What Are Other People's Self-soothing Techniques for Helping Baby to Bed?

I think he just wants to be in bed with you. He's very young to be sleeping alone in a crib. Please read into Dr. Sear's co-sleeping suggestions in the Baby Sleep Book or The Baby Book. Good luck.

M.-It seems like giving your son food with sugar right before bed may not be the best idea. Can you give him dinner at your regular dinner time, then nurse him right before bed? I think it's good to stick to a regular routine, but as for self-soothing, it's not innate--the little ones need to be taught how to do it. My son was similar at that age, but it wasn't until he was 9 months that we finally decided to do sleep training to help him learn to go to sleep by himself. The first night, we went through our normal routine, then put him into his crib while he was still awake. He cried, of course, but we waited three minutes before going in to soothe him for 30 seconds. Then he cried again, and we waited another three minutes. The whole process the first night took about 1.5 hours. When he woke up in the middle of the night, we did the same thing--wait 3 minutes, then soothe for 30 seconds. The second night, we extended the time to four minutes, then five minutes the following night. By the fourth night, when we would have waited six minutes, he was fast asleep before the six minutes were up and he didn't wake up all night. He's almost two now and sleeps between 11 and 12 hours a night straight through without waking about 95% of the time. It was hard to let him cry, but ultimately, I think he was happier because he was getting more sleep. My husband and I were definitely happier because we finally had our evenings back to spend together. Good luck!

It could be that feeding fruit or veggies so close to bedtime may be making his blood sugar high and therefore stimulating him. Protein an hour or so before bed is helpful (breastmilk would qualify if he is not eating solid protein).
Also, incorporating a warm lavender bath into your bedtime routine could help relax him.

Hi M.,
You may get 1000 people telling you this is bad advice, but I just lay down with my kids until they fall asleep. It comforts them. I don't personally think it's going to make a kid dependent and neurotic, but every mother thinks differently.
J.

Hi M.,

Well, my first suggestion would be to cosleep. This has saved my sleep over the last couple years. However, this also doesn't work for some families, and if it doesn't work for yours, don't feel guilty. It is better to have your child where you need them to be than in bed with a parent who would rather not have them there!

That said, there was something in your routine that stood out to me. Feeding him before bed is certainly a good idea. After that, you mention reading to him. If it were me, I would put this, and any songs you might sing, at the very end of your bedtime ritual because these are "winding down" activities that encourage your son to relax. When you pick him up and begin interactions like changing diapers and playing, you begin to reengage your son. This sends a very confusing signal to him in regard to what he should be preparing to do.

Here's something worth trying:(in this order)Feed, play, pajamas, stories/songs, bed. In this way, he gets more active attention first, then more passive attention (sitting on a parent's lap, focus on stories or dimly lit room). Sing the same songs, in the same order, each time. I'd also suggest having two or three very short stories to read, the same ones in the same order, for the next several months. New books can be introduced in the daytime, but having the exact same stories sends a very strong transition cue, and helps your son know "Oh, Goodnight Moon? I'm going to bed soon." The down side to this is that sometimes children cry when they recognize their transition cues, but chances are that they would be crying at some point because they are resistant to the transition (sleeping, separation from mom and dad) itself.

Kids love the same, predictable routines. This won't guarantee that your son will be a willing and happy sleeper, but consider it as a twofold benefit...you can cross off "bedtime routine?" from your checklist of things contributing to the hard times at night, AND you are setting your son up for a routine which will work for the next several years. Kids I've cared for in the past, when started out with this sort of routine, kept with it and initiated changing the stories when they were ready. The point is to keep this routine so predictable (so pick stories and songs that work for you!) that it can be a help when you are on trips or coming in from a late night out with friends. It will pay off!

Amber's right, the night time CIO (cry it out) is one of the toughest, but it's so worth it. I started out nursing my daughter to sleep, putting her in her crib and tiptoeing out of her room, which would take upwards to 2 hours sometimes. When we switched to CIO, she fell into a routine within a few days. Now we give her a bath, snuggles and nurse and set her in her crib, she cries a little sometimes but soothes herself within a few minutes. You should try a sleepsack and gid rid of the swaddle. We use a type called grobag, they sell them at u-village at village maternity. They are super cute and cozy and are long enough for older babies.

Good luck!

M.,
I love our glow worm and so does our lil' girl. You should be able to find one at any Toys r Us or Target. We bought ours believe it or not in the toy aisle at our local grocery store, Albertsons. A night light of some type has always helped with my kids. They make all kinds of crib accesories with lights and noises, some more soothing than others:)I'd check them out, it couldn't hurt!

Good Luck with the bedtime routine, it will get easier!

K.

This is what worked for my 2 boys:

I would put them in bed awake at the same time every night, and leave the room. They would start to cry, and I would set a timer for 5 minutes. If they were still crying after 5 minutes I would go in and comfort them without removing them from the bed or feeding them. I would rub their belly, and sing and talk softly until they were calm, and then leave again. If they started to cry I would put another 5 minutes on the timer and do it all over again. In all my years I never had to go in more then once with either boy, they never made it the second 5 minutes still crying. I started this with them at 3 months, so with your child being slightly older it may take a few more rounds before he figures out that he is not getting out of bed no matter how long he cries.
This also works at night. When my boys would wake in the middle of the night I would wait 5 minutes before going in to comfort them, and I almost never had to actually get out of bed, usually they would self sooth before the 5 minutes was up and go back to sleep on their own. My doctor said that night feeding is no longer necessary after the first 2 weeks of life, and that the reason babies keep waking to feed several months after that time is because we condition them to do so by feeding them every time they wake up. I stopped night feeding at 1 month, and my boys are big, happy, healthy boys.

Best of luck, you really will benefit from helping your child learn to self sooth.

You can buy glow worms at Target. They even have ones that play music. We had a vibrator for the babies bed that we got from Babies R Us but our daughter did not like it. She is almost three now and I rock with her at night until she falls asleep. She sleeps in her own bed but falls asleep gently and if she wakes at night she knows I will always come for her. Although I must admit that I don't take her out of her bed after she is put there for the night unless she has a nightmare. She will get a hug and then I sit in the rocker close to the bed until she falls asleep again. We have been doing this since she was little, little. It works for us. Try to keep to the night time routine that you pick. I know when we do not do the night time routine we have a harder time that night falling and staying asleep. Good luck and it does get better and you will get sleep eventually.

A lot of kids fight going to bed, and it sounds like your little one is one of those. They don't want to miss out on anything. I know everyone says kids like a routine, but I am of the thought that all kids are different and one size doesn't fit all. I let my daughter dictate when it is time to go to bed because I got tired of fighting with her at bed time, and it was just easier to let her get tired. She often falls asleep on the couch and I just carry her to her bed. Now she will tell me when she gets tired and wants to go nite nite. I know it cuts into mommy daddy time, but it seemed better to me than fighting with her. She is usually asleep by 9 all on her own now.

As for the soothers, a white noise like a fan or ocean sounds worked wonderfully for us to cover up other noises. But I would advise to stay away from any kind of light in his room. Our bodies are designed to sleep when it is dark, and by adding artificial light to their room, it disrupts their natural sleep patterns and most people don't know this, but leukemia is much higher in kids that sleep with nite lights. That is because their bodies are being deprived of the deep sleep by the artificial lights and it is lowering their immune systems. So my advice is to try the white noise soothers. I am a very light sleeper and can't sleep to music because the pattern changes and wakes me up, but white noise like a fan or the ocean cd is very soothing and covers up outside noises.

I agree with the one post that teething is probably an issue as well. But giving them tylenol or other pain relievers is hard on their livers and kidneys. Letting them chew on something frozen like a washcloth or teethers is just as effective because it reduces the inflammation and pain. I gave both of my kids large carrots, too large to choke on or chew off chunks. They loved them because they gave just enough to feel good, and they were cold. Teething is a long painful process and will last for the next year, so be prepared for fussiness. But my kids got through it just fine without any drugs and their little systems are much stronger because of that.
Good luck and good health to you all.

Self soothing is exactly that, self soothing. He is way to old for swaddling. I feed veggies first and then nurse. I don't know if that will help. The less in the crib to stimulate the baby the better.

First--your doing a lot of the right things. Don't vary the routine, always do the same thing at the same time. Try one of those machines that play ocean or forest sounds.

Good luck. This may take time, but don't give up.

Not sure about the routine stuff, but anytime you need stuff that people recommend, look on ebay. I got a Sleep Sheep from there, a Twilight Turtle too. Both of them are cool sleep aids for the little ones. Ebay is a great resource for good prices.

I have read just about every book out there on sleep (my 3.5 year old didn't sleep well until a year ago. It may sound off, but try putting to bed 15 minutes earlier- My 16 month old was a great sleeper- then at about 6 months she started screaming instead of napping and screaming for an hour before bed. We tried putting her down 15 minutes earlier for a couple of nights, then 15 miutes earlier again... Anyway, she had been going to bed at 8:00 PM- She has since then a bedtime of between 6:00 and 6:15 PM. It is sometimes hard b/c daddy may not get home from work until 6:30, but it is best for her- she will sleep until 6:30 or 7:30 am. If we keep her up past 6:15 she will cry and scream until she falls asleep, and will often wake up multiple times in the night.

Good luck-

S.

sleep with him. babies need us, that is why they cry for us. hold him, nurse him, love him all night long. i am so sad that so many people say to abandon them at night. i slept with mine till they were about 4 years old, they gradually woke up less and less during the night. they are absolutely wonderful people and sleep with their own children now. listen to your baby, listen to your heart, everything will be so much easier if you do.

The crying-it-out thing works well for some babies, but not for others. I think it's so important for us to tune in to what our individual babies need. My son co-slept with us when he was little. Crying it out didn't at all work. He needed that extra comfort and touch. A friend of mine once said: I don't like to sleep alone, why should I make my baby do it? Eventually my son grew out of needing it, but I firmly believe that responding to an individual baby's particular needs fosters secure and loving attachment, which pays off later in life (and I see that to be true in my own son, who is now 11).

One thing that was helpful when we shifted him over to his own bed was a music that underneath the songs played a heartbeat. It was lovely, and I continued to sing some of those songs to him for years afterward, and he had developed such a good sleep association with them, that they always put him right to sleep.

Good luck!

(and p.s., for teething, many moms have success with over-the-counter homeopathic teething tablets, which you can find at any health food store)

When my daughter was little and couldn't sleep well, it was usually due to teething pain. You might try giving your son some children's tylenol at bedtime and see if that helps. Also, keep in mind, we just went thru a time change, so he may not yet be adjusted to the different bedtime.

It's not really something you can do for him or teach him. He has to figure out for himself what helps him settle down. I would try putting him in his crib though and let him fall asleep by himself. He is way too old to be rocked to sleep (in my opinion). My son hates being rocked to sleep and would scream for an hour while I tried everything. Finally, out of frustration, one night, I put him in his crib and left. He fussed for about 5 minutes and then played until he happily fell asleep. I continued to do that and he loved it and did very well. It may also help to give him some toys and books in his crib (be sure none are big enough that he can use them to get a boost out of the crib). Put him in the bed and leave him to play until he falls asleep. He is young enough that being afraid of the dark is not the problem. He is old enough to be scared about being left alone though, so if you notice that his cries when you put him down are from fear, then you may have to stay in the room with him until he falls asleep. Just get a book and sit with your back facing him and don't speak.

Both my children have CD players under their beds. I play the Baby Einstein Lullaby CD for them every night. That seems to really help...they are asleep before the music ends. Also, maybe try giving the Fruit/veggie BEFORE nursing...Since Eating like a big boy isnt exactly soothing, nursing him calms him down...I wouldnt recommend the glow worm, more because of the light than anything. I think it is important for children to sleep in the dark. It might just be me, but I think that the attachment to a nightlight is unnessesary. If you really feel a light is the answer then find one with a timer so it doesnt stay on all night. My son also likes his Gator...if you can find a stuffy that he is attached to that also might sooth him, just keep that one special stuffy in his bed, so he learns that it is only for sleep time. Good luck!!!

I think it was around 6m that we introduced a lovey to our daughter. it is a bear-head blankey, carters brand i think, and initially i just put it in the crib with her. It was about 2 weeks later that I realized she had become attached to it. i tried to put her down for her nap without it (it was in the wash pile) and she just would not settle down. Finally after going in there 3 times I grabbed the bear off the laundry pile and gave it to her. She curled up around it and almost immediately went to sleep. She is 18m now and sleeps with that bear every night and every nap. i know it has helped her self-soothe at night and has helped her go to sleep easier.

I have always nursed my son before he goes down. He is 9 months and I still do that. I nurse him, stick his pacifier in and he also has a blanket he LOVES! He has always gone down great with this routine. However, he wakes up multiple times in the the night and I has NEVER slept through the night until a week and a half ago when I did the magic 4 day cry it out plan. :o) I felt that at 9 months, I let it go on a bit too long (him wanting to wake up every 3 hours in the night). I am very against the cry it out thing. However, I did it. My husband and I went crazy the first night when at 1 am he cried for 2 hours...LOUDLY! The second night, he cried at the same time for an hour...a little less loudly. The third night, he woke up at the same time and cried for 15 min., then 3 hours later for 15 min. and so on. The 4th night, he woke up at 5 am and cried. It worked! He has been sleeping and wanting to nurse at 5 am...which I can deal with.

Oh....the glow worm....that is distracting. I have a sound machine that I have making a "rain" noise and some piano music. He loves it! My friend said that my son's room is so relaxing, she wants to move in!

My son is 9 months old and I am finding that as the months go on, my son's sleep needs change. It used to stress me out because I would try to stick with the routine that worked last week or last month. I have tried the cry it out method and the full time co-sleep method and have realized that its okay to employ both to a degree when needed. Lately my son will nurse and fall asleep and when i put him in his crib he cries and sits up. I initially tried the cry it out method but then decided to just relax and go back in his room and nurse him again. He has been falling asleep the second time around successfully (and it has only taken an extra 10 mins of my time). What I am trying to say is I think its okay to be flexible with your routine and be willing to adjust it according to your son's needs as he is growing and gaining more awareness. For me, I had to let go of the warnings about creating "bad sleep habits" and just follow my heart and my baby's queues. I have been feeling more successful and confident as a mother since I have been allowing myself to tune into my son's needs instead of what i think or what other's think his needs "should be" for a 6 month old or a 9 month old etc. Maybe your baby just needs you a little more right now because his awareness is growing and that is okay. He will settle in to his new senses in time and you guys will find a good "routine" again and then it will all change ...again. Sometimes I think its just giving yourself permission to be flexible and trusting and having the confidence in your ever evolving "routines" and in your innate ability to nurture your baby as his needs change. Good luck!!