Rude Parents at the Band Recital...what Would You Do?

I would be frustrated, and I would take it up with the administration. They need to have a policy in place and may not have thought about it. It would be nice if there were an area that was colored in blue for handicapped, etc. And I like the idea of limiting "saved" seats to the person plus maybe 2 others. Some people are just freakin clueless.

I'm honestly to the point of nicely pointing out that I am there & the others are not & that they need to get over it because the seats are not theirs to hold. The people that want to be there should get there in a timely manner.

I agree that is wrong. I would talk to the school about letting parents know that they can not save a bunch of seats like that.

I went to see a movie on opening day... I was one of the first in line, waited for almost 8 hours. When I got into the theater, the best 6 rows were totally saved by about 4 people. I paid the same exact amount of money for my ticket, and waited the same amount of time as this 'company' of people did. I complained to the manager, but he was like a 17 year old kid that was clueless. I was so extremely upset... but chose not to make a scene b/c I wouldn't want to sit next to those jerks anyways.

People saving rows and tons of seats is just ludicrous and very rude. I understand saving a seat or two for your husband and child who is in the bathroom or parking the car, but for tons of people that aren't even there yet is just wrong. Since there was still 20 minutes before the concert even started, I very likely would have gotten a teacher or staff member involved. There should be a rule in place for number of seats allowed to be saved.

At our school you are only allowed to save ONE seat. ONE. if the person doesn't arrive before the performance? it's lost.

Since my kids participate in the event - I have to be there 30 minutes prior to the event so they can tune, get ready, etc. Even being there early - I am only allowed to save one seat.

If they had saved a row? I would've picked up whatever it was they had there and say - too bad. Don't like it? Take it up with the principal. **I** am here NOW. They are not.

There are rude people EVERYWHERE. It was rude of them to hold the seats after the performance started. It was rude of them to not allow an elderly W. to sit there.

Very rude, and yes you should talk to the coordinator. And if it ever happens again, once the show starts, I'd be bold and grab one of the empties.
Saving seats is just as stressful on the saver as it is on the ones that can't find seats. The late comers should be the ones trying to find a seat.

Tee hee! Yes. Rude. What people don't realize is, there isn't a mandate from any higher authority actually giving them ownership of those seats. No flight attendant is going to come along and say, "oh, look, this nimrod actually purchased these particular 12 seats and we must leave them empty even if their guests don't show before the show starts." Even on planes, once the plane takes off, people can sit wherever.

In the future, I say, if someone is saving an ENTIRE ROW of seats, just take one. But be prepared to stand your ground if the other party shows. It may be a brawl to the death, but you have as much right to the seat as they do. And telling and elderly person it's saved? FOR SHAME! At that point, even if I was saving the seats, I would have given mine up.

You know, not all people honor the saved seat thing. I was behind a lady in a crowded movie theater once, and she was saving about 4 seats. It was getting hard to find seats and a couple came up and asked if the seats were saved. The lady said, yes, they are saved, and the man said, "Sorry, they're not here yet, we are." and they sat down! The lady was shocked and had to get up and find other seats, but you know what? Her guests weren't THERE YET! Other people were. She doesn't own the seats.

Making the argument, "yeah, but my party HAS to be late because they have real obligations blah" is just wrong, because EVERYONE has obligations. Just because you have one person in a group of twelve who can go an hour before the performance doesn't mean the seats can be held imo. MAYBE if there are enough to go around, and you want to be together, but not when there is standing room only and the performance starts. Nope. Wrong. You're depriving people who got there on time of good seats. THE NERVE!

I think it's a difficulty at almost any sort of community-entertainment function. You can only ask the Powers-That-Be to do something about it. If you do that, it helps to have ideas rather than just rants. You know how that goes.

One possibility is that no seats may be saved at all. Another is to charge for seating, in which case a person who has paid for an empty seat has a legitimate reason for its being empty. On the other hand, if it were a school recital some families wouldn't be able to afford to go.

Yet another is to issue some sort of ticket (albeit free) so that only a certain number of seats may be saved... until ten minutes before the program begins. At that time someone would announce cheerfully over the microphone that unclaimed saved seats are now open seats. That sort of policy would have to be stated early and often!

On the other side of the coin, sort of, I've had the unpleasant experience of someone's begging me, "Oh, PUL-LEEEZE save me a seat for your child's/grandchild's recital!", doing it, and then having the person not show - and later say, "Oh, well, something came up." So I don't do it any longer. I say, "Meet me there thirty minutes before the program and we'll find seats together," or I do nothing at all. The only exception is briefly to save a seat for my husband or whoever else is parking the car.

I'm with Jo on this one, not rude to save a row of seats. My elderly ILs often come to school functions. I'm not going to make them sit there for an hour before the performance, not going to happen. If I got there an hour early I expect to be able to save as many seats as I need. I've gotten there 30 minutes early before and had to sit in the back; my fault, should have been there earlier. I do think the seats should be given up 5 minutes before the performance starts, that's only fair. What annoys me a lot more than this is the people who sit in the front rows then hold their camcorders up over their heads so no one behind them can get a clear shot - this really ticks me off.

I would handle it as I have always handled it, get there earlier. What happened is perfectly normal you only found it rude because your whole family wasn't attending and you got there late.

Yes, I get you got there 20 minutes early but all the kids had to be there early so you were later than them therefore late.

If you want a seat get there early.

Some people won't give up saved seats for people that need them but as you saw, not all.

I want to add I was surprised the first time I saw this but I wasn't rude enough to label the other parents rude, I just determined that I needed to get there earlier next time.

I can't believe how many people think this is rude and it is a new thing. My kids are adults, I know a few people here are the same age as them, this was nothing new when they started school. At the time my kids were first in school my grandma was 96 years old, no way in hell I was going to make her get there an hour early and sit in a seat, same for my ex's grandparents in their early 80s, I was happy to get there early and save them seats so they can make it.

I did give the seats up five minutes before. If they can't get there five minutes before, they can stand!

If you want seats, one person has to get there crazy early.

Can you take this up with the administration of the school? Perhaps they will make the rule that people can't do that by the time the next concert is due.

My kids' old school would only allow it 1/2 hour before a concert.

Dawn

Hmmm...if the seats are not being used once the recital has started that I say all bets are off.
HOWEVER...I don't see the problem with people saving seats. For example....My son is in the 3rd grade and they do a music thing at the end of each year. So, last year when they did it my daughter was all of 5 months old. The music didn't even START until 7pm. You can imagine how my daughter was behaving. So, my husband and 5 year old went inside and saved the two other seats until right before the concert started so that I wouldn't be in there with a crying babe.
Or, I am one of 5 kids in my family. If my brother had a concert and we all went then my mom was saving 5 seats. One for my dad and then 4 more for the siblings. Now, as an extended family...if we go to my son's soccer game we are saving 12 seats!!! Outrageous...I don't think so. We got there early and saved the seats.
I don't think it was rude to save the seats.
L.

At my son's kindergarten concert last spring we got there 1/2 hour early, ended up in the 6th row back, on the aisle. Just as the show is about to begin, this woman comes up and stands in the aisle w her video camera, exactly blocking my view of my son. At first I thought she would just take some pics and go back to where ever she came from. But nope, her plan was to stand there and film the whole concert.

Normally I wouldn't have had the balls to say anything, but I was two days overdue w my third baby and I had been there for a 1/2 hour already!!! I asked her to move, told her she was blocking my view. She basic told me tough nuts and she wasn't moving. Then my husband asked her to move too and she went all crazy on him. Finally she moved back one row so she wasn't blocking my view anymore.

What really surprised me was that no one sitting around us backed us up! They all sat there and watched what was happening and didn't say a word! Cowards!!!! To make it even worse, when she finally did move back, she was blocking the guy behind us. And rather than say anything to her, he got up and went and stood in the back so he could see his kid!!!!

There are so many people like this out there. And they get away with it because we're afraid to say anything. And when we do, they just have fits and make scenes so we'll stop and leave them to what they're doing. They know they can take advantage of us because we prove it everytime we let them get away with this stuff!

At the very least, I would contact the school and ask about a policy on these sort of things. It's out of control these days, 2 parents, grandmas and grandpas from both sides, aunts, uncles........There's just not enough room. I feel like our school should go to a parents +1 policy or something similar. If there's room, I say the more the merrier. But if it's obviously going to be too crowded (which every one of these I've been to has been) they should limit it so at least the parents of every child have a place to sit!!!!!

You're right -- it's RUDE -- and it's EVERYWHERE.
I can see saving a seat, but a row? 7 seats? a dozen? Come on!
Unfortunately, nothing's going to change until the people "in charge" change it. In your example, maybe the administration? The band director?
And you know what? Even if a note is sent home outlining "new" rules....it STILL won't change for some people, they'll STILL do it. And I'm guessing it will be the same people that were rude enough to save 7, a row, or 12 seats in the first place!
I like your idea about "1 seat per person until the performance starts," but I doubt it will be that easy.
As Amy J. said, everyone is busy, everyone has obligations. Someone else's lateness and obligations are NOT your problem!

OMG, L.!!! I didn't look to see who posted this question, but while reading it I kept thinking, "So, I guess this goes on every where & not just where I live." Then I looked up & saw it was you!! This same exact sh*t happens in Milford & it is 100% infuriating. Maybe it really IS just a regional thing though, because this certainly didn't happen when I was a kid & my parents were coming to see my sister & me in concerts.

I'm totally with you L.! I would have been very frustrated! After seeing the elderly and pregnant attendees refused seating, I probably would have sought out someone in charge to address the issue immediately. People's sense of entitlement makes my blood boil! Saving 1 seat - not a problem. A whole row is unexcusable. First come (in person), first served. Definitely wait until you're calm and not worked up, then let the band director know what happened and that you hope something will be done to address the issue for future performances.

I had this happen at my son's graduation last year. I went to the Principal and told him what was going on. He escorted me and my family to the front row and made the other people move.

That's how I roll....lol.

Nanc

Totally rude! I hate when people do that. Although, please don't get a teacher involved... That's not our job. Don't make us ruffle feathers and put something else on our plates. That's what the principal is for - go see her/him! Haha. Seriously though, issues like that are part of the administrative job.

Wow, were you at my daughters band concert? This happened to me; I think it happens everywhere. I am non-confrontational and keep my mouth shut, however I wish I would grow the balls to say something like "I realize you want to sit by certain people to watch your loved one play in the band, however, saving seats is entirely rude to those of us who got here early enough to try to get a seat." Since I am not ballsy enough to do that in reality, I think next time this happens (and it will) I will find someone (like the band director or principal) to annouce that seats are first-come, first served. I have learned that people are just plain right selfish. I try to be patient, but it does wear thin sometimes. Good luck!

Personally, once the lights went down and the show started, I would've just taken one of the seats. If you don't care enough to be there on time, then you deserve a "lunch table" seat. I'm sitting here thinking I'd be SO mad, but you know what? I wouldn't have been, because I would've just taken a seat! If my child is performing, I deserve a seat more than "guests" who come late.

Yes, this was completely rude and I would have been annoyed as well.

My children are in a homeschool band. The kids range from 8-high school age. The policy is if you are not in your seat before the band director comes out, she will find your empty seat and give it away. We always have standing room only, She will say to people, if your party is not here they can stand in the back, those that are here get to sit now.
People always come early and there is very little seat saving.
Now I have seen the men get up and offer seats to the women or siblings not playing. Usually we have a bunch of dads and older brothers standing on the sides and in the back.

Rudeness at school performances is everywhere. I don't think it's a regional thing so much as a people are rude thing and I hate to say it's been going on for a long time. My SD is about to graduate HS and I remember some of that nonsense from her younger years.

Talk to the school about it. They might reserve seats for those who are obviously in need, give you tickets - first come, first assigned - or keep an eye out for those saving rows and rows of seats. While it could have been a very long and legit story behind the seat saving, I think it's rude to save that many seats at a time, especially so far before a show. Where is the rest of their party? I think the rudeness you see at paid events starts at these school ones. Kid never learns to be respectful. Sigh. If you don't have seat savers you have videographers who play back with sound (that was fun and yes, we spoke to them. Right in front of us while our child played).

Now, I'm not opposed to the seat saving on the surface, but sending one party well in advance and nobody showing up til the show starts or later is the rude part. We have a family of 5. If we save seats, it's usually just one because the rest of us get out and go in while the driver parks. And saving rows and rows says it's a rampant problem where people can't be somewhere on time and think they can send a scouting party. If you are a paid venue, sometimes the ushers won't let you in (nevermind that you have tickets and a reserved seat) til there's a break point in the performance. I missed the first 10 minutes of a show once because we got there right as the show started. We were allowed to slip quietly in the back (and stayed b/c the view was good) but not allowed to disturb the people who showed up. I think if the school started enforcing a "in your seat or lose it" even 10 minutes before the performance starts, people would get the idea. Basically, someone needs to stand up and say, "No, you're not going to make Grandma stand while your sunglasses use her seat."

Once the show starts, all bets are off and someone should have sat in those seats.

I think your idea of talking to faculty about it for the next time (new rules) would be best. I would be annoyed. My personal rule, and one my friends are aware of at the time, is that I will save for my husband, hands down, because he WILL show up for his children whatever they're doing. But if I'm saving for my friends, then I will save until time to start. When the show starts, I'm not responsible and whoever comes in for the show, gets a seat for the show. I wouldn't necessarily say they can't save but for one seat---some people (like me) have other children too. If I get there early to save a seat for the family, that's because my husband is coming in with the toddler. But yeah if he was more than 5 minutes late, he'd stand in the back anyway. Perhaps there needs to be "ushers" for these shows? I don't know what to tell ya otherwise.....it's annoying, but how to police it properly, I'm not sure.

Anything more than 2 seats is rude, and once the performance has started still insisting that those seats are saved is beyond rude it's selfish and self centered.

And saving 12 seats? preventing A DOZEN people from being able to sit down? how in the world is that NOT rude?

When we were in CA this wasn't an issue, people didn't save a multitude of seats, they saved maybe one or two. Here in MD ... gah ... I went to my son's senior awards night, wearing a special boot for a broken ankle and found row after row of "saved" seats. It was horrendously rude and I was so angry I flat out told one group that if the rest of their party wasn't there in 5 minutes I was sitting down if I didn't find another seat.

The school could easily rectify this situation by having someone at the door to take the guests to available seats and fill in the seats that way. If they are escorted and seated then the allowance of saving someone a seat goes out the window. They get a seat, as they arrive, when they arrive. The school could announce this ahead of time and give exceptions for the elderly or disabled, who may require special assistance. The downside to this is that, EVERYONE will arrive early and have to wait in line to be seated.

It's unspeakable-Make a list of rules that you think should apply to school activities/performances and submit it to the principal. I came up with two:

1) General seating-based on arrival-if you arrive after the performance begins-you won't be let in-in the real world we have to be nice and have good manners. This should also include leaving the screaming toddler at home with a sitter.
2) The front rows are reserved for elderly Grandparents!

You may want to think about getting someone to do a video of the years' events-and sell it to generate income for your school. When my son graduated from primary school-the very moment he went up to get his diploma-the huge man in front of me stood up just as I was taking the picture and completely ruined the shot-all I was able to get was the guy's enormous back of his beige suit! I was crushed.

I agree with you and agree you should suggest this to the administration but it's best to not get snarky with other parents--especially parents who belong to your kids friends. I'd just make a general suggestion maybe to the band director that parents can only save one seat each or, heck, no seat saving depending on how limited the seating is. I know at some functions parents will wait outside for each other and go in together to ensure seating together. I wouldn't get too upset though, some people just have incredibly little self-awareness and aren't generally jerks. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Also, I completely disagree with the attitude that if it doesn't affect you directly it's none of your business. How ludicrous!

Unfortunately, we now live in the age of "I'm more priviliged than you" and people nowadays seem to have forgotten their manners! It irks me to no end to see such rudeness in this day & age. Next time I would get a school official involved, like the director or principal. I'd even suggest to either to make an announcement just before starting the program to release seats to those who are really in need of sitting, aka expectant moms, the elderly or disabled. Also, suggest sending out an announcement w/it written down on paper that "due to previous issues of those saving seats that were not used for the majority of the program, we now ask that you only save one extra seat to allow others to be able to sit and enjoy the show as well." Or something to that effect. Hopefully that will get the point across. Good luck!

Yes, that's very rude. Go in and speak directly to the principal about it. In the future, a staff or student usher could assist in finding people seats as they come into the gym. For a 20-minute performance, there is nothing wrong with families having to spread out a bit, and if they really need to sit together than they need to arrive early like you did! This is definitely something that can easily be fixed by the school administration.

I would
1) Knowing these parents are in your school community, come a lot earlier next time.
2) Talk to your school PTA or principal and band director about instituting a "save only one seat" rule. And any seat without a person in it 2 minutes before show time should be considered available to anyone present. Seating should be first come, first served. Saving a dozen seats is obnoxious. Not allowing an elderly lady with a cane to sit is the ultimate rudeness.
3) Talk to the same school people about changing to venues for future concerts that allow for more seating, it sounds like there just wasn't enough seating, period.

Yes, I think if your guests haven't shown up by the beginning of the performance, you should release the seats anyway (unless it's just one or two).

We were at a party at Christmas and the kids were lined up for face painting. My little one lined up for almost an hour because all the moms or grandmas were saving spaces for multiple kids who were playing instead of lining up. So you thought there were 4kids/adults in line but really, there were like 12! Ridiculous.

Hi, L.:
What is your issue?
Did you get to see your daughter perform?
I was wondering how come you were so
frustrated.
Suppose you were the one saving all those seats,
what would you have done if she had of complained to you.
Just wondering.
D.

We have such limited seating everyone signs up parent counts of who is coming. The seats are numbered and assigned by random draw in pairs of 2. If there are extended family, siblings etc they are entered in a separate drawing the are then drawn in pairs of 2 until all the seats are gone. There are then a limited amount of standing room only drawn. Once gone it is considered a soldout show. Front row tickets can be raffled off with proceeds going to the music parents group. Also a front row parking can be raffled. It is orderly, no parents fight and no one races to get there an hour early. Turns to fundraising and also families will know that it will be crowded and maybe siblings who could care less should stay at home and grandma's neighbor will know that she won't have a seat and may wish to pass on this event.

I didn't read any of the other responses, but I used to teach middle school band and this is what I would do.
You need to tell the teacher in a non-pissed-off sort of way your concerns. At the next concert they need to announce some hard and fast rules up front. For example, you can go ahead and save x number of seats, but you forfeit them once the concert is ready to begin and your guests still have not arrived. Unfortunately, rude people are all the norm at band concerts for young children, I think more-so because these are people who are not really concert goers. They are there because their child is taking a class. We used to have people talk full-voice in the back row while music was playing. Ugh.

We had this same problem @ my son's middle school b/c their auditorium was too small. Ultimately they would do each show twice so that everyone could make it. We did talk to the principal at the school about seat saving as it had gotten out of hand just like you are describing - entire rows saved for people. They didn't want to go to a ticket system (2-3 tickets per child for family) and they didn't want to tick off people by saying no seat saving (and who would enforce it?) so they added the 2nd night performance. Sucks for the parents who have to schlep their kids there twice but worth it to actually get to see your kid perform instead of standing in the back trying to strain to see through a sea of heads! I definitely think you should politely mention it to someone. As for the people saying "come earlier" - most schools do not allow people to wander around but for so long before a performance - it's isn't safe. We would get there at the earliest but there was always a crowd no matter what!

I don’t have an answer as to how to deal with that woman’s rudeness. If she got to be that age without having manners, she isn’t going to learn them now. That woman seems to have an oversized sense of entitlement and feels she deserves to hold those seats regardless of how many people she inconveniences. Sadly, there’s no cure for that!

I can totally empathize with you, though. When my daughter was in elementary school, she’d take part in band concerts and awards ceremonies. I was absolutely appalled at how a very large percentage of the parents were incredibly rude. Not just a few – A LOT! People would talk throughout the performances and presentations, only shutting up when their kid was performing or being recognized. When one class finished, the parents of those kids would stand up and leave as the next class was getting ready to perform. It made me angry. These kids worked their little hearts out to learn their songs – or else they were being recognized for academic achievement – and they look down to see people walking out!! These are audience behaviors that are just not acceptable; it doesn’t matter whether you’re at a Broadway show or watching some 3rd graders playing screechy violins.

The sad part is that the kids are learning this bad behavior. Common courtesy these days is not common at all.