How Can I Get My 6 Month Old Son to Not Want to Be Held All the Time?

This is very normal. Especially under the circumstance that he is being left somewhere overnight. At his age he does not understand that you are not gone forever when you leave his sight. One thing you can do to help him understand is play peek a boo with him.

My son is 4 months old and has always been a slightly clingy and needy baby. I found that I could put him down every once in a while he did okay if he was in the room with me. So when I cook and clean the kitchen, I put him in his bouncy seat in the kitchen and I'll talk to him and stuff while I'm doing whatever it is I'm doing. He loves it and I get some time to do things I need to do with my hands.

Maybe he don't like it there. Maybe something happen to him there.

There is no habit that needs to be broken. He needs you.

Wear him. I wore my youngest daily until he was 18 months. He always wanted to be held.

You just need to hold him. Try getting a sling to wear him so you can get whatever you need to do done. I don't see that he would be traumatized by spending the night at a friend's anymore than babies are traumatized by being at daycare during the day (and yes there is plenty of research on this topic). But he is at an age where he wants (and needs) lots of contact now to become a confident child as he get older. Besides - he won't always want you to hold him so enjoy it now.

One of an infant's NEEDS is to be held. He will become more confident and less needy when you meet his needs. Not if you leave him to cry.

It's normal for a six month old to want to be held all the time. Find a good baby carrier that works for your body and wear him. I did almost everything (including clear land for a garden) with my six month old on my back in an Ergo Baby Carrier.

There's an easy fix. Let him cry when you have other things to do. You can hold him and hold him and the longer you do this the harder the habit will be to break. I'm not saying never hold him. I'm saying hold him reasonable amounts of time, cuddle him and play with you as you normally would but when it's time for play solo on the floor, which is important for a child's learning, put him down. Give him toys that he likes and let him be. He will continue to cry and if you give in he knows he's got you and you're stuck in the habit. Go about your business as usual and keep your old routine and if he keeps crying, he cries. You can pat him on the back and reassure him that he's fine but do not pick him up until it's time. Otherwise you will be strapped to this child for a very long time and will not be able to do anything for you, your home or other family members and that's not fair.

If someone is helping out watching your child they need to know not to hold him all the time cuz look at the situation you're in. This does not mean you're a bad mother for letting your child cry. All of his needs are being met. He's fine. You have other things in life that need to be done. Anyone who says there's nothing wrong with holding him all the time can come over and take a turn holding your child for a few hours so you can meet yours and your family's other needs.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Hi, A.:
What is the reason that your son stays overnight at a friend's
house without you being there?

Your son is traumatized by being there without you. The consequence
of this trauma is to regain his trust and one way is to be held.

Hold your son as long as it takes for him to trust you again.
Just a thought.
Good luck.
D.

He's telling you that he needs you. ESPECIALLY, if this changed happened suddenly after being away from you at night, he is probably just needing comfort and reassurance that you ARE with him! Personally, I'd just hold him. In another month or two, he'll want to be on the floor playing and exploring that you will probably miss holding him!

Good luck! Just remember, this too shall pass. They grow up so fast!

My son has been like this since the day he was born; I feel your pain. He's 17 months old now and HEAVY. I've actually been unable to pick him up for a few days at a time because of my back/hip pain that he's caused! He's my 3rd child, so this probably seems mean, but I just let him get mad. He can grab my leg and scream and throw a fit... if I can't pick him up, I just don't. He gets over it ;) There's still plenty of physical contact and cuddle time, just not constantly! I can't do it! He's only a year and a half old and literally 1/2 my height! Holding him ALL THE TIME is just not an option for me... he's gradually starting to figure it out. Sometimes just sitting next to him on the floor while I fold laundry (or whatever) is enough 'closeness' for him :)

Practice putting him down for a few moments at a time to let him know that everything will be okay and you will come back.

I'm obviously not saying be unsafe and leave him unattended with the cutco knives and electrical outlets, but leave him in a safe place to go to the bathroom really quickly, switch out a load of laundry, or just to leave the room for a short period of time. Tell him "Mommy will be back". Will he cry? Probably, but ignore it. When you get back, make the return a big deal "See, mommy came back!" (yay, cheer, etc.)

It's totally normal behavior related to separation anxiety that nearly every baby gets at about this age. Just keep teaching him that, while you will leave him, you always come back and he'll begin to learn that he won't be abandoned :)

Sounds like your little one is just feeling a bit insecure. I know it is very frustrating to try to get caught up on things with a crying baby who wants to be held. However, probably the best thing to do in this situation is to hold him and let him know that you are still trust-worthy. Not holding him will only make him feel more insecure, and want to be held more.

I run a home day care and I had a baby that constantly cried and wanted to be held. Of course, I couldn't do it all day -- I had other kids to care for, but I found if I sat down on the couch as soon as he got there and held him for about 30 minutes, just looking at books or something, he did MUCH better throughout the whole day. Perhaps a little dedicated time when he first comes back home might be all he needs.

Also, you can think about getting a baby carrier. I just got one at babies r us for about $25 that can go in the front and in the back, so if you need to do some chores around the house, your arms can be a bit more free to do that, but your little one will still feel secure with mom.

Babies do need held sometimes. That's all -- no other reason, just need some assurance. It can be bothersome at times, but that's part of motherhood!

Hope it helps!

He's just old enough to begin experiencing separation anxiety. He realizes now that he's a separate being from you, but he doesn't yet know that when you are out of sight, you still exist, or that you'll come back every time. This is downright terrifying for some babies, who know their mommy is the very center of their world.

Time and experience will gradually make a difference for him. You might be able to help it along by holding him happily and eagerly, without giving him a sense that you'd rather be doing something else. This bonding is important for him right now. You might also try wearing him in a sling to leave your hands free to do things. Talk to him constantly about what you are doing to enhance his verbal comprhension and sense of togetherness.

Then, when you do need to put him down, play some going-away, coming-back games. Peek-a-boo is a good starting place, and then begin to extend your "absences" by hiding behind furnishings or stepping out of the room. Tell him "I'll come back!" Then disappear very briefly and pop back where he can see you. This, along with snuggles and tickles and lots of laughter, will very likely help him gain reassurance that you will, indeed, come back. Begin to extend your out-of-sight time as he builds a tolerance for it.

Also, letting him fuss and cry for a bit won't hurt him. Sometimes you just need a break. His ability to tolerate frustration and disappointment will grow in coming months. As difficult as it is to tell out littles "no," sometimes it's necessary. A child who is never disappointed is probably not going to be a very resilient child.

It's also possible that your friend doesn't hold him anywhere near as much as he craves, and he may have built up quite a hunger for connection by the time he's with you.

This is normal, and it will pass. Once your little guy is toddling about and becoming more independent, you just might miss these days.

Babies enjoy being held and physical contact is good for them. You can't make him not want to be held. You can refuse to hold him if you wish. You can get him used to not being held by giving him playtime on the floor. You can sit beside him and play, or sit where he can see you.

Does he stay the night without you? I wouldn't allow this but that's just me. Either way, he'll out grow this soon enough. Hang in there!!

This isn't a "habit." It's normal in the development of an infant. He is not old enough (and won't be, for a long time) to manipulate you or to "decide" he wants to be held. He is a very young infant and when you are not there, in his mind, you are not just gone; you no longer exist. Children this age have zero concept that what is gone is just somewhere else and can come back; to them, gone is vanished and forever. At six months, he's at an age where he likely would want to be held a lot even if he were with you all the time and weren't staying elsewhere.

If he is at the friend's house every night rather than, say, once a week (and your post sounds like it's every night but I'm not sure ) -- He is confused and insecure, and he's assuming when you're gone that you are not coming back. I'm not fussing at you; that is just how a six-month-old mind works, and if you must work to support him, you must! But please realize, he is not developing a "bad habit," he is confused and uncertain at the same time that, developmentally, he is needing the constant reassurance that the people who are his world are always there when he wants and needs them. Yes, when he wants them too-- that's not a bad habit, that's normal, and meeting his needs (coming when he cries, holding him when he wants to be held) teaches him he can depend on his adults to be there; that makes him more confident, not more clingy, over time.

I would talk to his pediatrician if you are leaving him with someone every night or several nights a week at this age; the doctor may have some ideas on ways to make that arrangement work better for the baby. Your friend may have to take a bigger role in ensuring he is comforted and, yes, held a lot by her when he's with her. I'd talk to someone professional about it. And by the way...you cannot "spoil" a child this young. Infants can't be spoiled by too much holding. Spoiling comes much later and is the result of kids realizing they can get something they want if they behave a certain way--a realization he is years from having.

My 19 month old still wants to be held a lot!!

try reverse psychology, dont let him down!!

This is common. He knows and prefers you to everyone else.
My son would be ok with Daddy if I wasn't available but if I came within sight, my son would lunge towards me so my husband was afraid he'd drop him.
It gets slightly better once they are more mobile (crawling/walking) but they'll still want to be held when tired on in a crowd or just because.
My son took a long time to get over this - he was about 3 1/2.
I just got stronger as he got heavier - up to a point.
He was good riding on my shoulders till he was about 35 lbs and then only Daddy was strong enough for shoulder rides.
I know - it's exhausting right now - but someday your child will be grown and too big to hold, and you are going to miss it.
Enjoy being the Mommy Goddess for right now who can magically fix booboos with a kiss.
Sometimes I wish I could have bottled some time from when my son was 6 months old so I could rock him to sleep again, but he's 12 now and those days are over.

My son wanted to be held all the time at this age. I tried everything I could do to distract him. But I ended up holding him a lot anyway.
I think, looking back at it, that it's fine to hold him as much as possible. Save the distractions for when you really need to put him down -like when you're cooking. I'd use the saucer for him then, but not at other times, so that he wouldn't get too bored of it. I got really good at doing many things one handed.

Don't worry about it being a "bad habit" that needs breaking. When he's ready to start crawling, pulling up, and walking, he'll decide that it's more interesting that being carried around. My son was walking at about 11 months and much more independent by then, although he still wanted to be held plenty. We only get a short time when we can really hold our babies. I know it seems like a problem now, but it will pass all too quickly.

Just curious, how he does he do the nights he stays at your friend's? Does he cry and look for you? Does your friend hold him most of the time to quiet him down? With everything familiar gone (you, his crib, etc.) he may be having a traumatic (to him) experience. That could explain why he started needing to be constantly held if he wasn't that way before.

Is he doing the normal scooting, trying to crawl and moving around? As long as his development is where it should be and the doctor says he's fine I would stop worrying. Being only 6 months I'd guess he may be this way for some time until he starts exploring and interacting with the world around him. Right now YOU are his world.

Have you tried a carrier that you wear that will keep him close to you but free your hands to do other things? My daughter was extremely needy and clingy and this worked great for us. Talk to him a lot while you're holding him and when he's close to you in the room. Sometimes listening to your voice distracts them. Also, place interesting, colorful toys around him, close enough to reach out for, touch and hold. Show them to him and show him how to play with them. When he shows an interest and begins to play on his own slowly back off and leave him to entertain himself, so he can begin to get used to playing on his own. Eventually he'll play on his own more and more and lose interest in always being held.

When you have to put him down if he fusses continue talking to him in a soothing, cooing "I know, I know, Mama will pick you up in a minute, It's OK" voice. He needs the reassurance that you're close by.

If he reaches the point where he's still demanding to be constantly held but is too heavy or it's interfering with you getting things done of course you will have to put him down and let him cry sometimes. As long as you know he's safe he'll be OK. Some children are very high maintenance, some aren't, they're individuals developing their distinct personalities. Roll with it...one day he may cringe when you try to give him a hug and you'll WISH you could hold him : )

HI A.,
This probably won't help you much, but I just want to say please enjoy this time as much as you possibly can. My son is about to turn 13 and is becoming sooo independent and I find myself longing for the days he use to want to be held all the time! Kids really do grow up so fast! I know it's hard to get things done when you're holding your child, but please do it as much as you can because one day you will wish you could relive just one of those wonderful days.

My first was like that with me. He was just a lil love bug, but I had to cook or do something sometimes! I would put him near me a lot. Like I would pull his little pack n play in the kitchen and put toys in there and he would be able to see me really well and I could dinner cooked. Or I would put him in this bouncer that he absolutely loved, both of my kids LOVE to bounce. Again you can take this wherever you are, so he can be near you while you do whatever it is you need to do. I did hold him a lot and read to him a lot. Also, going on little outings helps. I would take mine to the grocery store and show him things and tell him what they were. When you have one they are so portable! They do grow up really fast it's true but it is hard to have a crying baby when you literally have to do something. But as all the moms said, this phase passes really quickly. See if him being right near you with a couple interesting toys will help and hold him a lot when you aren't tied up. :D

Relax! And get used to it! If he has begun staying nights elsewhere, his whole routine changed and you aren't there at night with him. So his needs changed along with your routine. You are gone more and that means when you are around he will need you more. You're his mama, and no one can take your place! My boys are four and one and they both want to be held. However as they get older it will be less and less. But you are their safety, and they will always come to you and need to be held for their comfort and love. Just imagine when he turns into a teenager and tries to lock you out of his room, forget every holding him again once he's older! So enjoy it and love him up now while he is little!

Sounds like your son is "High Need". Mine is too. It gets better, usually once they get mobile.
Until then, PLEASE read "The Fussy Baby Book" and "Attachment Parenting" by Dr. Sears & check out www.AskDrSears.com

I'd also HIGHLY suggest that you get yourself a really good, comfortable baby sling such as a THING-A-MA-SLING or an Ergo.

Hang in there, mama! I know it's hard, but if he wants you, then he NEEDS you. It'll get better!

.

He has probably gained object permanance - this means he knows that when you leave the room, you still exist. This means, that since he knows you always exist, he wants you to always be with him.
He also can't move by himself, so needs you to be his transportation. There's really nothing wrong with holding him all the time - pop him into a sling and go for a walk. Put him in a back carrier and do some dishes.
If there are times you REALLY can't hold him, try putting him in his high chair and roll him around the kitchen with you while you are getting stuff done, sing songs and talk to him, hand him a wooden spoon and a measuring cup.
While you do laundry, keep him on the floor next to you and play peek a boo with the towels or Tshirts - peek a boo is a GREAT game for this age because it shows him that you can disappear but will always come back! (it's also rediculously cute to watch your baby delight in this game with mommy)
Save big chores like mopping and bathroom scrubbing for nap time and enjoy that your little one needs your attention right now - it won't last forever, I promise!

I would never leave a baby with a friend like that unless I was sick or had an emergency. Why was he gone from you? You have no idea what happened to him there. What schedule he was on there could affect him at home and he needs a schedule at home and with you and I hope he calms down soon. He feels insecure for sure.

I know it's hard sometimes when you need to get stuff done, but I so want those days back! I saw hold him!