How Do I Teach My4 Yr Old Not to Blurt Out Private Information to Just Anyone?

No advice, just sitting here laughing, reading this... my 4-year-old daughter is very outgoing and shares EVERYTHING as well. Whether it's that we ran out of eggs, or I yelled at her earlier. They love to share, don't they?

You cannot.... prevent that.
At this age, a child does NOT have fully developed "impulse control" yet, nor even understand nuances in social behavior or what is private or not. They do NOT have the ability of "discernment" at all.
But you can start to teach her about "private" and what is or not.
But you can't expect her to understand it... nor to then do it. Not at this age.
At this age, they don't have automatic 'filters' yet.

Maybe tell her, verbatim, that she cannot tell anyone. But that is like keeping "secrets" which a child does not understand and it can set them up for bigger problems later.. like if someone tells them to keep a 'secret'... and it is something bad. ie: Molesters do that to children.

hahaha, IDK, but when you figure it out you'll be a millionaire! It bothers you, but other people don't even think twice about it. Kids just don't have that filter at 4. Shoot, I taught 2nd grade - so they were about 7ish - and you would die at the things they told me! Hahaha!

They are quite the talkers. I shoudl think that you don't want to teach her about shame. No matter how hard you try, that's the message she's going to get easily.

Rule 1: Don't let her hear or see something that you don't want the teacher to know.

Rule 2: Know that lots of things are normal and par for the course: So what if mom drank a beer (unless you did it at church or before breakfast) or daddy talked bad to mom. ("Bad" could mean anything like raising his voice. But if "bad" means cussing you out, then daddy has to go with Rule 1. If he doesn't, he gets to sleep on the couch.) Or that you did a quick fix on her wet pants. Give yourself a break and don't be a perfectionist or live a lie. Or that a sleep mom threw a towel over the spot on the bed that the kid had an accident on or threw up on. Yuch but who hasn't done that or something similar. Learn to laugh.

Rule 3: If she learns something that was an accident and just shouldn't be spread around, well, good luck. The moment you make a deal about it, the sooner it will come out of her mouth. It will stick in her little lhead like glue until it does. Don't bribe either. She will have to share what she's getting for being a good girl about not telling that she saw you run half naked through the front room to hide from the repairman who came too early.

Teaching that to a kid is like, well, having to teach her about shame. Try to put off that conversation for a long time. She will begin to wonder how many things she should be shameful about and not want to tell you.

I am agreeing with the other people that responded. I have taught preschool and elementary for awhile now and in the younger grades I sure heard a lot. They don't understand, they are just sharing life. :) It does improve as they get older. I heard the most in PK and KG.

Sorry dear but it can't be done. That's the thing about kids. When my son was 3 he went around telling everyone I peed out of my butt, because I sat down and he stood so he just assumed. At 5 years old he told his camp counselor that "my dad thinks your an idiot".

Out of the mouth of babes!!!

Last week I was in a really boring committee meeting with a bunch of professors and I had to bring my 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter. Another woman had to bring her 2 kids also. They were all playing in an adjoining room which had a chalkboard and some children's books. Suddenly my daughter came running in and at the top of her voice said "Mommy, the boys are drawing penises on the board!" I was so embarrassed, but said "she has an older brother, what can I say?" and then everyone laughed about it.

I don't think there is much you can do except write everything down in a journal. Kids that young just have no filter, as you said.

YOU can't. not next year either. be careful what you say in front of her, don't argue in front of her. It makes us be on our best behavior in front of young children and that's a good thing. Her teacher will hear every secret she hears! If it's something like drinking a beer or your friend smoking a cigarette just dont make a big deal out of it and they wont remember to repeat it.

Well. Good luck.I don't think that it is even possible at age four.Today,i had a prenatal appointment when i needed a shot in my bottom .(i am Rh-and dh is rh+).My two year old was with me and he told my 5 years old kindergartener teacher who did not understand him(thank you i thought)until my 5 years old translated it for her and run off to tell his sister (second grade) that then told some of her friends and their moms that i got a shot in my bottom .A lot of mom were laughing really hard,I assumed my 5 year old told them about the bottom shot but i asked if they were laughing about that.They said ya he told us but that's not the funny part .So i ask what was the funny part.So apparently he not only told them about the shot but he also ask them if they wanted to see it .Talk about embarassement.The other mom were picturing me dropping my pants down outside in front of the school and this is why they were laughing.I just laugh along with them .Small children just don't have much privacy .But don't worry we have all been there ,most of us just laugh it off and accept that your privacy level is just different after kids than before.At least that is what i do and if half the world want to laugh or knows about a shot in my bottom ,well so be it.I had plenty of those hum hum moment and the reminiscence of some of them actually makes me smile this days as my two oldest are getting older and do not do it so often now.Their mommy shot today was a big deal to them as they were concern for my pain level and this is why it pop out.
Hope this help.
N.

ha ha ha!!! Your examples are hilarious! Sorry, no advice here, but thanks for the warning: my eldest is 3. Best wishes for some privacy!

There are some great examples of embarassing moments on here, your included! I am giggling while I eat my breakfast! My son is 2.5, so I don't have any good ones yet. But I am sure with time I will be able to add to this.
Oh well, just try and hurry her along when she starts talking! :) Just kidding. Unfortunately, you can't stop a little one from gabbing. I had my son at the store one time, and he leaned sideways in his stroller, started grunting really loud, and then said, "Mommy, I poopin!". Thankfully most people thought it was funny, including me! :)

Nope...not yet. She will develop that frontal lobe filter as she grows older, but for now, this requires huge heaping helpings of responsibility on your part. You need to keep private (between your husband and yourself) the things you wouldn't want others to know. It requires a shift in acceptable behavior in us parents...not a shift in what is said about private family matters by our 4 yr. olds. Thankfully, at this age, she doesn't have the cognative ability to differentiate between secrets and public information. You don't want to try to change that because the world in which we live, there are many who do not have her best intrest in mind. Telling her to keep a secret now, might influence the secrets she might keep if another adult ever should tell her to.

You can try, but it will take awhile for her to figure it out. Personally, I don't care that my kids tell others that I do things. My Mom and my 7 year old daughter sat and colored the other day and my Mom got an ear full! I thought it was cute and I want my child to be honest. I dread the day that they feel they have to hide something. It was so precious to hear my daughter tell my Mom that my hair was getting grey and that I was trying to get it to be the same color as her hair. My older kids told someone that I liked good wine every once in awhile. They were asked what kinds of wine I drank and they said, "Anything that has a screw top and costs under 4 dollars." I'm not much of a drinker and my husband teased me about it in front of them. We all got a good laugh. It is part of their innocence and I hate it when that goes away. We are still laughing about the pep talk I received in the Sears restroom. I had a little cheerleader helping me the whole time. The whole bathroom was giggling to hear one of my daughters help me go potty. Learn to enjoy it. Those are some of my fondest memories. You will have your chance to get even when they are teenagers.

Judgments about what is private and what is not is beyond a 4 year old.
You can work on specific issues to start---like "We don't talk about our bodies, unless we need help", meaning not unless something hurts or they need to use the toilet.
But self control is another developmental thing...so for now, just try not to do or say anything in front of your child that you don't want strangers to know!

It is possible, but it is a long process...years. Start now.

Good morning, Children are the most honest people in the world, In my daycare the children from 3 and up do this, i have had a child tell me my mommy hates my daddy, one child told me her mommy slapped her daddy in the face, one child told me his dad was stupid, I told him know he's not he said yes he is my mommy said. I know family's that have had CPS show up at their home because of something a child told another child or a teacher, I understand what ZP is saying but she is not 100% correct, what is wrong with a child saying mom drank a beer, is teachers, principles or who ever is going to get the impression that mommy may have a drinking problem, because the child brought it up, and if the child only seen mom drink a beer once the child would not have mentioned it. It's all how it's perseeved by the one listening to the child. I do agree with ZP about not keeping secrets from mom and dad. She will probably grow out of this. In the mean time teach her the approprate things to say and not to say. It's very important how we talk and act in front of our children. One more thing never play the husband sleeps on the couch game as one mom suggested, I have been married 29 years and my husband nor myself has ever slept on the couch. J.