Hello MOMs,
I have a friend, that I have developed new relationship. She is mother of my 3 year old daughter's ____@____.com girfriend was diagnosed with Cancer (nothing can be done about it). She has 3 months to GO...and she left the country to spend last time with her family back in poland. This lady Friend of mine is nice and miss her girlfriend a lot. And most likely she wont see her girfriend ever.... What sould I say or not. What should I do or not so she feels okey and not offensive.
I would occassionally ask about her friend. Ask if she's heard from her, if they communicate via email, or if the family in Poland knows to keep you in the loop.
There is probably not much you can actually "do", since everything will be happening in Poland, but ignoring it is not the way to go.
There's no harm in saying, "I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, if you need anything or just need to talk, let me know, people always say stuff like this, but I mean it."
It's what you don't say that will hurt your friend the most. I lost my brother 3 months ago to a sudden, tragic accident at the age of 41. It's been the most difficult thing I've ever gone through in my life. He was my best friend, we spoke or emailed each other daily, and I miss him terribly. The hardest part is being around people who act like it never happened or he never existed. It's the people who talk about him or ask me how I'm doing that are proving to be my true friends. If you want to be a good friend to this girl just be there for her...talk to her, spend time with her and let her know you're there for her. You may have come into each other's lives at this time because she is losing her friend and it could be the beginning of a lifelong friendship. My sympathies to your friend...loss is a terrible thing to go through.
I agree with Diane B. Don't ignore it. Ask her to talk about her friend, share stories of good times she had with her. If she doesn't want to talk about her, she'll let you know.
I agree with other Moms, just be there for your friend and let her know she can talk with you etc. Don't pass judgement on the woman going back to Poland to be with her family. Maybe your friend feels angry about it and I wouldn't blame her, nor do I blame the woman with cancer. It is sad but she needs a friend so be there for her. Hopefully she can communicate with the friend in Poland some via phone (Skpe?) or something. I would encourage her to do that. Best of luck.
My 21 year old brother died suddenly in October, and I know from that experience that the greatest thing anyone could do for me was just act normal, ask questions, and give me a chance to talk about my brother. Too many people are scared of offending you or making you cry, so they avoid the topic all together. Go ahead and ask if she misses her friend, if she's afraid of losing her. Ask her to tell you about her.
How lucky she is to have a new friend like you! I agree with the prior posts, just ask how her friends is doing and maybe if she'd like to go out for coffee with you. I'm sure she'd appreciate your concern and maybe talking with you.
Perhaps you can let her know you feel for her by giving her a small packet of notecards? After my dad died a friend of his gave me a box of nice notecards and a few packages of stamps. She knew that people were sending condolence packages, flowers, etc. and her small gift was a very thoughtful way of letting me know she cared.
The notecards would allow her to write her friend, send a picture, etc. to help brighten her friend's day back in Poland. I know that being sick is no fun for anyone. So I'm sure the woman who has cancer would appreciate something picturesque or happy in the mail - especially if she's hospitalized or bedridden.
I hope these suggestions help.
Just continue to befriend her is the best thing you can do. If she wishes to talk about ti she will bring up the subject. Ask her out for a luncheon just to sit a chat but don't talk about her friend unless she brings it up.
Diane B. & Jasmine's advise is right on! I believe that everything happens for a reason and it is a wonderful thing that you have become friends with this person and have entered her life. Just make sure she knows that you are there for her, maybe, occasionally, probing to see if she will be able to communicate with her, at all, especially by e-mail. They still may be able to keep in contact, even through possible video chats, if she has access to a laptop.
Some days she may not want to talk about it. Please don't stop asking her about her friend. You'll be able to find that sensitive balance. You have already called her your "friend" and that word has power in it.
It is so nice that you care.
