What Is Proper Gift-receiving Etiquette?

This may sound a little harsh but I think you need to think about why you were giving them the gifts...were you giving them because you wanted them to have them or because you wanted them to think you were nice for giving them? Although "thank yous" are nice they are hopefully not the true reason we give someone something. I would just let it go.

I was taught that if you are able to thank the person face to face you do not send a card but if you were not able to then you send a thank-you note.This is how I have brought my children up also. I have notice that some people send thank-you notes even if they say thank you face to face. I don't feel it is necessary.

I HATE that people dont send 'thank you's"...Its rude, just plain RUDE!!! I was taught by a very dear friend during my baby shower that not only do say thank you, but that you make sure WHAT you are thankfull for...IE; Dear Susan, thank you so much for the burp cloths, they will come in handy for many nights of feedings.
THAT, my friends, is a "thank you"...
Dear Mary, Thank you for the Target gift card, I used it wiith other gift cards to purchase a much needed swing
THAT, my friends, is a Thank You.
Someone took time out of their busy lives to do something FOR YOU, the LEAST you can do is send a note...even if its by email.
Graciousness is leaving our world...and it shouldnt.

EDIT: To Michelle, THANK YOU for the "chill pill"....see? even through an absolute insult for my OPINION....I still give a "thank you"... ;)

I hear you! The number of people that I have given wedding gifts, baby shower gifts, birthday gifts, etc. to and NEVER received a thank you note is ridiculous! I think that if someone took the time to buy you a gift (even if it is "just" a gift card), then you should take the time to say thank you!

My suggestion is to very nicely ask them if they received the gift. Say something like, "I am so sorry that I couldn't give you your gift in person the other day. You did get it right?" It will get them to at least acknowledge your sentiment, and maybe have them feel a little rude over not saying anything.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has this problem! :)

Thanks for posting this. I've experienced this as well, and though I try to brush it off, I have to admit it bothers me, perhaps more than it should. When the round of birthday parties started during the preschool years, I was completely taken back by the number of families that did not send so much as an email. I know how busy everyone is, and I'd even be happy with a quick thank you in passing in the school parking lot. My mother was a stickler for notes, and my son has been making thank you notes since he was four. In the beginning it was just a picture doodle; now that he's in kindergarten we work on them together, with him copying out a message that we decide on together. I'm going to do my part to teach him to appreciate other people's efforts (and will mom-nag him relentlessly when he's an adult if I get word that he's slacked off). I have a particular family member who I have sent long-distance gift packages to (new baby, birthdays, Christmas) for several years, though I receive no correspondence back - again, I'd be fine with an email, just something that acknowledges the package was received. I'm contemplating stopping altogether, but can't seem to go that route. Perhaps I secretly am embracing martyrdom, not sure.

You are right. It's ALWAYS proper to acknowledge receipt of a gift. And it's RUDE not to do that.
At times, I have come right out and asked..."did you like the XYZ?" "did you receive the check I sent weeks ago?" If it makes them uncomfortable--it SHOULD! Shame on them!
Depends on the occasion /item value/relationship as to whether I mention it.
Sad thing is their silence speaks volumes about their manners, upbringing and personality.

I always send a thank you note and I can't imagine why someone wouldn't. Sadly, I don't think it's the norm anymore. I don't need the recognition. Mostly, I just want to make sure the person received the dang gift.

I totally hear you! I am still waiting on a thank you card for a wedding gift I gave last November. I am shocked that people don't send thank you cards anymore. I also just sent my neice a care package at college and still haven't heard from her. I had to ask my sister if she even got the package.

Not sure how to answer your question but am curious to find out what others say.

I have also noticed that most people do not do thank you notes or RSVP's anymore, and I have to admit that I have always felt really guilty when I have not remembered or have been too busy to do this. I know it is good manners to at least say thank you but I also understand that people are very busy and often forget. When I give gifts it is because I enjoy giving them. If I don't know if someone received a gift, I will just ask them. Nothing more, just a simple question. If they want to say thank you then it is wonderful and kind. If they don't, then I don't expect them to have to have that obligation or burden.
Most importantly, something that everyone should remember is that good manners and being gracious also includes not being judgy about people or looking down on them, regardless of what their manners are like.

It's a rude world. It would be nice if they said thanks, and I'm sure some of them do. Don't let a few bad apples ruin your gift giving. If you are giving from the heart you dont need a thank you anyway, think of it like that. Giving is a very selfish thing to do, I like it because it makes me feel GREAT.... maybe even better than the recipient... so that would be the best reason to continue it. If you are expecting a thank you then you are not giving for the right reason. Yes, people should say thank you, but that would be in a "perfect" world. And we know we arent living there..... yet.

I don't know what the proper etiquette is, but I know that I am terrible about thank you notes. In fact, when I go to baby showers, etc. I tell the recipient NOT to send me a thank you note, because I know how hard it can be to get that done. I do try to make sure that I send an email, or give them a call to say thank you, especially if it was left indirectly.

There seems to be a lot of discussion flying around about the lost art of being openly grateful. Even a gift dropped off in a mailbox or a cubbyhole needs to be acknowledged. Just because we may communicate by e-mail instead of snail mail doesn't excuse us from saying, "Thank you for...." I don't text, but surely people can say it that way, too!

Maybe some people have never been taught that a gift is, by definition, something no one is obliged to give you. That means anything that is given is worthy of thanks. And if you don't think it's important enough to put yourself out for, wait until the day you are given nothing.

If you don't hear anything from a person, you're going to have to say, "James, I'm just wondering if you received the item I left at your front door last month. I hope it was still there when you got home." If James replies, "Oh, yeah. I've been so busy with important things I haven't gotten around to thanking people," you can decide whether to accept it as a very bottom-line thank-you or whether to do the famous "teacher stare" at him.

Thank you for posting this. I have invited classmates to my daughter's parties for the last 3 years and have always sent out thank you notes. I noticed, I hardly ever get one when we attend a party.

I admit, it is too difficult to track who gave what gift, but I always give a general thank you for coming. With that, my mother always seems to ask if if she got a chance to open her gift...leaving me speechless.

So I was wondering if I was going overboard with the thank you notes, but I see it is still important.

That's odd. Even if I don't have time for an actual thank you card, I always have time for a quick email or phone call to let the person know we received the gift and we enjoyed it. I have been terrible about thank you notes though and really need to try harder. It's sure nice to receive them and I'm generally very good about doing them. Last year it was one thing that I realized I could eliminate in order to get a little bit on top of the ever growing to-do list, but I should really add it back in.

Yes, it is good etiquette to send a thank you (or at least call to say thank you). My personal opinion is if a gift came from someone other than family, a thank you is a must. If it is from family, a call is sufficient. If it is from family at an event like Christmas where gifts are exchanged I dont' think a written thank you is necessary. My family never did thank you's......especially for birthdays or holidays. My in-laws send thank you's for EVERYTHING and get really upset that I don't. I also don't do holiday cards, except for close family. Does that make me a social outcast in my new family, yeah. Does it make me an ungrateful person, I don't think so. Do I say thank you, repeatedly during those family exchanges, YES. Do I expect others to send me a thank you, no.....Make of this what you will, but I think it's probably pretty common.

I think saying thank you is becoming a lost art. It is sad because it is such an important part of human relationships. I was always one who sent an intimidate thank you, with a personal note if possible. When someone goes out of their way to do something for me - it deserves a thank you. Everyone wants to be acknowledged! However, I have been shocked by myself lately, in that I am so busy - I have let many a thank you go by. For some reason we are all so busy and crazy, that the days pass by like a blur. It is not healthy for relationships, but it seems to be life in this day. If you do leave a gift in a mail box or on the porch, I think it is perfectly fine to call and say "just making sure you got the...." - really just for your own piece of mind, to know they received it...and likely a thank you will follow at that time! Good luck and I send you a thank you for all the little extra things you do for people - because that is what makes life nice (and fun too)

I am torn on the thank-you note issue.

My mother was never a thank-you card person. She also never sent Christmas or other holiday cards. There were times when I was aware that this was socially awkward, and became determined to be a card person as an adult.

However, there have been many times when it just didn't happen for one reason or another and I have felt very guilty. So to all the people I forgot to thank on occasion - sorry if I offended anyone, and THANK YOU!

Then sometimes I feel like it is just a weird social ritual to send thank you cards, that I really only do it because of the pressure. At times I resent having to purchase note-cards and spend the money on stamps.

I also do not mind one bit not getting thank you cards from others. In fact, I don't notice if I don't get one - and when I do I may be pleased, but I also think in a way that it is a waste of paper. Those cards go in my recycle bin, honestly. I very much prefer a thank you in person or via e-mail.

I imagine that with the "green" movement we will see a continued trend toward e-mail thank-yous, to conserve resources. Unless you have time to hand-make recycled cards and deliver them personally on your bicycle.

At any rate, thanks are always nice and no one likes to feel taken for granted, but I also try to have empathy for the busy pace of people's lives.

I agree to just ask if they got the gift is fine - they will probably happily thank you and everyone will feel better!

I think I feel like most, no matter what, we always send a thank you - if not via mail, via email or via a phone call, even if we thanked in person. But It is becoming more and more common that people don't. Which I agree is quite rude.
If I am interested in knowing if they got the gift, I ask. But for the most part I have come to realize that people are busy and tend to forget. It is just like RSVP - it is rare that people do it anymore....which probably drives me more insane than a thank you note. LOL
Anyhow, I think that you just need to do what is right for your family. Teach your children the proper way to thank people. I think politely asking if they received the gift is completely fine, but if you feel awkward, then don't. I also would be more conservative over who I give gifts too.

Now I am not sure about proper etiquette, however I have dealt with the same thing. I usually feel like a heel for even questioning it, but I feel it is important to know people have at least received a gift I have given. When this has occurred I bring it up in a conversation alone with the person. "Did you receive the flowers we sent you?". Something short and to the point. I think many people now days do not send thank yous. My husband was never raised that way and he has no problem saying a simple thank you to a person, but has never followed up with something in writing. I know this probably did not help much, but you are not alone. Passing on the treatment you care to see in others might spark something. I try to take comfort in knowing someone is enjoying a treat/gift and hope they have the courtesy to saying something in return

Yes, people should acknowledge a gift. I read through all the responses, and everyone agrees.

The problem is that their NOT thanking you for it is causing you unhappiness and stress... and if that's the case, you shouldn't give them a gift at all. Gifts should only be given because YOU want to give them, not with any expectation in mind. They are, after all, gifts.

I admit that I am unsure what to do with gifts. I've read FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES, and I realize that gifts, of all acts of love, are completely unimportant to me. Much of this comes from my past, for my mother put all her "love" into stuff, and I realized over the years how little it meant. I am far more likely to watch someone's kids so they can have a date night than actually give them anything. But if I do give them something, I like it to be anonymous, so that they have no obligation in return.

I know this is not a popular opinion, but writing thank you notes as a kid--especially for gifts that were neither thoughtful nor kind--was pretty traumatizing. To this day I will e-mail thank you messages--or call, or tell them thanks and give them a hug--but the idea of writing on a card makes me cringe.

Just my perspective. Do what you need to do to feel happy with what you do. Remember, there's no way to change all of them, so it means you might have to give up gift giving (I can't believe I just wrote that!) or change your level of expectation. Then the rare thanks you receive will make you joyful...