Hi, my friend is moving to a country that I've always loved to visit but never have. It's a country where it's difficult/dangerous to navigate unless you have a person with you who knows how things work there. I love to travel on my own but hesitated to go to that country because I didn't know anyone there. Now she's moving there I'd love to visit her but I don't want to take my son (don't want him to get sick etc.). At the same time I don't feel comfortable being away from my son for a week. He's 18 months old now; I don't think I'd go right away - but not sure when he'd be old enough to leave him while I travel. My husband is very good at taking care of him (usually spends longer time with him than I do).
So my question is, what age should a child be before s/he can be separated from his/her mom for a week without it negatively impacting him/her or the relationshipwith the mom? Let me know what your experience have been and/or what you think. Thank you!
___additional comment/question:
Thank you for your comments so far! I'm so glad to see all of you think it'll be fine for me to travel (away from my son) if the situation suits us. I was expecting at least some to say no way a mom should be away from her kids - so this is great!
Maybe this would help but maybe not, but I'm thinking it would help my son (or any other child) if at the time I go he has a concept of “a week" and he and my husband can look at a calendar and cross off days and talk about "here's when mom comes back" etc., so my son won't think I'm gone from the world forever!? I don't know, maybe like some of you say, he will be having a blast with his dad he won't even notice if I'm not there but (at least to me) it would help if he can tell (by talking through it and visually) when I'll be back. What age can a kid do this kind of stuff? Like looking at days being crossed out and can talk about this (number or a circle) is when mommy comes back - sounds pretty advanced - maybe not a two year old -would 3 or 4 year old be able to do this?
Thank you for additional comments!
I travelled for work when my girls were about 14 months old. Their dad did a fantastic job with them and he said the week went by smoothly. The girls were thrilled to see me when I got back and didn't seem like me being away had done them any harm. We picked right back off where we had left off.
Personally, I think anytime after the first year is fine. I think after almost a year of being pregnant, and then dealing with bottles, diapers and sleeplessness you deserve a break. As long as you have good child care while you're gone, go have fun!
I think it really depends on the child. If your child is super-attached to you and doesn't want you to leave his side, I think it might be very hard for him. If he's fine with your husband taking care of him, or getting up with him in the night if he still wakes up, then he'd probably be OK. I went on a week long trip with my daughter when my son was 22 months old. My husband took the week off work and spent the whole time with him. When I came home he was a little bit clingy with me, but seemed to get back into the routine very easily.
There aren't any rules on this. I guess it depends on things like: what the mother feels comfortable with, if the child is breastfed, who the child will be left with, etc. I've found that things affect us, as mothers, a lot more than it actually affects our children.
When I left my son for the first time, he was 7 months old. His dad & I went to Jamaica for a wedding, and were gone for 5 days. I missed him TERRIBLY!! My mom came to our house and stayed with the baby. I figured if Mommy and Daddy would be gone, he could at least be comfortable in his own home. I called often and my mother texted pictures, and when I realized I was having a more difficult time than my baby, I loosened up a little bit. Just a bit.
The second time, we (his dad & I) went on a cruise with some other family and friends. My son was 13 months. Again, my mom kept him, but this time I allowed him to stay at my parents' house. This time, we were gone for 6 days, I think. He was fine.
In February, I traveled to Orlando for work. This time, I took him with me. Dad stayed home. During the days we were there, though, my aunt took care of him while I attended a conference. This is not a person he was familiar with. He did have his fussy times, but all in all, he was fine. He was almost 18 months.
Lastly, in March I went to Miami to celebrate my 30th birthday. My son stayed home with his Dad. I was gone for 4 days. My son was absolutely fine. He was just about 19 months.
I don't think there are any rules. I was away for 5 days when DS was 2-1/2 and he barely noticed I was gone (he and dad were having too much fun). I did the same thing a year later and he was a little sad for phone calls but otherwise did great. I would definitely take the trip.
As long as he is with his dad and it sounds like they have a good relationship, I think you can go anytime. It might be harder for you than it is for your son. There might be a readjustment period when you get home and you should expect that. We've never left our kids for more than 3 nights without at least one parent (childcare issues), but when our oldest was a toddler and we would go out of town he would do fine with grandma and grandpa, but then have some issues when we returned--clingy, whiny, trouble sleeping, muttering "Mama," stuff like that. It might depend on the individual child--some are more adaptable than others. Our oldest never liked change, still doesn't.
No rules. Go with what you feel will work with you and your child. My husband travels sometimes for work and our daughter does notice when he's gone. I think it may be easier on him that his dad is home vs being without both of you.
I didn't read your other comments...
You can leave whenever you're ready. He will not be negatively affected, no matter his age. We both left my daughter for a week when she was 18 mos.
Idea: pick up a SMALL gift/goodie for your son to open each day that you are gone. tell him when he opens the last one, when there are none left, you will be home. put each in a brown lunch bag and line them up somewhere that he can see them (but not reach them). tell dad to have him open one each day, at the same time.
I think it depends a lot on the relationship before the parent takes the trip. My husband has to go on TDY pretty often (temporary duty assignment in the military) and up till now it's been ok on us. My son is now 19 months old, and he never seems to notice daddy being gone. Now, when daddy is just leaving for the day to go to work, sometimes my son reacts pretty hard, if he doesn't want him to leave. But overall he does ok with longer period of times.
Also, if the parent has to go for a long time, it may be a bit of a readjustment when the parent returns. My son takes a little while getting used to daddy again when daddy has been gone a month or so. I think you would be ok for a week, since you already have a good bond and you'll be returning before he forgets who you are :)
Whenever I travel with my husband, my parents *do not* find it useful to bring to the kids attention how long it has been and how long it will be. As they get older, maybe, but it really just seems to distress them. And we don't check in too often b/c it's really hard on them (now 3 and 6). They cry and cry and it's hard to calm them and hard to be listening to their sobs.
He'll be great with your husband and if you want to call periodically, fine, but I wouldn't do it, unless your husband says he's taking your calls well. Their sense of time is not fully developed so there's no need to add more stress.
Have a great trip!!
depends who watches him. For me three -years-old.
My husband was just out of the country for 2 weeks. First time he was gone for that long. My 18 month old honestly didn't know the difference. My 3 year old (just turned 3 before Dad left) certainly did miss his daddy. To help with the concept of time we made a paper chain with one link for each night that Daddy would be gone. every night at bedtime we would rip off one link and count how many days were left. It was exciting at we got down to the last couple of days and my son knew daddy would be home soon. This was a super concrete way for my pre-schooler to measure time.
Also, my husband was in a place without internet connection to talk via skype plus the time difference would have made it tough for him to talk with the kids as well. Before he left we recorded several videos of him reading books and telling bedtimes stories. My kids loved watching these and it helped them stay connected to daddy while he was gone.
Just thought these ideas might help.
