My daughter is turning 3 in about 10 days. She recently went through a "I only love daddy" phase that started during my pregnancy and lasted until about 2 months after her brother was born (I think it was because my husband ended up spending a lot of time with her because of nasty morning sickness and exhaustion from pregnancy and recovery from a c-section).
Now, she's going through a "I only love mommy" phase. She will say stuff like "I like you, mommy. I don't like daddy." And she says these sorts of things often. And many times in front of my husband. She didn't say these things when she was going through her "I love daddy" phase because she wasn't as articulate back then. She more or less showed it through her actions before. At the same time, I know she still loves my husband -- she loves spending time with him and is affectionate with him generally.
So how should I/we respond/react? What should we say in response? So far, we've just been acknowledging that we heard her, but we don't make a big deal of it.
My husband and I would respond, "Well, I like Mommy/Daddy. I think she/he is great!" Or something to that effect. But try not to worry too much. This is so common, and she doesn't fully understand what she's saying.
My husband would joke back at my daughters and say, "I love mommy too, she's my favorite too" then playfully compete with my daughters for attention during that time. It was actually kind of annoying. :) He really made a big deal about gloating when it was him that was the favorite too. It's just a phase and no matter what you do it'll pass in time. Try not to worry about some hidden meaning and try to 'make light' and enjoy the stages as she passes through them.
Ignore her. It's common. And I believe this will only get worse until she is an adult, but of course it will go through phases - thinking back to my teen years and having a 12 year old now...
This is common. Just ignore it. Allow her to be with the favored parent. I.e
Live like it's normal. It is normal.
You just say "honey, I know right now you prefer mommy but saying you don't like daddy isn't very nice"...or possibly even "you love daddy even if you are upset with him right now". But just in a matter of fact way...nothing dramatic or too critical sounding. It's good that she expresses herself.
It's important that if hubby hears her, he responds with "well I still love you sweetheart" and not take it personally. It's just what kids do.
Yep, don't make a big deal of it. I would respond with, we have to be kind to everyone and I like or love daddy, then carry on.
She's so young--not even really three!. I would stick with giving this little to no attention. If you say things like "That hurts daddy's feelings" or other messages like that, you will only fuel this and confuse her. When she says "I don't like daddy," she really doesn't understand what "like" is here, and the fact that her actions toward him are fine and she loves to spend time with him show clearly that she has no meaning behind the words. Over-talking this with a child of three would be expecting too much from her, in terms of understanding what you're saying. Ignore it.
If she were lashing out at daddy, stomping off when he tries to interact with her, etc., that would be different. But she isn't.
Be aware that this might happen again with her baby brother. "I love Sam" can easily become "I don't want Sam here!" and likely will switch between the two over and over in the early years. Don't let it upset you and don't give it attention unless there is meanness or physicality involved, or until baby is old enough to understand what's being said. By that age, she likely will be busy with preschool and school herself to spend much thought on him. And that is normal!
I'm not for trying to make her feel guilty by showing disappointment.
I'd snuggle her and say "I love you, too, Ellie! ANNNNND (walk over to Daddy) I also love Daddy! (give him a long PG-rated kiss) ANNNNNNND I love your little brother! (Give baby a kiss). I love THREE people in our house. And I also love Grandma, and Grandpa, and Auntie Ev, and Uncle Bud..."
Don't show any concern or jealousy...she'll be through this phase in no time.
There's only so much ignoring that you can do when a kid continues this stuff. I do not agree with ignoring it. What I would do is say "Well, I LOVE Daddy!" and then I'd give Daddy a big hug and kiss on the cheek and IGNORE her. She is trying to get you two to compete over her and that's called manipulation. Don't fall for it. Pay attention to him and she will stop this stuff.
It's kind of like at daycare when a child hits another child. The daycare teachers will attend to the hurt child, make over that child in the presence of the child who did the hurting. This shows empathy to the child who is hurt. The child who does the hurting is ignored (and probably put in a time out place.)
That's what you should do. Pay attention to Daddy showing all your love. She will find herself excluded from that "love" and will figure out not to say this anymore.
You tell her the truth, "when you say you don't love daddy, it hurts his feeling and makes him sad and we don't want daddy to be sad do we? So lets not say we don't love daddy anymore so he will be happy today, ok?" Good luck.
I would either ignore it or remind her "We can love lots of people all at the same time. I love you, and Daddy and baby brother, and grandma...the awesome thing about love is the more you share, the more you have!"
Kids are strange. My DD said that she thought that when I reprimanded her, I stopped loving her. I explained that I ALWAYS love HER, but sometimes I do not LIKE her BEHAVIOR. I would try to figure out what she is trying to convey and give her a nicer way to express that.
But at 3...don't put a lot of weight on it.
Ignore it, she still doesn't know how to explain her feelings. She doesn't mean she only loves you even though she said that. It just means at that moment she wants to spend time with you, not dad. She will learn in time what she is actually saying but for now the words are not going to match the actual feelings. If you make an issue of this it will do more damage than good.
she is trying to get the two of you to compete for her affection..when the child says , i dont like daddy..say, well..i do..deal with it..the child will stop and ponder, then lose interest in trying to get the two of you to compete for her attention....eventually K. h.
I've had both my kids say this kind of thing around this age. When it happened, I just walked over right then and give my husband a big hug, tell him I like/love him very much. I make sure they see it. They would always come over and want to join in on the hug, too. Then all is well (and I didn't hear them saying it after that).
