How Often Should You Hold Your Infant?

J.
Hun., let him cry. he now knows if he does cry you will pick him up. Let him know thats not the case any longer ! Good luck!!!

Hold him as much as you can! He obviously needs you. Babies don't cry to manipulate, they cry because they NEED something from you. Ignoring him is just making it worse.
It is IMPOSSIBLE to spoil a baby, by meeting his needs.

And babies and Toddlers HAVE temper Tantrums in Public...it's just a fact of life, I don't think anyone expects a small child to be well behaved all the time :-) Don't set him up to meet unrealistic expectations.

Hi J. S -

The change in behavior is just a stage in your son's development: separation anxiety. He doesn't understand that if he can't see something, it's still there.

My son had separation anxiety bad - I couldn't walk away from him without him flipping out. I did one of two things to help him overcome it: I put him in the baby sling and I played peek-a-boo.

SLING: If I was doing house work, for instance, I'd tie him up in the sling and keep him near me. I was careful not to hold him too often while he was going to sleep because I didn't want him to become dependent on me in order to sleep, but I didn't mind if he fell asleep while he was in the sling. But while he was up I'd strap him on and keep going around my business. It was a total life saver! I had a hug-a-bub sling. It's a soft jersey fabric that you criss-cross around your body to hold the baby close to your body.

PEEK-A-BOO: Peek a boo is a game that will teach him "Mommy's gone, but she's going to come back." You can start out the peek a boo with a blanket in front of your face while he's in his Exersaucer or his swing. Then start hiding behind furniture a little farther away. Make a noise/gesture when you pop out, like a big "Boo" and a smile or a "Hi baby!" From there you can walk out of the room and peek around the doorframe. If you stay hidden for a bit longer each time, he will anticipate your return and this should lessen your anxiety. He will come to love it, especially if you pop out at different places on the door (higher/lower) or different sides of the chair. This is still a game I play with my son - the anticipation of "where's mommy" makes him laugh. I like it, too.

When you do have to walk away, tell him where you're going and that you'll be right back. Keep talking to him while you're out of the room, "Mommy's right here, I'll be right back." I know it sounds a little hokey, but I think it helps. And when I came back into the room I usually smiled and said, "I missed you baby!"

The more frequently you play peek-a-boo with him, the sooner he will overcome your separation anxiety.

When putting him to bed, does he cry like that? If so, it may help if he has a lovey or a security blanket to sleep with. Carter's and Just One Year have these soft loveys that have animal heads on them with blanket bodies. They're fuzzy on top and silky underneath. You can find them at Target stores in the baby section, I think the one that's out now is a yellow and green with a little bear on it. My son has a lion that he sleeps with every night. If he doesn't have it, he won't go to sleep. We have 7 of them - I bought a bunch after we lost his first one. (Lesson learned.) I figure he'll put it down when he's ready.

I know I wrote a lot, I hope this helps you at least a little bit. The thing about stages is, once you get through one, a new one is on its way. *smile*

Good luck!

Cris

When he's 2 1/2, like mine, and doesn't want to be held, you will long for these days. Have you heard of Dr. Sears? He advocates "attachment parenting" which says you should hold your baby as much as he wants. There is no such thing as spoiling a child by giving him real love, affection and attention. I know it can be exhausting, even more so because you're with him all the time, but hang in there. My son was the baby who could not be put down and now, like I said, he's Mr. Independent.

If you search out the info, you will see that it is a froven fact now that you cannot spoil your baby by holding them, even for hours. Bonding is a good thing and if your baby is well bonded with you-it will give them the security to go check out other things. I also highly recommend the Dr Sears book.
C.

I sincerely believe that you can't spoil a baby by holding them. It is a NEED that they have and by all means give him this attention. If you read The Baby Book by Dr. Sears, it explains it like this.... the more time your child is happy and alert the more time he is learning. So while holding him he is exploring and taking in the world and learning. On the other hand a baby that is forced to sit alone a lot and "learn to play by himself" spends more time being frustrated and doesn't have as much opportunity to learn. I am NOT saying that if you need to sit him down that it will hurt him....I am NOT saying that at all. But just that if you want to hold him...do it. My son was held a LOT as an infant and he is wasy above average in school and is not spoiled...instead he is confident, independent and can self sooth as well as any other child.

Blessings.
M.

His behavior is a stage pretty much all babes go through around 9 months.

I'm a SAHM too - and all though it can drive you crazy the constant holding- I say hold him and cuddle as much as you can. It will only reassure him that you'll always be there when he needs you. And you'll be amazed how quickly the day comes that he doesn't want you to hold him. Keep on mind - when he's older you won't regret holding him to much, but if you deny both of you this special time you will wish you had held him more.

good luck staying sane! Seperation anxiety is a pain!

I wouldn't worry about it. Kids go through stages and this is one of them. I have been a stay at home mother since day one and my 18 month old son has gone through this stage a couple of times. Relax, enjoy him while he is small. My suggestion would be while he is in that needy stage sit down and get involved in an activity. Play with him for 10-15 min and get him started then remove yourself from the room and get what you have to done. Sounds silly but I do this with my son and have had great luck.

Stay calm we all go through this stage, get him secure with a speical toy or blanket.He will get used to you being home and calm down give him time adjust to being out of daycare.

He is not going to become spoiled because you love and hold him. If he was in daycare the first 8 months of his life he needs him mommy time now. My sixteen month old sits on my lap and wants to be held a lot too. Babies need to be with their loved ones and need to feel secure don't take this from him. Enjoy him now for he is only little once.

Best of Mothering
Mother of 4- M.

I think that's kinda hard. My son is going on 8mos, and he's started wanting to be held all the time. I think it's just a phase that they're going through. I make sure he's not needing fed or changed, and then I put him on the floor to play. I try to ignore him if I know all of his needs are met, but I do pick him up after a while. Sometimes, I think they just want you to pay attention to them, not necessarily hold them, and crying is the only way they know how to communicate. I wish I had a full proof answer for you. Good luck to you!

I'm going through the same thing with my 8 month old. All off a sudden he voices his thoughts and loud. I never knew babies had such a temper. I had a couple of weeks where the house went to pot and I felt like all I did was hold and entertain him. So I try distracting him. I have found that he loves anything thats a household item, not a toy. I keep something handy and non-choking size almost everywhere if toy distractions don't work. He loves the lid to the I cant believe its not butter and the sqishy end-bulb screwed off the turkey baster, a tennis ball, a bright colored sock we can't find the match to.

Sometimes redirection still doesnt work a quick pickup hug/short story works before the redirection. Some days they just want to be held.

first you can not spoil a child that does not now what that means there is a reson to why he needs to be picked up if you can figger it out you can solve the problem he may be going through some ancity afriend you will be leavong him and most 9 mounth old need to help alot enyway so just hold him and injoy the time make it fun read abook or play a game
star g

It sounds like your son is having a little separation anxiety.
It usually starts around that age.
Maybe you could try distracting him with a toy or something else he can interact with while you leave.

Ensure him that you are just leaving the room for a certain time-give him a toy- go do what you have to do - then come back. He needs to know that you will come back when you leave. If he is distracted while you are gone he should forget about your leaving until you come back. But don't sneak out on him. Make sure you tell him you are leaving- hugs and kisses- say bye bye - tell him you will be back -then leave.

From what I have read if you keep running back to him every time he will keep using that as a strategy to keep you with him

Remember it is only a phase and they usually outgrow it. I know they crying is hard but it is only temporary and it just means that he loves being with you.
Good luck to you.

Hi J.,

Im a sahm too and i have a 1 year old and he was the same way, and I had to nip it in the bud quickly, because I began to work from home offering medical and dental benefits to un-insured people, so im constantly on the phone and i did'nt want to sound unprofessional talking to potential clients while my son is having a fit right next to me! So i bought alot of educational fun dvd's and sesame street too. and before i got started i would sit next to him on the floor and point and crack up laughing at the tv and say see see and it would distract him from crying. i would also give him a book and a crayon and show him how to write and make him feel like he was really doing something, basically kept him busy doing something that made him feel like a little man. Eventually he had activities that he enjoyed doing his dvd's to watch and his crayon and book and I made him a little desk with all his junk so i could concentrate on my business. I hope that little advice helps J. good luck!

R. B

I really think it is ok to have time with your baby and hold him BUT if there is nothing wrong with him and he is just crying cause he wants held then that is a diffrent story. He does it because he knows it will get him picked up. I would say let him cry and if after 10-15 min he doesnt stop pick him up for a few min and put him back down and see what he does.

I went through the same thing with my daughter and it was tough to break it. It really did not stop until she got older. I am not sure what to tell you to do because I was not able to control it when my daughter did it. Now my son is 5 months old and I do not do the same with him and he is very content. It is tough try taking him to playgroups were he knows he can play with out you holding him that may work.