A Bit Rude or No?

Rude? Yes.
But it sounds like you handled it very graciously--and that's what's important, right?

Super rude - but I assume that you just went along with it and had a more the merrier attitude.

I'd let it go - but next time, mention to him - hey, no unexpected friends this time!

The appropriate thing would have been for him to call you and ask if you wouldn't mind inviting her, too. And even that can cross the line.

Definitely rude of her and I'd say something when the right time comes, but not make it a fight. Just make a point about it being not having enough food, drinks, chairs, kids stuff, etc. Inviting someone to someone else's house is insane...never even heard of it before!

Rude of your friend to invite her and also rude of them to accept and come. I would NEVER go to a party based on a mutual friend's invite. I would figure it out that if the hosts wanted me there they would have invited my themselves.
Also rude of your friend to even tell your mutual friend about your party...she shoudl have just said that her family has plans and can we do it another time.

Rude- if she wanted to include someone else she should have called you first to make sure it was okay. While she may have thought that it was "no big deal", it's not her house and she had no way of making sure there would be enough food! Once she made the offer (which she shouldn't have done in the first place), she should have picked up the phone and let you know!

I'd comment about it to your friend. Me, personally....I would NEVER invite someone to someone else's barbecue. That's YOUR responsibility, not hers! I think it's incredibly rude. And uncomfortable. Kind've puts everyone in an awkward situation! I'm glad everything went okay and that you didn't run out of food!

Girl, you have said a mouthful. I proudly carry the title of "the mean one" because I would have let them know that it was not cool. She had no right to invite her, and the other woman had no right to bring her family without at least calling you to let you know that she had been invited by somebody else TO YOUR HOUSE and wanted to come. Rude on both parts.

For an invitation only gathering--and this one was intimate enough--I think that it is perfectly appropriate for you to have not planned for extra people. I would have made a huge announcement (not really HUGE) that I need to get out more dishes and chairs. Maybe it sounds ungracious (it can be done sweetly), but they should both know that they should not disrespect the time and energy it took for you to plan this event. And you invited the people you wanted to come. Ugh!

I had a dinner planned with three other friends. We get together often to dish and catch up with each other, and I cooked for four and made four dessert cups and set the table for four. Well, one friend showed up with her sister. I told her that she should have let me know so I could have planned better. My table seats four, and I had to sit in a lower chair on the corner to accommodate this other person. I forewent dessert and let her sister have it. Maybe they thought that my mention of it was rude, but I don't care because what they did was rude. I am a stickler for RSVPs. People who don't respect it should not expect any accommodations. If you don't say something, then they think that it's okay.

It was rude.
And you need to nip it in the bud to make sure it doesn't happen again.
You need to nicely tell her that she should ask you if it's alright if so and so should come, and if it is - YOU should issue the invitation - not your friend.
As a host - it's important to keep/retain control of the guest list.
Some times the answer will be 'Yes - good idea - I'll give her a call and ask her" and other times the answer will be "Sorry - I didn't plan/have enough food/room for more people and I can not invite more people this time".

ooh my!!! Part of me says a tad rude - the other part of me says - the more the merrier!!!

if all had fun, i would probably blow it off as when we have parties I cook for an army anyways...

however, I would talk to my girlfriend and tell her that in the future if she wants to invite someone to my home for a party - PLEASE contact me and let me know in advance so I can be better prepared..

Rude? Yes, very. I would have been stressing out about if I had enough food and everything to accomdote extra guests. NOT a fun position for the hostess to be in, even if you are happy to have the company of Anna and her family. Now that all is said and done, I probably would let it go, though. But next time if you invite this friend, I would mention to her to kindly please not invite extra people without checking with you first, since you need to know in advance how much food and how many to prepare to have over.

No, you are not blowing things out of proportion. I would confront her casually with a statement about, "the other night being fun, but I felt bad there was not enough food to go around since I was not expecting Anna and family. If this moment happens again, please call me to see if I am able to handle the additional guests." Now, if you don't care about the friendship for the future, I would be more direct about how what your friend did was wrong. By the way, Anna could have called to see if it was okay as well. It sounds like you have 2 friends lacking manners, not just one. Sorry.

Beyond rude! I would have said something, nicely as a comment like, "Oh my, I hope we have enough. I didn't really plan on or set places for more people!" At this point I don't know that you really can say anything, bit I would be sure to specify with her in the future if you invite her again that you are ONLY asking a certain group!

At our house there was always room for ONE more. Is your friend close enough to you to know that you ALWAYs have more then enough food, so if others show up unannounced it would be no problem? I don't know if your friend is rude, just sort of OUT TO LUNCH (no pun intended), or felt embarrassed telling Anna they were invited when she was not. Either way, should have called and asked you in advance if this would OK.

I would talk to her and asked that she not do that again. Bye the way did the extra guests bring a dish?

Blessings......

If you all had a good time, just let it go.

Was it rude. Yeah. However, I would just let it go. If you are like me there
is always plenty of food. So if you had enough food and had a good time,
all is well. I would probably just very jokingly say something to my friend
who invited the other friend. Life is too short to get upset about this. IMO
the more the merrier. Have a great day.

Let it go. Your friend was being a bit rude but how nice that she felt you were open and fun enough to have more people. Don't be that person that is so uptight others stop coming by.

Let it go!

Very rude yes....at least you liked the family she invited and they could of come after dinner.

I wouldn't call it rude (maybe ignorance) but I would have pulled her to the side and explained to her that she was out of line and to not do it again or she'd be off the invite list. In a nice way of course.

My mom has always said common sense will take you a bit further in life. Some people won't go that lil bit further because common sense isn't that common. :)

Glad you all had a good time.

.

Yes - she overstepped her position. She was not the host and therefore had no business inviting others. I would maybe laughingly tell her this week that before she invites any other friends to your cookouts, to let you know so you have enough food/drinks for all so you don't look like a bad hostess! She probably thought with it being a BBQ that there would be more than enough, but I usually make food preparations around the number attending with a little extra, but I don't go overboard. Sometimes people get carried away with fun stuff, so I'd cut her a little slack if it's her first time doing something like this.

Very rude and totally unacceptable. I cannot imagine anyone doing that! I would have said something like: "if you run into any more friends please invite them to your house not mine, or at least ask the hostess if bringing uninvited guests is possible".

If everyone had a good time I would just let it go. People invite people never expecting them to come. I hope you had enough food though.

I would have said something there and then, like a heads up would have been nice to make sure we had enough food. Since you did not, let it go. By bringing it up now you will sound petty since everyone had a good time.

Oh and yes it was very rude.

A "heads up" phone call was the LEAST she could have done. I'm a more the merrier type person but that just seems weird the friend ACCEPTED without checking. Odd if you ask me.

I would just tell her that you prefer to do the inviting if the function is at your home. Tell her that it was embarrassing because you hadn't planned for them & didn't have the food, etc. to serve the extra family. I think it was a bit presumptuous for her to do the inviting.

As far as the other family, I don't think they're at fault here. They may have thought she was just the invitation messenger.

It's not something I would do! But some people are like that. They think it is OK to invite others along. I have a friend who is like that. Although usually she does ask ahead of time...but I'm pretty sure once or twice in the past she has not. As i said, it's not something I would ever do....I think it is rude...but is it something I would confront her over and risk awkwardness in the friendship? No. It's just the way she is and I accept it. She's a wonderful person....actually very sensitive and thoughtful of others...just differs in her view of what's acceptable, from my view...so i accept it and move on. Whether you want to do the same, is up to you and your individual relationship with this person, and how much the behavior bothers you.

I think rude is the wrong word....she probably shouldn't have done it, maybe not socially right, but rude to M. is someone doing something that can hurt someone or their feelings...and she was J. being really nice..maybe she feels that comfortable with you to invite someone...plus not many people have friends that actually show up, ussually people that are that comfotable to invite people on the fly are also the people that would be there in a heartbeat to celebrate with you...you have to take the good with the bad. Moslty I would evaluate what a conversation would bennfeit...sure maybe she won't invite tow extra people next time, but you may hurt her feelings and she may not come next time either

I say rude. She should have asked you first. You were the host, not her. I would just ask her to ask you first so you're not surprised.

Who does that?
If I were in her shoes, I'd say sorry, I already have dinner plans. And leave it at that. It is no ones business who you have plans with.

It was probably just a case of the more the merrier? It was rude of your friend to invite more guests and it was rude of the newly invited to just show up with out speaking to you first. I had a situation similar happen to me, except the newly invited called me first to verify that it was alright if they came. I was more than happy to welcome more but I did not have an exact number of guests planned for, mine was more of an outdoor neighborhood BBQ party. I would confront your friend casually and just mention in the future that you would prefer her to ask you first. In my opinion they were both rude.

I have very little pet peeves, but THAT is one of them. I love to cook and feed people. I feed people on a budget tho so when I plan a meal for 10, short of having 11 show, THATS WHO SHOULD BE THERE. I also would NEVER invite someone else to a party I've been invited to.

Let her know that it makes you uncomfortable to not have provided enough food for the entire group. That you don't just invite people over to someone elses house. Not in a mean way, but in a way that conveys that it put you in a bind and you didn't need the headache on what should have been a lovely dinner with INVITED guests.

Sending good thoughts your way.

Outrageously rude!!!! Your friend sounds completely inconsiderate and oblivious. Anyone who has given a dinner party knows that how you fit everyone at the table is frequently a logistical nightmare. People invite whom they want to invite -- and who they can accomodate. For your "friend" to just assume that she is the one to make those decisions is just the height of narcissism.

For the other family to show up without asking is gauche... not full out rude but certainly boorish.

I think you're just being taken advantage of -- perhaps you've been too nice -- and seem like the kind of person who never complains regardless of the situation.

Absolutely confront her-- ask her what the heck she was thinking. I don't think you should be lighthearted about this -- I think you should play the enforcer and set boundaries - your house, your dinner guests, your invitations.

I think i would lightheartedly say something but then let it go. you don't want this woman to continue to invite people but you also don't hate either party so you don't want to cut ties. that's my take.

Forget about it or do you want to lose your friend? It is up to you.

Yes it was out of line, your friend should have called you first, but you just need to let it go.

Yes it was rude for her to invite someone to your house. I wouldn't really make a big deal of it but I would let her know to not do that in the future. Some people just don't think twice about these things.

Yes that is very rude of your friend! At the least she should have told/ASKED you ahead of time.

As far as confronting her.....I feel like you have to say something. But say it on the softer side. Like 'I felt really and when so and so came over. Why did you invite her without telling me'.

Yikes. Good luck!

That was rude. If you are like me you probably had more than enough food but it still wasn't right to invite someone to your cook out. I think I would say something to her.

It was totally rude, but I'm not sure 'confronting her' is the best advice either. That denotes that you'll be coming at her in anger. I might say something to her about it nicely, but keep in mind that some people just don't get it & if that's how she is, it might not work for you to invite her over again.

I think people say things sometimes just to have something to say. Your friend ran into Anna, they got to chatting, and probably before she thought too hard about it, she invited Anna to your cookout. She probably figured that a cookout is a pretty laid-back kind of entertainment and that a few extra people wouldn't make a difference. I'm not excusing her behavior, but I can sort of see her train of thought. Anyway, yes, it was a bit rude. I don't know that it's necessary to confront her over it. Maybe sometime when you're hanging out you can say that you thought it was a little weird, her inviting someone else to your house. Or if she invites you over, bring over a spare friend with you!:)

Haha, are you serious!? I think that is so rude! I probably wouldn't say anything, but that's my own problem. I think it would be absolutely appropriate for you to say something like, "Oh my gosh, I'm so glad that we had enough food for Anna and her family! Geez, lady, let me know next time - you had me stressed out!" Almost like a joke (because I don't really think you're "mad"), but letting her know that it's not cool. Is that passive-aggressive? I don't know, but maybe something like that.

She had no right to do that. I would say something to her. Did you have enough food? I would say to my friend, "next time please do not invite additional people to my dinner party." Wow I can't believe someone would do that!

Keep it light and polite, but say something like, "I really like Anna, and I think we had a great time, but we're lucky we had enough food. Next time, call me first - I'd hate to have her family come and feel bad because we ran out of food. I was only counting on 14 of us." I'd also say something to Anna herself - she might not be aware that you didn't know she was coming. She may have thought you were hosting an open, potluck, block party kind of thing, not an invitation only party. Say, "It was great to see you! Next time, could you phone ahead and let me know you'll be there? I need to know how many people we'll have so I can prepare." Yes, it was inconsiderate, but it's not enough to get everyone angry at each other.

I just want to throw in that really depends on the food being served and the people. At a casual BBQ, it wouldn't really both me at all. I don't usually "set" the table, etc. If it was a sit-down dinner, I would probably be a little more put out - do I have enough seats, place settings, etc.
And with some of my super close friends, if they ran into another super close friend and invited them, I'd probably be totally fine. If it was just an acquaintance asking another acquaintance, that would be pretty rude.
Kinda hard to say.
But, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Maybe casually say "It was great seeing Ann & I'm so glad you included her; I was a little worried about having enough, so maybe next time you could buzz me ahead of time."

TOTALLY Let it go!
Definitely NOT Kosher to do that, but, what a gracious host you are to go with the flow and have a "more the merrier" atmosphere at your house. The guest who 'overextended' your invitation must view you that way and what a nice way to be seen :)

It probably annoyed other people at the party to. I wouldn't say anything though, that would kinda cast a pall on whatever good times you all just had together. I'd just hold it till next time you invite her over then casually mention "I'm shopping on Friday so just let me know ASAP if the number in your party changes before then" I think she'll get the hint.

Hello, I would have been so mad!! Some people have the etiquette of a flea. I would tell her that although this time it turned out okay, the next time she feels like inviting someone to a "get together", she should make sure it is at her own home. If she doesn't understand, the she should grow up.
Good luck.
K. K.

I have not read any other responses, but you are correct. That was inappropriate to do. Part of me says, don't bring it up now, just know next time you invite her to dinner, you let her know that it is just who you invite and not others. On the other hand, if you could do it gently to not make her put on the defense, you can say that you enjoyed the dinner with everyone, but you were surprised that she invited someone to your house that you had not invited for dinner. Do not have any harsh tone, and in the end say, you are not mad but you would prefer in the future if she not put you in that postion.