My husband and I have decided to seperate after years of trying to make things work for our daughter. This has not been an easy decision and i have not taken it lightly at all! I have realised that we do need to seperate. My husband owns the house that we are living in now and i can not afford to stay here without him. I have been a sahm since my daughter was born 4 years ago. My daughter and I will be moving out in about 3 weeks, I was lucky enough to be able to move in to an apartment downstairs from my sisters house so i will have lots of support from my family..and she has a 2yr old daughter who my daughter is very close to. I am having alot of trouble figuring out how to explain all of these changes to my daughter...I dont want to tell her too much..I havent told her anything yet..I feel like i need to talk to her about it, I just dont know what to say..Im so affraid of saying the wrong thing and confusing her or making this more traumatic on her..shes at that age where all she says is why? why? why? and i dont know what to tell her...any advise on how to bring it up to her so she knows whats going on? Thanks in advance!!
Just tell her that mommy and dady are going to have different houses, and that she will get to stay in both of them.
There's no need to go into what a custody agreement is.
There are some good children’s books about divorce. I seem to remember one about a dinosaur family. I think it’s called Dinosaurs Divorce or something like that. It is geared towards young children and written in a way that they will understand.
You should do a search on Amazon or check out your local library.
I’m sorry you are going through this. You are blessed to be able to live so close to your sister.
How about something along the lines:"Sweetie, you and I will go live close to aunt Lilly and cousin Daisy for a while, cause daddy needs to go on a trip for few days (the days she will not see him until his next visit)". This will take care of explaining the change of house AND will stress the good thing of living by her play-mate. At 4 it's too soon to realize "timing", my son is almost 5 and has trouble telling yesterday from a week ago etc... so your child will not realize the actual amount of time she is spending away from her dad. Afterwards, when it'll become more clear that daddy isn't sleeping in the same house anymore, you may stress, without going into details that she won't be able to understand anyway, that now you live by auntie and cousin (play aloof), and that she has now two houses, two bedrooms all for helself, etc..add that daddy loves her very much and will come to pick her up and take her places to spend fun time with her. Little by little she'll get used to it. My advice is to be very cordial with dad since the start and to play the "cousin card" as much as you can because she'll need lots of happy distraction at the beginning.I am not a big believer in explaining young children too much-too soon, all they need is feeling safe and loved by all involved...lifestyle will change a little, but not too much (hopefully).She'll do fine, just make sure there's no trauma...everything must be handled gradually and parents should never lose their cool. My humble advice. Best wishes!
If you go to the library there are books like Dinosaurs divorce etc. that explain it all on a kid level. Another great book is Divorce the sandcastle way which will help you out. Just tell her the truth.
I would advise you and your husband to talk to her together. not separately and don't tell her any lies. You should tell her that sometimes families live together and sometimes they live apart. That you and Daddy both love her a lot and she will still see both of you. Tell her the plan. (sometimes she will stay with mommy and sometimes with daddy) Be very matter of fact but don't tell lies or platitudes. Kids pick up on them. Don't wait till you move , give her some time to get used to it. If things are bad enough that your separating then things are bad and she will have sensed it on some level. Good luck.
