Question for Moms of Only Children

I just had this conversation with a friend. Having a sibling doesn't guarantee they are going to be close and loving relationship. I can count on my friends WAY more than I can count on my family. There's days I feel like I'm an orphan and completly alone. Just because they are "family" doesn't mean they will love, respect or accept you.

Having another child NEVER crossed my mind. We love being a family of three!

*If you tried to have another baby, there's no guarantee you'd have a girl.
*If this is managable then you are good, happy, lucky as you can devote all attention to this child.
*If you feel guilty for her not having siblings, take her to playgrounds, have play dates for her a lot etc.
*Have her hang out w/others a lot.
*Invite her school friends over to you house often.
*If she seems happy, you should feel lucky.
*Especially since you say you were not that typical "mom" person. Neither was I and I feel having one is great. He happens to have an older step sister but she is at that age where she wants to hide in her room a lot anyway and she's at her mom's house 35% of the time, so it's like he's an only child.
*I had lilfe threatening compications getting pregnant and delivering so it was best this way. Sometimes there is a plan to life if we just let it. So hang in there!

I had the same issues you did (colicy baby and PPD). My child is now 28 months and I am STILL in the "I dont think I want another child" I feel like the odd ball of my friends because they have kids younger than mine and are all talking about getting prego this year...I am thinking that just seems crazy to me. Possibly the reason I am afraid to have another one is juggling all the hats a mom/worker/wife wears. I feel like I am stressfully running around 7 days a week and then to think of adding ANOTHER infant???
Part of me feels really guilty for not having another kid..but right now I dont want to. My hubby feels the same way. its like society puts this THING on familys of only kids that you have to have more than 1...so that is where I am . I am not at peace yet because I am still thinking I should have another one...but not because I want to...so for now, I am NOT going to have another one.
Yeah about the siblings not getting along. i am the youngest of 5 kids...none of my siblings get along. They do with me but thats probably because I only see them once a year and its easy to put on the game face.

We love having an only. There are many more things we have been able to do that you cannot always do with multiples.

We have not needed a giant home, or a big car.
We have been able to attend all of her programs, shows, school activities with ease.

We have been able to up and go anywhere at a moments notice.
She also has such a great personality, she has always been a bit more mature than many kids.

She is mature, has great empathy and loves volunteering. We have been able to help her with these tools.

She is creative so we have been able to pay for lessons and opportunities that if we had more children may not have been able to afford.

Also I was able to be a SAHM and volunteer with our daughters schools and activities.

Once you decide remember no regrets.
I asked our daughter if she wished she had had a sibling, she said "maybe if it had been an older brother or sister. "

We 3 get along very, very well. well,

I think you argued with yourself pretty well in that post. Enjoy your son for all he's worth and don't feel like you need another, you really don't. You can always borrow other peoples children and have very tight relationships with them as well if you feel the need.

i think we all feel that pull occasionally - it's biological. heck i had a dream about it the other night. but i am so confidant in our decision to only have one. and actually, i know lots of moms with several kids, and they don't seem to enjoy motherhood as much as i do, that may be an incorrect assumption, but in my own experience, they seem more tired, more frazzled, more harried. i feel happy, confidant, and secure in raising one child. it's what i do best- i don't know how to be a mom of more. but also i am not such a perfect mom that i need to populate the world with my prodigy. i do "one kid" REALLY well lol. my son is such a happy kid. i don't ever doubt that just one is just right for us. if god has it in the cards for us to receive another miraculous gift in the future, i won't turn it down. but who am i to ask for a gift so perfect, again? i didn't deserve it the first time!

PS, kudos to everyone for keeping this discussion respectful and legitimate, not hounding anyone about their opinions or judging. you guys rock! i think this is the first "only vs multiple" discussion on this board that i have seen like that. probably because you, V., started with such an honest and non-judgmental question.

I had a single child (a daughter) and somehow "knew" that I was destined to have only one child. I devoted myself to that decision, and was happy. I can honestly say, although I adored friends' babies and looked for opportunities to cuddle and care for them, that I never regretted my decision for a moment. Perhaps it was because I grew up in a severely dysfunctional family, and had three younger sisters who usually seemed to hate each other, that I felt wildly blessed with one happy and healthy child.

My daughter did go through a period of wishing for a baby sister when she was around 8-9, and begged me off and on for a sibling. But that passed, and now that she's a mother herself and had decided to stop with her one happy son, she tells me that she is glad she was an only. Many children from larger families go through stages of wishing they were onlies, too.

And, wow, I am a granny now, and feel so lucky. Again!

If you pause to think about it, every day of our lives we are missing something. Many somethings. We could have stayed free and single, or we could have married that other guy, or we could have chosen a different career path, or we could have gone skydiving. There's nothing to be gained by dwelling on what we are missing. It just takes us out of a full appreciation of what we have.

I have an only. She is 4. We decided when she turned 2, if I wasnt pregnant, then so be it. After that mark, we will NOT have more (age reasons) I came from a 4 kid fam...one sister, two brothers. One brother I only see every 4,5.8!!! years!!! The other brother somewhat often...my sister I talk to daily. You see, you cant pick those things anyways. I do see the point about the one Momma that grew up w/out sibs and not knowing her Dad etc...THAT is a huge point. I will say that my singleton has many close cousins...so I'm not too worried on that front.
Do what your gut tells ya!!!

Hi V.,

My "only" just turned four years old today. It reminded me of his birth, which was a great experience, and also reminded me why I'm really happy having one child.

We chose to have one child for some obvious common reasons: finances would make one child a much easier prospect than having two; our house and car work for one; our life works for one.

And some more personal reasons can be thrown into the mix: I'd had three previous miscarriages before having my son and if I'm never pregnant again, this would be a blessing; I feel that we humans are just consuming up the planet, and having one child feels like the natural choice for us (It's not the choice for others, and I'm okay with that...I'm not going to run anyone down for having multiples); both my husband and I were 'older' (44 and 36, respectively) when we had our son, and we are more tired, "set in our ways" than we might be if we had been *young* and in love.

After our pregnancy and birth, the experiences were so great, I thought it would be almost worth it to have a second child just to do it again. But that's the fantasy of it, isn't it? We can never guess what will come our way. So, we played it safe and after our boy was about 8 months old, it was vasectomy time. We like our life with one. But I do know moms who 'feel like someone's missing' at the breakfast table and yearn for another child, and that's just as legitimate as what I feel. I almost think I have it easier in some ways, being thankfully resigned to one child.

Nope. And I haven't struggled with it at all.
We love our son and he's been a very easy child at most stages so far.
We're hoping the teenage years will be alright.
I loved his baby years but I can remember them fondly with no desire to try for that again. The chances that I'd have such an easy child a second time around would be very slim.
A friend I worked with for many years told me if her daughter had been the first she would have been the last child she would have had because the girl was so much more of a challenge than her son had been.
Also, my niece is an absolute brat and I'm so glad I don't have a child like that to contend with.
With one we have no bickering and no splitting of time or resources.
He's not spoiled. He gets along great with all his friends (some of whom wish they were only children), is a black belt, he earns straight A's in school and is first chair clarinet in band.
We're not missing a thing!
Additional:
Envy comes from looking at what others have and wanting it for yourself.
It's natural to a certain degree.
Count your blessings and try to look at the people who have challenges that you do not have. They might be facing them (or not) but you can be glad you are not in their shoes. Try watching the Haley Mills version of 'Polyanna' every so often.

As an only child myself, I wouldn't have had it any other way! I don't feel as if I "missed out" because I don't have any siblings. So if there's any feelings of not giving your child a brother or a sister, I wouldn't worry about it at all. I don't miss what I never had!

As the mom of an only daughter, with a surprise/unplanned #2 on the way, I actually felt guilty initially when we found out we were preggers again. We were perfectly happy with one and had really only planned for one. But now we've adjusted to the idea as a family and will gladly welcome this little guy into our family.

I am going to answer. not because I have an only. My hubby is an only. My mil told me she had made the choice to only have one due to the fact she really wanted a boy. She was given her son and she knew one was all they could handle. I think you are making a respectable choice if you only want one. The not knowing is probably really hard but know you are giving your son the best life he can have. He will have plenty of time to attach to his friends siblings. He will probably thank you for making the choice to not have another, because at the end of a stay with the friends he gets to go home to mom and dad and feel totally safe and secure.

I ask my hubby if he feels he missed anything not having siblings. His answer is always no. He felt he was given the best. Not saying that moms of more then one are not.

You will always have the ''what ifs'' in life. I will probably get shot down big time for this comparison but oh well. Babies can be like tattoos. Many people have their first and feel like they need two or three more. Others have the one they were looking for and thats all they need...

I hope this comes off the right way. I sometimes wish I had not had mine stacked on top of each other. I feel i missed so much of each of theirs growing and I was with them everyday. There was something about being pregnant after having my first where it just wasnt as easy doing the prego thing and the mom thing. I was sick alot and i feel like i just didnt have as much of me to give as i had hope for. My oldest sometimes comments about how he wanted to just be me and him and pop pop. It makes me sad. I also know what is done is done. Cherish your son and get to enjoy your nieces and nephews!! If you hit the fork in the road later in life and decide to have another baby you may see your son has grown out of his I dont want a brother or sister and then go from there.

I hope this helps a little bit.

As the mom of an only child - almost seven year old daughter - I agree it was somewhat hard to come to terms that she will not have a sibling. I think for me I always felt like she would be missing something because she would not have the childhood experience that I had. At some point I realized that even with a sibling, she would never have what I had. I grew up with one sibling, but with a large extended family. Every Sunday without fail everyone was at my Grandparent's house. I still treasure those memories. I accepted the fact that her experiences will be different than mine, but that mine weren't necessarily better. I've NEVER felt the need for more children so that she will have siblings when she is older, because I've seen time and again, that family is no guarantee. I have one sister who I've grown closer to since my mom passed away, but if we weren't related, we wouldn't be friends. My husband has two siblings and none of them are very close. His sister only calls when she wants something and his brother and sister actually despise each other. Our family of three are creating our own memories and it hasn't seemed to impact our daughter so far. She is a loving, caring, sweet child who is happy every day.

I know you've had lots of replies but I just now saw this. We have one child, a girl, who is 10. Treasure your son! You already know that even if you had a sibling for him, they might not be close; in fact they might not have anything in common. I'm always mortified when parents say "Oh you just must have a playmate for your only child," because there is zero guarantee they would ever play together, especially with a hefty age difference between them. And here's the secret some parents of onlies might not admit but I will: You can do SO much more with him and for him than if you had other kids. My friends with even two kids, and especially those with three or more, always seem to say "Oh, we can't do that class/play/event/opportunity because the younger kids can't come along," or "because my husband can't take the other kids while I take the oldest to this event" or "because the youngest is still toddling and we just can't handle him while the older kids are doing X." With an only, once the child is the right age for an activity, you frankly don't have to factor in juggling other children's ages, attention spans or activities in order to give your oldest child a chance to do something. It's not a judgement on having multiple kids, it's just a logistical fact. Parents of more than one will talk about how great it is to have the different personalities, the interactions, etc. and that is just fine, especially if the parents are up for it. I know I'm not -- I do not multi-task well in any aspect of life. So I really love being able to say, "Yes, let's go!" when we see an activity that would interest or enrich my daughter.

I'm an only child so I will tell you how I feel about not having siblings...I'm 44...my mom never married my dad so I don't know anyone (including him) on his side of the family at all. My moms only brother has died as well as both of my grandparents. My uncle had a daughter (my cousin) with his first wife, and a daughter with his second. So my immediate family is my mom, me, hubby, my 2 kids, my aunt, my 2 cousins and one of the cousins 3 kids. thats it. So its cool when you are little and spoiled...not so cool when you get older and everyone dies and you are left alone. So I guess if your son has aunts, uncles and cousins that will grow old with him, I suppose its good. Just my opinion since it didn't really bother me until I've gotten older. When my mom's gone, I won't have any immediate family except my own kids. Good luck...

You mention in your question about "how much your son brings to your lifes." Aren't kids the bomb? They do bring so much to our lifes. . . but instead of thinking about how much he brings to you, what if you flipped it around and concentrated on how much you bring to his life? What if you woke up every day and made a conscious effort to think about and take actions that enhance his life and really live in the knowledge that you are doing all you can to make his life wonderful? No time to worry about what you might, or might not, be missing out on!

I'm not in your shoes, but I will say that I have a friend who has one child. She wanted more, but due to her age and fertility issues, she and her husband decided to stop trying. Once she did make peace with the thought of having her one and only, she was a happier person (not that she wasn't already happy). She made it clear to her family and friends that she and her husband were done having kids, so all the questions from everyone else about having more children stopped.

She and her daughter get to do so many fun things all the time. They have enough money to send their daughter to piano lessons, play sports, and travel. These things are so much harder to do when you have to worry about nap times, potty training, and feedings for other siblings. Also, my friend gets to volunteer at her daughter's school without having to find a babysitter for any siblings.

Now that I have three kids, I see the beauty of having only one child. I love love love having three kids, and I wouldn't want it any other way. But if I had ended up with an only child, I can now see how much fun that would be.

I guess I don't really have any advice for you, except that once you do get to the point where you are at peace with having one child, you will be the envy of all the frazzled moms who have more than one child ;-)

I am the mom of one son, also six. I got married in my late 30s and I'm grateful that I was able to have him after a few years of trying. He is perfectly healthy but given my 'advanced maternal age' and the doctors scaring the cr-- out of me with all the possible things that could go wrong, I decided not to try again. I wish now that I had. I love that we've been able to offer him so much attention, however, sometimes I worry that he is under the microscope too much. He misses out on the fun and closeness that siblings bring, and I"m sad that he will never have that. But, things are what they are, and all I can do is encourage him to build strong friendships. When he's older we'll invite a friend along on vacation trips and activities, so that he has a buddy to share things with. I will always have a slight wistful feeling when I see larger families, but I am grateful for what we have.

I'm so glad I came across your post because I am going through the very same thing right now! I too am seeking peace with only having one child. My son will be 4 years old this summer so it seems to be the perfect time to get all the questions about when are we having another one. I've always wanted a little boy and I feel like I got my dream and since then I have never wanted another baby.

I knew I always wanted to be a mom but I also feel like I couldn't handle two. I already feel overwhelemed with our busy lifestyle and can't imagine adding an infant and going through the sleepless nights , diapers, feedings, etc. again. I know that's only a short period of time to go thru but I worry that I would just be pushing myself to the absolute limit with two and wouldn't be the best mother I could be. We also don't have other family close by, so I don't get a lot of other support which is also a factor.

I had a severe postpartum hemmoharge 6 days after labor, while at home and had to be rushed to the ER as well. It was terrifying and I don't know if I want to risk going through that again.

I'm an only child myself so I know very well the stigma's society puts against only children. I hate the "spoiled only child" sterotype because that's exactly what it is, a sterotype. Ive found many of my only child friends to be some of the most caring, self-less, giving people around. I myself, feel that I'm a very strong and independent person because I was an only child, noone ever talks about the benefits of being an only. My husband and his brother are total opposites and hardly speak to each other, they are not close. I see this and wonder sometimes why people feel that a sibling guarantees closeness.

*Despite* all these factors and my gut telling me I don't want more, I am still not at peace with my decision. I'm mainly worried I'm not giving my son the best possible life by providing him with a sibling. I just don't ever want to have any regrets. I'm also turning 39 soon and feel like it's now or never, so perhaps that's part of what I'm going through now too.

One more thing...if I could recommend this book, it's helped a lot!

Maybe One: A Case for Smaller Families by Bill McKibben

Anyway, just wanted to let you know you're not alone and I know exactly how you feel. Sorry if I can't be of more help. My we both find the peace and happiness with our families of 3 we so desperatley seek.

Hi V.,

Having one child is not for everyone and having more than one is also not for everyone, We have a son and from time to time initially I did wonder about not having another one, but always came back to our decision to have one and doing a good job with him.

Enjoy the parenting years , enjoy being involved in his learning each day at home and school. Hope you are a part of PTA at his school, help him become part of the community and teach him to volunteer from a young age. He will do good even without any siblings as long as he knows how to be a Kind, happy human being.

Don't forget to have fun yourself, enjoy your decision.

God Bless!

NP

My husband and I are both only children and we have one 3 year old daughter. We both enjoyed being the only children enough to want the same for our daughter.
I do think it is very important to create a healthy social network for all children so they don't feel they are missing anything. If you ask our daughter if she wants a sibling she'll say, "No, I want two Moms." =D
The most difficult part for me is everyone asking when we're going to have another child or telling us she's going to be lonely. I loved being an only child and my daughter is already very independent. She has a great imagination and loves to play by herself. Everyone has to do what works best for them. Unfortunately, there will always be people who think they know what is best for everyone else.

I'm not even going to read other responses, so if what I say is a repeat, please understand.
This comes from someone who just can't imagine anyone not wanting to be a Mom to several children, but I realize there are people who just don't feel the same way as I do.
It sounds to me like what might help you to get over this feeling is to get involved with something where you can have some 'mentoring' time with a girl. Boys and Girls Clubs, Big Sisters organizations, Girl Scouts, and other organizations can provide you with this type of experience. If you are a member of a religious organization, you might want to volunteer your time with a childrens or teens class. Or possibly there is a girl in your neighborhood who would benefit from the addition of an adult female friend in her life. Another suggestion is that you may want to volunteer in your son's class at school. Teachers usually welcome parent volunteers to spend a morning a week and help them with some of the mundane things so they can spend more time teaching the children. They will even allow parents to participate in the teaching process if the parent shows ability and willingness to do so. Any of these activities can give you the satisfaction of having another child in your life, without having to commit to a lifetime of motherhood to that child.

I am going to speak as an only child myself and as a parent of an only child. Now, granted, I am not 100% certain that I am finished having children, but I am about 90%. My son is only 2.5, but even when I was pregnant, I was fairly certain I might only want to go through this whole experience just once.

I'm still in that back and forth period and get really annoyed when people ask when we are having another or explain their compelling reasons why we HAVE to have another. I don't regret being an only child myself, in fact there were a lot of benefits to it. I am very close to both my parents and enjoyed a lot of privileges as a child that I wouldn't have if there had been two or three of us.

My gut tells me that my husband and I are a one child family, even though sometimes I get those aching feelings too. I too had health complications during and post pregnancy and I am a realistic person who looks at the risks as I get older, I already waited until almost 30 to have #1...so it is a factor to consider. When I need reassurance that it's a good decision, I consider that our son will have all of our attention growing up, we will not have to split our time between all the kids' activities and miss out on anything. Also, I consider that it's a good possibility that we will be able to pay for college with only one, possibly do lots of extra curricula rs, etc. I also consider my relationship with my husband. We are best friends and were a twosome for almost 9 years before we had a child, we work well as just the two of us and we love to travel and I like to think that we'll still be young enough when our son is grown to rekindle that life and not spend the next 30 years raising kids. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but for some people, it's just not what's right). I adore our one and only and he's a handful from time to time. I guess I feel really blessed that he is intelligent, healthy, gifted and feel like it would be selfish to try and fulfill some quota of others' choosing to have more kids.

Don't fret, there are many of us out here who have made this decision. Only children are very lucky kids indeed!

I know how you feel. For various reasons out of my control, we will not have anymore either. I have always wanted a large family so it still makes me very sad and I wish I could come to some kind of peace with it. I have the best child in the entire world and we have such a great relationship. I just wish I could have given him a sibling and us more kids to love. He would have made such a great big brother. Thank you for posting this question. I am looking forward to reading the answers.

Hi V.,

We have only one, who just turned 5. I was a frighteningly sick pregnant woman, so my doctor has always discouraged us from having another. So I've been motoring along for 5 years, happy to have one healthy, happy daughter. More recently I've been starting to think of the possibility of another, mostly because friends of ours with "onlies" have started getting pregnant. Now I'm trying to get back to where I was at peace with one :o) I have an older cousin who works in the medical profession. When I asked her when she was going to have another, said something that has stuck with me and helps me get to that peace. She said something to the effect of, "I'm getting older, and the older a mom is, the more complications that can arise. So many things can go wrong -- for the baby AND for the mom -- who am I to tempt fate? I have a wonderful, beautiful family and I will concentrate on being thankful for that." So I've tried to shift my perspective and think that wanting another one is almost like being "greedy" -- not that the feelings aren't natural, but just that I should enjoy the very special gift I've been given rather than wanting more. And there's always the St. Theresa prayer quote that says something like, "You are exactly where you are meant to be." Think of all the reasons that one is best for you, and all the advantages for the three of you. Focus on those. I hope this helps a little. Best wishes for arriving "at peace." :o)

I don't have an only child, I have two. Just enjoy... Next fall our family is going to host a High School Exchange student. I just thought maybe it would be something for your family to explore, you could have a "daughter" for a year and when I went abroad as a young adult I had a great relationship with my host mom. (Actually just last summer they came they stayed with us for a week.) Good luck.

My husband has 2 teenage sons from his first marriage, and then we have a daughter between us who is now 3. The boys live with their mom in another state, so DD is an only child for all intensive purposes. Because of complications I had after having her (including blood clots) and my age (38) it's been strongly advised that I not try to get pregnant again. And we are fine with that because we had already felt that we didn't want any more kids anyway (I was not totally sure, but DH definitely was). I like the fact that I only have 1 child to have to take care and manage - it's less work and financially I can do more for her since money (as well as attention) does not have to be split between siblings. We could adopt, but again, we don't feel like our family is incomplete as it is.

Just recently DD has been saying things like she wants a sister, she wants a brother, etc. - she sees her little friends from school that are the same age and have a younger sibling (or in some cases, 2 younger siblings already!). And that she misses her big older half-brothers because she can only spend time with them a few times a year. So that does make it a little harder emotionally for me. I do start thinking that we are depriving her a bit by not giving her a full sibling and I have thought about the fact that if something happened to both of us at some point, or if we were having more health issues as we aged, she would not have anyone else to share the burden or lean on for support. If I didn't have the blood clot issues, I might push for another baby a bit more, but I also have to respect my husband's wishes because I can totally see where he is coming from too. And there is no guarantee that siblings are going to grow up to love each other any way - sometimes I feel like my 2 stepsons can't stand each other (or the older one can't stand the younger one anyway) and once they are full grown and on their own, I don't know how much they will want to hang around each other. Plus as much as there are things I love about every stage of childhood, there are other things that I feel really happy about not having to deal with again.

So for now we are just appreciating what we have, and taking full advantage of the fact that we don't have to stretch our resources too thin. Nothing says that only children will automatically become spoiled anyway.

I'm an only raising an only. I never thought I'd be a mom and changed my mind late in life (became a mom a month before my 38th birthday). We decided to have a second ... for about a day. I know I couldn't be the mom I want to be with more than one child. I know myself well enough to know I wouldn't have the patience for it. I can give my very best to my daughter because my attention isn't split or my energy drained. We also figured we got SO very lucky with my daughter, who's been extremely healthy, happy, and easy ... didn't think we'd get so lucky again. LOL

I'm not a "baby person" either ... turns out neither is my daughter ... not even when she WAS a baby.

There's no reason you won't have a great relationship with your son - I know plenty of moms who do. I don't think gender factors into that. I fully expect my daughter to think I'm the dumbest person who doesn't understand as soon as the hormones kick in ... and my husband is patiently waiting for that day when it won't be all about me, but instead about him. LOL

BTW ... growing up, my husband was closer to his mom than his dad ... that may happen for you, too!

Hang in there ... and any time you want a house full of kids, offer to have some of your son's friends over. We do that a lot at home (never more than one at a time - remember my "patience" issue?), and my mom did it with me.

I think it is normal to feel torn. There have been moms on this site who are torn over the decision to have a second, third, or even fourth baby. I always pictured myself with ONE of my own, along with the two stepkids I raised. By the time we got around to having ours, I was turning 41. I had a wonderful pregnancy and birth experience, so was a little sad that I wouldn't be able to experience that again. But I truly feel that one is my limit as a mom! I was never a "baby person" either, and I still don't feel a need to hold or cuddle others' babies, only my own.

There was a time that my daughter asked often why she didn't have a sister or brother, and occasionally she misses having someone to play with, but she is a very outgoing girl and plays well with friends.

She has come to realize that our lives would be much different if there was "another one of me" as she says now. Small condo, small car, smaller expenses and more time and attention are all advantages of one child instead of more.

Yes, girls are great, but my stepson has always been a great addition to my life, too!

We have one child, a daughter, a little over 2 1/2 now. We love being parents and came a little late to parenting (I was 38 when she was born). There are times when I have that pang to have another, and I wonder whether it will turn into a pang of regret if we don't. My husband staunchly believes that our family is now complete, but when I see our daughter playing with some of the siblings we know, I wonder whether she'll be happy as an only. I have spoken with my "only" friends about their experiences, and have received every perspective you could possibly imagine. I had a sister, two years older than me; she passed away about a month before we conceived. I miss her every day. Were we best friends? Sometimes, but we drove each other nuts, too. Because I experienced that sibling bond, I've struggled with being the one who makes the decision to "deny" my daughter that same experience. If my husband were game, I think we'd try for another, even though we may have fertility issues or I could face another difficult birth. That being said, there still remain doubts -- is our family complete? It sure feels complete. Lots of other moms have said to me, "Have another, and then your daughter will always have a playmate while you need to get things done." But then I think to myself, "But I like playing the Ladybug game, or Playdough, with her!" Yes, there are times when I'm her playmate...and I'm soaking up that time, because it is so, so fleeting. Is that selfish? I guess there is no right or wrong answer here. I think there are valid reasons on both sides, just as there are valid reasons to not have any children. I think it helps to objectively look at what you've given your child -- your time, your love, your attention, your wisdom -- and to reflect on what being a mom to your son has given you -- the joy, the patience, the learning experiences, the confidence, the deeper knowledge of yourself and your capabilities. Your relationship with your son will continue to change and deepen over your lifetimes -- that's a wonderful thing to look forward to! Think about the man your son will become someday, and of all the great things that you'll share while he's growing up. Families remain close by maintaining common interests, things you like to do together. It doesn't matter what those things are; it only matters that you enjoy doing them together. It keeps life interesting, and it keeps you interested in each others' lives. It keeps you...close:)

I have one by choice. I was 40 and DS was 45 when he was born. I never had any desire at all for another and honestly have never looked at DS and been able to imagine him sharing his parents (yes he shares all the time at school and gets along great with his older cousins).

I have one child - a daughter and its the best for my husband and I. we both work and always have a lot going on socially - kid things for the most part and I feel like my daughter will never have to miss out on anything. There were so many factors in my decision - none of which had to do with anyone else (every friend I have has multiple childeren) and honestly its just not for us. My daughter gets the best of both worlds when she wants to play with other kids we invite a friend over or take them with us to do fun things - when that gets old the friend goes home and our daughter gets to relax and be with us. Raising kids is expensive and I know with one child I will be be able to provide her with the best education and extra curricular activities and a ton of positive attention from her dad and I. The grass is always greener and I think its a normal human emotion to want what you don't have sometimes - but you have to always remember the reasons you chose to have one child and feel confident in your decision. I have never felt a stigma about having one kid.

you sound like me! yeah!!! my two BFF have two and really want more, they are all excited about the whole sibling thing...but they are great and never pressure me at all knowing that I feel just like you> I think one day I might regret it, but now I am in love my my DD and lovin that I can give all of myself to her!!! what helps me? remembering how it sucks to be pregoo! also how crappy it is to nurse non stop w/ hardly any sleep....and then thinking that I have to do that while playing w/ a toddler...no thanks! also knowing that I will have to pay for two childrens clothing/toys/schools/whatever else they need. and knowing that siblings do fight and having to hear that mess...I just try to focus on the negative stuff so that way I can focus on how great it is that I have one LO to give my heart and soul too! not sure that helps, but it works for me! oh....and if I really feel the need to have another baby (which I dont) I remember all the days that I see my wonderful mom BFF's going nutty w/ two children to chase/clean up/not sleep/take care of....and if I yet STILL think I am crazy enough to do it all over again, I make sure I hold someones baby that is either cranky, just pooped or is a chronic spiter uper. I know this sounds funny and nutty but it works for me! LOL xo

Well, you have your reasons, good ones, too. Personally, my marriage was rocky and I knew when our daughter was just a few months she would be the only one. It would not have made good sense to bring another child into a tumultuous relationship, especially thinking it would change the course. I'm grateful for our daughter. She is everything and more. However, I know now that I wouldn't want to start over from infancy because I really prefer them born already cruising. SERIOUSLY. LOL.

I have only one daughter and will not be having any more. There are many reasons why we won't be having another, but I struggled with accepting that we will only have one for a few years. I never saw myself with one, always wanted two.

It took me a long time to accept this. I actually went to counseling to learn how to deal with this and a few other issues. I do wish my daughter had a sibling, but she seems fine without one.

I know exactly how you feel. I also understand how you feel about wanting a daughter, but like you said that might not be solved with another child. I have several friends and relatives that had two or three boys -- never got the girl they wanted. They have that issue to deal with, I have to deal with only having one when I wanted two.

I wish I had some magical advice for you, but just wanted to let you know I know how you feel. Most of the time I'm fine with only having one, but some times I do wish I had two. I think it is something that never really goes away, it just gets better with time.

V., I can completely relate to how you feel. I have an 8 yo son and always wanted another, but my husband adamantly refused. I mourned a bit each time a friend became pregnant with their 2nd or 3rd. Although I do think I will always regret not having a 2nd, there are a few things that have helped me. One is we got a dog, which allowed me to re-direct some of my maternal instincts. I highly recommend it (the dog is a bit like my son's sibling as well, helping him deal with my attention sometimes not being focused on him 100% of the time!). As my son has gotten older and more independent, I have also found I really appreciate the extra time and freedom I now have. I enjoy not having to work an extra shift in the little league snack shack; I enjoy being able to drop him off at practice and go run errands alone, I only have one child to help with homework, etc. I am also starting my own business, which I'm sure I wouldn't have time or energy for if I had another child. So, I guess I try to enjoy the benefits and not dwell on the negative. I am a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, so I take comfort in knowing that for whatever reason, the universe wanted me to focus on just one child. I may not ever fully understand that reason, but I think the reason is a good one, whatever it may be!

I am a one and done but the topic was brought up by daddy to discuss another so it is up for discussion. I do have days where I wish I had another and then days where I am going WAHOOO only ONE!!! So, I think it is normal to go back and fourth. You just have to stick with what you think is correct for you.

I love that we have an only child, however, occasionally I feel like I am doing wrong by him as how will he ever learn and appreciate so many things that I learned through my siblings, I don't want to raise that "spoiled" only child, and what happens when we are older and he has to make tough choices alone. My husband and I have thought about these issues every carefully and we have decided that there are no guarantees that having another child would "solve" for these things. I have known those spoiled only children and I have known those only children that would give you the shirt off their back without question if you need it. I have known siblings that don't talk at all once they leave the "nest", and again there is only one who is making the tough choices.

I am overjoyed and blessed with the one that I have and I will love him every second of every day and I will try my best as a parent to make sure he comes out to be a functioning member of society (in the meantime I am taking the $$ that I am saving from having another child and putting it toward his therapy fund!). I think there are so many wonderful benefits of having an only child focus on those and hopefully you won't be "torn" any longer.

I feel like I have 2 'only children' because they are 11 years apart. My youngest is 10 and I wish I would have had one more closer to his age because I feel guilty when he has no one to hang out and play with. Thankfully we are super close w/all my family and ususally vacation together so there ususally someone for him to hang out with.

My daughter is almost 6 y/o. I'm currently pregnant with #2. My daughter has wanted a sibling since she was 2 y/o and now is the best time to have another one.

You must keep in mind that not all pregnancies are the same, and neither will having PPD with one pregnancy always mean you will with every one. Not all babies are the same either.

I'm just as excited as my daughter and husband to add to our family and I DO plan on having more in the near future.

it sounds like you have just what you want! and one is so much easier than two in many ways. enjoy your small family. i have been trying to have a second child for several months and actually feel a little guilty about it sometimes, just in terms of the carbon footprint, resources being used by our family, etc. so there's another reason to keep it small.
hope you got some really good encouragement from all the moms. and in the meantime, try to make lots of connections with cousins and "play cousins" so your child has that peer/family support system.
take care.

My daughter's birth almost killed both of us, so having another was not something I was ever willing to consider. And while, for the most part, she was a fairly easy child to parent, raising a kid was not an experience I wanted to repeat.

I had to have a hysterectomy due to endometriosis. Regardless, we tried for over a year for another one prior to no avail. Now I'm glad to have only one for many reasons, financially,etc. I became at peace before the surgery because I figured that it was the universes way of telling me one is enough. I will add that I have friends that are only children and they liked being the only one. You are in good company.

I have two kids and I actually know what you are feeling. I originally wanted three kids and at this point I've decided two is enough. I still have that feeling of missing a child (especially when I know how badly my son wants a younger sibling). I just try to focus on the two healthy children that I have and try to not think about it. I've put it in God's hands.

If you really can't get rid of that feeling, you might want to consider being a foster parent. You would be helping children who desperatly need loving families and you could help fill that void you feel. Just a thought :).

My daughter is two and a half and my husband and I are in debate on whether or not to have another baby. Crazily enough, HE wants another and I am still not sure. My daughter has been really easy too, she even started sleeping through the night at seven weeks! No way I am going to have that happen again. But like you part of me wants to have a larger family, especially at holiday season time. I just keep thinking when she is all grown up how small those gathering will be if she is the only one. However, I am not sure that is reason enough to have another baby. It's a complicated thing.