My 10 Month Old Will Not Go to Sleep on Her Own

With both of my kids, I let them cry it out a little at a time around the age of 4 months. I would do the bedtime routine, rock them until they were somewhat sleepy, but not passed out yet, then lay them down in the crib. Then I would leave, and if they were crying, I let them cry for about 5 minutes, went back in and rubbed their belly (sometimes I would pick them up and rock again) until they settled down, then leave again. Then I'd wait 10 minutes and if they were still crying, I'd go back in and rub their belly (when they were older, they'd roll onto their bellies and then I'd rub their back) until they settled down again. Then I'd leave and if they were still fussing, I'd wait 20 minutes. I wouldn't go in unless they were really screaming. If they were just whining or babbling, I'd leave them. After doing this for a few days, I almost never had to go in a third time. After a couple weeks, I almost never had to go in a second time even.

My son is 7 months and my daughter is almost 2. Now, we only have problems when they are ill, are trying to reach a milestone (like standing up or crawling), or have nightmares. With the younger one, we go back to the 5 min/10 min/20 min cry it out plan, and we only have to do it one or two nights. With my older one, we just tell her to go back to bed and she does.

Whatever you decide to do, be consistent.

check www.askdrsears.com or any of dr sears' books on sleep.

cry it out will only teach your child that her cries dont matter, so that wont work. i would normally say that cosleeping is not a problem, its safer than people let on, and it works. but with another baby on the way, im not sure how you wuold want that to work. however, you also dont want your daughter to think that the new baby will push her out of your bed or your arms, that will cause her to resent her sibling from day one.

it is possible to rock them both at one time, you can get the moby wrap, put baby in that on one side of your body, and have your older child sit on the other side of your lap.

one thing i know about parenting is that its all instinctual, and the more you follow your instincts, the easier it is for you to trust them and read them later. so just keep trusting yourself. you will be one of the only people who knows whats best for your child. (the other would only be daddy) so regardless of what people tell you to do, always do what works, and do what feels best for your family.

good luck, and im sorry i couldnt give a better answer. :(

You need to establish a new routine. It is hard for babies to understand why all of a sudden they can't do their old routine anymore.
I don't think just crying it out is healthy.
You need to create a plan and gradually change into the new routine over a few weeks, so it isn't so abrupt.
Is her daddy in the picture? If he could help by rocking her to sleep the first couple nights, it might help her a little to get used to the idea that you don't have to do it every night.

I know exactly how you feel on the crying thing. It took my daughter 2 hours the first time!! I had a friend come over to stop me from getting her. But you know what? It took two more nights of less crying time, and she went down like a champ. Now, people are in awe of how she just lays down and goes to bed for me. I am also due in September and wouldn't feel ready if she wasn't sleeping on her own. You can do it momma!!!! Give her things that comfort her, and maybe play some music for her. She will eventually realize that it is bedtime, and you will be so proud of her! Good luck!
Christa

B.,
I wasn't able to do the cry it out method with my first. Instead I did the "move slowly out of the room" method. Sounds funny but I read about it and it worked. I started out the first week sitting by her crib with my hand on her until she fell asleep. Next week I moved a bit further away. Then next week I sat by the door. Then I was able to leave. It sounds like a long process but it was pretty painless and no guilt.
One other thing... My 10 month old is going thru some bad sleep thing right now too. She has always gone to sleep for me very easily after a night bottle. Now she is fighting going to sleep almost every night. I am hoping it is just a phase (like all the others they go thru). I will keep my fingers crossed for us both.

I know it is hard. When we first started the CIO method I would sit in my room and cry while my son cried in his. We started this around 6-7 months old.

Honestly, it does get better. I think the longest our son EVER cried was 90 mins (only 1-2 times) but the average was 30-45mins when we started. After 1-2 months the crying was more like 5-15 mins.

Again, it was hard. But now our son is almost 3 yrs old and in a big boy bed. I think being able to put himself to sleep REALLY helped when we transition him to a big boy bed and on most days bedtime is a breeze. And the best thing is when we have a sitter or he stays with Grandma and Grandpa he NEVER gives anyone any trouble!

Good luck!

I loved the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I found this book priceless. It explains how to correct this exact scenario. I will have to admit that not everyone can follow the advice, but if you have in your mind that it is what is best for your baby and that you are teaching her not ignoring her it makes it alot easier to let her cry it out.
M.

Been there did that!! I know it's hard but let her cry it out. As mean as it seems, it's the only way your going to get her to sleep on her own. As long as you give in and pick her up she knows she has you where she wants you. By not picking her up she will eventually stop and go to sleep on her own. Crying never hurt anyone. Her crying till you pick her up is a form of manipulation. Stop the cycle now before it becomes worse. Good luck and congrads on new baby

I agree with Ericka. I could not let my child cry it out. It just teaches the child that their cries will go unnoticed and are not important. I can't imagine how upset I would be if I were sad and crying and my husband just ignored me.

You need to establish a new routine. Instead of bath, jammies, book, mom nursing (or bottle) and then mom rocking to sleep, try bath, jammies, book, DAD sitting with baby for a while, then putting her in her crib and maybe singing or reading another book, then some music, dim the lights, and have dad sit in the rocker while she is in her bed.

Jsut the change up in routine will help with her dependence on your rocking her to sleep. There will still be some crying ,but its ok for dad to pat her back, talk quietly to her, reassure her that even though she is in her bed alone, she isn't truly alone.

I agree with you about the closeness. Once I realized that it was actually GOOD--and even safer--to sleep with my babies I was the happiest mom on earth. I love to rock them, etc... and it only lasts for a little while and then mothering takes on all kinds of other faces. So if I were you I would keep right on doing what is working. There is no assurance that it will be a problem rocking two babies to sleep. When my new baby comes I usually have one who still needs some sort of "putting to sleep" and have done it successfully over and over. And I still love it. They don't usually need to go to sleep at the same time, for one thing. And the baby is so easy to get to sleep for another. If it does become a problem, you could deal with it then. After all, could it really be much worse than this? And there is always the possibility that continuing to give both babies all of the attention that they really want will completely work out (it's pretty likely).

We did CIO for a variety of reasons when our son was 13 months old. You will probably have to let her cry a bit longer -- my son did 90 mins a couple of times. It was really, really hard; I cried as much as he did. But after just three days, he was sleeping better through the night and going to bed after just fussing for 5ish mins. AFter a couple of weeks, no crying at all. Now (at 20 mos.) we read stories, have ten minute cuddle time, and I put him in his crib awake.

I was really against CIO, and I looked for different solutions. Didn't find much that seemed plausible. If you want to message me, I'll give you more details on the intervals we tried for CIO, etc.

Good luck. Letting him cry was one of the hardest things I've had to do as a parent -- he did that awful, in pain cry too. I hope you find something that works for you:)

I know how hard this is. I too didn't want to stop rocking my daughter to sleep, but we had to. My thoughts on the cry it out method are way to harsh to express on this website. It's not the child's fault that being rocked to sleep became a habit, so I can't justify breaking that habit cold turkey and making them cry. So just like weaning her off of the bottle, we weaned her off of being rocked. However works best for you, but we just decreased the amount of time we held her over a few weeks. We started by putting her in the crib a minute or so after she fell asleep. Then once that was established, putting her in the crib just as she was falling asleep. Then putting her in the crib as she was drifting off. Once she got used to that, we put her in the crib after rocking for a while, but she was awake. We did this when she was 18 months and she's 27 months now and in a big girl bed, but we still sit on the end of her bed before naps and bedtime and read books and then cuddle for a few minutes while I sing or hum to her. Then she crawls into bed and goes right to sleep! Hope this helps you!

Babies need to be taught to put themselves to sleep..I don't agree with the cry it out til they sleep. There is also a difference between the cry it out method and a baby crying at bedtime. The cry it out method is far to harsh in my opinion, that being said I do however believe in teaching children good sleep habits. I could go on for hours about children and sleep. I have been where you are, it is very frustrating. So rather than ramble on I will share a link with you that was a godsend for myself and my 3rd daughter. We got in the bad habit of rocking to sleep til she was 2! You would think I would know better I already had 2 kids but she was really stubborn about the sleeping thing. So here is the link and good luck.
This book really did work as long as you read it and actually follow the advice. http://www.sleepsense.net/

While it is sad for mama, cry it out is what we used and within 3 nights we were sleeping through the night. At your babies age she knows that crying will get you to come back.

One of the first things I would recommend (if you don't do so already) is getting into a routine before bedtime. At our house, it is bath, books and bed. My son knows the order and is happy to go to his crib after books even if he is still awake.

Breaking the rocking to sleep habit will be hard on you more so than on your daughter. We found the cry it out method worked for us within 4 days - if you stick to it. this is what we did... Start with letting her cry for 10 minutes. Go back in and reassure her that she is okay and lay her back down - don't pick her up. If anything rub her back when you go in there. Once you lay her down, leave the room. This time wait 15 minutes and repeat the same thing. Then 20 minutes and so on. At her age, this might be a long process. But if you stick to it for a few days it will teach her to soothe herself back to sleep!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!