How Do I Not Offend a Friend When I Find Her Behavior Rude?

Why didn't you say something to her and/or to the people that were coming over to the line? You can't control other people's responses to what you say, but you can do the "right" thing, especially if you feel this strongly about not having said something.

I guess I'm one of those people who doesn't mind if people join their friends in line. But I'm also a person who doesn't feel the need to point out behavior I find rude, what's the point of that? I have no interest in walking around being the manners police.
If you don't like this "friends" behavior then I imagine you won't be friends for much longer anyway, so let it go.

I wouldn't say anything about it because its already happened. If you find yourself in the same position again with this friend say 'oh I'd love to but that's not really fair to these people who arrived early' and then tell her you hope she has fun and turn back to your own conversation with your friends or hubby.

I think your friend didn't think this was rude but it was to everyone else who had arrived early.

At this point, all you can do is learn from it. I don't think you can say anything now without making it clear that you've been stewing about it and thinking poorly about her.

Your original post said you felt badly for the 2 people behind you, so some responders thought there were only two. Had that been the case, you should have given those people the front slot and assembled your group behind them. But since there were 50-75 (per your ETA), you were part of short-changing all of them. So, your friend was pushy and rude, and her friends were worse, but you were a part of it. If you con't stand up to an injustice, no matter how large or small, you're a part of the problem.

The thing to do is to rehearse a couple of phrases for the next time ("I'm sorry, it just wouldn't be fair to all those who came out early" or "Ha ha, Emily, I know you don't expect me to let you jump the line!") and find the backbone you admit you didn't have. You are "close friends" with her but too intimidated to be honest. So instead of focusing on your rude friend (which I agree she is), re-focus on yourself and why you allowed yourself to be rude to others you don't know in favor of someone you do know. If she's a good friend, she'll respect you. If she isn't and she doesn't, well, you've learned something about her too, haven't you?

I would have said something because it is rude to the people in line behind you. It is one thing when it is your immediate family or just one close friend, but more then that just becomes rude. I just would have said just that "I am sorry but I think it would be rather rude to the people in line behind me to allow you to cut".

ish. what a miserable situation.
i'd have been so shocked at that degree of discourtesy that i too might have been speechless.
which doesn't happen often.
i'd LIKE to think that i'd have come up with something courteous but to the point like 'dang, bibianna, i didn't realize you had a crowd with you. i'm fine with just you getting in line with me, but this is really not okay.'
but i have to confess, i might have done exactly what you did.
but at some point in the future, if this is really a close friend, i think we'd have to have a low-drama but serious discussion about it.
if i were the people behind you i'd probably have said something. not raised a major stink, but at the very least a loud 'really??'
khairete
S.

Next time, if she says "Did you save me a spot?", you say "Sorry, no.".
You know how she took (and will take) advantage if you let her in.
So don't do that.
She burned you once.
That was enough.

I'm famous for being caught off guard in the moment and then rehashing it TO DEATH after the fact. Should have done this... wish I had done this... Sounds like that's what you're doing. My husband is great at dealing with things off the cuff, I stink at it- I just think things through too much causing a very delayed response- usually too late, like you in this case!!

I've learned that all I can do is learn from it, as Diane B. said. No reason to say anything now, it's done. But if you know that this person is opportunistic, just know that in the future you need to step up. The easiest way is with humor or gentle 'no.' This exact scenario is not likely to repeat, so just know that you can always say "oh I wish I could" or "bummer, next time we'll plan better" and then make a quick exit or change the subject. That's been my big lesson- don't allow a pause for them to change your mind. In this case, if you just say "oh I don't want the mob behind us to get me!" (humor) and allow space, she is just likely to turn to them and say "you don't mind, do you?" So you would say "oh, sorry, that won't work this time... see you in there!" And then move on!

I know this bothered you, or you wouldn't have posted. And as I mentioned, I do this all the time. I just keep working on it for the future! And if it helps, I can almost guarantee that the people behind you that were cut off haven't given it another thought. So rest easy!

This topic came up in my house last night. My husband and sons are going to see Star Wars on Thursday. They plan to get in line two hours early. (I'll be warm and home and wait for the DVD. lol) A friend of my husband mentioned he planned to be there even earlier, and that the three of them could come join him in line. Absolutely not. That isn't fair to the people who got there first. They will get at the end of the line. The friend rolled his eyes. Whether or not he's offended is not my husband's problem.

There is really no way to not offend/upset rude people. They don't like being thwarted. The real questions to ask yourself are, "Does this person have redeeming qualities that makes me want to keep her as a friend?" and "What do I need to do so I can stand up for myself in the future and say No instead of Okay?" What is done is in the past. Try to let it go and move forward.

I have a dear friend who quite often says Yes when she means no, then kicks herself for it later. I encourage her to stop beign a doormat as much as possible, but it is ultimately up to her to change within herself.

I would probably have said something to the friend when she asked. It would probably have gone like, "Oh, Sally, I didn't know you were coming and no, I hadn't." Depending on who well the friendship stands she should be able to go to the back of the line and not be upset. If she is upset then the relationship is not as solid as you thought.

Learn by your mistakes. If she wanted to be there, then she should have gotten there early and stood in the line just like you. People may not saying anything out loud but they sure as heck feel it on the inside about people who cut in line. So do everyone a favor and not hold spaces for someone who is not there.

the other S.

I would have spoken up. I would have said, "Yeah. I would feel really awkward if you joined us here...it's not fair to all the people behind us. Sorry!" (Even though I would not really be sorry) And then not cared what they thought. They were being just plain rude! After they left I would have then said to my friend, I am really sorry. I know they are your friends and I like them, but I would not feel right doing that. I hope you don't mind. If she minded and was mad at me, well...honestly...I would think she needs to work on being more ethical.

While they were extremely rude to assume they could come cut in line with you when you had no plans to meet them or go with them, you technically didn't do anything wrong. For all the people behind you know, you went way early to save a spot for all those people. Sounds like such a long line, that it wouldn't matter much, not like a small event with only a few good seats..You're right, the people right behind you who probably saw that you all were surprised to see each other could have been annoyed, but like you they were caught off guard and not aggressive enough to speak up. Plus, if they were right behind you, they still got good seats.

You have to let it go. I would NEVER join a friend up front in a line unless they BEGGED me and it seemed appropriate for the atmosphere (crowded sports event), but not everyone is the same and these people thought it was ok to do. No one is holding it against you for not telling your friends they had to go to the back. If anyone noticed what happened, only your friends look bad.

Probably this won't happen again any time in the near future. People have different experiences and traditions and expectations about waiting in lines for things. Some assume that no friends are allowed, and others have always done it a certain way where friends are welcome to come in line. Yes, we all hope that everyone plays by the rules, but social "rules" can vary sometimes.

If your friend is generally kind and compassionate and respectful, let this go.

However, if your friend is frequently rude, condescending to servers in restaurants, is prone to saying mean things about others, and always sneaks into the express lane in the grocery store by hiding a few extra items so that the people in line can't see that she has 20 items in the 15 and under cashier's lane, (to name some examples), re-think the friendship in general.

That would have been awkward for sure. I would have said it was great to bump into you here, but all these people have been in line for a long time...wait for it (reaction). I don't think it would be very considerate to stand here in line without their permission. I'm sure though. In the moment I may have not been so tackful. Like "hey good to see you, maybe I'll see you inside somewhere. If I knew we going to the same show, we could have hooked up and both got into the line early...Maybe next time. let's stay in contact more. See you after the show...hope you can still get a good seat there's alot of folks in this line...

Yes that was very rude and you have a responsibility to say something. What if it happens again.

I'm not totally sure I understand what happened, so I will give my two cents on two different scenarios:
1. If the friend was now expecting you to save a seat for her, her husband and the two other friends that joined her, I think it is appropriate to politely (even apologetically) tell her that you can't save that many seats when there were so many people who arrived early to wait in line. Just say "I'm really sorry, but I don't feel comfortable saving four seats when there are so many people who have been waiting for over an hour."

2. If the friend was planning to find seats herself for this foursome, meaning you didn't have to sit with/save for any of them, I think it's ok to stay quiet. You are no longer involved in the situation, so it is up to the other people in line to speak up if they are upset by those who cut in from of them.

You don't need to bother saying something after the fact, but should build up your confidence to say something the next time it happens.

I'm still a little confused whether there were only two people between you and her group, or whether there were 50-75ish people between you. If it was only two, I agree with the person who said to let the other two go first and you can join the group behind them.

I spend a lot of time in lines for things so you chair your place and then we talk to each other and if a friend wants to get up with us it is said, better check with the people behind us! Then again there are usually 100s of people in line with us, not 2.

Sorry but if I were one of those two people behind you I would not have give a rip that your friends got in line with you. It would be very rude to line jump in front of a hundred people but two? Sounds like you are making a mountain out of a molehill because you were mad you were there for an hour and a half when it really wasn't necessary.