NOT overreacting - what a jerk to make fun of your little 6 year old. Your child is being mentally abused and will have self-esteem issues in life you let this continue. Why you live with a guy like this is beyond me. He won't even join you in counseling, need I say more ? Your job as the mom is to PROTECT your child, and in this case from the father. You need to tell your 'husband' that if he does any more mocking, or making fun of your child's blankie (which by the way is so normal - my kids are teens and still have theirs, so what ?) if he makes ANY more comments to your child, tell him he better find a nice hotel to live in. Be firm on this. Do not let your child be shamed by this loser of a husband you married. The only 'MOMO' here is your mentally retarded husband. In the meantime keep your child away from him and keep reinforcing his self esteem.

And finally -- why in the world would you even choose to live under the same roof with a complete loser, who has no compassion or empathy for his child (or you for that matter)? Divorce the idiot, its not fair for ANY child to be brought up in an emotionally abusive home. If you stay in this, I hope some child protective service comes in and rescues your child to live in a home filled with love, and support.

I don't even care whether it was normal when I was a child (I certainly never got teased by my parents, and it's not like they were exemplary parents in any way), but I think it;s simply mean and bullying to tease someone.
Sure if it is done in jest (and both parties agree that it's funny), we tease each other in a good natured way in my family, but NEVER in a ridiculing one another.

Since talking to him in a reasonable manner hasn't helped, maybe it would help your husband understand if you started teasing him every time he does it to your son. Pick something you know he is self conscious about and start bullying him the same way he bullies you kids...I am pretty sure you can make him empathize with your children really quickly and put an end to it.

Good luck!

S., I don't think you are overreacting to anything you have told us. My husband used to do the anger thing. But I quoted scripture to him about anger and he also went to Promise Keepers and that helped. One reason he struggles with it is because of depression. But it doesn't happen often.
But he never teases or talks down to our boys. Of course there is the occasional judgmental comment that anyone could make--none of us are perfect.
My dad used to call me "Sleeping ugly" and tease me about being well fed. No matter how thin I am or how many times someone tells me I am pretty or attractive, it won't override the feeling of being ugly because of my dad.
People like your husband and my dad are often insecure. Too bad he won't consider counseling. But you should consider going without him and taking kids.
Courageous is a great movie currently out about being a good father. Would he go to that?

i think a good amount of dads are like this because they were taught not to be sensitive or caring, its a never ending cycle that hopefully youll break...i dont see how nything will stop if he doesnt listen to your concerns...i think this kind of teasing that isnt nice happens a lot with guys but then the wife will say "honey i understand you're teasing but it hurts his feelings can maybe u reserve your comments and if you want to make him toughen up, reerve it for horsing around and teasing in fun and not at the expense of him" and then you would have a back and forth conversation til you found a compromise, but itseems like your husband wants everything his way from the way you escribe him, which doesnt set a healthy example of a relationship, and it doesnt sound like his way is good at all

You are not overreacting at all! He is immature and needs to grow up...however, with his comments that it's just my nature, I don't think it's going to happen. Is this his son too? I hate people who treat kids that way!! There is no reason for it at all and it is not healthy for the kids.

I was married to someone who was abusive to me, mainly verbal, but some physical too. My kids would never admit when I was there that they were unhappy because they didn't want me to leave because of them...keep that in mind when asking if your son is happy or not! They really don't want to upset you more than you are.

I hope things work out for you! Keep doing your counseling, that is a good thing for you...it will help build your self-confidence. Do what is best for you and your children and you will always know that no matter what you did the best you could!

I hope you have had a chance to read my answer to your previous question. I agree that it is not appropriate for your husband to talk to your children that way. you should never make fun of your children or other people. my soon to be ex has always told my oldest daughter that she is cold hearted. he always said he was just teasing her, but she started to believe him and asked me if I thought that he was right. it broke my heart to think that she believed him. even though I never agreed with him and told him to stop he continued to do it, and we always said I was being too sensitive. there are many other incidents such as this, but each instance is simple bullying and never appropriate. so I think our husbands are similar in disrespecting each of us as well as our children. you need to let him know that you will not put up with that behavior towards you or your children. your counselor should have suggestions on how to do this. remember the longer you stay in a situation where this is allowed the bigger impact it will have on your children and you. my guess is he won't change unless you do something drastic, like tell him you are moving out unless he stops treating you or the children like that. my guess is that if you tell him your going to move out, he will make promises to try and get you to stay. you will have to speak with your counselor on how to approach this. and remember your husband may or may not be willing to change, and then you'll have to choose what to do. Good luck! I am praying for you!

I didn't read all the other posts, but I think it's absolutely inappropriate and damaging. Home is supposed to be your safe place. I think it gives you an opportunity to talk about bullies...you can say "sometimes when people don't feel good about themselves, they want to make other people feel bad to and make fun of us" or whatever, without bringing up your husband. But if he says, "you mean like dad?" then I would say yes...otherwise he thinks it's ok for dad to talk to him like that. Give him a chance to talk about it and let him know dad is wrong to do those things. I would read up on how to teach your child to deal with bullies and teach him those techniques and use them yourself. Is it possible that your husband will get violent if he's confronted though? Is it something you can talk to your therapist about? Good luck

My husband and his family like to tease, but they can't take it when I tease back. Two counselors have told my husband NOT to tease, how hurtful it is, etc... Our oldest told him. We even started avoiding him
He is much better now but he had to be told countless times which I do not understand.

He's picking on his own helpless child? What a jerk! Choose your son. If his own dad doesn't shape up, leave the loser. Moms and dads are supposed to be the safe place. It's not harmless teasing, it's not a little thing, it's not normal and no, loving husbands and dads do not act like this.

Good for you for noticing this and trying to make it better for your son, especially not having a dad as an example! Don't give up. Your son may say he is happy, but it could be sooooo much better for him.

Your husband is an a$$. That is not teasing, it is hateful. How does he think that makes your son feel?

And, what grown up finds anything appropriate, not to mention funny, about making up their own word for "retard" and then using it on his son?!!!

Unbelievable. I would almost think you would need to make this stuff up.

Your husband needs to cut this ____@____.com out ASAP. Pull out every bit of mama bear in you and make him stop. Your son cant protect himself from it, but you can.

Unbelievable.

Edit to add: Just read your "So What Happened" and now think your husband is even more of an a$$ than before. So what he is saying is that it is his personality to be immature, hateful and bullying to his own son. Of COURSE he doesnt want you talking about his behavior to other people because he is a jackass and anyone who hears about him will know it.

I dont have any suggestion other than to say his behavior toward your son must stop, and to talk with your counselor about how to make him stop without turning your house into WWIII.

wow NO it is not nice what he is doing, in fact I would consider it bullying. He is trying to make your son feel stupid for doing things any 6 year old would do and say. The worst part is that probably your son will pick it up and do it to other kids...
I'm on your side mama, he needs to stop this behavior, he is hurting his son. No matter how positive you are to your son, his father is too negative towards him.

It's not abnormal to behave this way...for an immature person & that's what he is, an immature person who 'thinks' he's grown up. Not only is it immature but it's also VERY demeaning to your son & not to mention, obnoxious. You know already that he's not acting like a mature adult so it's ultimately up to you to remedy this situation by either leaving him & find a real father figure or being on your own, it's a lot better than staying w/someone who obviously doesn't care or act like/pretends to care about you & your son's feelings just for the sake of you thinking it's "the right thing to do for the sake of your son". Whether your son realizes it at this time or not, soon he WILL catch on & may start acting like his father & I'd really hate to see that. Kids mimic what they see & hear so ask yourself, do you want your child to start treating other kids in the same way or worse, grow up to treat his kids...your grandkids...this way b/c he may just do that? Or would you rather move on to a better situation that would be a much better environment for him to grow up in which may prevent him from being in this type of environment & grow up to be a well rounded mature adult? I'm not saying that he 'will' act this way later on but there's always a high chance that he will if he remains in this environment. Perhaps your husband was treated this way when he was growing up?? A lot of times an adult behaves in the way they were treated as a kid so maybe that's why he behaves this way. My advice is that if your husband refuses to change for the better & for the sake of your son & your overall relationship & if he refuses counseling if you try to go that route, then I'd say he's just not willing to grow up & be the mature, responsible adult that you deserve & most importantly, what your son deserves. Even if your son 'says' he's happy, he really may not be. Sometimes kids will say they're happy to either avoid hurting your feelings or maybe they think they'll get in trouble if they disagree or maybe they go along w/things to avoid confrontation, maybe your son just thinks he's happy b/c he doesn't know any better yet. Whatever the case may be, maybe you should talk to your son again & admitting to your son how you feel then ask your son, if he feels the same way. Sometimes if a kid knows you feel one way, & they feel the same way but can't admit it, knowing the parent can admit fault can help ease their fear of hurting one's feelings. Hope this helps, good luck!

I guess it depends on your son's reaction. I would think name-calling is not a good idea, esp coming from your dad. But my husband does push my 3.5 yr old's buttons and might mimick his whines to show how silly/annoying it sounds. But teasing - not really. He will say sometimes "big boys don't do that" or "Dont you want to be a big boy?" Teach your son to speak up if it bothers him. If Dad pushes my son too much, my son will run up to me, want a kiss or help with what he should do next, then goes back to dad and wrestles with him or says the come-back I suggested he say. But I do think that guys want their boys to grow up able to handle light teasing. My husband still jokes around with his 30 and 40 yr old friends and they may call eachother names and hit eachother playfully. For your situation, I'd take all these posts and let your husband read them. Perhaps ask your brothers or other males what they think too.