How to Get a High Strung 2 Year Old to Bed Without Crying/screaming?

S.,

I'm not sure what classifies a 2 y/o as high strung but our 2.5 y/o never stops. He's so smart but has a very short attention span and is always on the go (gets this from me, I know). Anyway, when he was an infant he had colic. We started a strict bedtime routine and still stick to it every night with him.

I believe that routine is very important. Jacob (our son) knows his routine and follows it. At about 7:45pm he gets a bath/gets PJ's on (we let him pick them out). Then, he gets to pick out 3 books for us to read to him. After, he brushes his teeth and gets into bed. I used to rock him on the rocker ("rock-rock") and sing to him but now I just scratch his back and sing ABC's to him about 2-3 times and then I tell him he "needs to stay in...______?" and he answers "BED!" and I leave the room.

I'd say this routine works about 90% of the time. Once in awhile he will moan for me (Maaaa-Ma, Maaaa-Ma) and I'll go back in and ask him "What's wrong?" He'll usually say, "Scratch back one more time." I'll tell him this is the "last time" and I have him repeat it to me. I scratch and sing and he's fine.

In the past 5 months we've a) had a second baby, b) taken away the pacifier and c) switched him to a big boy bed. Through it all, the routine has changed very little. So even though all these changes are going on around him, he could still count on some stability from us. It's seemed to work out well.

We did the same routine with our 4.5 month old and he's been sleeping through the night since about 10 weeks.

Good luck to you.

T.

The first thing I would look at is your bedtime routine. Make sure you have a consistent routine that you follow every evening. Since he seems high-strung, you might wish to have a longer routine starting with setting a kitchen timer when there is an hour left before the bedtime routine starts. You can even have him set the timer so he has some ownership over his time. At any rate, having a routine is familiar and comfortable for many children. He sets the timer - he knows he has an hour left of playing. The timer goes off - he knows it is time to go upstairs and get in pajamas, brush teeth, and snuggle in for storytime, etc.

Once you put him in the bed and the screaming begins, how do you react? If you are continually going in, picking him up, letting him have "one more drink", "one more hug", "one more story", etc. then you are teaching him that the more he screams, the more attention he is going to get from you.

After you do the bedtime routine, give him a hug and a kiss, put him in the crib, then leave. If your parenting philosophy allows him to cry it out, then let him cry it out. If you parenting philosophy does not allow for that, then wait 5 minutes and check on him. Make the visit brief. Go in, pat him on the head and say "it's time for sleep" then leave. Do not linger, pick him up, try to reason with him, yell, anything. Extend the interval to 10, then 15 minutes, etc. You have to understand and realize that if you choose this method there WILL be crying and this WILL take about a week or two. He will certainly not be happy that his usual screaming and carrying on is not garnering the same attention as it did in the past. In fact, the screaming may be worse at first because he's trying harder to get your attention. Behavior modification does not happen in one instance, so be patient and give it about two weeks to catch hold.

Good luck to you!

everyone seems to have covered the basics (consistancy, routines, fans, lights, etc.) so I will just add my two cents. Look at what he is doing in the usual two hours before bed. Eliminate sugars (even fruit or juices) in those two hours, eliminate any excessively physical activity in the last 20-30 min (wrestling with dad, watching a dance along video) Do give him warnings in 1hr then 30 minutes then 15 minutes then 5 minutes so he can get in one last round of a favorite game or story. Like someone else said he will cry harder at first but stay firm and consistant and in a couple of week this will pass. I am not a "cry it out" person either so I say give him a few minutes then go to him and tell him its bedtime and he will not be getting up, kisses and hugs then leave the room. I would not, unlike some others (and there is merit to both sides), get a big boy bed until he grows out of bedtime fits. It will only make it easier for him to get up. however if you find that when you sleep somewhere else and he is in a big boy bed you dont have this trouble it might be the thing to do. Try a sleepover at grandparents or a friend where you can be there to put him to bed in a big boy bed and see how it goes.

Good luck, and keep in mind nothing will work 100% of the time. My oldest and my youngest fight me on bed time 3-5 times a year. My middle one whose now 5 fights me on bed time at least once a week.

That must be tough. My daughter still is in her crib and will sometimes cry, but I have found a couple things that help:

1. Warning her that bedtime is coming up
2. Letting her pick 2 stories that we read as part of our ritual
3. I rock her with her blanket if she is crying a lot. I let her know that I will only be doing this for a short time - a couple of minutes. At first, she just cried more, but then she got accustomed to it. I don't do it every night, but sometimes after I put her in her crib she will ask me to rock her. And it seems to calm her down. of course, we still have the occasional day when nothing works.

Also, I let her take a sippy cup of water to bed and that also calms her down, although I know it is a bad habit.

Hi S.,

My kids have/had trouble going to bed too. I use a method I read in a book (I can't remember the name at the moment), but I let him cry for five minutes. Then I go in his room without turning on the light, kiss him, lay him back down and leave without a word. He cries/screams, but this time I wait 10 minutes and then repeat the above. After that 15 minutes, etc, in five minute increments.

Within a week he went down to crying only for a minute or two and then goes to sleep on his own.

Occasional interruptions in our schedule, like going to someone's house, will cause us to start over again, but usually by the next night, he's fine.

We also use this method in the middle of the night and it works great for us.

Plus, he tends to go back to sleep easier if my husband goes in to check on him. We don't know if it's because he's more attached to me and can't bear it when I leave or if it's because my husband is more soothing.

Try different methods and you'll eventually find something that works for you.

With our 5-year-old daughter, we spent years letting her go to sleep in our bed because she wouldn't stop crying. Eventually she grew out of it. But some nights, she still lays down in our bed to sleep (like tonight) and then my husband will carry her back to bed before we go to bed.

Best of luck!!!!!

M.

Ok, first off I am not a cry it out person, so this is the "other side" advice. It may or not work. How 2 is your son...just 2 since he is still in a crib..or almost 3. If he's just 2, maybe he's ready for a big bed...perhaps you can use that as a reward. Put up a very visible chart with stickers in his room. Together ask him what he would like to help him go to bed-make a plan-then stick with it. At this age only immediate consequence makes sense, but he will also see the progress on the chart. Once he gets x amount of stickers he gets a big boy bed, or new toy or whatever. BUT the key is to be consistent. Kids this age need rock solid consistency..something I'm not great at I will admit! but that's the key. Maybe he needs music, a light, a fan, whatever, but involve him. Good luck!