How Would You Deal with This?? - Albuquerque,NM

Having babies is a decision between a husband and a wife...the children really don't have a say one way or another about it.

honestly, it doesn't sound like hubby is that on board, it sounds like he is just agreeing to appease you.

Offer to babysit for a new mom if you need a baby fix but from what you hinted at--- financials, hubby being done with children I say --no.

I would find out WHY the stepkids were against the baby and would be against another - that is the issue here.

I don't think teenagers deserve to have any sort of opinion as to whether or not you and your husband have another child. Why is it even being considered?

I think the decision should be based solely between your husband and you. No one else's opinion should matter.

I also personally feel 32 is not too old and your son would love a sibling around his age. :)

Good luck

You should not put off having children just because your step kids are bratty about it. You wouldn't ask them how to pay the mortgage, or plan a vacation or something else major. You and your biological child are still young!

Vonnie, that 14 year old will be 18 in the blink of an eye. And gone. The 9 year old will just have to deal. It sounds like these kids are spoiled and trying to make their dad feel guilty that he divorced their mother.

If these were YOUR older kids and they acted like this to their baby brother, you would not be looking at it like this. You would whip them into shape. That's what you should do here. Stop being sad about their immature feelings. Stand up for your 3 year old, and if you want to have another baby, do it and stand up for that baby. You get one shot at life. This is YOUR time. When these two old kids are out on their own, it will be THEIR time to figure out if they want kids or not.

You need to change your thinking and expect THEM to suck it up. This is between your husband and YOU.

Dawn

Honestly, I don't think kids should be able to decide whether or not you have another child. They are children themselves and naturally selfish (not saying they are bad, just normal) Your choice to have another child should be yours and your husband's, period.

I don't think any of the kids should have a say in that matter!!! That desition is between three! God, husband and wife. That is it!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck and God Bless!

My older two (steps) were 9 and 11 when their dad and I got together. I have called them my kids from the time I married their dad. They lived in FL with Mom and we got them summers. When the younger one was 11, I got pregnant and when I called to tell him, he was nice to me, but then called his dad in tears because he didn't want us to have a baby. His primary concern was having to share dad with someone else. We talked through it and I let him know that I understood he was upset and that this child would not be any more mine than he was. I don't treat them differently except for the age difference. He decided to move in with us when the baby was 3 months old. He is very protective of him and a good big brother. He does get annoyed with the typical age behavior, but that would happen anyway. Neither of the older kids were "excited" about my pregnancy, but I didn't really expect them to be. I'm actually pretty sure they wouldn't have been excited if it were their mom who was pregnant. Those ages aren't conducive to it.
As to having another, no, we won't. Hubby is now 49 and the little one is 3. The oldest is 18 and the other is 16. You couldn't pay me enough to deal with diapers and college applications at the same time. Also, the little one was a perfect addition to our household and completed our family nicely.
For your family, I think it is a discussion that you and your husband should have. The older two will figure out that another little one would actually probably help their annoyance, because your son and the new one will play with each other rather than bugging them as much.
If you and hubby decide to have another, not put so much weight on their reaction. Understand how they are feeling, but let them know that there are some things that they get input on and others they don't. If hubby's not on board, I wouldn't go there because you need his support with the older two.

Did you feel that your husband was not thrilled with the last pregnancy? You said (twice) that NO ONE was excited about it. To me that's a red flag. If your hubby really doesn't want another baby and is just trying to make you happy, you need to consider that. I disagree with the majority, your stepkids are not being bratty, they are unhappy about the idea and expressing their feelings appropriately, correct? They have four little siblings!! My oldest kids seemed "neutral" about my having a baby with their stepfather, but I realize now it effected them a lot more than I knew. It can make kids feel replaced and loved less. NO they don't get to decide, but try to be sympathetic about their feelings. Have some long talks with your husband, and be SURE he is going to be happy about it, because you know the big kids will not. Hope things work out for you.

How other people would feel should not enter your mind. Of course they will love the child. Right now, the only people whos opinions matter are the people living in your house. You want a baby and husband agrees, ask the other jerks to babysit so the two of you can have some alone time to try!

I think you and hubby should be the ones to decide. No one else. Also, don't let them have any input on something this important. They are obviously testing boundaries. If they keep you from having children think how impossible they are going to be when you try to set curfews and stuff on them in a couple of years.

If that decision was up to the kids one of my uncles wouldn't have been born, and neither would my youngest sister.

My grandma got pregnant with her youngest child when her oldest was starting college... None of the other kiddos were happy with that decision.

I still remember the conversation between my one sister and I and our parents when they announced that our youngest sister was going to be born:

Parents: We have a surprise
Me: Is it legos?! *Very excited about the idea of legos*
Parents: *Hiding a laugh* No. You're going to have another little brother or sister
Me: ...But I wanted legos *Very upset because it was close to my birthday and I thought that they were talking about my present... Keep in mind I was like 4*

Your stepkids don't get a vote. Their opinion should not even be considered.

It is not their decision. Most likely they will feel different later. My son was a surprise for us--so was my 4yr old for that matter. :) When we finally told our older kids about the baby, they were mad and said "no way". Oh well, too late. Well, now, they have no problems with him and do try to play though my older son does not know what to do other than rock him.
Of course, they let us know the factory better be closed. Not that they really have say so since it is really mine and my husband's decision. But nope, no more.

Tell them it's not their choice. It's yours. If you have a child, or if you don't, that's between you and DH, not you and the peanut gallery. Your DH needs to back you up if there's any complaining. I know my SD wasn't always keen on DD, especially as a newborn, but it wasn't SD's decision. My stepkids aren't suffering by my having DD and they just don't get a vote. DD wouldn't get a vote, either, if DH decided to have one more (he's the holdup). I'd have a child if you and DH want a child. Look elsewhere for positivity and support, not to the kids. My stepson wasn't keen on moving his room but DH told him he needed to man up as he was going away to school anyway. Be excited with DH and be excited with other people. Don't let their lack of enthusiasm get to you.

No, a sibling isn't a guarantee, but I would love to give my DD a closer-aged sibling. They have each other. What about your son? He counts, too. And FWIW, my then-14 now 17 yr old SD might get annoyed with DD now and then but still loves her. Your son won't be 2 forever. I'd ignore the teen angst.

The older kids don' get a say in the matter. You definitely need to be respectful of their feelings and sensitive, but their feelings should not ultimately be the decision maker or breaker. Regarding how you feel about being pregnant, you can choose to enjoy the pregnancy even if the other kids aren't happy about it. Why are you giving them the power to decide whether or not you will enjoy your pregnancy? If they start making negative comments, you start waxing on about how wonderful, fabulous, beautiful, exciting, etc. it is, and I bet they'll stop complaining! Or better yet, pick an annoying, upbeat song, and sing that when they complain and tell them you'll stop when they stop :)

I think you guys make the choice, the step kids "deal," and you can steel yourself for the lack of enthusiasm this time!

You and your husband are the ones that would be having the baby, so you need to decide this - not them. Your step kids will be gone in 5-9 years and then won't have to deal with it if it bothers them, but the baby will be your child the rest of your life. And, who knows, maybe the stepkids will love the new one after he/ she has a personality!

I think you and your husband should make the decision about another baby not the kids.

I had baby fever in May/June of last year!

I got a kitten. Problem solved. Everyone is happy, including me.

:-)

maybe you should accidentally leave this post up.

kids that age can be selfish, but not heartless. at 14 and 9 years old maybe getting an uncensored view of how their attitude is hurting you, might be enough for them to put the rest of the family ahead of what ever inconveniences they are afraid of.

My son was 5.5 when his sister was born. He started off being super excited about it...but as she got older and could be annoying and get into his stuff he got less excited and more annoyed. He now tells me sometimes he misses being an only child and getting all the attention. But having her was the greatest thing for our family as far as I'm concerned. She has a sweet nature and just brings us joy all the time. Her big brother has had to learn more about sharing his parents and not always getting his way. I think some frank talks with your older kids are in order. They do not have a say in this....this is between you and your husband. If you want a 4th child, then go ahead and you and your husband get pregnant. Then after you are pregnant sit the other 3 kids down and talk to them. They had each other to play with growing up...your youngest son would also enjoy a close in age sibling. You want another baby as a mother. This will make you feel fulfilled. You have enough love for all 4 kids...no one will take away their love. You will always be fair with all of them. You are all a family and you have to all work as a team to get along. You don't want to hear them being negative about the pregnancy or the new baby. This will be their new little brother or sister who will adore them. These are some of the things I'd tell them.

The biggest reason older children hate the thought of more children is because they have to face the fact that their folks are having sex.They might make up other lame excuses, but that's the biggie!
The biggest issue with younger kids is they have to share their stuff.
Myself is they kept bringing home boys! After my 3rd brother was born, I went house to house in the neighbohood and tried to sell him. I really wanted a sister! Never got one. }:-(