Sister Wants to Know...

I don't believe in "keeping secrets" either. HOWEVER, there is NO need for her to tell this info to her children!!! COMMON SENSE LADY!!! She does NOT need to be a gossip!!! (Which would be the ONLY reason for her telling the kids!)

She's unreasonable. She probably is bored with her own life, loves to gossip, and relishes in other people's misfortunes. This gives her a high. I'd stay away from her as she is bad news.

hello
as a former foster kid myself... I will tell you ,you are not being UNreasonable.. what some people don't get is there is already a stigma attached to one having lived in a foster home.. oh it's much better now than years ago, However, give the kid a break.. last thing he needs is for other kids to see him differently for having ADD... he probably already feels differently for having not lived with his biological family.. Of course that isn't his fault, BUT.. kids still internalize things.. tell your sister to try and be more sensitive.. and yeah, IF I were you and she is going to act that way, then don't tell her anything.... tell her to get off her high horse of no secrets.. this ISNT about secrets. it's about a child being allowed to have some dignity.. when HE is ready to express medical issues and what not, then allow him to do so.. for now, your sister should keep her mouth shut..

sorry to sound so blunt. again, it's only because I was a foster kid so I can well imagine how your child might feel..
kudos to you for adopting him..

best of luck

The trust between you and your son is THE MOST important thing here. You absolutely need to honor his request for privacy.

I think your sister's rule to share everything with her kids is ridiculous. But if that's her thing, so be it. She told you not to tell her things she can't repeat, so you're playing by her rules - it's completely unreasonable for her to be mad about it.

Your request that the topics you share together as PARENTS are not appropriate to share with CHILDREN is fair and logical. I mean really, "...that would be keeping secrets from her kids" and "...just not to tell her anything if I don't want her kids to know" -- What a drama queen.

My initial reaction is that your son needs to know that you are standing with him, standing by him and will defend and protect him, especially since he is a former foster child. Hopefully he will learn trust, security and a real sense of family knowing that you are protective of his privacy.

I also think that perhaps you need to phrase this differently with your sister. Instead of saying "I don't want to tell you because I don't want your kids to know", say something like "that is something my son considers sensitive information, and I respect that, and I respect his privacy. When he feels secure enough to share, he will. Until then, I stand by his decision. I am sure you understand how much we love our kids and need to help them feel secure in what they entrust to us." If she is still snippy, that is her issue. Some people will never be satisfied until they've gone through everyone's private lives. Your #1 priority is your son, not your sister's satisfaction of her curiosity.

If there is a reason she needs to know, like if her kids have ADD and she is seeking information, offer to give her your doctor's name and phone number for evaluation of her own kids. If she plans on having your son for an overnight or something, maybe she's worried about his medications, how to give them or what would happen if there was a side effect or bad reaction? In that case, give her the emergency afterhours number to your physician's office, and make sure if that event were ever to happen, that you have something in place so your physician's on call people could speak with your sister.

There's only one unreasonable person in this scenario, and I sincerely don't think it's you!

Stay strong for your son and let him know, not just guess or assume, that you are on his side and advocating for him and that he can learn to trust you. Tell him in very clear words that you are not sharing his private information, and help him learn who he can share with (doctors, trusted social workers, his new family, etc) and that those people are dependable. Help him learn to discern between nosy relatives and genuinely concerned people. He'll encounter plenty of both in his life. It sounds like you're doing a great job of being his mom!

You are in the right. If she admitted that she tells her kids everything, then you will have to filter the information you tell her. I'm sorry that it has hurt your relationship. It's not about keeping information, it's about a need-to-know and her kids don't need to know. If you told her you were on your period, would she tell her kids? I don't openly lie to my kids, but I don't tell them things they don't need to know!

I just want to say that you letting your son have control over basic things is AWESOME. You are giving him a dignity that he didn't have before. You are not unreasonable in any way and you handled things very well.

Your sister has no right to burden her kids with issues that adults handle. She has no right to expose the personal issues of your son to kids who don't know how to use that information.

Parents keep secrets from kids for their emotional health! I totally agree with the posters who pointed out that we don't share our sex lives with our kids.
Stand strong and don't tell her anything! You are doing a great job!

Everyone has a right to keep their medical and private info private. Your sister is out of line.

No offense, but this is ridiculous in my opinion.
First of all, there are many, MANY things adults talk about that children have NO business knowing.
Second, whether or not your son is on medication of any kind really isn't any of HER business either. If your son had chicken pox or the measles, that's something she should be aware of if her kids were exposed, but how you are handling your son's other issue, that isn't contagious, really is off limits. ESPECIALLY if she feels the need to share that information with his cousins.
I know she is your sister, but perhaps you should tell her about HIPAA privacy laws. I work for a hospital and the laws are very strict about divulging anyone's protected health information. You do not have to disclose that to anyone, whether she likes it or not.
You have every right to tell her you don't feel comfortable discussing it because she feels the need to share the information with minors, let alone anyone else she may feel the need.

I'm sorry, but I think some parents have taken the "I must be honest with my children at all costs" thing to the extreme. Exactly how is it unhealthy for children not to know things they don't need to know? They are the same age as your son, since when is it "keeping a secret" when it's none of their business?
Your son is a child and he wants things kept private. You need to honor that and let your sister huff and puff all she wants.

You know, I had a good friend that I confided many things in and I about killed her when I was talking about my divorce stuff and heard her daughter commenting in the background. I was FURIOUS! I didn't realize she had me on speaker phone. I told her I would NEVER speak to her if she ever did that again. NO child needs to hear about adult stuff like that. Especially MY personal adult stuff. I was livid, to say the least. She had just been telling me that her daughter had a problem with butting in where she had no business and I told her that all the sudden, I knew exactly why. She thought nothing of letting her hear it in the first place. I tell my friend little about what's going on anymore because I can't trust it not to come up in front of kids.

Anyway, no offense, but I think she's got the "honesty" with her kids thing a little twisted and I wouldn't trust her with any information you don't want those kids to know.

Just my opinion.

Stop talking to your sister about your son's private issues. It's none of her business and if she doesn't care enough to keep it confidential, then you should care enough to not tell her things anymore. (which you are, just reiterating that).

Hold fast to that and don't let her guilt you about it. If she asks and gets huffy again, ask her why she needs to know anyways, and tell her those details are private issues with your son, and he has asked you to honor that, and you will for his sake.

I wonder if she tells her kids about her sexlife and such, "Mommy and daddy are going off to be intimate, turn a movie on"... can't have her not telling them every single thing now!! (being sarcastic here, of course ;)

You are the mama. You do what is best for your child. Always follow your mommy heart and brain.. NO REGRETS..

If he does not want others to know, then there is your answer.

Your sister has issues if she cannot understand this..

Why would your sister tell her kids, who are not adults and don't need to be involved in any type of adult conversations? She seems kind of whacky.

I can't believe she would say anything about it anyways, knowing what your son has gone through and her kids could make it worse by being big mouths?

So, to answer your question...she is very unreasonable and she needs to get off her high horse :)

Sorry, didn't mean to be mean, but those types of people bug me.

Why is she so obsessed with how you are treating your son's ADD? Its really none of her business. I totally agree with the telling her kids thing too--that is nonsense! No one needs to tell their children everything, some stuff is just none of their business. I wouldn't worry about her huffiness, she is being very immature.

I guess I don't understand why she wants to or needs to know? Why is she so sensitive about secrets? Is she keeping some and is trying to overcompensate? This has more to do with her issue's I think and she's using your son as a means of projecting her issue's onto you and him. She sounds...I'm going to be nice...unwell.

Because the FACT of the matter is that you are right about how to go about helping your son experience resiliency after being in the foster care system. And it almost seems like she doesn't view him as family and is trying to single him out as 'different'. So in this sense, I don't think this has to do with what it appears to on the surface and maybe your sister will one day be able to find new levels of awareness around where her....err...still trying to be nice?...discriminatory actions are really coming from.

Why is she targeting your son? You know it has nothing to do with 'keeping secrets' right? If you are close to her, maybe ask her why she is making this into such a dramatic situation and why she would risk sabotaging your sons recovery in order to keep her children in the know (which isn't a need so much as a gossipy thing anyways). What are her motives?

I may be going too deep with this, but her reaction is so bizarre that there HAS to be more to this...right?

On an unrelated note: oftentimes children in foster care exhibit signs of ADD/ADHD that also closely resemble symptoms of trauma (by definition, being in the foster care system is traumatic due to unstable family attachments and changes in environments). If he does eventually start medication, stay in close conversation with him as to whether he thinks the medication works. If it doesn't seem to be working for him (empowering him to be part of this medication assessment process), he might not have ADD so much as a biological response to traumatic life events. Traumatic symptoms in children include high states of energy, trigger response to spontaneous things, emotional sensitivity, difficulty concentrating, difficulty remembering things, interrupted sleep patterns or too much sleep, complaints of headaches or stomach aches, difficulty forming close attachments with peers and/or caregivers or becoming overly dependent on caregivers. There are many more symptoms I recommend looking into if you haven't already:)

I only mention this because there is a very large percentage of foster youth diagnosed with ADD who eventually learn they don't have ADD at all. It's easier to treat ADD than trauma, and costs the 'system' less to treat from the get go. 'The System' does the best it can, but 'trauma' is NOT a focus in terms of effective counseling and services to promote recovery. Unresolved trauma is not obvious in children because developmentally it is difficult to figure out words to describe experiences that have somehow become our identity. It's difficult as adults too, but children tend to assume their physical and psychological experience is related to the here and now, or self blame or dissociate. He's in a loving home now, which is wonderful and will help him recover well:) However, unresolved traumatic symptoms don't go away because things are better now...oftentimes they manifest in ways no one recognizes as related to the traumatic events. Anyways...

I'm not saying your son doesn't have ADD, but it's worth keeping an eye on:)

I'm glad he has you...you sound like a really wonderful mama...protecting him from others, even if your own family:)

She's behaving dreadfully. I'm sure there are things she chooses not to share with her children and not sharing sensitive information with children is hardly the same thing as keeping secrets. What in heaven's name does she think it serves to try to get you to betray your son? I would not share anything more with her at all. Congratulations on your adoption and good for you for respecting your son's wish for privacy of his medical information.

your sister is being completely unreasonable. Your child should be able to keep things private from his cousins.

There is keeping secrets and then there is minding your own business. Your sister doesn't seem to be capable of doing either. You probably shouldn't have told her about the ADD (if you knew her "no secrets" policy). First you need to tell her that you don't have a problem tell her (your sister) certain information; however, since she has made it clear that she can not use discretion and not share other people's personal information with others (her kids) you are not (for any reason) sharing personal or private information with her that you don't want spread.

No, you are not being unreasonable at all. I feel like we are in a world where people feel like they have a right to know every single thing about everyone else. Some things should be left private, there is no reason or benefit to anyone knowing about diagnoses or medications, really! I mean, if your sister was watching him for you than yes, she probably should know, but even then, why on earth does she feel the need to share that with her kids? How does that even come up in conversation with her kids "Oh honey, I was talking to Auntie Jane today and she told me your cousin John was on medication for ADD...isn't that an interesting tid bit?" Come on!!

Stand your ground mama, your son needs you to keep your promise to him about keeping his private matters private. If you break that trust to appease your sister, I think it may harm your relationship with your son.

.

WOW. What an absolutely wonderful opportunity
for philosophy and values clarification.
And what a wonderful group of women here.

I had responded privately before I read the other answers.
(Am I the only one here who has a problem with the RESPOND button?
Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't work.)

In any event, I wrote pretty much what most of the women here wrote.
Sister is out of line. You are doing the right thing
by honoring your promise to your son.
And helping him to build trust and emotional safety.
etc.

It has occurred to me to wonder about your sister's experience
with being "out of the loop" when she was a child.
Were you the older sister?
Did you know things before she did;
or maybe even things she never found out about?

Her attitude toward telling her children "everything"
might be an overcompensation for feeling uninformed as a child.

In any event, depending on how emotionally vulnerable you think she is,
you might consider letting her read your question and the answers here.

And, absolutely, DO let your son know that you are protecting him
and his medical situation from prying family members.

You are not the one being unreasonable. She is acting quite childish and immature if you ask me. Does she really expect you to believe that she tells her children everything? If she has already told you that nothing you tell her will ever be confidential, you have no reason to tell her anything you wouldn't tell any random person. That's not the attitude a sister should have. She needs to grow up.
Stick to your guns. Don't tell her anything your son wouldn't be comfortable with her knowing. I am a foster parent, and I have seen first hand how many kids have been burned by people they thought they could trust. You are being a good mom. :)

I just LOVE the whole "no keeping secrets from kids" thing. Ever notice that those only seem to include YOUR private matters that get spread around, and not their own?

Seriously... you tell your kids how you gave your husband fellatio last night? With all the specific details of head and hand placement, timing, and Because NOT telling them is keeping a secret. Oh wait... no... that's PRIVATE? OR Inappropriate??? What? I thought you said you don't keep secrets.

Uh-huh. Look up the words discretion, age appropriate, and MYOB.

You're being completely reasonable, intelligent, and kind. You are keeping your son's trust, and laying down clear boundaries - and furthermore, following your sister's as well. Medical information is PRIVATE. Sure, many people choose to share private things, but it's *their* choice. And a person who doesn't respect another person's confidences loses those confidences. Just because she's unwilling to respect your privacy does NOT place you under obligation to surrender your privacy or your son's trust in you.

I say it's your son's right to keep his privacy. She needs to grow up.

Your sister is making excuses as to why she would share private info with her children, as Tori F points out she probably would not repeat info about your or her sex life to her children ( i hope!) every time she asks say "I'm aware there is a problem, why do you want to know about medication and why do you want your children to know?" be a broken record. she could come up with a decent reason why she wants to know, but not one for why her kids need to know.
To think the best of her maybe she just wants to be reassured you are doing something about it. not to be unkind but is it possible he is annoying her kids with his behavior and she wants to reassure herself and them that you are working on the problem and he may be less difficult as time goes on, that you are not just ignoring his behavior.? Or is she just being nosy? does help to say something like "the doctor and I are looking into every method, therapy etc available and the doctor and I will decide what is best to try and when...." or something to let her know you are not ignoring the problem. again, ask your son before you share anything just to reassure your sister, his needs come first.

NO, you are not being unreasonable. I see so many parents treating thier kids like "min adults" these days. Allowing them to sit with adults having adult conversations, telling them personal grown up information. It is completely innapropriate for her CHILDREN to know information about your childs medication OR medical condition. They are kids. They do not know how to properly handle that information, and apparently neither does your sister. You have every right to protect your childs privacy, good for you.

She is being unreasonable! You need to have a completely seperate relationship with your sister than with anyone else. She should respect that and by being your sister she should keep your information confident! If she can't than I don't think you can confide in her like a friend and she should repect that too.

You'd think you could confide in your sister. She has proven to you that you can't. Screw her and keep you son's confidences. Mums the word from now on.
If she presses you, just say "I asked if you would keep his info private and you said 'no', so I am." That should do it.
Good luck!

My question is she her kids' parent or her kids' friend? Her kids do not need to know everything. She is doing more harm to her kids by not being their parent. You can not put your kids into adult situations, and that is what she is doing. If she continues down this road, she will have some major problems with her kids when they grow up. I would definitely hold your ground and just know that's how she is and I would be very careful on what you tell your sister in the future. I'm sorry it has to be this way but until she can learn to keep her mouth shut about certain things, it may have to be this way. You are not in the wrong here. I would just tell her that I'm sorry but this is how I wish it to be and I hope that you can respect that. Good luck!

She's the one with the problem. It's none of her business and I'm surprised that she keeps "going there." Hold your ground. I wish you the best!

It is NONE of her business.
That is PRIVATE.... between you and your son and Husband.

Gee, isn't she a "nosey Nelly"? How nosy of her... and that is RUDE.

tell her, it is none of her business....

You are under NO obligation whatsoever... to tell her anything.
Why don't she just ask what color is your underwear?
Better yet... ask her what her underwear color is and what style AND if she tell her kids that and shows it to them.... after all, she said she does not keep 'secrets' from them, right??? Or what about her personal hygiene/birth control/intimate habits? Does she tell her kids that too???
C'mon... HER excuses for being a NOSY Nelly and a BIG mouth... is just really... rude.

Your son and HIS privacy... is WAY more important... than your Sister's overbearing and super Nosy... habits.

Protect, your son.

I think... your Sister is mentally "unhealthy"....

gosh, i hope you tell her to mind her own business.
of course you can't say that, she's your sister.
so,please, just tell her, i won't discuss my son's private things with anyone but him. I respect his privacy.
leave it at that.

No, you are fine, she's the one with the problem. I mean, really, it's none of her business - if you care to divulge information that's one thing but otherwise she needs to mind her own business.

I also don't get the whole "not keeping secrets" from her kids - it's not like they need to know, it's none of their business either and there's nothing keeping them from telling others if they know (and kids at that age can be really cruel, and don't always have a "filter"). Not telling them does not fall under the realm of "keeping secrets from them" - it's about respecting one's privacy. She sounds like the type of parent that wants to be her kids' buddy, instead of their parent.

If your sister keeps asking, I would just tell her that you want your son's privacy respected and leave it at that - remind her that she's the one who tells her kids everything and told you not to tell her anything she can't tell her kids, so that's why you are not telling her anything else. Ask her why she thinks her kids need to know their cousin is on medication. If she can't be okay with keeping private information private, then she is the one being unreasonable - not you.

Does she tell her children what she's buying them for their birthdays or Christmas?

Does she not believe in any surprises at all?

Do the kids know every time she and her husband go have sex?

Clearly, she doesn't tell the EVERYTHING and she needs to understand that even though this information is not effecting her in anyway, it is still NOT intended for children.

I would certainly agree with your decision to not tell her. Even if she weren't a blab, that is something your son asked you to keep private. There's no need for your sister to know so I'd keep it hush hush for him. :)

She's a twit, but you probably already knew that. "Keeping secrets" from her kids? How is this info her kids need to know? They are kids - she's being rediculous. Not telling children everything about everyone isn't lying to them. Some stuff is none of their business. If it were something that actually affected their lives, that would be another story, but ADD of a cousin isn't an issue unless he has behavioural issues that impact their lives. Keep doing what you're doing.

She's being unreasonable on so many levels. 1) No secrets from her kids? Really? Do you know of ANY parent who tells their kids everything? Unreasonable. 2) She asks you not to tell her things that she can't tell her kids, but gets upset at you when you take her at her word and decline to tell her private information? Unreasonable. 3) She faults you for respecting your own son's wishes to keep his private information private? Unreasonable. Tell her to back off and mind her own business. She's a nosy busybody.

I am so glad you have stood your ground on this. You are so right to protect your son in this way. I think your reply was perfect. Yes she is unreasonable and this may come up again or she may act out in some way. This is one of those situations where you have to just maintain what you do have control over (son's privacy) and be ready to shrug off her crazy behavior.

You are not being unreasonable. She is. Her children do not need to know this information, and she has no right to pass it along to them knowing how you and your son feel about it. I wouldn't tell her either. She sounds like she wants everything her way, even when it is really none of her business. I applaud you for standing up for your son, even in the face of difficulty. Bravo, you!

Of course it is ridiculous for her to tell her children EVERYTHING. This is not age appropriate information for them. I think she explained it pretty well: don't tell her anything you don't want her children to know.

Your sister sounds HORRIBLE!! I cannot believe she is refusing to keep it from her kids!! That is NOT lying to them!! Kids do NOT need to know everything!!! Your sister is being completely unreasonable. Do not tell her anything private ever again!!! So sorry! Do not view your sister as a friend or confidante!!!

she's being unreasonable and incredibly childish. your son is still adjusting to your family and for you to betray his trust would not be a great way to go. plus, as you mentioned, he had little control over anything in his life before and medical information ESPECIALLY should be private if he wants it to be. don't let your sister have her way. good for you for sticking up for your son and being his advocate.

I, personally, do not think it is any of her business. He is not her child and how you take care of your son is none of her concern. We did not tell everyone when our son was put on ADHD meds and we told even less when we took him off them because he was misdiagnosed. I think she is prying way too much.

No, you do not have to tell her. Your son sounds like a very responsible young man. I would respect his wishes.

Late here - "I'm sorry, he asked me to keep that private" is the answer I'd use.

I have used and need to use more, as my oldest has asked me to keep something private that I have a hard time keeping private (he gets comments about his size and they SHUT down with this info - still some things are not ours to tell).

She is Mrs. Nosy isn't she? What is it her business whether you are medicating him or not? You are in NO WAY being unreasonable. I didn't read all posts, but Angie made me laugh by asking if she tells her kids whenever she has sex. I mean come-on, your sis needs to give your son some respect. If your neice/nephew wet the bed or something, would she want you to blab that to your son?

Try asking her questions with a question. ie: "Is he on meds?" "Why do you ask?" "Because I want to know." "Why is his medication important for you to know?" She won't get any answer out of you if you just ask her questions. Or just remind her again that you don't care to discuss your son's medical history with her if she is not willing to keep it private. "Out of respect for my son, I no longer share his medical issues with anyone other than his dad and his doctor."

I agree with the others. Hold your ground. Your sister sounds like she's off her nut.

When she asks yet again, my response would be "why do you need to know this?" .... or "why do you keep asking this question?" And give her a blank look and wait for a response.

There is no way she can justify a need to know.

you are nit being unreasonable, she is. i have adhd myself, and so is my daughter. if your son is sensitive about this, then by all means, protect his privacy.

as for your sister, im sure she keeps some secrets from her kids, bull pucky! does she tell them what she does in the privacy of her bedroom? prolly not. im sure she keeps some secrets from her kids. and if her kids want to know about his add, they can ask him and be satisified with his answer or deal with it!!

stick to ur guns mom, your son will appreciate it.

Haven't read all your responses and i see you have many. I have an adopted child and it is very important that one respects their privacy. It's your son's life, and you sister and her kids have no claim on that information. if your sister insists on telling her kids everything, then you are absolutely right to keep certain things from her.

There is no reason for her to know, or for her kids to know. I assume you told her in confidence as a person you trust to keep your thoughts and concerns private. If she does not respect this, then she does not deserve your trust. Stop telling her things. Tell her NOTHING you don't want broadcast on the news, since she feels it is her right to tell the world what goes on in your home. Your son is not being unreasonable by asking these things be kept private. If you knew he wanted them private, you should have never told your sis anything in the first place. She knows something now, and will keep prying until you tell her point blank that the subject is off limits. Period!

I see you have a lot of responses and I have nothing new to add but just wanted to add my support. I know what it is like to have a sister who makes me feel like a bad mom. Just continue to tell yourself that you are the best mom for your child and try not to second guess yourself.

She's being unreasonable. You need protect your son, first and foremost! He wants that information private, you shouldn't tell anybody, including your sister! Let her know that you shouldn't have told her about the ADD as it was his private info and you appreciate it if she'd keep it to herself. Then stop talking about it or anything else he wants kept private.

I know you have had many responses, but to respond to your sister wanting to know about meds because her kid may be ADD.....My son sees a therapist as he has an anxiety disorder, my girlfriend has been toying with the idea putting her son in therapy as he has major anger issues among other things , and keeps asking me about my sons progress, do we like therapy etc. She's trying to base her decsion on my sons experience. Finally I said to her even if our kids had the same exact issues, therapy would still be different as they are different kids. Tell your sis I know you are trying to make a decsion about your son, but ask a doctor or another professional so you are armed with all the information our kids are not the same so medication or not all could be a different solution, dosage, drug what have you. You are smart and thoughtful to be so sensitive to your sons past. He is lucky to finally find a loving, supporting home.

You must think of your immediate family (hubby, son and you) first. Since your sister is a busy body and will broadcast information to the world it is your duty to say nothing more. She may ask and push and pester but she gets nothing. She did say don't tell her things she can't repeat and so you are and now she is angry. Some people can't deal with nice sugar coating and you have to be down right blunt and to the point it may come to this and you guys may not speak again for a long while so be prepared. But what goes on in your house stays at your house. Do not repeat anything and if she asks just tell her she was the one that told you not to tell her anything period.

Good luck and keep your son first and your sister last in the family chain.

The other S.

Added: PS Now that you say your sister's son has ADD then it her duty to get information for him. You are not his doctor nor should you provide her any info. Keep your chin up and don't let her push/bully you any longer. You can do it, I have lot's of faith in you. You did adopt your son knowing his past and that is a big hurdle all by itself. Congratulations on adoption - I also have an adopted child.

She is being COMPLETELY unreasonable. What grown adult feels it's okay to tell their kids EVERYTHING?! There are just some things kids don't need to know. Especially kids that young. I certainly wouldn't be telling her anything if I were you if she can't refrain from telling her children every little thing that everyone tells her. Oh and definitely don't tell her about having sex with your hubby--she would be lying to her kids if she didn't tell them! I'm sorry--that's just very odd to me. Besides, it is none of her business if your son is on medication or not. If you're sick of dealing with it then just flat out lie to her about certain issues that she will not stop pestering you about. --Son on meds? Nope. He's just fine. End of discussion. Good luck.

You are NOT being unreasonable! You are doing the best thing for your child- he asked for privacy and based on his background, soooo deserves it! He needs to be able to trust what you guys say is private-- I wouldn't tell your sister ANY info about your son that your son hasn't already cleared with you as ok to tell. Especially since she is unwilling to not tell her kids. She has an unhealthy relationship with her kids if she feels she has to tell everything to them.

Also, why does she care so much if he takes meds? Its none of her business. The next time she asks-say that! Good for you for keeping your son's confidences and personal info private. She doesn't need to know- i don't care who she is!

Molly

I didn't read all the posts so I apologize if someone has already mentioned this.

I would fight childishness with childishness. Go to her kids and tell them something she has told you that she doesn't want them to know. Then when she gets mad, tell her, "but you can't keep that a secret from your kids, that would be unhealthy!"

I don't know if I would really do that or not, but just thinking it makes me feel better.

I would really tell her that you will not share with her any information anymore because in doing so, you will be betraying your son's confidences and that may not be healthy for you and your son's relationship- END OF STORY! Tell her to mind her own business and let her get as mad as you were when you found out she shared adult (and personal private) feelings (yours) with her kids.

She is being ridiculous. The whole idea of her not being able to keep the info from her kids is just absurd. If she asks, just tell her the topic is not to be discussed. If she pesters you, stop talking, hang up the phone, leave, whatever. You should only have to worry about your family and not have to put this amount of energy into dealing with her on this.

No offense, but your sister is a little weird! What is her problem??

And it's none of her kids' business.

I don't know how you deal with such an unreasonable person. I hope she has some good qualities.

You have to set boundaries with people in your life, particularly family. It is also your job to set boundaries for your children, because often times they cannot do it for themselves. I think you are in the right to respect your sons wishes on this. Tell you sister it isn't personal, it is just the best way you know to respect your son (who it sounds like really needs to know that he can trust you,) If she continues to take it personally there isn't much you can do but continue to hold that boundary. If she has questions about treating ADD, go ahead and share your knowledge with her. Just don't make it specific to your son.
Good luck--I know stuff like this is hard!!
J.